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Life Definitely Ain't Rosy by katti4493
Chapter 4 : Four Days to Go...
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 1

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I’ve decided. I’m never coming out of this room. Never in a billion trillion years. I will let some archaeologist dig up my skeletal remains in this room thousands of years in the future and let them believe I was ritually sacrificed or something. My whole family stood there laughing along with bubonic plague’s human form (that’s Lilith for all you who cannot keep up with the narrative), at me, standing there, soaking wet, after my darling best friend had doused me with the garden hose. My make-up was dripping down my face and my hair looked like a blonde gorilla’s backside.

Gracie had only managed to mumble a very apologetic looking “sorry” before I dashed off up into the bathroom, locked the door and burst into tears. Didn’t anyone realise I was on a life changing mission to win Teddy back? I swore it had been part of Clan Weasley’s foreign policy (that mean’s anyone who does not bear the Weasley or Potter surnames to all of you who just can’t understand my comedic genius) to integrate Teddy into our family in memory of his parents, and they were going back on their years of arranging and scheming because Lilith had managed to drip poison in his ear!

A few people had tried to come and console me, and I let my mother mumble some very unhelpful words through the door with her usual Gallic bombast; “Victoire, you are being incrrrredibly (that’s a roll of the rrrr’s there readers) stupid. ‘Zis is the most ridiculous thing ever. So what if your make-up was ruined. Que sera sera! Stand up on your own two legs! (She still can’t get that one right. Dom tried to tell her it is feet but would she listen…no).” After getting a wall of chilly silence from me, she finally flounced off, muttering something about berets, snails and frogs legs (well, not really, but she is French, so I thought I’d stereotype).

It was only Gracie who I let in. “I’m really sorry Victoire, but I thought you were going to die!” I tried to give her a look that has only been given a few times in history; a look of such utter contempt and disgust that she recoiled in horror. I swear it’s only been used once before; when Cardinal Wolsey turned round to Catherine of Aragon and asked “so, do you like this Anne Boleyn woman or what?”

“It’s okay,” I sighed, “I know you were only trying to do the best for me!” I didn’t really mean it, but I didn’t want to upset Gracie. “You can do something for me though,” I mumbled, “as a token of your apology.”

Gracie’s eyes lit up at this. “What?”

“Help me fake my own death.”

“Oh, stop being such a moaning moo,” smiled Gracie, “you don’t need to fake your own death. You can win Teddy back, and it won’t be too hard I bet.” She sat this as if we hadn’t already tried nearly four million unsinkable plans that like the Titanic went and well…sunk.

“You’re meant to say that Gracie, you’re my best friend. And anyway, maybe Teddy actually does love Lilith. I mean, if he ever wants to be an evil genius, he’s got someone to scheme with.” Gracie looked not too happy about this.

“Oh, come on my lovely. We’ve got time. I say we go and sneak around her room, see what we can find, she must have a weakness we can exploit! Maybe she…erm…has an evil twin sister or…err…is one of those people who ate their conjoined twin in the womb.”

“I wouldn’t put the second one past her, but in case you haven’t noticed, she’s her own evil twin,” I said grumpily. Nobody that evil could logically have an even eviller twin. She’d have to be related to Voldemort.

“And, come to think of it, she’s can’t have both an evil twin and a conjoined twin she ate in the womb,” mused Gracie. God, my best friend really was a special person.

“I wouldn’t put it past Lilith…she’s greedy.”

After much coaxing and cajoling (oooh, alliteration!) Gracie had managed to convince me that crawling round on my hands and knees in Lilith’s room was a good idea. “This room smells so nice,” smiled Gracie as she began to look under the bed, “it’s like lemon tart and daisies.” God, Gracie really was as mad as a box of frogs sometimes.

“Mmmm,” I agreed, “of course this room would smell of daisies and tarts. Daisies ‘cos they’re cheap and tarts because Lilith is one.” Hiss! I could be so vicious sometimes. I was rummaging through her drawers, finding nothing but snotty tissues and chocolate wrappers. It made my arch-nemesis seem almost human.

“Oooh, I like these shoes!” Gracie had pulled out a pair of red stilettos that only people like Lilith ever had the confidence to wear. It didn’t take long for Gracie to enlarge them to fit her hobbit feet (her words, not mine) and begin to strut around the room, her chest stuck out and her lips pouting.

“Oh, darling you are just such a doll!” she said in Lilith’s little stuck up voice, “I mean, no one is such a doll as me, because I’m just Lilith, and I am just so…” With that, Gracie managed to achieve a hilarious trip as she fell over her own feet and fell head first into the open wardrobe.

“Gracie! Are you alright?” I called helping her pull the infernal shoes off and throwing them back under the bed. I heard some pretty colourful swear words and a pitiful groan, before Gracie’s Miss Marple voice returned in full swing.

“Hey, what’s this?”

When Gracie finally emerged from the wardrobe she pulled a large chest that seemed to clank when it came. “It’s Lilith’s old potions kit,” I said, recognising the dark wood, “why on earth would she need that with her? She’s in Wizarding City Central in this house.” Gracie nodded in agreement, then pulled her wand out, did a quick unlocking charm, and the box opened easily.

Inside were hundreds of little vials filled with potions. Each vial contained the same golden liquid, and as I edged closer I could vaguely smell the salty sea, Battenburg cake and Teddy’s hair. Gracie lifted a vial out, opened it, and inhaled deeply.

“Yes, lemon tart, daisies and my ex’s cologne,” she whispered, passing the vial to me. I quickly confirmed that my favourite smells were coming out of that potion. Gracie dug around further and found lots of empty vials with traces of the same potion.

“Is that…” I questioned.

“Yes,” said Gracie, her voice suddenly serious, “yes, Vic, it is Love Potion.” I was suddenly overcome by a great sense of anger; not for myself but that Teddy was living his life on a lie. I was almost willing to accept that as long as Lilith made him happy I would bless their union, but this! It just made her easier to hate.

“She’s being using it on him?” I spat furiously, “how could she do this to someone she professes to love? She’s turning him into something else!” Then we heard it; Lilith laugh just in the hall. She was talking to someone, but we could hear she was moving closer.

Gracie and I shot identical panicked looks at each other. “Quick!” I thundered. Gracie shoved the vial back into the box and stuffed it back into the wardrobe before we both started to look around, terrified.

“Under the bed!” I ordered, as we both dived into the darkness, just as Lilith came into the room. We could only see her feet and her incredibly high heels as she walked into the room, humming to herself.

“Mrs Lilith Lupin,” she purred, twirling on the spot, “oh yes, it has a ring to it.” Gracie clapped one terrified hand over my mouth as I opened my mouth to shout a very rude word that rhymes with duck.

Lilith sashayed over to the wardrobe that Gracie had just stuffed the potions into, and sure enough she pulled out the wooden box. Opening it up, she pulled out a vial before closing it, locking it, and putting it back into the wardrobe.

“Right Mr Lupin, time for your daily dose of medicine.” It was like she was some cackling, gloating witch out of a Disney film, and there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop her. With that, she walked out of the room, closing the door behind her, and we heard her disappear down the corridor.

Gracie finally took away her hand, and fixed me with a look of absolute shock and horror.

I could understand her sentiment and she was absolutely right; the shit really had hit the proverbial fan.

A/N: Da duh duh! I'm really sorry, I know this has been an incredibly long time but I'm back on a roll, I promise! Thanks to all Disney films ever (for making such wonderful villains), Agatha Christie and Miss Marple (again!) and a special mention goes to Catherine of Aragon and Cardinal Wolsey (history geek in the house!) Next time...for the first time in a long time, Vic gets to properly talk to Teddy...

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