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Chapter 4 : Forgive him.
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"You can't copy from me you know," Lily told her, although with a smile as she sifted around in her bag and pulled out her potions assignment, passing it across the desk to her. "Although if you do decide to copy from it, I'd suggest that you at least change some words around, Slughorn will only forgive me for so much."
"Thanks Lils you're the best." Marlene told her with a grin as she began making notes on her own piece of parchment.
Lily smiled at her friend as she looked up across the room. Her gaze caught Remus' and she gave him a smile which he returned to her, her eyes flickered to his left where James was sat and Lily felt herself blushing slightly as she looked away quickly and busied herself with her charms work, giving a small cough.
"What's got you blushing?" Dorcas asked with a smile, noticing her friends red face. Marlene looked up from her note taking and smiled at the redness of Lily’s cheeks.
"It's nothing," Lily tried to convince them, but she knew they wouldn't believe her, she could sense Marlene and Dorcas' eyes scanning the room searching for what could’ve make Lily blush.
"Is it Remus?" Marlene asked her, turning to look at Lily with a smile on her face. Dorcas was still looking around, being quite obvious about it, Lily gave a small ‘tut’ at her friends behaviour.
"No, it's not Remus. Calm down and I’ll tell you," She looked around them but no one was paying them any attention, now that Dorcas wasn’t looking at them all. Marlene and Dorcas moved in closer so Lily could whisper to them.
"When I saw Sev last night he said something-"
Marlene and Dorcas waited for her to continue.
"- he said that James fancied me."
"We'll we could have told you that!" Dorcas said with a roll of her eyes, as Marlene agreed.
"I thought he might, but ever since Sev mentioned it I can't look James in the eye without going red."
"Do you fancy him?" Marlene asked her.
"He is attractive but he's so arrogant, the way he treats other people just annoys me so much. If he grew up then maybe I could see something between us, until then-" she told them, finishing her sentence with a shrug.
"I see your point," Marlene said with a nod as she passed her friend back her homework, Lily put it back into her bag.
"Another reason that I can't date him is because of the way he treats Sev. He's one of my best friends, and James would have to learn to get along with him and I really don't think he can at the moment.”
“That is true,” Dorcas said before she nudged Lily with her elbow a coy smile on her face, “look at you thinking about your future with James.”
“I’m not!” Lily spluttered, shaking her head, “I was just saying that’s all.”
Dorcas and Marlene let out a laugh, which caught James’s attention causing him to look over at them, Lily looked away from him quickly and busied herself with writing some notes down about the lesson, Dorcas and Marlene giggled to each other.
“Would you three girls at the back please stop giggling,” Professor Flitwick told them, “and continue with your wand work.”
“Sorry professor,” Marlene said with a smile, she caught Sirius’s eye but he was scowling. Marlene rolled her eyes as she went back to making edits to her homework, feeling the happiness drain out of her like she was a sieve, at his look. She knew she wasn’t to let it get to her but she couldn’t help it when Sirius seemed so angry. He wasn’t angry at her, he was angry at whatever it was that happened between him and James, that somehow Peter and Remus were involved in, but he seemed to be taking it out on her.
Sirius was sat next to Peter but he kept glancing at James who was sitting the furthest away from him, Remus was beside James and next to Peter. Neither Peter nor Remus were trying to make conversation with anyone but themselves, either through the argument that had taken place or knowing that they wouldn’t be able to bring the two boys out of their anger with each other.
“Are you ok Marlene?” Lily whispered as Dorcas waved her wand around, attempting to create legs on the teacup in front of her, after finishing writing the notes from the board. Lily noticed that Marlene suddenly seemed down.
“Yeah I’m fine,” Marlene muttered, refusing to look up and see if Sirius was still scowling in her direction.
Lily looked over at Sirius who was slouching in his chair with his arms crossed, glaring down at his own teacup, not bothering to try and give it legs.
“Don’t let him get to you,” Lily stated quietly, “he’s just in a mood with James. He’ll snap out of it and be back to normal soon.”
“I hope so,” Marlene said as she put down her quill and picked up her wand. Dorcas leaned over to whisper to them as her teacup sprouted one leg and started trying to kick about.
“Speaking of people getting to you Lily, James can’t stop staring at you.”
Lily gave a small cough, as she put her own quill down and picked up her wand, tucking a piece of her long red hair behind her ears with her free hand as she done so.
“I don’t care.” Lily told them, unconvincingly.
Lily glanced around her nervously as she walked further down the aisle of the library, she didn’t know why she felt nervous looking for a book on werewolves, she could tell anyone who asked about it that she was studying for her Defence Against the Dark Arts exam. She could get away with studying early because she was Lily Evans, she always studied early.
She looked at the books she was passing, her fingers running against the binding of them as she searched. She found them on the second from bottom shelf, covered in dust as though no one had looked at them for a few years, as though the books didn’t have the answers the searcher was looking for. Lily gave another glance around as she knelt in front of the books and picked a few out at random.
‘Monsters from the middle ages’, ‘Enchantment of the moon’ and ‘Untameable beasts’ were a few of the titles of books that she had found, these were the most tame of the book titles. She really hoped that Remus hadn’t been down this part of the library and seen all of these horrible sounding books, but she knew that he must have been. Lily flicked through one of the books, shuffling so she was sitting with her back against one of the shelves, the books around her feet as she took her bag off and placed it next to her.
Nothing in any of these books was any help to her at all; each would describe a werewolf as being a vicious monster which shouldn’t be allowed around humans. Lily felt sick as she read further into ‘Monsters of the middle ages’ wondering if the others were going to be as anti werewolf as these were. She closed the book and put it next to her as she picked up ‘Untameable beasts’ and began flicking through that instead. This one was no better than the other one, it described in great detail about the anger that werewolves carry in their human form, how they’re incredibly untrustworthy and could snap at any moment and turn into a werewolf right there and then if they were angered beyond the point of no return.
Lily dropped that one and picked up ‘Enchantment of the moon’, trying to ignore the horror that was beginning to fill her, it was only worsened as she flicked through to the pages about the transformation of a werewolf. The pictures that the artist drew showing each stage of the transformation were horrific, bringing tears to Lily’s eyes as she flicked each page, feeling nothing but sorrow for Remus for going through this. She read the paragraph under one of the pictures that said that changing into a werewolf was considered a pain almost as bad as having three people perform Crucio on you. She dropped the book in horror as she wiped her eyes, poor Remus, how could he go through this every month?
“You shouldn’t read those books,” a voice said, causing Lily to jump wildly and turn quickly to see Remus standing above her. He looked sad at the expression on her face, worry filling his features as Lily took in his appearance, he had his head slightly bowed as though someone was about to tell him off.
“Oh Remus, I’m so sorry,” Lily spluttered, her tears falling down her face as her mind raced with made up pictures of Remus transforming in her head and the pain he must go through alone.
Remus knelt down in front of her and Lily launched herself into his arms, Remus held onto her tightly.
“Remus I’m sorry that you have to go through this,” Lily whispered to him through her tears.
Remus rubbed her back comfortingly. “I’ve been going through this for a very long time now Lily...”
“When did you –“ she faltered as she whispered to him. Remus pulled away from her and looked into her green eyes.
“Since I was six years old, my father insulted a man named – “ he looked around him quickly, even though he knew that no one was around as he would have heard them, one of the many talents of being a werewolf, but he still checked in case someone had snuck over whilst he was distracted. “Greyback,” He finished quietly.
Lily gave a frown as though she recognised the name, then it clicked, they had read about him in the papers. “He’s the one that’s on the side of that dark wizard the papers talk about,” She said horrified.
Remus gave a nod sadly, “That would be him.”
Remus gave a glance down at the books that Lily had been reading, the books that he had sought out when he was a naive first year, full of hope that one of these books would give him the answer, but only succeeding in making him realise that there wasn’t much out there for a werewolf. It was during that year that Remus decided that he would study everything in the hopes that being bright would make people see past the monster within him.
“You shouldn’t be reading these,” Remus told her softly, nodding down at them.
Lily gave a sniff, “I thought that they would help somehow, but they’re just full of so much horror.”
Remus gave her a sad smile, “Most of what they write is elaborated immensely,” he told her.
“What about where they say that the pain is like feeling three people use an unforgivable on you,” Lily asked still whispering.
Remus faltered, “I hope that I never feel one of the unforgivable curses, but the pain that I feel – If I had three times the amount of that I don’t think I’d be able to survive it.”
Lily gave Remus another hug; Remus was so thankful that Lily hadn’t left him. He didn’t think he could ever let her know how thankful he was that she was still there.
“There isn’t anything in any of these books that can help Lily, so we should put them back,” he told her, “believe me I’ve read every book that can be on the subject and it’s all the same load of garbage.”
Lily gave a nod as she helped Remus put the books back; Remus gave the books a dark look before he stood up and held his hand out to help Lily up. She took it thankfully and let Remus pull her to her feet, he scooped down and picked up her bag as well and handed it to her.
They walked out of the aisle and further into library, Remus shielding Lily from people’s eyes as she composed herself and wiped the tears from her face.
By the time they had reached the table that Sirius and Marlene were sitting at you wouldn’t be able to tell that Lily had been crying, except for the faint redness around her eyes.
Lily noticed as they walked over that Peter and Dorcas were on the table next to Marlene and Sirius, each deep in conversation about something. Lily gave them both a smile and a wave before she took a seat opposite Marlene, Remus held out the chair for her. She thanked him and he sat down next to her. They both looked up at Sirius and Marlene who were both quiet as though they had just been in an argument. Although Lily wouldn’t have been able to tell with the scowl that seemed to be permanently stuck on Sirius’s face, Remus gave a sigh as he pulled out his books from his bag and opened it up; Lily wondered why Remus wasn’t saying anything to Sirius to cheer him up.
Remus gave Sirius a small kick under the table, causing him to look over at him with an eyebrow raised at him. Remus placed the book down on the table and held both hands up to his head as though they were antlers, Lily gave a frown and was unsure what they were trying to say to each other or why Sirius’s mood seemed to sadden before he grabbed his stuff and left the table without even a goodbye to them all. Marlene glared after him, before she looked back down at her work, Lily could see that Marlene was trying to hold back her tears. She reached forwards and placed a hand on hers comfortingly. Marlene gave her a thankful smile before she tried to go back to her work.
“James, where have you been?” Remus asked, causing Lily and Marlene to look up from their books, not even knowing that James was near them. Lily could see that he was walking over to them from the entrance of the library, Lily guessed that Remus must have sensed James somehow being around, could that be a side effect of being a werewolf?
“Just walking around really,” James said as he sat down in Sirius’s newly vacated seat. He seemed to be in a better mood as he greeted each of them, giving Lily a smile as he noticed that she was sitting with them, Lily returned it before looking back down at her book quickly. James leaned over to where Peter was sitting near them, and gave him a playful dig in the arm. Peter punched him back before turning back to face Dorcas and pointing down to a passage in the book they were reading. James clutched hold of his arm tightly as though Peter had caused it to go dead.
“For someone so small you do pack a hard punch,” James said to Peter who shook his head but didn’t reply. Peter was helping Dorcas with her potions work from their last lesson of the day, which they hadn’t long finished. They were both paired up in the lesson and Peter was helping her pass the class with tutoring sessions, Dorcas’s grade had improved immensely since they had started this and Dorcas was very thankful that Peter had the time to teach her.
“I’ve been so bored recently Remus,” James stated, pushing Remus’s book down onto the desk so Remus could give James he’s full attention.
“Just because Gryffindor lost to Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff at Quidditch with really terrible scores, so are now out of the game?” Remus asked, trying to pick his book up again.
“I can’t believe we lost! Benjy Fenwick has been taunting me ever since,” James said shaking a fist jokingly over in the direction of where Benjy Fenwick was sitting with his friend Bertram Aubrey.
Benjy was the Keeper for the Hufflepuff Quidditch team, and had blocked most of James’s throws of the Quaffle towards him during the games; James was the Chaser on Gryffindors Quidditch team. Benjy just waved at him with a smug grin, James just gave him a shake of the head before returning his attention to Remus.
“If he wasn’t such a nice guy I would beat him up,” James stated. At these words Lily gave a sigh and gathered her stuff into her bag, Marlene who wasn’t getting any of her work done, done the same. James looked up at her as she gathered her stuff but she wasn’t looking at him.
“We’re going to head back to the common room, I’ll see you all around,” she stated, aiming her comment at Remus. Dorcas told Lily that she would meet up with her and Marlene later on at dinner before the two girls left.
“I wonder what that was all about?” James asked Remus, who gave him a raised eyebrow.
“She doesn’t like it when you talk about beating people up,” Remus stated as though it were obvious, which it was.
“But I was only joking,” James stated, “Benjy knows I wouldn’t beat him up.”
“Only because he would kick your ass,” Remus said with a laugh.
“That might be true but I’m a good guy, I like Benjy he’s a right laugh, for a Hufflepuff.” James gave him a smile and Remus shook his head at him.
“Thank you so much Peter, you’re a lot better at explaining this to me then Slughorn is,” Dorcas said as she edited her notes that she made in her lesson to fit with what Peter had explained to her.
“Anything to help you Dorcas, I know how difficult it can be to understand what he’s waffling on about. But Remus explained to me how to better understand him and since then it’s been a lot easier.” Peter told Dorcas, smiling down at her.
Peter couldn’t help but be happy whenever he spent time with her after lessons, he had had a soft spot for her for a few years now but he had never acted on his feelings, one because he didn’t want to ruin the friendship that they had formed over being partners in Potions, and two because Peter knew that Dorcas fancied Benjy Fenwick.
Peter glanced up at Benjy sitting next to his friend Bertram, Benjy kept shooting Dorcas looks before quickly looking away in case she noticed him looking. Peter had noticed that ever since Dorcas and Peter had begun using the library for their tutoring sessions, Benjy seemed to be using the library just as much as they were.
“Benjy is staring at you again,” Peter whispered to Dorcas, as much as he wanted Dorcas to like him in that way, he wanted her to be happy. So even though it was crushing his heart to do it, he wanted Benjy and Dorcas to get together, Dorcas deserved to be happy.
Dorcas blushed slightly, “No he’s not, don’t be silly.”
“Well then he must be staring at me,” Peter said leaning back in his chair and trying to flex his nonexistent muscles. “No one can resist theses bad boys,”
Dorcas looked at him flexing and gave a laugh, Peter always knew how to make her laugh and he was such a great friend to her.
“I think you should go over and talk to him, otherwise I’ll have to snap him up for myself,” Peter joked. Dorcas gave him a playful shove in the side before she glanced up at Benjy, who quickly looked away from staring at her and giving Bertram a smile.
“Don’t be silly Peter, I know you want Remus.” Dorcas joked, Peter smiled down at her.
“Sadly Remus doesn’t want me,” Peter stated looking over at Remus forlornly, a goofy smile on his face.
Remus looked up slowly to see Peter making faces at him before he burst out into laughter. “I’m sorry Peter but I’m leaving you for James, I just can’t deny my feelings anymore.”
James looked shocked at Remus’s words. “I’m so sorry Remus, I thought you knew. I’m eloping with Sirius.” He jerked a thumb towards the empty space next to him with a laugh before he turned and realised that Sirius wasn’t sitting next to him. He gave a sigh as he realised that they weren’t talking to each other.
“James I think it’s time to forgive him, I already have,” Remus said sadly as Peter and Dorcas went back to talking to each other, although he knew that Peter was listening by the slight twitching in his ears.
James gave another sigh as he rubbed a hand through his hair absentmindedly. “Yeah, I think you’re right Remus.”
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