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What If? by patronus_charm
Chapter 1 : The Trigger
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 21

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Everyone said I had made the right decision, but they weren’t the one who had to live with it. Forced to deal with the repercussions of uttering that single word and made to think what if, every day. Living with uncertainty was a lot more unpleasant than most people anticipated it to be.

The thing with what if was that I would never really know if it would have happened like that anyway. I would just have to deal with the consequences of the decisions I made and just be left with my wondering.

No one could understand what I was going through. They thought I was that ‘perfect’ daughter of two thirds of the Golden Trio. Having all that pressure on me to succeed in life, and to lead a bright new future for the wizarding population carried a lot of expectations. The biggest one of them all was not to fail. Something certainly harder to avoid doing then I would have thought a few years ago.

Sat here now, on the day I had been dreading since I said the word ‘yes’, I contemplated everything I had either said or done in my life so far. I must have something to show for being alive for twenty-seven years.

I mean, what if Scorpius hadn’t applied for that job? What if we hadn’t broken up? What if I hadn’t begun dating his best friend, Xander Zabini? What if I hadn’t said yes to possibly the most important question anyone’s ever asked me?

I shouldn’t really be dreading today, after all, it was meant to be ‘the happiest day of my life’; yet, I couldn't help but recall how this spiral of events first started. I guess the best place to start would be my first encounter with Scorpius Malfoy.

Albus, Dominique, and I were all standing together in the line with all the other first years waiting to be sorted. One boy stood alone, distanced from the crowd of the other first years. All three of us could immediately tell who he was from his infamous platinum blonde hair. My father’s words still resonated inside of my head. Fear to go against parental rule prevented my natural instinct of going to keep him company from kicking in.

The sorting passed rather slowly. We didn’t really hold much care over who was sorted into which house, as we didn’t yet know them. The topic of Victoire and Teddy being caught kissing was one of a lot more interest, anyhow. It was only when Professor Longbottom called the name, Scorpius Malfoy, that we paid any attention to the ceremony.

I felt rather sorry for him at this point. He almost tripped up the stairs due to his nerves. His hands were visibly shaking when he placed the sorting hat onto his head. The sense of unease was further in forced due to him remaning on the stool for a further two minutes before the hat proclaimed its decision.

A hat stall it was called. When the hat was unsure of where to sort you, leading to a prolonged period of sitting on the chair. I remember feeling particularly proud of my ability to recall the meaning.

“Ravenclaw,” the hat cried loudly. Its answer echoed throughout the room, as we still sat in an eerie silence.

I was too caught up in my thoughts about the implications Scorpius's sorting, that I nearly missed Albus’ own sorting. Of course there was no question of where he was going. With Harry and Ginny as his parents he was destined for Gryffindor. He seemed glad with the hat's choice and scampered over to a free seat by Victoire and James.

Dominique, too, ended up in Gryffindor, and was rewarded by a massive smile by her sister who usually ignored her. That was how important it was you see, as the Weasley family had always been Gryffindors, never had one not been in that house. It was just a shame that I had to come along and buck that trend.

When the hat proclaimed me as a Ravenclaw, my first thought was how my dad would react. Ron Weasley was probably one of proudest Gryffindors around and would surely be devastated by the fact his first child wasn’t sorted into it his own house. My mum would be a different story, however. She wasn’t called the brightest witch of her age for nothing.

As I shuffled over to the Ravenclaw table I had no idea where to go. I was so sure about being in Gryffindor, and that I would enjoy my first feast with my cousins, I didn’t plan on what I would do if I ended up elsewhere. So I went and sat with the only other person who could understand how I felt as we were in the same situation. Scorpius Malfoy. The exact person I was meant to not 'get too friendly with'.

I was pulled back to the present by the arrival of my three bridesmaids, Dom, and my two other cousins, Lily and Roxanne. I asked Victoire as well, but she declined saying they were meant to look virginal, so if one was six months pregnant it would look weird.

I probably should have asked Lucy and Molly, Uncle Percy’s daughters, but then again I didn't really know them. Plus if I went about inviting all my family to be bridesmaids there would be no one left in the pews.

“Rose! Isn’t this so exciting? I can't wait to be your bridesmaid, it’ll be my first time, thanks to Teddy and Victoire eloping,” Lily piped up excitedly. She still hadn’t forgiven those two for running off to Scotland and not telling anyone. They probably did it so she didn’t try and attempt to plan every aspect of their wedding day, like she’d done with mine.

“Yeah, I can wait.”

“Hey, Rose. Can I just have a quick word with you?” Dom asked. Oh Merlin, I did not like the sound of that. What on earth did she want?

“Sure,” I said standing up with some difficulty. Damn wedding dress, it had far too many layers for its own good. I managed to remain upright while walking over to the corner of the room where Dominique stood.

I knew picking this dress would be a mistake. It had a ridiculously long train, too many layers and it was too puffy. So, all in all, not practical at all. Lily and Dom had chosen it for me. They dragged me to Dom's French cousin's shop in Paris and everyone proclaimed the dress as 'the one', so I just got it to shut them all up.

“I know it’s a bit late asking this now, but are you sure you want to marry Xander? It’s just for the past few weeks you’ve seemed more and more distant. You’ve barely replied to any of my owls, and that’s so unlike you.”

“Of course I’m sure. Since when have I been less than a hundred per cent certain in a decision I make? I’m a Ravenclaw, I think things through unlike you hot headed Gryffindor lot.” I tried to make a joke out of it so Dom didn’t try and pry any further.

Ok. I may have lied just a little. When Xander and I first started dating I had just broken up with Scorpius, who was, incidentally, his best friend. That obviously made things awkward for the three of us, so Scorpius just fell out of contact with us. So I didn't really know how I felt about a person I hadn't seen for years.

“Oh good, I just wanted to make, given that Scorpius is moving back to London,” Dominique said, sounding nonplussed about the fact my ex boyfriend who had never really gotten over was moving back to the city where I lived.

“Wait, Scorpius is moving back, and he didn’t even let me know? He could have at least sent me an owl or just something!” I knew we hadn't spoken in a while, but I would have thought he would tell me something like this.

“Yeah Albus told me, who was told by Uncle Harry, who interviewed him for the new position in the Auror department. He got bored with living in Switzerland, as there aren’t that many dark wizards out there, given how peace loving they are.”

I mean, how could he be moving back? And now, of all the times he could have chosen. I was already contemplating the biggest decision of my life, and for him to come along and make me doubt it even more. He already messed me around once, he didn't need to come back and do it again.

Thinking of Scorpius moving back to Britain brought me back to the time he first kissed me.

Scorpius and I quickly became firm friends throughout the first weeks of Hogwarts. This was much to the chagrin of our respective fathers, who had still not gotten over their school day hatred of one another. We found out we actually had a lot of similarities considering we came from two completely different types of backgrounds. Both of us feeling that we didn’t completely fit in with our families.

In my case, I was one of the quieter ones of the mainly boisterous Weasley family. Instead of joining in with family games of Quidditch, I preferred to stay inside and read a book. I wasn’t lonely, as I was usually joined by Mum and Uncle Percy, who were also indifferent to the popular wizarding sport. I just missed out on these 'bonding occasions', as they called them, so I was never as close to my relatives as they were with one another.

Scorpius felt like an outsider too, due his fondness of all things muggle. He revelled in the muggle world whenever he briefly encountered it. This was to his displeasure of his father and mother, Draco and Astoria Malfoy. Though they weren’t as extreme in their views towards muggles as they had been before, they still could only just tolerate their presence. To have a son who loved that world was seen as a massive disappointment to them.

By fifth year, I was as close to him as I was to Dominique and Albus, and we three had all been brought up together.

One night, when there was a full moon in the sky we decided to take advantage of it. Being the Ravenclaws that we were, we ventured to the top of the Astronomy Tower and used the clear, illuminated sky as a chance to finish our star charts.

As it was early November we could see Scorpius’ namesake shining brightly against the navy blue backdrop of the sky. I revelled in the beauty of it and couldn’t help but think ever since the summer holidays, Scorpius was a lot better looking, and mature than he had been previously. This had not gone unnoticed by the rest of the female population at Hogwarts, and every week or so he was asked out by another girl. Every time he had refused, saying he was waiting for just the right person for him.

I sort of hoped that right person for him was me, but knowing that would be impossible as we were just best friends. Besides, it would be plain weird if one of us fancied the other, so I didn’t bother getting my hopes too high.

When we had finally finished out star charts we sat on the edge of the tower. Our legs dangled below us while we enjoyed our view of the grounds beneath us which were currently basked in a pearly sheen.

That was when he kissed me. It was abrupt and unexpected to say the least. After all, it was only a swift peck on my cheek.

“I’m so sorry Rose, I didn’t mean to kiss you, I don’t know what came over,” Scorpius said, sounding highly embarrassed.

“It’s fine,” I replied, even though it wasn’t. I had been imagining this moment for months now, and for it to finally happen, and to have Scorpius pretend he didn’t mean it, wasn’t exactly what I wanted. Deciding to channel my parent’s Gryffindor courage, I turned to face Scorpius who seemed to have a wistful expression upon his face. I knew if I didn’t act now, nothing would ever change, so I decided to take a chance, and play in the game of life.

I placed my lips firmly on top of his own and was glad to find that the kiss was being reciprocated by him as well.

After we had managed to detach ourselves after a very heated couple of minutes, Scorpius said, “Rose, forget about what I said earlier, about not meaning it, I did mean it. I’ve liked you since fourth year. It’s just I wasn’t sure what you thought of me, and with our parents, I was worried it would never work out.”

“You’ve liked me for so long, and you never did anything about it?” I asked wearily. “If only you knew, how long I’ve liked you.”

“I guess we’ve just been waiting blindly for each other then,” he laughed. “But what about our parents, are you sure you want to go through with this?”

“Of course I am, I’ve never been so sure.” I decided I wanted to end this conversation and return to a more preferable action, so I silenced him with a kiss.

I shouldn't be wasting time thinking back to my first kiss. I mean, it was my wedding day! Surely I should be preparing for the ceremony or something. All I had done so far was get into my dress and have my hair done. I was normally prepared for something at least two hours before it began, not this.

I just didn't have the motivation to get ready. To continue the day. It felt as if something held me back. and prevented me from continuing on in my life. It felt like a bad decision had been made or something monumental was about to happen.

Well, I always knew that my life had reached some crossroads, and that I had to make a decision. It was just whether the decision I was meant to be making was the right one for me or not.

Authors Note: Thank you for taking your time to read this, I’ve never written next generation before, so this is my first time, probably why this if for shazalupin’s the out of the comfort zone challenge ;D So let me know what you think, and more should follow soon!

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