Chapter 25 : AntePartum
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He was still sleeping peacefully but I needed to be out of here soon, I had a 9:30 appointment to see how the baby was doing. And even though I didn't want to I knew I would have to wake him up before I left.
Or maybe not. I heard the latch of the bathroom door. I looked through the frosted glass of the huge shower's doors and saw him enter into the room. I could only see his basic outline but I knew he could also see mine. He sat back against the counter, watching me through the glass. I knew he could not possibly be seeing much of my body and I also knew that that would be driving him crazy. I slowly washed parts of me, very aware that he was there.
Finally he pushed himself off the counter, with a low groan, and pulled off what little clothes he had been wearing. He came over and opened the shower door and slipped in behind me. "Morning my love" he murmured as he wrapped his arms around me.
I leaned back against him. "Morning" I sighed. I had been in the middle of washing my hair but he ran his hands up my body and then pushed my hands away. He massaged my head as he wash my hair, which felt sinfully good.
When he finished he turned me around and kissed me softly. "I liked having you back here last night." He smiled.
"I loved being here." I winked at him. He smirked wickedly back at me before burying his face in my neck, kissing softly. "Oh Draco, I really can't to this right now.” Much to my dismay.
He pulled his mouth away from my skin. “Why not?” He asked softly, I could still feel his breath.
“I'm running late as it is.” I mumbled back to him.
He cocked his head. “For what exactly?”
"I have an appointment at 9:30, so as much as I hate to say it, I really need to get going." I mumbled pushing him away softly.
"An appointment? For what exactly?" He asked, suddenly concerned.
I rolled my eyes and smiled at him. " What do you think? " I asked sarcastically, pointing down at my growing stomach. It still wasn't huge, but it was big enough. It was starting to round off, making me look less just fat and more actually pregnant.
He obviously relaxed. "Oh, duh." He rolled his eyes back at me before pulling my body closer to his.
I leaned against him. "Wait." I mumbled pulling back. "Doesn't this bother you?" I continued to mumble as I once again pointed to my stomach. I had thought about this before.
"I thought we have been over this. " He sighed.
"That's not what I mean." I murmured. "I mean...sleeping with me while I'm pregnant."
"I honestly did not give it a second thought. Nothing about it seems weird to me .” He shrugged.
Hmm. “Would you want to go with me? To my appointment, I'm sure that will seem weird to you.” I smiled.
“I'd love to.” He smiled, kissing me softly.
We were late to my appointment by almost thirty minutes, we got very very distracted. Oh Draco...what you do to me.
“Hello! Are you Draco Malfoy?” A nurse walked up to us the minute we entered the building, and by us I mean Draco. We really just couldn't go anywhere, could we?
“In the flesh.” He pulled me closer to him, which I liked.
“Awesome!” She was a young nurse, probably still in school and was using this as her hands on portion of her schooling. “I'm Joy, it's a pleasure to meet you. I went to Beauxbatons but I've always had a thing for Slytherins, and I know you're one of the best.”
“Yeah, well you've heard right.” I snapped at her before pulling him along to the counter to sign in.
I signed in and we sat down and waited until my name was called, which wasn't a long wait seeing as they had been expecting me already. He got up with me but I gave him a strange look and he stopped in his tracks.
“Oh..I guess I'll just wait here.” He sat back down and picked up a magazine. I looked over to where the nurse was standing, noticing her checking out him. Nope, he was going with me.
“Actually, I wouldn't mind if you came with me. Unless you don't want to.”
He was on his feet in a second. “Let's go.” He draped an arm around me. I smiled as the nurse rolled her eyes.
The doctor was waiting in the room. “Hello again Miss Granger. I see you brought a guest this time, I'm glad you listened to my recommendation of that.”
“Yes, hello, I'm Draco Malfoy.” He flashed his signature smirk.
“I'm assuming you're the father.” The doctor smiled at Draco. At least this one had enough sense not to flirt with him, unlike her stupid nurse. Still my face fell at her assumption.
He looked at me uneasily before turning back to her. “Well...not genetically... but I'd like to be.” He shrugged.
“Oh!” The doctor put up her hand. “ I didn't mean too pry. Every family is different, each has their own circumstances. I don't judge.” She smiled calmly. She seemed rather nice. I was happy that some people weren't judging me for having him there. “Trust me, I've seen everything.”
What would everyone else say? I knew what they would say. They would all go ballistic. I sighed. I was not looking forward to confronting them about any of this. Maybe I just...wouldn't.
I waited, mostly patiently, as the doctor did everything she had to do. I caught Draco's eyes straying to where the doctor was working and I slapped him in the ribs.
“Oi! What was that for?!” He moved away from me slightly, rubbing his ribs.
I rolled my eyes. “Don't watch her. I don't want to see your eyes down there again.” I mumbled.
He chuckled to himself. “Nothing I haven't seen before.” He mumbled under his breath.
“It's different.” I glared at him. I knew it would be weird if he came in. Why did I even say he could come in with me? Other than to get him away from that nurse.
“Whatever you say love.” He bent down and kissed my forehead, which instantaneously made me feel better. Oh right, that's why I let him come.
“So last time you said you didn't want to know the gender, correct?” The doctor moved over to the computer screen that showed the ultrasound. I didn't pay it much attention. I was looking at the confused look on Draco's face. Yes, yes most mothers can't wait to figure out what their little bundle of joy will be. I...I just wasn't as excited as a normal mother. I was having some troubles with coming to terms with being a mom...still. It's just that when I first found out I knew Ron would hate it and I was also very afraid that it could be Draco's baby. Then when Ron said that he didn't want it, it was even worse. Getting pregnant really turned my whole life upside down and as bad as it made me feel, I resented the baby. Of course I knew it was my own fault, I was careless. I was dealing with it.
“Well, I said I didn't care.” I mumbled to her.
Draco spoke up. “You don't care what it will be or whether you know what the gender is?” He asked me softly.
“Uh...both?” I murmured. I looked up at him. He wanted to know. It was written all over his face as he stared at the monitor, his eyes following every slight movement that played on the screen. He wanted to know every little thing about this life inside me. That's when a thought struck me. He wanted this baby more than I did. That scared me. A man who has been dragged around wants a baby that isn't even his, more than the mother of that baby. I felt terrible.
The doctor spoke again, breaking the pained silence that had fallen. “Would you like to know?”
I looked back at Draco. “Yes, tell me everything.” I attempted a smile.
They both smiled back at me. Draco's entire face lighting up.
“Well..it's pretty clear that this baby is a girl, it's missing some vital male parts.” The doctor winked.
Draco broke out in a broad grin. Ah, this is what he had been hoping for. “A girl.” He mumbled to himself.
The doctor went on to explain more and more about how the baby was developing and how everything looked healthy. Sometime during this Draco had managed to grab my hand in his as he smiled a nodded , listening to everything the doctor had to say.
“Well we're done here, unless you have any questions.” She smiled again. She seemed relieved that I chose to talk more about the baby.
“No. I believe we're set.” I smiled, relieved to be leaving.
She looked me over before speaking again. “Okay, you may go out to the waiting room to wait.” I motioned for Draco to leave.
“Oh, okay.” He smiled warmly. “I'll see you in a minute.” He kissed my hand before letting it go.
She waited until he was fully out of the door before turning back to me.”Miss Granger is anything wrong?” This caught me off guard. Was there? Well...yes, but did I want to bring that up. I didn't want her thinking I was going to be a bad mother. Yet she did say how she didn't judge, that every family was different. Maybe I could talk to her about it.
“Actually...yes.” I started. Okay. How did I say this? “ I just...I don't really feel excited to be pregnant. Oh, that just sounds horrible.” I cried.
“No, no. Go on, explain to me what you mean exactly.” She motioned for me to go on, she seemed relaxed and not at all shocked that I was unhappy about this. This helped me relax a little, but not much.
“Ever since I found out I was pregnant I just haven't been happy. I'm afraid I'm going to be a terrible mother. I don't know why I can't get excited about it, I just can't. And everyone else seems so happy about it when I don't. That just sucks. Draco keeps asking me all these questions, he's so thrilled about it and I can't even halfway match his excitement. Why? What's wrong with me?” I was basically sobbing, stupid hormones.
The doctor sighed. “It sound like you have antepartum depression.”
“And that is?” I asked confused.
“It's not uncommon for a mother to become depressed during pregnancy, although it's usually over looked. This is called antepartum depression. It could be brought upon by family troubles, relationship troubles, past pregnancy problems, any recent traumatic events, etc.” She gave me a reassuring smile.
“So...is there any harm done to the baby?” I asked nervously.
“Well there could be, but you just asking that shows that you care enough not to purposely do anything harmful. If this goes untreated it could lead to premature birth, low birth weight, or developmental problems. But it usually doesn't.”
“Okay...so what do I do to make this go away?” I did feel better knowing why I was feeling this way. I was so stressed about everything that I guess this just broke me.
“Even though you think you're terrible, you're not. There have been much worse cases than yours. Those cases need potions, but we try not to give them to expecting mothers too much. Yours should just go away, but I recommend going to a counselor once a week just to talk through any thoughts you may have. Oh, and tell Mr. Malfoy about this. If he knows maybe he can find ways to get you more excited about this. Let him help, it's obvious he wants to.” She winked at me.
It really was obvious. I knew he wanted to be the father to this baby...this baby girl. I was having a girl, I quite liked that. And I really liked that he was so into this. I was sure that if I could get out of this baby depression, he would be the reason.
Hello my lovelies. It's been forever! I was incredibly busy the first part of Decemeber and then part of December the staff of this site is on their winter break. So I had to wait a while until I could post a new chapter. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it. More is on it's way, soon! Happy reading.
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