a/n sensitive topic ahead
James was meant to return today but I wasn’t too sure when so I was trying to research if he won or not before he came so it looked like I had some interest in it.
Ah well, I’m betting that they lost.
Don’t look at me like that! The chasers are okay and the beaters were really good but the seeker and the keeper were hopeless. I mean, I know that I’m awful at Quidditch but I didn’t try out for a professional team.
It was about ten at night and I really wanted to sleep but I wanted to see James. These past two weeks had been quite boring because everyone else was at work and/or doing other things.
I put a movie on and curled up on the couch with Lionel. The movie started and immediately I started falling asleep.
“Reese?” a voice whispered. I scrunched my eyes and mumbled something incoherent.
“Reese, come on. Wake up.” The voice was now accompanied with a shake of my shoulder. “Reese, you need to get up.”
I opened my eyes finally and waited for them to focus. “James?” I mumbled, rubbing my eyes.
“Yeah?” I looked at him, and he was smiling at me. I stared at him for a moment before throwing my arms around him, snuggling into his collar bone.
“I missed you so much,” I muttered, feeling like a sap. He laughed and wrapped his arms around me, kissing my cheek.
“I missed you too. How’s the peanut doing?”
I laughed and said, “Kicking me like a kung-fu ninja. How were the games?” He faltered and I pulled away from him, worried. “What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Well, we were playing the Tornadoes, Roxy’s team right?” I nodded and he continued, “Well, Roxy got some game time and since she knows my plays like the back of her hand she kept intercepting and I kept intercepting hers, and after Mullens caught the Snitch the coach came up to me and Roxy to just do a play together because he wanted to see how we worked together.” I nodded again, trying to take it all in. “And so we did and he wanted to give me a spot.”
My mouth dropped. “James! That’s amazing! Did you take it?!”
He shook his head. “They offered me less money and I said I’d talk to you and Nadine about it.” Nadine being his ‘agent’. She wasn’t the greatest agent to put it nicely.
Honestly, she was mostly full of horse shit.
I hesitated. “James, do you want to take it?”
He bit his lip and sat down next to me. “I don’t know. I know I’ll get more opportunities being with the Tornadoes, not to mention we’ll actually win, and eventually I’ll get more money. But…”
I said gently, “If you want to take it, take it. I’m just going to say that I didn’t get the job and although it’ll make things a bit more difficult, I think we can get through this.”
He looked at me and yawned. “I really want to take this, Reese.”
I smiled and rested my head on his shoulder. “I know you do. So just take it.” His hand curled around my hip and brought me closer to him.
“Are you sure?” he whispered into my hair. I nodded and he relaxed slightly.
“I think we’ll be okay,” I mumbled, before closing my eyes.
I woke up and looked over to James, where he had his face buried in the pillow. I decided not to wake him and padded off to the kitchen to eat something. Lionel was purring, sitting in James’ shoes.
“Do you like James better than me?” I asked, offended. He just purred even louder and went to sleep.
I couldn’t believe this! I have been Lionel’s owner for seven years and he preferred James over me! James! Who didn’t even like him!
I grumbled at Lionel and started making some pancakes. I swear to God, that cat was smirking. I sighed and poured the batter into the frying pan. I had nearly made all of them when I heard a loud thump accompanied with a yowl.
I turned around and James was getting off the floor looking sheepish. “I may or may not have stood on Lionel’s tail.”
I rolled my eyes. “I think he prefers you by the way. When you were gone he was really grumpy. So you’ll probably be forgiven.” He laughed and walked over towards me, giving me a kiss.
I happily obliged and wrapped my arms around his neck, quickly turning the stove off. I ran my hands down his shirtless shoulders and he grinned against my lips.
“I’ve missed this,” I said as he pressed kisses down my neck. I could feel him smirking as his hands slid lower and lower down my back.
“Mmm… me too.” He pulled away from my neck and returned to my lips, his hands going to the side of my hips. I tightened my grip on him and crushed myself as close as I could.
His hands had started to go down much lower and I was sure my varnish was purple by now.
James was twirling my hair around his finger as he explained the two games to me. I nodded, trying to understand it but failing. There was something about a shimmy and it made me snort, thinking of all the Quidditch players on their broomsticks with sequined suits dancing to ‘Blame it on the Boogie’.
He stopped playing with my hair and I said, “Erm, James?”
“Yeah?” he asked, putting his head back on the couch and closing his eyes.
I hesitated. “Well, I accidentally appointed Rose as the godmother to the baby because –”
His eyes flicked open and he snapped, “What?!”
“I – uh, um,” I stuttered and he stood up abruptly.
“Did you just say you made Rose the godmother of our kid, without consulting me first?” he asked dangerously.
I bit my lip nervously and said, “Yes but –”
“Are you fucking kidding me?!” he asked loudly. I stared at him. “I’ve done so much fucking stuff for you and you don’t even consult me about it?!”
“No, Reese, listen to me! I’ve given you a place to live, security and all the support I can give you! And what do I get in return? A moody bitch who thinks she can do whatever the fuck she wants?!”
I stood up and yelled, “LET ME TALK FOR FUCKS SAKE! IF YOU HAD LISTENED TO ME, YOU MIGHT UNDERSTAND WHY!” He blinked and I snapped, “Look, Rose has had problems with her period –”
“Reese, I don’t want to listen to that crap!” he said harshly.
“Let. Me. Talk.” I said fiercely. “She’s had a lot of problems, since she was fifteen. And she found out she couldn’t have kids and I said I’d share the baby with her because I felt bad! I felt horrible, James! Look at me, we had a one-night stand and got a kid, she could have been trying for years and would never be as lucky as us! She was crying so much and she had to leave work because of it! She’s got like three weeks off now!”
He blinked and I said, “Look, if that wasn’t the case, I wouldn’t have even thought about godparents. I probably would have just let you pick!”
He sat back down on the couch and I plopped myself next to him. “James?” I asked tentatively.
He grunted. “Sorry. I just don’t like when you do things without telling me,” he grumbled.
I rested my head on his shoulder. “Don’t worry about it, I am a moody bitch.”
He blushed. “You aren’t. I mean, you’re a bit moody, but it pisses me off when you do things without even asking me. It’s my kid too, Reese. It feels like you forget about that sometimes.”
I snuggled into his neck and mumbled, “I’m sorry. I think I do. It’s just that this has been so crazy, for the both of us, and I don’t know how to handle it.” He wrapped an arm around me and pulled me close, pressing a kiss to the side of my head.
“Don’t worry; it’s not like I know what to do either. But we have heaps of support as well, it isn’t like we’re isolated, which you always think you are.”
I faltered as I felt a twinge at my stomach. James noticed my expression and sat bolt upright. “Are you okay?!”
I nodded. “I’m fine, I’m fine,” I said once the pain had gone away.
“Probably just me getting stretch marks or something.” He looked at me warily and I said, “Don’t worry about it.”
I snuggled myself up against him and propped my feet up on the armrest of the couch. “James, I have to tell you something else as well.”
He shuffled and got himself comfortable. “Yeah?”
I took a deep breath and said, “Okay, do you remember when you were in sixth year and I was in fifth year I went missing for like two months?”
He squinted his eyes. “Didn’t you say your grandmother was ill?”
I nodded against his side. “Well, truth be told, my grandmother had died when I was seven, just after I first did magic.” He tensed, but didn’t say anything so I continued, “Well, I was in a really bad place. I’ve had depression since I was thirteen –” There was an intake of breath at this. “–and, um, when I was fifteen I tried to kill myself…”
He sat up and stared at me. “What?”
I said, “Look, I was in a super bad place. Rose found me before anything got way out of hand and she dragged me to the Hospital Wing and I was transferred to St. Mungos for two months and they gave me potions and therapy and all this other crap. That’s also part of the reason I let Rose be the godmother, because she saved my life. Literally. Ginny and Hermione visited me nearly every day and then Harry and Ron did as well, and eventually all your aunts and uncles knew about it but they didn’t breathe a word to anyone else because I begged them not to.”
He didn’t say anything and I said, “Look James, I understand this is a lot to take in but –”
“Did your parents visit you?” he interrupted me abruptly.
I shook my head. “No. Muggles can’t go in St. Mungos. Unless they’re the ones with the magical problem or something, but Blake knew. I haven’t told them, unless you count when I was yelling at them when I told them I was pregnant, but other than that, no. I didn’t want them to visit me.”
He was silent and chewed on the inside of his cheek. “But, I don’t get why you would do something like that?” he asked confusedly.
“Because I felt alone. I felt like no one cared about me and that it would be better if I died.” He frowned and pulled me into a hug.
“That’s bullshit, Reese. If something happened to you, our whole family would have been devastated. You’re basically one of us.”
I smiled and said, “I know that now, but before, I was messed up James. People with depression don’t see the world clearly. They might have all the support in the world, their parents could love them, their siblings could be perfect but they still think they’re alone. You feel like you’re standing by yourself while the rest of the world is on the other side, separated by a wall. But what you don’t see is all the people standing behind you, ready to catch you if you fall.”
He blinked and I felt the baby kick. “And that’s why I needed to tell you this, James. I could be more susceptible to post-natal depression and I need you to be able to get me to the hospital if it does happen, or I do something. I won’t be thinking clearly and I don’t want to hurt the baby but I don’t know what I’d do if I did get it. I just need you to say that you’ll protect our baby and you won’t let me do anything.”
He gave me a kiss and said, “I’m never going to let anything happen to you, or to the baby. Okay?”
I nodded and I could feel myself tearing up. “James, I’m so sorry for all this extra baggage. Most people have one bag; I have a whole bloody wardrobe.”
He laughed and I wiped my eyes with my sleeves. “I’m so grateful for you, I really am. You’re one of the greatest people I know.”
“Of course I am,” he said smugly.
“Way to ruin the moment.” I sniffled and laughed.
He grinned and said, “I don’t care how much baggage you have, I don’t care that we’re most likely going to struggle for years and I don’t care how many dirty looks and comments we’ll get when all this goes public, all I care about is that you’re happy and safe.”
I stared at him, dumbfounded for a moment and said, “I love you, I really do.”
“I really do, too,” he said, winking at me.
Hey guys! Hope you liked the chapter, it was a bit on the short side but I hope you enjoyed it anyway. :)
I'm going away for eight days so by the time this comes out I'll probably be gone. I'll have ZERO internet access (I'm going on a cruise! uyfvudijvhdbhd I'm so excited!) so the next chapter won't be up for a while. It's all written so never fear! :D
Anyway, please review (I want it to get to 100 reviews - I'll love you forever) and thanks for reading! :D
*disclaimer: Blame it on the Boogie is Jackson Five's and not mine. :)