Chapter 1 : Please...
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One of the two current inhabitants was an aristocratic looking young man. His platinum blond hair was growing out once again, gracefully swept away from his face. He looked to be around his early twenties, yet the depths of his grey eyes told there was much more to his good-looks than told, hiding what seemed to be years of age. He was leaning against a door frame, biting his tongue from speaking. His arms were folded against his chest, which barely rose and fell from his shallow breaths. His grey irises tore through the woman he watched, observing her critically, longingly, and angrily.
How dare she? How dare she have the nerve to walk out on him like this! After everything he gave her, after wearing his heart on his sleeve for her!
But even his anger could not swallow the yearning inside—the urge to wrap his arms around her waist and growl in her ear that she should never leave him. He loved her. He truly did. She was supposed to be his one, as possessive as he sounded. But who else did he have?
Meanwhile, the woman under surveillance was stuffing the last of her lingerie in the suitcase, which appeared to be too small for the appalling amount of overflowing clothes it stowed. Her thin, long fingers shook as she tossed in the last of her lacey undergarments inside the luggage bag, feeling a blush creep up to her cheeks. Oh how much she hated it when he made her nervous! She could feel his eyes burning upon her, his lust radiating from his watching figure. The memories of steamy nights have now attacked them both, but today she wasn’t going to give in. Today was the day Astoria Greengrass was going to move on, whether either of them liked it or not…
Standing up, with a flick of her wand, the baggage began to zip itself close and slid itself off the bed where it once laid, now sitting patiently at the foot of its owner. Astoria stared at it hard, not knowing if she even had the guts to look up. Pathetic it was, really. He was just a man. But even then, Astoria knew she was only fooling herself. Draco Malfoy was more than a man. He was a complicated figure that she had fallen in love with.
Loved. She corrected herself. You used to love him. And suddenly wished she could make her legs move.
“You know, you could’ve just magically placed them into the suitcase.” Draco drawled, and Astoria gulped. He was going to try and make her stay. She knew it. “It could’ve been easier. Less awkward.” She could hear and feel the thudding of his soft footsteps coming closer, his weight making these old, wooden floorboards slightly creek.
“I’m going to miss you, you know.” She could feel him. His breath was hot on her neck, his body so dangerously close beside her.
Don’t touch me Malfoy. She thought to herself. I’ve come this far. I’m not submitting now.
But his movements seemed to have shot down her thoughts, because to her horror, she felt his hands slide down her sides and to her waist, gently and slowly. Astoria closed her eyes shut. She was supposed to be leaving, not having him fondle her. She felt his hands leave her waist and she allowed her muscles to relax, only to stiffen once again, as his hands pulled back her long, chestnut, brown hair.
“Please,” was all Draco whispered, and Astoria felt the guilt wield up inside her. She wasn’t free here when she was with him. She felt trapped, isolated, and cold. That would be her life if she chose him over her own happiness. But she did love him, and she couldn’t fathom leaving him here alone either…
Loved. She corrected herself again. Turning around, she brought herself the courage to look up into the eyes of the man she loved.
“I can’t,” was all she had managed to say. Their eyes were locked, and Astoria looked away, not taking the grief Malfoy’s eyes began to unveil.
“Fine.” Draco hoarsely croaked. This caught Astoria by surprise. She wasn’t prepared to hear him let her go so easily. Her shock was evident when her eyes snapped back onto Draco’s, but she regretted it right away. Mixed in with the grief was fear. Hurt. It was truly a dreadful melancholy, and Astoria felt her heart shred. Shred for the man she shared such a connection with…or what she though was a connection.
I’m destroying him. She thought to herself, and at that, she could feel the tears sting her eyes. But she wouldn’t let him see them. Never.
“But please,” He begged. “Before you leave, at least hear me out,” Astoria bit her lip, and then nodded, still not looking into Draco’s eyes. Stiffly, she let herself sit at the foot of the bed, Draco Malfoy sitting beside her.
“I don’t know what it was about you Astoria,” Draco began, and Astoria became rigid, realizing he was going to start from the very beginning. “When I first saw you at my mother’s funeral, I should’ve known it would be trouble. I should’ve been smart enough that one day it would all end in heartbreak, and I would end up losing someone once again.”
I need some time just deliver the things that I need for now
Everything that I feel's like a warm deep calm casting over me
And it's taking me to somewhere new
“I remember you held my hand. You had followed me to my mother’s gravestone, a bouquet of wildflowers in your other hand, assorted of reds, yellows, lilacs, and such. You didn’t speak at first. You just laid the flowers out before the grave, stroked the lettering of her engraved name, and then stepped back, gently taking my hand once again. And for the first time, I felt bliss. You looked at me and told me that if I needed anyone, you were only a ‘pop’ away.” Draco chuckled, Astoria slightly smiling at that memory.
“You were determined to pull me out of the hell I was giving myself. I remember you telling me that the Draco Malfoy she knew in school wouldn’t have cracked. You said I would’ve panicked, yes, but I would’ve tried to pull it all together in the end…”
If you believe that everything's alright
You won't be all alone tonight
And I'd be blessed by the light of your company,
Slowly lifting me to somewhere new
“Your determination shone a bright path through this forest I couldn’t get through. We ended up becoming close, and soon I needed your presence to feel whole. I hated living in this Manor alone. There was and are too many memories, both good and bad, for me to take. I remember when we had tea in the sitting room, you and I. We shared so much of our personal lives there. I think that’s what sealed us together. Your mum and dad wanted you married, married with Goyle. You wanted to get away, to rebel from your Count Paris and parents. I was like your Romeo, who desperately needed his Juliet…” Draco let out a bitter laugh and Astoria flinched. There was something about this muggle analogy that made her uneasy.
“Your parents. They didn’t like me. And I think they still do. I understand though. They don’t want a selfish, isolated, bitter man like me tainting their fair daughter.” Draco’s words were rancorous, and when Astoria peeked a glance at him, she noticed how his expression was miserable.
“Somewhere along the way, we messed up. I don’t know where, or when, or even how, but we began fighting. You started believing in them, that you were becoming tainted by me.” Draco broke off. “Look at me Astoria,” he commanded. “Did I really fault you?” Astoria gulped. Here was her opportunity to express why she had been so miserable after all these months.
“Yes,” She whispered. “I feel so shut off from everyone I know.” She watched feebly as Draco’s face darkened.
“You feel so shut off?” He growled. “I don’t understand. You work at the bloody Ministry.”
“Draco—” Astoria timidly began.
“What else have they blinded you to believe? That I’m going to start hitting you? That I’ll be disappearing at night and coming home stumbling drunk?”
“Don’t you have a go at my parents!” Astoria cried. “They know what’s best for me, and frankly they still don’t know about the later!” She was about to stand up, but it was Draco who had beaten her to his feet. Astoria whimpered. One minute he was calm and sentimental, then becoming bitter, and now? He was enraged.
“I’LL HAVE A GO AT YOUR PARENTS IF I WANT!” He bellowed down at her, spit flying from his mouth. “If you haven’t noticed, they’re destroying us!”
“No, you’re destroying yourself.” Astoria barked back, her anger rolling in. “Just because my parents are alive, well, and concerned, doesn’t mean you can go bashing them, because I have something you don’t have for yourself!”
“I am not jealous.” Draco hissed venomously.
“Oh yes you are!” Astoria accused, now getting up on her feet. “Your father, a selfish, good-for-nothing bastard rots in Azkaban while we speak. Your mother is dead, your Aunt Andromenda is still bitter about your family’s involvement in the Dark Arts, and you’re an only child to cope with everything!”
“Oh well done, love, for pointing out the obvious.” Draco snorted sarcastically. “Way to point out my lack of family and support system.”
“IF YOU WEREN’T SO BLOODY INSECURE, THEN MAYBE MY PARENTS WOULDN’T HAVE MINDED LETTING YOU JOIN OUR FAMILY!” Astoria screeched. “WE WOULD BE PROPERLY MARRIED, AND MAYBE YOU WOULD STOP MOPING ABOUT THINGS THAT CAN’T BE CHANGED!”
“Oh, I’m insecure!” Draco maliciously laughed. “The ways you fold your skirts, love, have told me you’re the insecure one. Always prancing around in hooker heels, scared that your looks aren’t enough! Must you have the urge to have other men ogle at you? Is me fucking you every night not enough?”
“HOW DARE YOU!” Astoria shrieked. “WHAT NERVE POSSESED YOU TO BELIEVE SUCH—SUCH—SUCH LIES!” She shoved him hard in the chest, seething. “IS THAT WHAT THIS HAS ALL BEEN TO YOU? NOTHING BUT SIMPLE NIGHTS OF MEANINGLESS SMUT?” Draco’s eyes flashed dangerously as he slammed her into the wall, his arms boxing her in so she couldn’t escape him.
“You tell me.” He whispered. Astoria felt her eyes water. This wasn’t the sensitive Draco she fell in love with, who she sympathized over.
“I hate you.” Was all she could whimper before he attacked her hard with a kiss, a kiss she couldn’t fight against, a kiss that left her mouth sore. Collapsing to the floor, she loathed everything all of a sudden. But she couldn’t help but feel she deserved it. She should’ve just left when she had the chance…
Oh can you tell, I haven't slept very well
Since the last time that we spoke, you said
"Please understand if I see you again don't even say hello."
Draco Malfoy stumbled onto the couch, half drunk, half sober, if that was even possible at all. He was sure after his row with Astoria a few hours ago, that was probably enough to send her on her way after he left. He felt a sickening jolt in his stomach. He hurt her. He hurt the girl that he so desperately wanted to protect. He hurt the girl that granted him hope and happiness—a second chance to discover what it was like to be loved.
He was a monster.
But then again, wasn’t he always a monster? A bully?
Deciding he should climb up to bed, he trudged up the stairs, his head ringing obnoxiously.
As he passed a couple of rooms, he couldn’t help but force himself to stand at the doorway of the guest bedroom, the room he and Astoria shared. The room they fought in this afternoon. He walked cautiously in, as if something my pounce out of the closet and claw his face to the bone, not that he would’ve minded. Nobody would want him, and after today’s row, he couldn’t trust himself to be with another woman.
He decided then, that if anyone attacked him then and there, he wouldn’t mind, but accept death or whatever pain came its way. He sat on the bed, its sheets a lovely, deep, ruby—the fabric was of satin. Lying down, he could smell the faint dying traces of Astoria’s perfume, his cologne, and their sweat. As he turned his head to face her pillow, it ached him to no end that she would never sleep with him again.
He could only imagine the countless nights he would have to lie there, regretting every word—regretting not saying sorry, and pondering if she was sound asleep in someone else’s arms…
Probably Goyle’s. The thought of Astoria cuddling next to Goyle made him laugh maniacally in the darkness. He laughed so hard at the image in his mind, he could’ve sworn he could’ve died just lying there, laughing in insanity over something that wasn’t that funny. But the ludicrous part of it wasn’t the laughing. It was how much it actually hurt.
He should’ve just let her go…
What a night it is, when you live like this
And you're coming up beneath the clouds,
Don't let me down
It had been months since their row, and Draco Malfoy stepped into a muggle bar. He found it funny how much he enjoyed coming to these places. They offered a greater variety in alcohol, and the pretty lights were rather appealing to the senses. Not to mention, the beautiful women…
Such a shame Blaise couldn’t join tonight. Looks like I’m draining shots alone. He thought as he scanned the cramped bar room.
Despite his new careworn appearance versus his old pleasant aristocratic air, Draco Malfoy was still somewhat quite a looker, at least, to the ladies that came to these bars. His hair was now cut short and uneven, sticking up everywhere in angles and spikes. He didn’t bother shaving really anymore, so a rather silvery, sandy shadow loomed on his cheeks and chin. His gray eyes were a mystery to the hungry singles who eyed him from their barstools. His muggle jeans hung slightly below his waist, a baggy plaid shirt buttoned halfway, exposed his chest.
Yep, this was the life.
“Vodka.” Was all Draco said to the lovely bird who eyed him from behind the counter.
“Any specific brand?” She asked, her eyes traveling down to his bare chest occasionally. Draco shrugged then winked.
“Surprise me. Throw in whatever’s special.” He watched the woman giggle and walked away, quirking his eyebrows upward at the way she walked. He supposed she was trying to enchant him with a little sexy walk, a walk she was failing at completely.
“Ridiculous, aren’t they?” Snorted a man taking a seat beside him. Malfoy turned his head to find a decent looking bloke sitting there, shaking his head. “They better not play the same trick on me. My girlfriend can give them quite a scare.” He chuckled, but Malfoy couldn’t help but pick up on the man’s word choice, and the way he said it.
The barmaid came strutting back, laying before him a tray of assorted shots . “He wanted a surprise.” She drawled when she saw the new man’s incredulous look. Malfoy shrugged, and helped himself, draining his first one down and smiling. Merlin, artificial happiness was the best.
“Samuel, where are you?” Called out a voice, causing the second shot in Malfoy’s hand to slip and crash onto the tile ground.
“I’m right here, love.” The man sitting beside Malfoy swiveled around, waving for the female to come over. Malfoy ducked his head, praying to Merlin that the voice belonged to someone else.
Not here, Merlin, please not here. He thought desperately to himself. Out of all places in the world, please, not here.
“Oh, I’ve been looking all over for you.” The female’s voice whined, then giggled. Draco could hear the woman take the barstool next to her boyfriend as he casually tried not to look up. He trained his vision onto the tray of shots, determined not to give himself away.
“And guess what love? I found us a drinking buddy!” The man exclaimed joyfully, thumping Draco on the back, causing Draco to spray the contents of his mouth all over the bar. Shit.
“Oh, how wonderful! No one deserves to drink alone!” The female beamed. Draco groaned. Only one person can ever pull off such sweetness without being thought of as annoying. Double shit.
“Astoria, love, this is Mr.….?” Samuel trailed off as Draco slowly spun his head around. At the sight of him, he watched as the brunette’s eyes widen and take in a sharp intake of breath. Within those few seconds, Malfoy drank her in. The woman he hadn’t seen in months. She looked beautiful. Radiant. Happy.
Shaking his head, Malfoy sprang from his barstool and shoved through the crowd, bolting out the backdoor. Samuel just gazed after him, confused while Astoria looked down to the tray of shots , a stab going through her heart.
All the love's still there I just don't know what to do with it now
Malfoy ran. He ran as far as his legs can take him, but he soon realized it wasn’t far enough.
Bloody muggle cigarettes! He cursed to himself, as he collapsed onto the curb, eying a rock that sat there before him.
What was that all about? Why did he bolt out of there as if there was a madman chasing him. He didn’t understand. Nothing is comprehendible! He shouted at himself. Grabbing the rock, he hurled it out as far as he could, only he didn’t see where it landed. The darkness had enveloped it, just like it enveloped him. Was this how it was supposed to be like? Was he just going to keep on running?
“Malfoy?” A timid voice called out to him. Draco swallowed. That was the last voice he wanted to hear. The guilt. The self-hatred. The anger. It came crashing down on him like a hurricane. He felt a soft hand on his shoulder, a small body sit beside him, and a tiny arm wrap around his waist.
“Go away.” Draco whispered. “Can’t you see I’ve done enough? I don’t want to hurt you anymore.”
“So instead you’ve been hurting yourself?” Astoria asked quietly, but it was more of a statement than a question. “You smell like cigarettes and alcohol. You look like shit. Your hair. Your beautiful hair…” she trailed off. “Why?” was all she could ask.
“Dunno. I guess I never gotten over you. I hated myself for making you disappear forever. I have no purpose. I think it’s better that I’m deteriorating myself away.” Draco shrugged as if indifferent, when inside he felt torn apart. Astoria leaned in, causing Draco to stiffen.
“Don’t you have a boyfriend anyways?” He asked coldly. Astoria let out a little laugh.
“Oh, Sam? We’re not together. We play the charade, just so people will leave us alone when we go out to drink. He’s a friend.” Her voice was soft, and Draco felt guilt.
Friend. He thought to himself. She didn’t have any when she was with me…
“And why are you here?” Draco pressed, staring out into the darkness. Astoria let out another laugh, but this one, Draco senses a touch of fear. A touch of feeling nervous.
You know, I still can't believe we both did some things
I don't even wanna think about
Just say you love me and I'll say "I'm sorry,
I don't want anybody else to feel this way"
“Call me mad,” Astoria whispered, “But I’ve been missing you so much.” At that, Draco inhaled sharply.
No, no, no
“You shouldn’t.” He said flatly. Astoria drew away, slightly affronted.
“And why not?”
“Because. I’m messed up. The next time we fight, I might actually hurt you.” Draco mumbled.
“Then we’ll find you help. We could seek couple’s counseling. Anything.” Astoria countered in determination. They sat in silence as Draco thought of the idea. Would those nut-job doctors really help? He always viewed them as nothing more than people who liked to nose into others’ businesses.
“I’m not going to see a quack doctor.” Draco finally decided. Astoria sat there, mouth fully agape.
“A quack DOCTOR?!?” She shouted enraged. “Draco, I’m only trying to help you.” She cried out, standing up. “Do you like going bars to bars, waking up and feeling like shit? Do you enjoy smelling like cigarettes? Do you even want us back together?” Astoria was blinking away the tears in her eyes.
“Of course I do.” Draco whispered, not even looking at her. “I want you back beside me. I truly do. I just…it’s complicated.”
“It’s complicated!” Astoria spat. “Honestly, your best excuse is that, I quote, ‘it’s complicated.’ Merlin, your complicated!” She exasperatedly ranted.
“And do you think I enjoy being complicated?” Draco snapped, turning his attention towards her for the first time. Astoria crossed her arms defiantly.
“Yes, I do, considering the fact that you won’t even attempt to fix whatever’s wrong.”
“Yeah, well, I’m coping just fine!”
“Right, drinking shots, while going out dressed like a slag magnet really seems like an efficient coping method!”
“Bugger off then!” Draco shouted, pointing the direction towards the bar. “Go drink with Sammy and give him a little lap dance while you’re at it!” He managed to add on before he could watch his mouth. Astoria hid the hurt and gave him a smug smile instead.
“And I will.” She said coolly, leaving Malfoy completely flabbergasted.
No, I didn’t mean that. Draco thought to himself. Fawkes, why do I keep pushing her away?
Oh can you tell, I haven't slept very well
Since the last time that we spoke, I said
Please understand I've been drinking again, and all I do is hope…
Astoria Greengrass bit her lip as she stood at the gate of the looming mansion before her. It frightened her, being back again, not knowing what surprises would await for her as he would open the door. Would it be a slag-house, with bottles everywhere? Or would it still be elegant in its own way, as it always has been? Sighing, she pushed the gate forward and marched up the walkway to the Manor’s doors. Knocking, she bit her lip, debating if what she was doing was right.
She didn’t know why, but Draco Malfoy was like her half. She couldn’t stay away from him, and whenever she was away, she couldn’t help but worry for his health. The conditions she saw Draco in were atrocious, and she knew very well it was him losing her that made him that way. It was pathetic, she knew, for surely a true man would move on, but she couldn’t envision Draco moving on at all. Growing up with the Dark Arts, having his home headquarters for the Dark Lord, expected to be Dumbledore’s murder—she wouldn’t be surprised if Draco truly had enough.
The doors swung open, and she found Draco staring back at her, his eyes bloodshot, while he was in his boxer shorts. His hair, she could tell, hadn’t been washed in a week and were sticking up in disgusting angles. It sickened her really, and deep inside her mind, she questioned why she bothered so much with such a lost cause.
“Astoria.” Draco croaked, and Astoria winced.
“Draco,” she replied back, with softness. He swung the door open and let her inside. To her surprise, the Manor looked exactly how she had left it.
“What, were you expecting slags sprawled out on the ground everywhere?” Draco dryly joked, and Astoria flinched, letting out a guilty smile.
“To be honest, I’m barely ever home.” Draco said, coming to stand right beside her, analyzing his surroundings. “I don’t see the point in staying here, alone, without a wife or child to occupy me.” Despite his drunken looking state, Astoria could sense truth in his words. The thought that he considered having a child melted her heart.
“I’m not giving up on you Draco.” Astoria whispered, grabbing hold of his hand. “You’re a mess, but for some damn, mad reason, I just need to fix you, and by Merlin’s grace, I will.” Draco surprisingly squeezed her hand back.
“Merlin’s grace?” he weakly chuckled. Astoria nodded, slightly smiling and relieved that they weren’t fighting, for once.
“My way of saying there’s still a speck of hope.”
“You’re not leaving, are you?” Draco asked weakly as he sat on top of his bed. It was coming close to 10:30 and all day, Astoria had him fixed on grooming himself. Astoria sat beside him and squeezed his hand comfortingly. My, he seemed more like a child today more than anything.
I'll admit I was wrong about everything
Cause I'm high and I don't wanna come down
All the fun that we had on your mother’s couch,
I don't even wanna think about
“I’ll just be downstairs.” She reassured him. “I don’t think we should be sleeping with each other again just yet.” Draco nodded, relaxing at the fact that she wouldn’t be far.
I'm not strong enough for the both of us
What was I supposed to do
You know I love you
“I’m so proud at how far we’re coming along.” Astoria murmured as she leaned onto Draco’s side. Draco chuckled.
“You make it sound like we’ve been at this for centuries.”
“I feel like we have.” She whispered. Standing up she pecked him in the cheek before turning on her heel. Draco watched her go, smiling softly. He had to admit, this was the most free he had ever felt from all those chains that had bound him back.
Please just stay
Well, hello there! I must admit, this is my first time EVER to write Draco, so forgive me for any OOC-ness. Anything you recognize belongs to JK Rowling, and the fabulous song this was based upon was 'Stay' by Mayday Parade. Hopefully you enjoyed it, as much as I had fun creating it. :)
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