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No Ordinary Nutter by Hedwig_Pie
Chapter 8 : Of Nutters and Brotherly Love
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 9

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Chapter 8: Of Nutters and Brotherly Love

When I returned to my dorm room, I must have sighed dreamily. The oh-I-had-a-nice-time sort of sigh. It didn’t come out on purpose, as up until now I had thought it was impossible for me to execute such a sigh. But I executed it alright, and now Elle was giving me the look.

You know what look I’m talking about.

It’s the I-know-you’re-happy-and-it-has-nothing-to-do-with-pies-or-sugar-or-rubber-ducks look.

Damn, I hate that look.

‘Spill, child,’ she ordered.

I shook my head and glanced at clock on my bedside table, 11pm.  I groaned; I should already be deep into the world of sunshine, lollipops and rainbows.

Literally, 45% of my dreams are actually about all things listed above, I tend to blame the ducks.

Or the pies.

Or the sugar.

Elle jumped up off her bed and landed on mine with a squeak, ‘Spill, child!’ she ordered again.

I looked at my other two dorm mates, who were soundly asleep. How did Elle not wake them up? I don’t really talk to them much, Janine and Fran. They’re convinced the eighties are going to make a come-back and they always wear hippie pants and tease their hair up really high. Fran wears weird glasses which are circular and purple, and Janine braids her hair with flowers and sometimes goes days without showering. She says that showering stops her body from rejuvenating.

Which is total bullshit; it just makes her smell worse than Dobby’s socks.

And I shower daily, and my body rejuvenates just fine, thank you very much.

Well, then again, I’m not sure how I can measure my body’s rejuvenation.

Gah, long story short, Elle and I don’t talk to them.


Elle seemed to read my mind, because she scoffed and said, ‘They’re not going to wake up. A whale could be beached in our dorm room all night and they wouldn’t even stir.’

I giggled, ‘They would probably start a protest or something. Hogwarts is evil! Less showers! More whales!’

We laughed, even though the joke wasn’t particularly funny. ‘So,’ Elle started, ‘Stayed out pretty late with James.’

I rolled my eyes and banged her with a pillow, ‘Potter. It’s Potter, and get your mind out of the gutter, you bint. I didn’t sleep with him. Or make out with him. We didn’t even hug!’ I said, rather tragically.

She smiled, ‘You seem rather upset about that.’

I turned red, ‘Psh? What? No. I’m the opposite of upset. I’m joyful. See this face?’ I asked, pointing to my own head, ‘It’s the epitome of joyful.’

Elle laughed, ‘Of course it is, Halle. But I was under the impression you didn’t like him. I’m only talking to him because he’s the only one in my Potions class! And he ignored me for five years,’ Elle mimicked, doing a very good Halle impression.

It was so good; I was a little bit freaked out. ‘Are you a Cyberman? Because that impression succeeded in freaking me out,’ I asked.

Elle furrowed her eyebrows, ‘What’s a Cyberman?’

I cackled evilly, ‘Nothing compared to a Dalek!’

Oh my, I just made a Doctor Who reference. No one ever gets my Doctor Who references, not even the Muggle-borns.

Which I think is silly, because Doctor Who comes pretty close to pies on my list of all-time favourite things.

Don’t judge me for watching Muggle sci-fi shows. I’m still cool!

Nah, we all know I’m not.

‘All of that he ignored me shit, it’s immature. It’s all preconceived notions. Potter is,’ I stopped, waiting for the appropriate word, ‘Nice.’

Elle raised an eyebrow, ‘I can think of about fifty words for James Potter,’ she said, ‘And not one of them is nice.’

True, Potter isn’t exactly your typical boy-next-door. He’s secretive, cryptic, and has the whole tall, dark and handsome thing. I cringed at my poor choice of words, because Potter definitely isn’t nice.

‘Alright,’ I relented, ‘He’s interesting.’

Elle snorted, so I tried a different approach, ‘And he’s Freddie’s best friend.’

Her cheeks turned noticeably pinker.

I smiled, knowing I’d struck a nerve, ‘You know Potter’s the only reason we don’t hang out with the Dom, Connor and Freddie right?’

Since the four were practically inseparable, you just couldn’t hang out with Connor, Dom or Freddie without getting a face full of Potter.

She nodded, ‘Fully aware of said fact.’

‘So if we were to become friends, in a hypothetical situation, would you not have more Freddie-Elle time? Or as I like to call it, Elleddie time?’

She groaned, ‘Worst. Mash-up. Ever.’

I laughed as she threw herself back onto her bed, before whispering, ‘Besides, Freddie’ll never go for me. I’m just that Ravenclaw. And you know it.’

I nearly fell off the bed, ‘Where’s your ‘Claw Cheer? We are fucking awesome. And you are the most awesome person Freddie Weasley could ever ask for. So stop acting like you’re not gorgeous, funny and smart, and spend some time with the boy already!’ I practically shrieked.

Big surprise, Janine and Fran are still asleep.

They must be deaf or something.

And it’s not like I was lying. Elle was beautiful. She had dark, grey, stormy eyes, which were a complete contrast to her wavy blonde hair. Sometimes I made fun of it, saying it was messy, but really it was great, it had that constant I-just-got-out-bed-look-and-I-don’t-need-to-do-anything.

Like a surfer or something.

Her skin was pale, a few shades lighter than my own Caucasian, light coffee tone. And she had great teeth.

Together, we could model for dentists or something. Because we had seriously amazing teeth.

Yeah, that’s what we were known for. People saw us and it was like Damn, they have good teeth!

At least, that’s what the people in my head say.

There’s no way I can say that and not sound crazy, is there?

‘Talk to Freddie tomorrow,’ I challenged, ‘And I’ll talk to Potter.’

She raised an eyebrow, before smirking, ‘Challenge accepted,’ she declared, before turning off the lights with a flick of her wand.


‘Hello all!’ I declared, plopping down next to the Gryffindor Gaggle, plus Al, who were chillaxing by the lake. ‘I have decided to grace you with my presence.’

Albus rolled his eyes but hugged me anyway, ‘Haven’t seen you all term, Thomas. Avoiding me?’ he asked, with a Slytherin twinkle in his eye.

‘Absolutely definitely. You smell, Albus Potter. Can’t be caught around smelly people,’ I joked, resting my head on his shoulder.

‘Hear, hear! All who agree with Halle’s statement say aye!’ yelled Connor.

‘AYE!’ came a chorus of voices.

Albus started yelling in protest, ‘I do not smell! I smell only of fresh parchment and newly cut grass.’


‘What is wrong with you? Because if you OD’d on sugar, you should have asked me to join you,’ I grumbled in his direction.

‘I am just a naturally charismatic person, Halle. Deal with it,’ he said, winking.

Yup, definitely too much sugar.

Potter laughed, and unintentionally my head whipped up off Albus’s shoulder to look at him. I shook my head in disbelief, before resting it back there. Al was very muscly, he made a lovely cushion.

‘Connor’s just happy because he finally ditched his twat of a girlfriend,’ Potter explained.

I whipped my head up off Al’s shoulder again, I was going to get whiplash if I wasn’t careful. ‘You broke up with Jessie? About time!’ I squealed.

Connor smiled, ‘Nup. We’re still together, Halle.’

I blushed, ‘Oh. You didn’t let me finish. About time you grow some brain cells, boy, and hold on to her. She’s a keeper!’ I said, unenthusiastically, punching him lightly in the shoulder.

Dom laughed, ‘And that is why I love you.’

Freddie raised his eyebrows suggestively.

We both threw clumps of grass at him simultaneously.

That shut him up.

Freddie turned to look at me, ‘So, where’s Jones?’ he asked, trying to pretend like he didn’t care. But he totally cared.


Elle couldn’t make it, said she had to finish some homework,’ I lied.

Stupid coward. When I ordered her to accompany me to find the Gryffies, she blushed furiously and refused to leave her bed. I dragged her; yes I did, all the way down the stairs.

And then she ran back up again.

As previously mentioned, stupid coward.

Freddie nodded, but looked somewhat dejected.


I was just about to yell this out, since I like yelling out my thoughts, when I saw a butterfly.

‘Ooh, look. A butterfly,’ I commented.

Potter seemed to notice it as well, because he said, ‘Look. A butterfly.’

We said it in complete unison. It was kind of creepy.

The group erupted into laughter and I felt, strange. Potter and I just had a moment which passed for friendship. ‘I guess you’re as weird as me, Potter.’

He looked horrified at the thought, ‘Think again, Spoilsport. To be as weird as you I’d have to constantly talk about rubber ducks.’

I scoffed, ‘I don’t just talk about rubber ducks,’ I declared.

I was met with disbelieving looks from everyone.

‘I talk about pie and sugar too,’ I mumbled.

‘Pathetic,’ countered Potter, laughing when I stuck my tongue out at him in response.

Because I’m just that mature.

Al looked slightly taken aback, ‘When did you two become friends?’ he asked, aiming the question mainly at Potter.

‘We’re not friends,’ I answered, simply.

He nodded, but looked at me a bit strangely. His expression was almost, knowing. Fearful.

We all kind of drifted off into chat, I mainly talked to Albus. I hadn’t realised I’d missed him so much, because last year we had practically all the same classes together. Now we had none.

‘And so he says to the chicken, that’s not a pie, that’s my best friend!’ Al said, finishing a joke he was telling me.

I erupted into laughter, ‘That, Albus Potter, is the worst fucking joke I’ve ever heard.’

‘So why are you laughing so hard?’

We slid into comfortable silence, before he asked, ‘Halle, are you really just friends with James?’

‘Potter,’ I instantly corrected.

‘You’re deflecting the question, Hals,’ he said, using the nickname I hadn’t heard since first year.

I groaned, ‘I don’t know! I have so many preconceived notions, and it’s just a teenie-weenie bit confusing.’

I chuckled; there was the understatement of the century.

‘Plus he’s all cryptic and secretive and just, I. DON’T. KNOW.’ I complained, morphing into your typical teenager, complete with the angst-ridden rants.

Playing the part of the supportive best friend, Al just looked hopelessly confused, ‘I think you answered my question, but I can’t be sure.’

‘There is fine line between enemies and friends, Al. I think we may be dancing upon it.’ I replied.

Al furrowed his eyes in confusion, ‘Enemies?’

I nodded, ‘Isn’t that what you meant? You were asking me whether Potter was my arch nemesis.’

He laughed, a happy laugh which reverberated through his stomach, ‘I was asking whether or not you and James we dating, you nutter. I s’pose not though, correct?’

I sputtered, ‘Potter? Me? Dating? Where do you get these ideas from, Albus? Talk about preconceived notions.’

He shrugged, ‘You’re one of my best friends, and I don’t want you to become one of James’ slags. Trust me, he’s done the whole hook up and then break up thing so many times, I’ve lost count.’

I screwed my features in distaste, ‘Predictable.’

He laughed, ‘You’re made of strong stuff, Halle,’ he complemented, before gently pulling my head back onto his shoulder.

‘But Halle?’


‘Don’t fall for him, please.’

I laughed, just for good measure. The idea was ludicrous. Laughable. Just plain-out inconsequential.  ‘Just think of it this way, I’d rather be sexually involved with a rubber duck, then get feelings for Potter,’ I assured him, smiling up at my best friend/big brother. This is strange, because technically I’m a year older than him.

This makes him my little brother.

Nup, that’s not right, Al’s characteristics definitely put him into the big brother category.

And trust me, I know, I have two big brothers.

Well three, including Al.

He chuckled and kissed the top of my head, ‘I honestly can’t believe that you’re a year older than me. Your mental ability would say otherwise,’ he joked. Then his face turned serious, ‘I’m never going to let anything hurt you, little sis.’

Goddamit, I love Albus Severus Potter.

And not in that way, you wankers.

But I think he loves me, too.

Author's Note:
did you enjoy? did you hate? did you have a pie today? feel free to rant about the story or even horrible geography teachers in that little grey box. hope you liked :)

so ma homie from the hood, j-shizzle, owns all the cool shiz. i own Halle, although, she's a nutter, so who'd want her anyway?


belongs to the BBC, main writers: steven moffat & russel t davies; didn't even need to googe that shit! all imprinted in my mind.

anyways, this authors note is long. tata, lovely readers!

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