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To Build a Home by vibrant_leaves
Chapter 1 : Gone.
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 2

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I highly recommend listening to 'To Build a Home' by the Cinematic Orchestra featuring Patrick Watson while you read this. Also, I'd love to hear what you thought, since this is my first time posting on this site!

She’s my best friend. How could I not cry for Her, over Her coffin, with Her lying so perfectly inside it.


Her hands folded over Her stomach, and Her eyes.  They’re closed.

My mother is there. “We have to go.” she says.


My mother doesn't understand, because She was special, and if I leave, She’s gone Forever.  

They’ll bury Her in the ground.  And She’ll never see the Sunlight that She loved ever again.  And that is Unbearable.

“No!”  I scream.


My mother takes me anyway.  Brings me home. Makes me tea.  It used to help me. I once drank it when She and I fought.  That’s the only thing I can think about now.

I break the mug on the tile.  It shatters.  Like my heart.

And I am crying.  And my mother is crying.  And my world is falling apart.  I can hardly breathe

And then it is September and I am at school.  


And it is her birthday and people are crying.


Like they knew her.  Like they were friends.

I sit in Divination and tap my fingers against my knee, and stare into the crystal ball, and look at the teacher that we made jokes about.

And I bite my lip and look away, and pretend not to hurt.

Then it is December.  How did that happen?


And I am outside and it is so, so cold. Dreadfully cold, like I feel sometimes.  I am sitting in the middle of the lake, because it is frozen over.  I sit like we used to do.


 And we’d tell each other secrets, and dream about all we’d do.  We never thought something may happen to either of us.


We were friends forever.  And nothing could change that.

But now there’s just me.

And I feel broken.

And then it’s March, and I am standing at the top of the Astronomy Tower.  Contemplating falling.

Falling so fast and hard, and hitting the ground, and then it is over, and I can be with her.  I hug her, and we’re best friends again, and we tell each other secrets.  And we do everything together.

I hear footsteps, and the bubble pops, and I’m back in reality.  He is here. He asks what I’m doing here.

I say “Nothing, let’s go inside.”  And we do.

When he’s not looking, I wipe away that lone tear, the one that he failed to see,

And then it is June.  The day she died.  It is the last day of school.  And he is with me.  And so is she.

My new friend, she's different from Her.  Sometimes I hate both of them.  And sometimes it’s just Her, for leaving me here with Them.  It’s not fair.

She’d want me to be happy, I know.  But how can I, when She’s not here?  It seems impossible.  Even after a year.  A whole 365 days.  


Without Her.

The next day, I go for a walk.


It is the first day of summer, and I want to be alone.  So I go to the river.  To our place.

I balance on the edge, and this is my mistake.  Or is it on purpose?  I don’t know. But a pedestrian.  A man. He walks past me.  And brushes my shoulder.  And I'm so light.  I fall in.

It is a river. The current takes me.  Sweeps me under.

I reach for the surface.  Fight for a little.  And then I relax.  Go numb, because I can see Her.

She’s waiting for me.  Her arms are open.  I fall into them.  In relief.  


It’s over.

When the gusts came around to blow me down
Held on as tightly as you held onto me
Held on as tightly as you held onto me...

{patrick watson - to build a home}

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