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12 Fail Safe Ways to Charm Witches: The Revised Edition by Irobbedgringottsandgotaway
Chapter 8 : Which Comes First - The Bro or the Chick?
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 2

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Disclaimer: Anything recognizable belongs to JK Rowling.

Sorry for the wait! Enjoy and review!



There came a time, around January, when the integrity of the Dare Jar Club was taken into peril.

There were two challenges made in one week.

The first being a unanimous tip from the Slytherins that our little 'pranks' had fallen short in the past month.

The second was when Taylor and I had been pulled into McGonagall's office.

"Mister Potter, Miss Ackford, I have been informed that you two have banded a sort of secret society focused primarily on bringing down the school." She stated.

We both started talking at once:

"Pshaw. That isn't us, why would someone do something so ridiculous?"

"What? Who accused us of such slander?"

McGonagall simply rubbed her eyes, sighing. "I'm getting too old for this job. How would you like to explain the showcase you two performed two months ago in the Great Hall."

I spoke first, clearing my throat. "Professor, that was hardly slander. We simply lost a bet, and provided some class-A entertainment for the students. We would never wish to actually disturb the tranquillity of such a well-established system for education."

She cocked an eyebrow. "That was well put, Mr. Potter. But I have recieved quite a bit of evidence that links the two of you to a rising secret society known as the "Dare Club" or something of the sorts, so I would suggest that the next time you or your group decides to inflict turbelence onto this school in a bad manner, I will ask that you refrain."

"Er.. yes, of course Professor. Wouldn't dream of it." Taylor said, getting up, ready to leave.

I stand, joining her to leave. "Of course, won't happen." I agree.

"You two may leave now. Good day." McGonagall says, and Taylor and I leave the office.

In the corridor, I walk alongside Taylor.

For some reason, Taylor has been pretty distant lately, more so around the past month or so, and I can't figure out why.

My life is going great, or it would be if Taylor would be my friend again.

I'm currently dating Ashley Pierce, and things are going great.

Quidditch is fantastic, after winning our first game against Hufflepuff the team had a lot of fun, but now we are encroaching on the Slytherin game and practices have been going well.

Christmas break was pretty "bangin'" as Taylor always says. She and Brad were busy visting their great aunt or something, so they couldn't come with our family. But it was great seeing the cousins, and everybody is super excited because my brother's getting married in a couple of months, and people were taking bets on my cousin Fred and his girlfriend.

"So I guess we should hold a meeting tonight then?" Taylor asks, interuppting my train of thoughts.

"Yeah." I say, shaking my head out of the gutter. Then I remember something. "Oh, shoot. I'm supposed to meet up with Ashley tonight."

Taylor's face constricts into a scowl. "Well, we wouldn't want you to blow off your girlfriend, would you?"

Do I detect sarcasm? "No, it's fine, I'll just meet up with her earlier. Let's meet in the astronomy tower at midnight."

"Fine. You can tell the guys. I'll be seeing Scorp, John, and Frank in the library soon, so I can tell them. You just have to alert Brad and Tanner."

Is it just me or has she been spending a lot of time with Scorp recently? It's almost like there's something going on... No, that's ridiculous.

"Ok, I guess I'll see you then?" I say somewhat awkwardly.

"Yep. You will. Bye." She says, then diverts paths towards the library.

I sigh. I miss my best friend.


"So, we are brought together for a number of reasons tonight." I begin at the meeting.

"First is that the Slytherins know that we haven't pulled anything on them recently and they're getting pretty cocky. Not to mention that the game is coming up."

Tanner grinned, pumping his fists together. "So, who will be taking point on this one?"

"Well, that's the other thing. Taylor and I have been suspected of leading this group, so we have to lay low for a while. So we're going to need an alibi when the rest of you guys lead this task." I explain.

"Like being stuck in detention." Frank suggests.

"Exactly." I say. "We'll work on that in a minute, but for now, who wants to do the honors of pulling a dare from the jar?"

Brad raises his hand.

We all nod at him, and he takes the jar, reaching into it and drawing out a slip of paper.

He clears his throat dramatically. "Lace the Slytherins' water supply with Love Potion."

I grin. This is a good one. "So you guys need a plan."

"Well, John's our best grease man, and I'm best at covering up our tracks, so we can be the ones who go in and get our hands dirty." Brad starts.

"And we're going to need someone to take gaurd positions outside the common room as well as by the stairs." Frank points out. "Tanner and I can do that if Scorp agrees to acquire the potion."

Scorp nods. "Fine by me. I know a guy."

Taylor raises an eyebrow, but says nothing.

Tanner and Frank discuss how they're going to get the most effective methods for keeping the Slytherins asleep and in the dormitory.

"And then me and Al still need a way to get detention, and it can't have anything to do with pranking or McGonagall will have us pinned for the secret society bit." Taylor says.

Scorp's eyes light up. "I have an idea."

"What kind of an idea?" I ask warily.

"It's perfect. But I have to work some kinks out. But it'd be ready to go by tomorrow night. Then we'll know when we can put the big plan in motion."

Taylor and I exchange glances, weary of one of Scorp's grand plans, but nod and decide to let him take this one. If Taylor trusts him, then so do I.


So, there's no way in hell I'd normally trust Scorp on such a job, but he'd had a really rough week. Rose had called him a slimy bastard for trying to study with her. So I decided to just let the kid run with it and see what happens.

I mean, whatever he did, there wasn't exactly room for any idiot stuff.


"So Scorp, what's this genius plan you have concocted for me and Al?" I asked as Scorp and I met in the library to write our Transfiguration papers together.

"I can't tell you now, but be ready by ten-thirty in the Common Room." He says, smirking.

I cock an eyebrow. "What exactly does this involve?"

"I don't want to spoil it yet, but think about it. There were only a couple of things I could choose from to get you a detention without you getting pinned for pranking."

I nodded.

"For example, turning the Great Hall into an ice rink is out, because that's a prank. Talking back to a teacher is just rude, and will lose more house points than necessary. Anything having to do with Quidditch is out as we need you two for the game. And anything involving cheating or vandalism is out." He explains.

I narrow my eyes, still confused as to what he has planned, but he quickly changes the subject.

I decide that whatever it is shouldn't be too bad. And I'll find out soon enough.


"You want us to do what?" I nearly shout at Scorpious.

He sighs. "See, this is why I didn't want to tell you. I knew this would happen. Now I'm going to have to do this by force, and you're going to hate me for it."

"Do what by force?"

He performs a Silencio charm and scoops me up, throwing me over his shoulder and leaving the Common Room.

Scorpious. Hyperion. Malfoy. is. going. to. die.

I pound on his back and he whispers how sorry he is, and how it's for the team, and that it's for my own good, a bunch of bullshit if I ever heard it.

He then pushes me into a Broom Cupboard and closes the door behind me, simultaneously removing the Silencio charm.

Several minutes later, I can hear his voice again, arguing with a second person from where I sit on the ground, seething.

"What exactly do you have planned here Scorpious that requires me to hide in a Broom Cupboard?"

"While, really you're not hiding. You want to be found. I know for a fact the head girl patrols this corridor at night from ten to midnight tonight, and you're going to be caught outside your common room."

"Crouched down in a Broom cupboard?"

"No. Snogging in a Broom closet making a huge ruckus past curfew."


Then the two voices are right there, and the door flies open, Scorp and Al stepping in before the door slams shut again.

Then the panic of the situation reaches me.

"Scorpious Hyperion Malfoy, I am not going through with this ridiculous and idiotic plan of yours, never in a million years." I say, standing up to face my captor.

"What is Taylor doing here? Is she part of the..." The plan finally dawns on him. "Scorpious, this is a terrible idea. First of all, I have a girlfriend, and second of all..."

"I can't kiss Al!" I interrupt.

"Oi, calm down. All I'm asking is that you two get caught 'snogging' in the broom cupboard. You and I both know that this is the best and easiest option."

We both glare at him.

"Oh, come on, you have to admit this is like, the perfect plan!" He exclaims. "Do it for the team! We're counting on you guys! It's just one itty bitty kiss, you guys have done it before!"

I scowl. Al looks slightly confuzzled.

I look at Al to find him looking at me. He looks thoughtful, like he's actually considering it.

I can't help but want to kiss him. To feel his lips press against mine, to feel the butterflys rise up in my stomach. But Al has a girlfriend now, and we're not on great terms at the moment. But it is for the team... Al sees this in my expression.

"Fine, we'll do it." Al says. "As long as Ashley never hears about this. I know Penny, and she won't tell anyone, and the teachers won't care. But not a word of this to anybody outside this closet."

"Of Course." Scorp says, backing towards the door. "Well, I think I hear her coming, so I'm gonna scoot and leave you two to it."

He leaves and it's just me and Al in the dark, a sliver of warm light stretches across Al from the crack in the doorway. His hair is disheveled as always, and he's wearing a snug T-shirt and sweatpants.

"So, we should do this, get it over with. Do it for the team. I'm sure this is covered by the bro code somehow." He says, blabbering slightly.

"Yeah, it'll be like any old bro favor. Bros before Hos afterall." I say. "Not that your girlfriend's a ho, or anything." I say, backtracking quickly. "It's just that, you know, we should put the group's needs before ours, or whatever. Ok, well I think I hear someone coming, so we should probably-"

Al interuppted me by placing his lips firmly against mine.

It wasn't like fireworks exploded or anything, that'd be ridiculous, but I still had to repress the shiver that threatened to work through my body. Al smelt like I felt super lightheaded all of a sudden, but was still aware enough to notice where Al's warm hands rested in my hair and against the small of my back.

I pulled us back slightly so that we were right up next to the door, where whoever was patrolling could easily see movement.

Kissing Al was like experiencing a breath of fresh air. But I knew that in moments he would be ripped away from me yet again, pretty much forever, so I tightened my hold for the last few seconds of the kiss before the door flew open and light entered the small, dark cupboard.

A blonde Seventh Year Gryffindor I recognized as Louis Weasley stood there with a devilish smile on his face when he discovered who he had just caught snogging in a broom cupboard.

Al gave me a look that clearly said, "we're screwed".

We were utterly screwed out of proportion.


When I was in the Third Year, my brother taught me the golden rule: Bros before Hos.

He would always bring up this rule at random points, highlighting the specific things this rule entailed.

"Albus, when the time comes when you become attracted to a bro's ex girlfriend, simply don't do it. It goes against the bro code, ethics, and all religion."

There were the more common and obvious rules,

"Albus Severus, don't ever ditch you best bro for some random girl. Ever. Even if she has the prettiest shiniest hair and smells like a Unicorn's arse."

And there were the more obscure amendums.

"Lil' Potter, if you ever happen to encounter a girl at the end of the summer before school, always ask if she likes ribs and lemonade before you even consider dating her, as the answer to that question affects how she can hang out with you for the rest of your relationship and with your bros."

But I knew for a fact that when your bros needed you to do something important, you should do it, even if the girl is against it, as in your girlfriend of several weeks.

So when Scorp, a bro, asked Taylor (an unofficial bro) and I to briefly snog so as to secure the safety of our group's future, the chivalrous answer was of course, to do it.

But damn. I underestimated Taylor's snogging powers.

Big time.

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