Hi everyone! I hope you enjoy this chapter, I changed it a few times because I wasn't quite sure I liked the way it was going but I am finally happy with the outcome!
Please, leave a review =)
Lots of love,
Meg and Jo had done a wonderful job decorating the common room, Rhea had successfully gathered enough food to feed an entire army and the drinks we had procured in Hogsmeadge were safely hidden in The Marauder’s room until the time came. Jo had assigned Odette, Silvia and Hannah to spreading the word so that everyone knew about the party, even those poor little souls who wouldn’t be able to come. We were in our room and getting ready for said party, which was due to start in ten minutes. I was still in my underwear, of course. Running late was just part of being Queen Bee, as I had hastily insisted upon many times before. I couldn’t decide what to wear. That was a first. I always knew what to wear. Of course, this time it was different because for some stupid reason I wanted to make sure that Sirius drooled all over me all night long. The fact that I had decided it was better for him not to get with me did not mean that my ego was not ready to feed on his lust; I was vain and shallow, after all.
-“I think you should not wear that”- Lily said when I picked up a very, very nice short dress. I looked at her.
-“And why would that be?”- I asked.
-“You risk being attacked by certain grey eyed person”- she replied, chuckling. I rolled my eyes.
-“Well, that’s the point”- I said, snippily. She smiled.
-“I thought you were too proud to try to get with him now that he… was not going after you anymore”- she teased. I glared at her.
-“First of all, I am not trying to get with him. Second of all, he was never really after me. Third of all, I am not planning on getting with him, I just want him to want me”- I replied, nonchalantly. Lily laughed. Rhea came out of the bathroom. Meg and Jo had already left; arguing that they were in charge of the party and they had to make sure everything was up and running before people started arriving. Whatever.
-“What are you laughing about?”- Rhea asked, coming out holding my mascara.
-“Rhea, do you even know how to apply that?”- I asked her. She blushed.
-“No, that’s why I was coming to get you”- she said, innocently. I rolled my eyes and took it from her.
-“Open your eyes, don’t move. Look here”- I instructed.
-“Mark’s coming, no?”- Lily asked.
-“Don’t answer until I’m done!”- I told Rhea. Lily chuckled. She was in high spirits, I could tell. Well, I didn’t blame her. She had a good reason to be.
-“Why are you still not dressed, anyway?”- she asked me when I let her go, mascara correctly applied.
-“I don’t know what to wear”- I complained.
-“I thought it was your idea to go casual”- she frowned, suddenly worried that she wasn’t dressed appropriately.
-“I know! Yeah, you’re right. Casual. Okay, jeans, jeans… denim skirt!”- I started rambling as I went through my trunk. Rhea moved towards Lily.
-“Lily, what’s wrong with her?”- she asked, concerned. Lily laughed.
-“Naomi, I think you should let Rhea in, too”- she told me. I looked at her. Denim skirt hanging from my hand. I sighed.
-“Okay, Rhea, I am not glad to inform you that I do have a tiny bit, very small almost invisible…”- I began. Lily groaned.
-“Oh, cut it. Rhea, Naomi does have a heart and it does belong to your dear Sirius Black”- I wanted to slap her.
-“That’s not true! I might have felt a little bad about certain stupid comment he made but that’s forgotten now, we’re friends, that’s it!”- I scowled. She laughed.
-“So you’re… friendly in private?”- Rhea asked, smiling.
-“Only to Lily. Well, and to you, apparently”- I retorted.
-“Won’t tell a soul”- she promised. I looked at her. She was, after all, the sweetest person I knew. And I did have a soft spot for her. Oh, damn it. Two friends in what? Two weeks? I did have to come up with some really good master plan if I still wanted to go rule the world after this.
-“Especially not Sirius”- I said, smiling.
-“OHMYGODSOITSTRUE”- she exclaimed. I rolled my eyes.
-“See? I don’t like that, that’s why I don’t have friends”- I complained.
-“Naomi has trouble with the whole girly chow chow, like she calls it”- Lily informed Rhea. She nodded.
-“Okay, yeah, I can be a bloke, too”- she joked. That was true.
-“I don’t know if that’s better or worse”- I replied. I decided to wear the skirt. Now I needed to find a top.
-“Why are you taking so long to decide what to wear? I can tell you, Sirius does not give a shit what’s on you, unless it’s his hands, of course”- Rhea said. I looked at her, shocked.
-“You can be a bloke, after all”- I replied. She laughed.
-“I live with them; you’d expect me to know a little bit about them”- she said, defensively.
We finally made it to the party after I finished getting dressed. Everyone was already there. Meg was talking to Dom; Jo moved frantically from one side to the room to another, making sure everyone was having fun. I followed Rhea and Lily to the table where the drinks were and poured myself a firewhisky. Then, I scanned the place looking for him. He was sitting on a couch, surrounded by a bunch of girls who kept giggling uncontrollably any time he said something. James approached us and stole Lily away. I talked to Rhea for a while but then Mark came and I just felt like annoying Sirius, so I walked over to where he and his fan club were. Remus was sitting with them, too and I had to say that I was not surprised to see that he had his own share of gigglers.
-“Sirius, please, get your guitar”- some blond fourth year said pathetically.
-“Yes! Please, please! It’s been so long! You haven’t played for us this year!”- some other annoying brat added.
-“Girls this is a party, not a private concert. We’ll leave the guitar for another time”- he smiled arrogantly. I rolled my eyes.
-“I’ll sing if you play”- someone said. I looked at her. Oh dear, who the hell was that Barbie? I hurried over to where Jo was, grateful that neither Sirius nor Remus had seen me approach them.
-“Jo, who is that little slut over there?”- I asked her pointing at the giggling nuisance.
-“That’s Angelica, fifth year”- she informed me.
-“Thanks”- I walked back to where they were. When I arrived, Sirius looked at me. I smirked.
-“Sirius”- I said, vaguely. He looked up at me.
-“Hello Naomi! Here, take a seat”- some stupid girl said. They all made way for me to sit among them. Queen Bee had its advantages, after all.
-“What’s the fuss about? Don’t tell me you’ve developed a liking for entertaining audiences”- I told him. He smirked even more and raised an eyebrow.
-“It’s natural, can’t help it”- he said grinning. I heard a few sighs behind me.
-“So, no guitar? Not even a little? Please, Sirius, it’s been sooo long”- another giggler begged.
-“That’s too depressing, we’re partying”- he replied.
-“Don’t tell me this is the reason you’re all sitting here”- I said. He raised an eyebrow. I took a sip from my drink. Damn, it was strong. Just the way I liked it.
-“I happen to be really good”- He told me. I heard someone huff.
-“He is better than really good. He is like super incredibly amazing!!”- Angelica whatever her face is said. He smirked. I rolled my eyes.
-“Thanks Angie”- He winked at her. Oh. That girl was facing the gallows, let me tell you.
-“You people are so boring”- I said. She glared at me. He smiled.
-“On that we agree, it is not the time nor the place to be taking the guitar out”- he told everyone.
-“I thought you two never agreed on anything”- Angelica said, visibly annoyed. I had to suppress a chuckle; if only she knew what she was up against. Poor little thing.
-“I’ll blame it on the firewhisky…”- he said locking his eyes on mine.
-“Oh, you can’t be drunk yet silly! It’s too early and I know it takes a lot more. How about we play a drinking game then?”- she suggested, taking his attention with that last bit away from me. It bothered me. Too much.
-“That is the best idea you’ve had in your entire life”- he said, half mocking her. Of course, good looks came with inherent stupidity in most cases so she didn’t even notice.
-“Shots. Truth or dare?”- Ha. No way. This was her friends around us and I saw a “I dare you to kiss Sirius” coming. I was too damn proud to let that stupid little Barbie take Sirius away. No fucking way. The day I lost a man to someone else hell would freeze and that wasn’t happening any time soon.
-“Never have I ever”- I interrupted her. He looked at me.
-“I like that one, will you play?”- he asked, a little surprised.
-“Yes, I don’t see a reason not to”- I replied, nonchalantly..
-“Never have I ever it is, Angie”- he said, smiling seductively at her. Of course she couldn’t say no to that. No one could. Not even me anymore. Bugger.
-“So, let’s begin!”- some giggler said. He smirked and poured the drinks.
An hour later everyone was too drunk to keep their open. The girls had tried to keep up with Sirius and I, which was truly brave of them. Of course, they failed miserably and before they knew it, it was just us still capable of having a conversation.
-“I’d play guitar now”- he said all of a sudden.
-“What?”- I was capable of having a conversation, but that did not mean that I wasn’t dangerously intoxicated.
-“Everyone’s like too drunk to party properly anymore! Look”- he was right. Couples making out, some people passed out and the rest drunkenly trying to dance.
-“Still don’t think it’s safe. I predict a smashed guitar and an angry Sirius tomorrow”- I said. He frowned.
-“You are too smart all the time. I don’t like it. Can’t you be a normal drunk?”- his eyes were dangerously sparkling. I loved that energy they radiated. It was as if he was daring me. And who was I to refuse a dare?!
-“So, according to you what would I do if I were a normal drunk?”- I teased. He smirked.
-“I don’t know… what would you do?”- too close. He is getting way too close and setting off all my alarms.
-“Siiiiiriuuuuuuussss…. Play guitar, pleaaase”- you have to be kidding me. Angelica just came back from the unconscious. Can’t she like die or something?
-“It’s in my room”- he said to her. She sat on his lap. My stomach started hurting. This was bad.
-“Let’s go play there then”- I said. That got his attention back to me.
-“What?!”- Angelica looked a bit confused
-“Let’s go”- Sirius said. I smirked.
I walked to his room as if it was mine. I knew he was following me and that little giggler was probably behind him. The room was, of course, untidy as always. I walked in and sat on Sirius’ bed. Then I looked back at the girl staring at me wide eyed.
-“You’ve been here before”- she declared.
-“So?”- I said. Sirius looked at her. Then at me. Then back at her. I could tell this was amusing him. He had noticed I was… erhm… I didn’t like her.
-“I thought you hated him”- she squealed.
-“I don’t understand. You’re messing with me”- she looked about to start crying. This was SO much fun.
-“What is it you don’t understand? I have been here before and I hate him, I don’t see what it is you find confusing”- I blurted. Sirius took his guitar and sat on the opposite end of his bed, still watching our little cat fight.
-“What were you doing here?”- she glared at me as if hoping I’d explode or something.
-“What do you think I was doing?”- I must admit I was enjoying this too much. It was so easy to manipulate girls like this. A well said sentence and she was going ballistic; and Sirius was staring. At me. With those eyes. Merlin. Get a grip.
-“I can’t believe this. Sirius I thought you liked me!”- she exclaimed. I burst out laughing.
-“What does one thing have to do with another?”- I teased.
-“So you didn’t sleep with him?”- she asked.
-“Enough! Merlin, what’s wrong with you Angie? Naomi is a friend, of course she’s been here before. I think you are too drunk, better leave it for another day”- Sirius interrupted. I looked at him and my blood boiled immediately. I could read it so well on his face, he was desperate to get the girl out of his room and be alone with me. I should have predicted something like this; playing with fire is one thing. Playing with Sirius is another. I usually got burnt with that one.
-“I wish they got together”- I murmured. Mark caressed my face. We had been watching Sirius and Naomi play that drinking game for a while.
-“They will”- he said. I looked at him, surprised.
-“You think so?”
-“Well, baby, when they look at each other it feels as if the whole universe pulled them together. They can’t resist such magnetic force much longer”- he explained.
-“That’s… I like that”- I told him. He kissed me gently on the lips.
-“I’m glad you like it”
-“Do we have a universal pull?”- I asked him. He smiled at me.
-“Have you not noticed? I gravitate around you”- he replied. Wow. That was the deepest thing anyone had ever said to me.
-“Mark…”- I whispered. He shook his head slightly and kissed me. I loved it when he kissed me. He wasn’t invasive or aggressive. It was sweet, nice, gentle. Just like I wanted it to be. It was perfect.
-“I love you, Rhea”- he said. I stared at him blankly for a second.
-“I love you, too”- I blurted. I didn’t really plan on saying that to him, I wasn’t even… ohmygod. Naomi was right. I knew it. I knew it was true. I did love him.
-“Let’s dance”- he took my hand and we made our way to the dance floor. I felt happy. Really happy.
I couldn’t stop looking at him. He was talking to Remus and I should be looking for my friends and talking to them, too. But I just couldn’t stop staring. He was perfect. It had been one day, twenty four lousy hours and I was already beyond head over heels for him. It felt so right to be together, as if we had always been meant to be. The more I thought about it, the more obvious it became. I belonged with James. Any time he was around me all my senses stood, arms up and demanding that he kissed me again. I did not seem to get enough of him.
We had talked a lot and, the more we got to know each other, the clearer it became that I had made the right choice. What I found really funny in all this was that the only one who had really seen it coming was the one who claimed to have no idea what Love was whatsoever. Thinking of her, where was she? I scanned the room and saw her talking animatedly to Chris while glancing over to… Sirius, of course, every now and then. Sirius was talking animatedly to Angelica while glancing over to Naomi, too. This was beyond ridiculous. Why couldn’t they just give it up and give in? What the hell was their problem? Well, actually I did understand Naomi’s point of view, if he had given up on her she was not the one to be running after anyone. Hell no. Oh damn it! I had totally forgotten. Sirius had not given up on her. James had told me! Shit. I was so caught up with the fact that I was together with James that I had neglected to tell her that very important tiny bit of information, even though I promised James I wouldn’t.
-“Hey, what’s wrong?”- his voice reached me and I felt the smile coming to my lips almost immediately.
-“I was just thinking about Sirius and Naomi”- I told him. He pulled me up, sat where I was and pulled me again, having me sit on his lap. He then placed his arms securely around my waist. And it felt great.
-“We should do something about that”- he agreed.
-“The thing is… they’re always so close… yet…”- I didn’t know how to explain it, but it wasn’t necessary. James understood me.
-“Like this morning, when we thought they were about to murder each other…”
-“Exactly. He got Naomi into a pillow war for Merlin’s sake! I still can’t believe it!”
-“But they’re still just… friends, or drinking partners, apparently”- he joked. Oh my God, that’s it.
-“That’s it James, well done!”- I exclaimed. He looked confused.
-“Okay, I’m going to tell you something… but you have to promise me you will NOT TELL SIRIUS”- I looked at him in the eye.
-“Ehm… we don’t keep secrets, Lily”- he said, awkwardly.
-“I know, you don’t have to lie to him or anything just don’t say anything… and then, well, he’ll find out soon enough”- I told him. He looked hesitant but gave in.
-“All right, I promise not to tell him anything”- he said solemnly.
-“Swear. Like Naomi says, swear on Channel!”- I demanded putting my leg up so that he could touch the Channel boots she’d let me borrow.
-“What the hell is Channel?”
-“Never mind, just swear”- I chuckled. He smiled.
-“I like it when you laugh”- oh, isn’t he sweet? I might just melt here. Lily Evans puddle in the middle of the common room. How beautiful.
-“I like it when you make me laugh”- he kissed me, of course. What else could he do? Oh, he’s such an amazing kisser.
-“So, what is it that I can’t tell Sirius? Oh, I swear on Channel, whatever that means”- he said when we broke the kiss.
-“Naomi heard you guys in the music room, when he said he’d given up on her”- I told him. He looked confused.
-“She went in by accident, she likes to play and sing”- I sighed –“She heard him singing whatever song it was he sang… and then she heard him telling you he was not going to take it anymore”
-“Well, you know that’s not true”
-“She doesn’t”- I told him.
-“Why would… wait, Naomi, she fancies Sirius?”- his eyes flickered with excitement.
-“If you tell him I’ll kill you. Or worse, I’ll leave you”- I threatened him. He looked positively terrified.
-“Don’t you say that to me ever, Lily. Not even joking. My heart breaks”- he said, solemnly. Oh Merlin, he was just… I kissed him.
-“My point is that Naomi has a thing for music”- I explained when we separated. He looked thoughtful.
-“They are bloody soulmates, aren’t they?”
-“Yeah, Sirius’ really into his music, too, isn’t he?”
-“Good, so we should use that to our and their advantage”- I said. He nodded in agreement.
-“How do we do that?”
-“I have no idea”
Angelica left the room close to tears. The air became so thick it could have cut with a knife. I had to get out of there; I wasn’t going to give Sirius the satisfaction of getting into my pants just for fun. He had given up on everything, and I was keeping it that way. Luckily for me, Sirius had to go downstairs for a moment he said. So I got time to think. I could not run away now or he’d know I was afraid of being alone with him. But I couldn’t stay either. My head was about to explode. I needed a cigarette.
I made my way to the window pane and sat there, pushing it open. They had a wonderful view of Hogwarts grounds. I lit the cigarette and breathed in peace.
You should not think so poorly of yourself, Naomi.
Oh bugger. I hated this. It was painful and, above all, it was life changing. The very few times this little voice had come to me something really important had happened. I thought it would be content with the fact that I had accepted I was… I… well, the thing with Sirius but apparently not. I wasn’t happy. I rolled my eyes. What do you want, mom? I knew it wasn’t my mother, but it sounded so much like her that I just referred to it like that.
You think that staying away from Sirius is the best thing to do. It is not.
Right. You know, this is nonsense. I am mean, bad and all the things we already know I am. He is nice, he’s a good guy. So yes, staying away from him in an emotional level is the best thing I can do for him. And believe me; I don’t usually do nice things for people. Not when they mean sacrificing something that I want for myself. In fact, it is the first time I do it so I have a very, very good reason. Thank you, you can go now.
You are afraid.
Afraid? That’s ridiculous. What would I be afraid of? It’s Sirius Black not creepy mad dark person aka Lord Voldemort. What do you mean afraid?
You’re afraid if you give in it’ll hurt you.
Ha. Like he could ever hurt me.
He already did.
Shut up, okay? I’m not afraid. And even if I was this is so not the point. I’m not getting with him to protect him from my own fucking bitchiness. I am a bad person. BAD. BAD as in I KILLED SOMEONE AND FELT NOTHING ABOUT IT.
He makes the good in you surface.
NO. I said no and that’s it. Besides, why do you care? Leave me alone!
Naomi, stop lying to yourself. If you keep pushing him away he will eventually go and you will only have regret and sorrow.
Mom, seriously, this is ridiculous. Yeah, I kind of like the boy but it’s not like my life depends on it. I’ll be fine, just like I’ve always been. No strings attached, that’s my moto.
Honey, it’s too late for that. You’ve began healing now you have to keep moving or else you’ll break yourself beyond repair. You know that.
Well, I have Lily and now Rhea. That’ll have to do. They will do.
It’s not enough.
Just shut up and leave me alone!
-“Ehm… I haven’t said anything, yet”- I looked up, a little startled. Shit, I hadn’t realized I had replied to mom out loud. Remus was looking funny at me.
-“Forget that”- I said. Apparently, Remus’ entrance had scared mom away because she kept quiet. Good.
-“What are you doing here?”- he asked.
-“I am smoking. Was, am, whatever”- I took another cigarette since the one I had been smoking had consumed sometime during my conversation with mom.
-“Can I ask you something?”- he said, coming towards me. I rolled my eyes.
-“You can ask whatever you want. I’ll decide if I want to reply”- I told him. He smiled.
-“Are you never going to give him a chance?”- he asked. What was with everyone and Sirius and I? It wasn’t their business!
-“That is absolutely none of your business”- I snapped. He chuckled.
-“It is. It’s our business, everyone’s”
-“And why would you say that?”
-“Because you two are our friends and we’re witnessing your auto destruction. It makes no sense. You two are soul mates and being apart it’s bugging you both; and us”- he explained. I raised an eyebrow.
-“Well, I’ve never been nice to be around anyway”- I retorted.
-“You know what I mean”
-“And I don’t give a shit”
-“Yes, you do”
-“No, I don’t”
-“Naomi, for Merlin’s sake, why on Earth would you not go out with him? You dated Josh Ripley for crying out loud!”- he exclaimed. I stared at him. It was so not Remus like to have such an outburst.
-“Well, and that’s coming from the guy who dates random girls for a couple weeks then breaks it up for no apparent reason”- I snarled. He glared at me.
-“There is a reason”- he said defensively.
-“Right, well, I have my reasons not to date Sirius”- I told him, stubbornly.
-“Does this have anything to do with your mother? Because I am sure she would have been more than happy that you dated someone like Sirius”- he asked. I blinked, shocked.
-“HOW DARE YOU MENTION HER?”- okay, he had not said anything wrong. However, he had no idea just how WRONG it was to try to talk to her about me. No one knew anything about her; she was mine, my secret, my treasure. My mother and the memories of her, her name, her face, she was MINE and he had no right to even MENTION HER.
-“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I…”- he looked positively worried but I did not care. I threw the cigarette out of the window and stormed out of the room, not without glaring back at him one more time to add a final sentence.
-“If you EVER mention her again you’re dead Lupin”- I growled. I ran down the staircase and in the common room. Shit. Too many people. I looked around, trying to find an escape route. I scanned the room frantically, desperate to find a way out that did not involve me walking through fifty half drunk people.
-“What’s wrong?”- I had never been so happy to see Sirius Black in my life. If there was a way out, he knew it.
-“I need you to get me out of here”- I told him anxiously.
-“Follow me”- he said, grabbing my hand. I was in no state to be paying attention to the electric pulse that ran through my arm as he touched me. All I could think about was that I needed to get out, be alone. I was feeling claustrophobic. How could Remus think he could just bring her up like that? I wasn’t ready! There was a reason I didn’t talk about it! My doctor made it always very clear: avoid any mention of your mother unless you are absolutely sure you can handle it or it can cause you to collapse. Well, I was about to collapse. He had no idea how hard it was. I had spent the past five or six, I didn’t remember now, years of my life trying to come to terms with the fact that my mother had bled to death in my arms while I felt the pain of a hundred curses on my own body. Had he never heard of TRAUMA? Well, I had one and really big one.
-“Naomi, what happened?”- I blinked a little confused, trying to focus. Sirius was staring at me, visibly concerned. We were not in the common room anymore. How we’d gotten out, I had no idea.
-“Where are we?”- I asked stupidly. My mind wasn’t functioning. Shit. How was I supposed to stop this? I tried to remember my doctor’s instructions but my brain was shutting down. That was dangerous.
-“We are in one of the secret passages”- he said.
-“Sirius, I’m messed up, really, really messed up”- I told him desperately.
-“Do you need Walter? Dumbledore? What happened? Naomi, you’re scaring the shit out of me”- he was beyond worried now and I could guess why. My face must have looked pale and creepy; I was going into a nervous, panic attack. It had happened only once and it had been one month after my mom’s death. What did I need? Think, Naomi, quick!
-“I’m having a panic attack, a bad one but I cannot remember how to calm myself down!”- I figured that the truth, or partial truth, was the best idea.
-“I think breathing would be a good starting point”- he said. Oh, shit, yes, he’s right. Breathe, breathe, breathe. It was slightly better but not enough, my brain kept shutting down which left me little time before I collapsed. You see, the thing was that if I lost consciousness over my mother I’d be screwed. I was hooked up on dreamless potion for a reason: my sadness would take over me and put me into an emotional coma. No one had any idea how long it could last or how to get me out of it.
-“Sirius, please, do something”- yes, I was begging. He did not waste time with stupid comments, though. I could see he was thinking as hard as he could, almost as desperate as I was.
-“What happened? If you don’t tell me what this is all about I can’t help you!”- he exclaimed, frustrated.
-“Just make me forget!”- I cried.
I was not expecting what he did next. He took me in his arms and ran, ran as if there was no tomorrow. I tried to get a grip of myself, think of anything good or happy but I couldn’t find anything. I thought of Lily, that bought me some time. Just enough for Sirius to get me out of the castle.
-“Run”- he did not have to say it twice. He was right. Of course, the doctors had never mentioned it because, well, no one knew but being in animagus form made every human emotion a lot easier to bear. I transformed and it felt better almost instantaneously. I let my most basic instincts take over me and I ran. No direction, no thoughts, just running. I noticed an enormous black dog moving beside me but I did not pay him much attention. I did not pay anything much attention. I was too preoccupied just being.