Chapter 19 : Life changing realisations
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I never knew how I made it back to our room. I wouldn’t be able to ever recall my trembling hands lighting a cigarette or Lily, the only one in the room, frantically asking me what was wrong. She told me later that, for the first time, she was actually worried about me. All I would be able to remember was me… crying. I have to say it was slightly annoying, too much drama had been going on in my life as of lately. It took me a full twenty minutes to be able to articulate a word. Lily was patiently waiting for me to calm down, not daring to actually touch me. When I finally managed to stop the sobbing, I lit another cigarette and took a deep breath. Then, I looked at Lily ready to threaten her with death if she ever said anything, but she knew me too well.
“I will never tell anyone that you, too, have emotional break downs. But you have to tell me what happened”- she said firmly. She took out her wand and locked the door, making sure no one surprised us.
“What makes you think I wanna talk about it?”- I asked her. I tried, I really did, but it felt as if all the ice had melted. My voice sounded completely empty, vague.
“You don’t have a choice”- she threatened me
“I make the threats here!”- I snapped. Her stare made me reconsider, she had a fiery temper after all and I was in no condition to have a fight. . I sighed. I hated giving in and I was doing a lot of that since I got to Hogwarts. –“I don’t know what happened okay?”- I whispered. She sat next to me.
“You can just tell me the events, in which order and I’ll help you figure out what really happened”- she said. I looked at her.
“It is usually you people coming to me for advice”- I told her. She half smiled.
“Well, it was about bloody time you proved yourself human. I was beginning to think you really weren’t”- she replied. I looked at her. How much could I tell her?
“Listen, Lily, I don’t really know what’s happening to me. I have never, ever cried like that before”- I told her. It was a lie, of course. I did cry. When I was eleven.
“I know, Naomi. You seem to think that showing weakness will make us all believe that everything else isn’t real, or forget how cruel and bitchy you are… it’s not the case. Everyone’s got down moments, bad days, even you. And admitting it is not going to make us automatically think that you are nice”- she said. Wow. That was some good dose of brutal honesty.
“So I’m still an utter bitch, right?”- I asked her, half joking.
“As far as I am concerned, yes, you are”- she replied. Well, that was a lot considering she had no idea half the things I had done.
“I got into a fight with Sirius”- I blurted. She frowned.
“Like that is fresh news. No, that’s not what happened. Tell me from the beginning”- she said.
“It is! We got into a fight!”- I exclaimed.
“Yeah, okay, but you get into fights with him almost every day. What happened this time to make it so terrible that you ended up crying?”- she emphasized. I rolled my eyes.
“It was after I left practice with Walter last night. I was mad at the world because Bellatrix got away so I wasn’t in the mood for talking to anyone. Then Sirius showed up and asked how I was. I yelled at him, he yelled at me… and for some reason I was really, really irritated at him for thinking he could come and ask how I was so I… I said something horrible to him”- I heard my own voice tremble slightly at the end so I decided to shut up and let Lily say something before I continued.
“You were mad at him for thinking he could care or you were mad at him because him caring meant a lot to you? There’s a difference”- she said matter of factly. I wanted to slap her.
“Okay, yes, it felt good that Sirius cared and that annoyed me to no end”- I snapped. She smiled.
“What did you tell him that was so horrible?”
“I… I… kind of said that he was worried because Bellatrix was, after all, his cousin…”- I said. Lily rolled her eyes.
“Naomi you really don’t know when to shut up, do you?”- she told me. I raised an eyebrow.
“Well, I usually do and you know it. It’s just Sirius that makes me lose control!”- I snarled. She nodded.
“Okay, yeah that’s true; you don’t lose your pose, ever. That’s something only Sirius can achieve”- she conceded.
“Ha! See? It is all his fault!”- I exclaimed. I knew it was slightly childish but I had just found out that my heart was not safely stored somewhere in my Spain’s manor’s basement and that was something I did not know how to deal with. So I was entitled to childish behavior, at least in the privacy of my room.
“But that’s not it, is it? I don’t see you crying your heart out because you said that to him”- she said. I rolled my eyes.
“Of course not! Who do you think I am? There’s a lot more to it”- I informed her.
“Go on, then”- she encouraged me. I hesitated for a second but, what the hell, I DID HAVE A FUCKING HEART THAT WAS BROKEN IN PIECES. If there was someone I could talk to about it was Lily Evans. And even though I did not like to ask for help, and I wasn’t going to, at least not directly, I really needed it.
“I couldn’t go after him because he stormed off right after I said that, so that was it for the night. This morning, when you said we did not have to go to class today I decided I’d go to the music room. It helps me think”- I said when I saw the confusion in her eyes.
“Oh, okay”- she nodded.
The lie came so naturally to my lips I wondered, for a second, if I’d ever actually be able to be totally honest with someone. Skipping my sex with James was a totally unconscious move that I only noticed after. I was rotten to the core, deeper than anyone could begin to realize. I continued my speech.
“But Sirius being Sirius had to be in the bloody music room! With James! I was gonna just storm in and scare them away but… well, I had no idea Sirius could play the guitar and sing that well so I kind of… stayed where I was because it was really nice listening to him”- I told her.
-“Yeah, he’s pretty good. I’ve heard him some times when they bring guitars to parties in the common room”- she told me.
-“I like music and that was good music, that’s why I stayed. I didn’t mean to spy on him or anything… but the song he was singing… it was… heartbreaking”- I took a really deep breath before I kept going. This was not going to be easy to say out loud.
-“Naomi, what happened?”- Lily’s worry touched me. I realized I was expecting her to start saying something like ‘I told you it was impossible you didn’t feel something for him’ or something like that. But she didn’t. She just waited for me to explain and I could see that she was genuinely concerned for me. That gave me the courage to say it.
-“He was singing about my coldness and how I tore everything apart, how difficult I am… then James asked him what he was going to do and… Lily”- before I could stop them, tears began filling my eyes again but I finished the sentence –“Lily he gave up on me”- my voice broke and I let the tears fall silently from my eyes.
I waited for it, for Lily to say something but she didn’t. She hugged me and let me cry. Just like that. And so, that day, the twenty first of November of my Seventh Year of school, I made my first true girl friend and admitted to being hurt. It had taken me six years, six long and cold years but I had finally taken the first step towards recovery. And, even though he had no clue, it was all because of Sirius Black.
I let her cry because I knew there was nothing I could say to make her feel better. And, as she cried in my shoulder, I realized that there was much more to Naomi Ivy than met the eye. Rhea had been right. Something had happened to her to make her lock away all her feelings and it had only taken a song and a few words from the infamous Sirius Black to unleash it all again. Whether this was good or bad I had no idea, but it was the beginning of something, there was no doubt about it. And Merlin only knew how life changing it was going to be for her, and for us.
“I am confused”- she said after a while.
“I’ll help you figure it out”- I told her.
“I don’t know if I want to figure it out”- she replied. I looked at her.
“Hey, it’s okay”- I reassured her. She looked doubtful.
“What’s happening to me, Lily?”- she asked. Now it was my turn to hesitate. She had no idea. Of course, she wouldn’t. She had never been in love before and something told me she would never love again. Was she ready to hear it?
“I think you need to find that out on your own”- I said. She frowned.
“James said that, too”- she told me. Hum, that was unexpected. And sweet. Oh, Merlin, I had to make a move on James soon. Whatever, this was not the time.
“When did you exactly start crying?”- I tried to point her in the right direction, give her a clue.
“I… he… I realized I did not want him to give up on me. He’s the only friend I have. Well, now you are my friend too”- she said. And then she smiled. A sincere, true smile brighter than anything I had seen before. I understood why Sirius was in love with her.
“Why did you not want him to give up? What do you think it means?”
“Well… he was really making an effort there, trying to find out about my secrets and all… I just had no idea that I did want him to find out”- she admitted.
“What is it that you’re hiding Naomi? What’s so bad that you couldn’t just tell him but had to make him work so hard for it?”- I knew it wasn’t my place to ask that, but I had to know. Or, at least, try.
“Lily, there’s a very good reason I became fucking Ice Queen”- she said, coldly.
“I think you did not become Ice Queen, Naomi. Your plotting and scheming is far beyond what a normal person can reach”- I told her. She smirked.
“Well, I am my father’s daughter. Yes, I am manipulative and calculating as in, I was born this way. But I wasn’t always so… distant. I mean, I have never been the nicest girl on Earth but it wasn’t so extreme. I did have some friends, I had fun like normal kids do and I… I wasn’t so… I basically had a heart”- she explained.
“Looks like you still have it”
“Not anymore”- she said. Then I saw it happen right before my eyes. I wanted to do something to stop it but I knew I couldn’t. She was trying desperately to build her fortress again.
“A broken heart is a heart”- I tried. She shook her head.
“I’m better off without one”- she replied. I took her hands.
“Don’t do it, Naomi. Don’t you dare do it! I just got to you, after months of trying and I’ve seen it, I’ve seen a part of you that I am not afraid of. Don’t take that away”- I pleaded. She looked positively shocked. But she stopped building the fortress.
“I don’t know how to”- she replied.
“I’ll help you. I’m not asking you to go out there and proclaim you’re human. You’re still Queen Bee and, hell, having a little heart is not going to stop you from terrorizing people or hexing them into next century when they annoy you. But it gives me, us, some closeness and now that I am finally accepting my feelings for James I could really use a friend”- I told her. She smiled. Not like before, but it wasn’t a smirk, either.
“I’ve never had a girl friend. A real friend I mean”- she said, half joking.
“Well, there’s always a first time, isn’t it?”- I smiled at her.
“What do real girl friends do when no one else is looking?”- she asked me, lighting a cigarette. Her lips were curved up in what I presumed was an amused smirk.
-“Well, basically the same thing your minions talk about. They talk about boys and feelings”- I told her –“Only this time you’re expected to share yours, not only give commands or make nasty comments” She paled considerably.
-“Boys I can do. Feelings… no way. Too emotional, I find it exhausting. I can’t do that”- she said.
-“Yes you can, you’re Naomi Ivy. There’s nothing you can’t do”- I encouraged her. She smirked. Just like she always did. Confident, arrogant and mean. And I realized that I really liked that side of her, too. I was right; she would always be an upright bitch, no matter how many times she cried over a boy. I was surprised to find myself relieved. I had no idea I liked mean Naomi that much.
-“So, boys and feelings, huh?”- she said. I chuckled.
-“You know, normal people like boys”- I told her. She looked at me slightly puzzled.
-“I like boys. I adore boys. They are awesome. For a while. And preferably when they’re not talking. But yes, I like boys. I just don’t get attached to them. Not to mention the stupid falling… falling…”- she stared at me positively panicked. If this wasn’t Naomi Ivy I would have found it funny how her mouth opened and closed. She resembled a fish, a very attractive, stunning fish anyway.
-“Yes. Even you Naomi. Everyone falls in love, and it is totally okay”- I whispered. She opened her mouth, shut it, opened it and shut it again. She reached for another cigarette desperately, lit it and smoked it all without a word. Then, she finally spoke.
-“He’s my friend”
-“He was your friend”- I reminded her.
-“How did it happen and why didn’t I notice?!”- she exclaimed, visibly annoyed.
-“Well, you wouldn’t know, would you?”- I told her.
-“What do you mean?”
-“Honestly, Naomi, you’ve never had a friend and you had never been in love… how would you know what it was you were feeling? I bet you knew you felt something, just had no idea what it was. You were probably confused and tried to figure it out but, since you couldn’t, just pushed one thought after another to the back of your mind”- I explained.
-“Shit. I did. I… oh, fuck me. I got jealous when he kissed Jo at that party ages ago! And I couldn’t possibly figure out why I really wanted to get with him again, and… Merlin’s pants, you’re right”- she cried in aggravation.
-“So you were feeling all the right things, you just had no idea what they meant”- I told her.
-“This is just great”- she said, sardonically.
-“It’s not that bad”- I ventured. She raised an eyebrow.
-“I am in… l… I… I have feelings for a boy who thinks I’m a horrible person! Oh, and it gets better; he’s so fucking arrogant that he’ll never forgive me for…”- she stopped. I frowned.
-“Well, I am not forgiving him, either”- she said, stubbornly. Was she bipolar?
-“Naomi, what the hell?”
-“He wants to give up on me, great; I give up on him, too!”- she exclaimed. Oh, Merlin, no. Please, no.
-“You can’t be serious”- I said.
-“Oh, hell I am”- she snarled.
-“So you’re just gonna let it go? Just like that? You’re not even going to try? See how it feels like?”- I couldn’t believe her.
-“Oi, I never asked for this in the first place! I was perfectly happy not knowing what a broken heart felt like; I do not need any more stupid feelings to mess me up!”- she cried. I rolled my eyes.
-“I am talking about nice feelings. It is bloody amazing when it works”- I told her. She looked funny at me.
-“Lily, let’s be realistic here. First of all, Sirius Black loathes me, second of all, he thinks I’m kind of a puzzle he’s determined to solve, nothing more. Third of all, it would never work because he’s too bloody arrogant and I am too… well, I am me!”- she said, frustrated. I couldn’t help but laugh at that. And, surprisingly, she joined me. So we just laughed. I had no idea where this was going to take us, but for now, I could settle with the friendly chuckle. I would deal with Sirius and Naomi later. When I had solved Lily and James first. Again, I was sure that me getting with him would give either Sirius or Naomi the courage to confront the other about their feelings. Or so I hoped.
The girls had come back by mid afternoon and we were getting ready for Hogsmeadge. They had no idea what had happened that morning between Lily and me and I surprised myself feeling happy that it was our secret. It was our bond, our common ground or whatever you wanted to call it. I had to admit that having someone to talk to made it a hell of a lot easier. I wasn’t so confused anymore. I knew exactly what was going on with me and, being the pragmatic manipulative bitch that I was, knowing what the problem was allowed me to isolate it and ignore it until I could deal with it. Which wasn’t any time soon. I had settled with ignoring my feelings for Sirius and going on as if nothing had ever happened.
-“What am I supposed to do when everyone orders butter beers and I just can’t have one?”- Meg asked, preoccupied.
-“Order whatever you feel like ordering, if anyone asks why you’re not having butter beer I’ll deal with it”- I said. She looked funny at me.
-“What do you mean you’ll deal with it?”
-“Well, I don’t like anyone telling my… girls what they can or can’t have. Anyone other than me, that is”- I clarified. She nodded.
-“Yeah, you’re right”- she replied. I heard Rhea groan.
-“I don’t know what to wear!”- she complained.
-“The beige coat looks good”- Lily said. I raised an eyebrow at her.
-“Lily’s right”- I admitted. I had not realized that she had not asked me what to wear lately. Apparently, she had finally learnt. I was, after all, a really good fashion teacher.
-“Thanks”- Rhea said, relieved.
-“So, are we ready?”- Jo asked. We walked out. I had decided to wear a very nice black dress that was perfectly warm, with black tights and my Dior boots. A poncho completed the outfit, and saved me from the blistering cold.
We sat in the carriage, complaining about how annoying the snow was. We wanted to have some girl’s time, which means shopping time, before meeting the guys in the Three Broomsticks. It was a fun afternoon. I got myself a very nice pair of new earrings and some underwear. We walked in the bar around seven. The Marauders were already there, sitting at a table big enough for all of us to join them comfortably. I glanced at Sirius. He looked perfectly normal, which annoyed me to no end.
-“About time you guys arrived!”- James said, joyfully. To my delight, Lily sat next to him.
-“You are not going to believe this”- Rhea said, dramatically. They all looked at her. Jo and Meg chuckled.
-“What happened?”- Peter asked, curious. She took a deep breathe and made a very serious dramatic pause before spreading her arms before her.
-“I went shopping”- she announced. There was a round of oohs and woos from them before we all laughed. I sat across from Remus.
-“Haven’t seen you today”- he said.
-“I was busy”- I replied, vaguely. If he knew.
-“What do you guys want?”- Peter asked, standing up.
-“Butter beer”- Rhea said, immediately.
-“Same here”- Jo and Lily added. I looked at him.
-“Get me a firewhisky”- I said.
-“Woah, someone’s up for some real fun tonight”- James joked. I smirked.
-“I want just some pumpkin juice”- Meg said, shyly. No one commented on it, so Peter left.
-“So, Rhea, what did you get?”- Sirius asked her. I tried to not look at him, but I couldn’t. So I just did. He was too damn handsome. Ugh.
-“Naomi got me… ehm… underwear”- she replied, blushing. I smirked again. Then Sirius looked at me. I swear I felt Lily and James hold their breaths at the same time when our eyes met. I felt like the whole universe pulled me towards him.
-“You got Rhea underwear?”- he asked rather dryly.
-“She needed some”- I replied, flatly.
-“She’s not a slut”- he said.
-“I know, buying underwear doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to show it to anyone”- I retorted. He huffed.
-“Why buy it, then?”- he asked, defiantly.
-“Because it’s nice”- I replied.
-“Unlike you”- he muttered. I felt like slapping him.
-“Thank Merlin”- I said instead of physically hitting him.
-“Do you not get tired of it?”- he insisted. Peter had come back with the drinks but everyone was too shocked watching us to actually move. I doubted they were even breathing.
-“Actually, I love it”- I snarled. He rolled his eyes.
-“It must feel so great knowing nobody likes you”- he spat. What the hell was wrong with him? Did he want to get into a fight here? In a bar full of people? Was he out of his mind? Well, game on!
-“It feels better than thinking everybody likes you when they’re actually just scared of you”- I snapped. He looked slightly confused.
-“Nobody’s afraid of me!”- he exclaimed.
-“Of course they are”- I retorted.
-“Why would they be?”- he questioned me. I was about to reply when Lily cut in. I realized that letting her in did not only mean that I had someone to talk to about my issues. It also meant that she was learning to anticipate my comments, at least where Sirius was concerned. She saved my life because I was going to reply that it had to do with his surname and that wouldn’t have made things any easier.
-“Oh, Peter, you’re back! Firewhisky, Naomi”- she exclaimed a little too enthusiastically.
-“Here”- James handed the butter beer to Sirius. I grabbed my glass, he took his.
-“Well?”- he insisted. Thankfully, I had had time to think.
-“The infamous Marauder’s panks, of course”- I was vague and totally stupid but it was much better than calling him a Black.
-“They love them”- he replied, simply. I glared at him but he just looked away and began drinking from his butter beer. I secretly hoped he choked on it, but of course, he didn’t.
One week later things were still not back to normal. I mean, everything was pretty normal but Sirius and I. We had not had a civilized conversation ever since that fateful night when we saw Bellatrix cursing me. We had a lot of fights, though. Lily, James and basically the whole lot of them seemed to have taken turns to watch us and jump in when the argument got too out of hand. I guessed we had not been to infirmary yet thanks to that. Lily and James were spending more time together than normal. The girl kept coming up with excuses to meet him. His position as Head Boy gave her a perfectly neutral ground where she was getting to know him. We had not had any other girl to girl talk but it was fine. Just knowing that she was there made it easier, because I was still hurting. I would never admit it, let alone let it show. No one had the slightest idea that I had had a life changing revelation a week ago. I was, if possible, colder than before. Meg was fine, she had told Madame Pomfrey and she was checking on her regularly. Dom went with her so she was happy and not that afraid anymore. Apart from that, everything was getting a little dull but I couldn’t bring myself to shake it up. My own personal situation took most of my time.
It was Friday again and I was walking back to our common room after a short visit to the library.
-“Naomi?”- I turned to see who it was calling me, since I did not recognize the voice. The bloke coming towards me looked vaguely familiar but I had no idea who he was.
-“What do you want?”- I asked.
-“Ehm… hey, I’m… well, I’m Chris”- he said, smiling. That was a nice smile.
-“Well, what do you want, Chris?”- I replied. He smirked. I liked it.
-“You are a difficult one, aren’t you?”- he joked.
-“Have you come here to tell me things I already know about or do you actually have anything I can help you with?”- I asked, raising my eyebrow. I analyzed him while I was talking. He was tall and had nice dirty blond hair. He was quite good looking, and really attractive.
-“Would you like to go out for drinks with me sometime?”- he said.
-“Maybe”- I replied, half smiling.
-“This evening, meet me at the Hall by six thirty?”- he suggested. I liked it, straight to the point. Yeah, why not?
-“Works for me”- I replied, walking away. It would be nice to have some action with someone who was not a Marauder. The universe was on my side again.
-“Why are you putting on that?”- Lily asked me when I took one of my favorite knickers. Lacy ones.
-“I have a date”- I informed her. We were alone in the room. Rhea was off to town already with the boys, something about checking out new Quidditch equipment and Meg had a date with Dom. Jo I had no idea nor was I interested in her whereabouts.
-“You have a date? With who?”- she looked surprised.
-“A guy named Chris”- I replied.
-“How and when did this happen?”- she enquired. I rolled my eyes.
-“Twenty minutes ago. He asked, I said yes. End of story”- I said, flatly.
-“Do you like him?”
-“Lily, let’s make this clear, Sirius is an extremely rare case. The ONLY case. It doesn’t mean that I’m going to start liking all the guys I go out with”- I exclaimed. She chuckled.
-“I meant if you liked him as in, he’s hot”- she clarified.
-“Well, if he wasn’t why would I go out with him?”- I was confused.
-“To piss Sirius off”- she suggested. Oh. I hadn’t even thought about it. Because I honestly did not believe that Sirius would be pissed by me getting with someone else.
-“Why on Earth would I want to do that?”- I asked. She rolled her eyes.
-“Okay, let me rephrase that. Why on Earth would he be pissed by that?”- I tried again. This girly chow chow was really complicated. Ugh.
-“Don’t tell me you have not picked up on it!”- she said, frustrated.
-“Lily, you either tell me what you are trying to tell me or shut up but stop being so cryptic!”- I snapped. She chuckled.
-“Right, but you’ve always been really perceptive. More than you let us know”- she said.
-“Well, yeah. I’m very, very perceptive. What does that have to do with this anyway?”
-“How is it that you haven’t noticed that Sirius likes you as in, he would be jealous if you went out with someone else?”- she said it as if I were mentally retarded. Which, clearly, pissed the shit out of me.
-“The fact that you’re my friend doesn’t make it right for you to talk to me like that, I can still hex you”- I threatened her. She chuckled.
-“Don’t change the subject!”- she insisted. I rolled my eyes.
-“FINE. I had no idea. Wait, wait, what did you just say?”- I hadn’t really processed what she’d said since I had been far more concerned with the way she said it. Now it kicked in. Holy crap. Was that even possible?
-“Sirius? Jealous? Since when?”- wow, I was really articulated now. Impressive. I really hated that boy for what he was doing to me.
-“Naomi, look at me in the eye and tell me that you honestly never realized he’s been in love with you for ages now”- she said, coming to where I was.
-“I never thought about it”- I told her. It was true. I thought we were just friends. That night with the Slytherins… well, it didn’t change anything so, why would I think he felt something more? But then again, how was I supposed to know that his wasn’t normal friend behavior?
-“Hmm… has anyone been in love with you before?”- Lily’s question was beyond odd. But I answered, anyway.
-“Yeah, some stupid blokes thought our thing was real and began with all the ‘I love you’ crap. One even asked me to go meet his parents and all… why?”- I explained.
-“I mean real love. Really, truly in love with you”- she insisted.
-“How would I know?”- I replied.
-“You have a point”- she said before going into thinking mode. I took the time to apply my make up. When she spoke again, I was almost ready to leave.
-“Is there anything I can do to get you out of this stupid pride thing and persuade you to talk to him?”- she asked me.
-“No way on Earth”- I replied.
-“You are perfectly aware that he is perfect for you”- note the repetition of perfect there. She knew how to make a statement.
-“He’s perfectly annoying for me”- I retorted.
-“Fine then. Go”- she dismissed me. I smiled at her.
-“See you in town?”
-“Sure”- she smiled and I left.
I was half alive. And, believe me, I was not the one to be dramatic. At all. It felt weird; it felt as if life had lost meaning. Now that I was not special to her anymore I had nothing to look forward to. I could not wait in the common room to see if she was back late; I could not watch out for her, to make sure she was okay. All we did was fight and, the more we fought, the more I realized I could not simply decide to give up on her. I was way too deep into her to just try to erase all those feelings from me. But what else could I do? She had made it very clear that she would never ever see me as more than the boy who annoyed her and exchanged secrets in a strange flirtatious game that led to nowhere. She couldn’t even forget the fact that I was a Black. That was the one thing I held on to when I felt like going looking for her and making things right again.
-“What do you think, Sirius?”- Rhea asked me, bringing me back to the Quidditch store we were in.
-“Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention”- I apologized. I chose to ignore the worried looks my friends sent my way.
-“I am thinking on getting these gloves, now that it’s so bloody cold up there”- she said. I checked them out. They were pretty cool.
-“Yeah, they’re cool”- I approved. She smiled.
-“Hey, maybe you should talk to her”- Prongs told me as we exited the store. We had been in there for almost two hours. Yeah, we liked our Quidditch stuff.
-“Don’t”- I said. I really did not feel like talking about it. I didn’t even know what to say anymore. They had asked me endlessly, they had tried to talk me into forgetting about her, then into talking to her and fixing things. In the end, we all came to the same conclusion: no one had the slightest clue on what to do.
-“Do you want to go to the Three Broomsticks?”- Peter suggested. I checked my watch. It was almost eight.
-“Actually, I feel more like going straight to the pub”- I replied. They all nodded.
-“Drinking doesn’t solve problems”- Rhea said. I chuckled.
-“But it brings up really interesting new ones”- I joked. They all laughed.
-“Find a table, I’ll order. Firewhisky?”- Prongs asked. We nodded and went looking for a place to sit while we went to the bar. We found a table big enough for us to be comfortable and we claimed it as ours.
-“So, Christmas is not that far away now; any plans?”- Moony asked. I looked at Rhea.
-“We’re throwing the traditional New Year’s party, of course”- she said. We smiled. Those parties were legendary.
-“I think there’s a Christmas ball coming up in Hogwarts before we go home”- Peter said.
-“How do you know?”- I asked him.
-“Lily told the girls, Hannah told me”- he replied.
-“Great”- I said, sardonically. I leaned back in my sit and looked around the pub. I saw her. She looked beyond gorgeous. What the hell was she doing in the pub?
-“Firewhisky all around!”- Prongs announced. I looked past him, trying to find Naomi again but she wasn’t in my vision range anymore. Shit.
-“Hey, Rhea, what was Naomi doing today?”- I asked.
-“I have no idea. Guess she was coming to town with Lily”- she replied.
-“Why?”- Moony asked.
-“I think I just saw her”- I told them. James’ face lit up almost immediately.
-“Lily’s here! Great”- he turned around, scanning the place. I did, too. I saw her again, at the same time James did. He turned around and blocked the view but it was too late. I had seen her. Kissing someone else. Not kissing. They were eating each other alive. WHAT WAS WRONG WITH THAT WOMAN?!
-“Padfoot…”- he said. I shut my eyes. Bad idea. Naomi. Kissing. Someone. Who. Wasn’t. Me. I couldn’t cope with it. I felt angry, hurt, sad, murderous. I felt everything that a person can possibly feel all at once. But, above all, I felt really, really jealous.
-“Who is he?”- I huffed. Moony, Wormtail and Rhea turned to look her way immediately, understanding what the problem was.
-“It’s Chris”- Wormtail replied. Chris. Great. Bloody Ravenclaw chaser Chris. Arrogant, stupid, idiotic moronic bastard Chris. What the hell was she doing with him? Couldn’t she see she deserved so much more than that little piece of shit?
-“Your head looks like it’s about to explode”- Rhea said, worried. I snapped my eyes open again.
-“What the FUCKING HELL IS SHE DOING WITH SUCH AN IDIOT?!”- I exclaimed.
-“I don’t know. I had no idea she was dating!”- Rhea replied.
-“WHAT? SHE’S DATING HIM?”
-“I don’t know, Sirius. I don’t think so”- Rhea said, trying to get me to calm down.
-“BUT HE IS SUCH AN ASSHOLE!”- I insisted. Couldn’t they see it? They had to agree with me, right?
-“Padfoot, mate, you gave up on her, remember?”- Prongs said. I failed to notice the happiness in his voice when he said that, as if this was some kind of joke. I failed to notice anything that wasn’t Naomi STILL KISSING THE RETARDED MOORON.
-“Well, I was mad! I wasn’t serious! Of course I’m not giving up; I’m Sirius Black for crying out loud!”- I wasn’t thinking clearly when I said it. But after I said it I realized just how true that was. I had never given up on her. I was just too bloody angry at her to do anything other than fight, but I had not really let go. And I wasn’t planning to.
-“Thank Merlin”- Moony said, relieved.
-“It was about time!”- Rhea exclaimed. I looked at them.
-“What are you talking about?”- I enquired trying to put as much annoyance as possible to my voice.
-“Well, everyone here but YOU knew that you couldn’t possible have given up on her. You two are just perfect for each other”- Prongs explained, smiling stupidly. I hated it, when he knew he had been right all along.
-“Well, why didn’t you tell me before?!”- I exclaimed.
-“These things you need to figure out on your own. We can only point you in the right direction”- Moony said. The oh so prophetic and wise Remus. Ugh.
-“Great. Then let me just point you in the right direction now. The direction of a slight problem I have encountered. People, in case you have failed to notice: SHE IS KISSING SOMEONE ELSE!”- I reminded them. Had they forgotten already? Cause I sure as hell hadn’t!
-“Padfoot, she does that all the time”- Wormtail said.
-“She doesn’t even remember their names afterwards”- Rhea said, slightly disturbed.
-“Well, you are not helping”- I complained.
-“All I’m saying is that you need to make her realize you are special”- she insisted. I growled and drowned the drink. I had to do something. What that something was, I had no idea but I better find out quickly or I would end up murdering half the male population in the school.
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