Chapter 1 : Put my name at the top of your list
| ||Rating: Mature||Chapter Reviews: 7|
Background: Font color:
Just like all those times before
Scorpius knew that he shouldn't have been there. He knew, that out of all the places to go, showing up at Rose's doorstep, yet again, apologizing to her and begging her to take him back was the worst. He knew that all the other times he screwed up wasn't like this. It wasn't just another fight that ended with both of them screaming before she ran off after one of them claimed they were over. He wasn't here because he knew that even though she said that they were over, she was upset and really just needed him to hold her so that they could make up again and realize that she made a rash decision in deciding that they were broken up because she didn't want to go get Chinese food that night. This wasn't like anything that had ever happened before with them.
He really fucked up this time.
And he didn't think there was a way to go back from it.
He sat against the wall, the door to his side, leaning back against and ran his hands through his hair. The rain was coming down hard and at an angle, hitting him. He could have been at a pub, drinking away his sorrows or at his flat, he could have been anywhere but sitting at Rose Weasley's house, in the rain, ready to beg her for another chance.
I’m not sure how I got there,
All roads they lead me here.
Any other guy would have known that he shouldn't be at her house. They would know that they fucked up too much this time. They would respect Rose's decision and realize that there was no way they could go back from this. No way at all.
But the thing about him, the thing that Rose loved so much, was that he wasn't any other guy. He was Scorpius Malfoy. And even though he knew that it was more than likely that she would slam the door on his face, he was here.
He wasn't even sure how he got there. He was at his flat and then he followed Rose into the street, her screaming at him with tears streaming down her face, clothes rumpled, before she apparated away, leaving him stunned at her words.
"No, I mean it this time Malfoy, we're over! Nothing, and I mean nothing, you say could ever make up for this," Rose said, her eyes red and puffy and full of betrayal.
"Rose, please-" Scorpius grabbed her arm, begging her to give him a chance to explain.
"No," Rose said, pulling out of his grasp. "Just leave me alone. I mean it this time. Don't come to my house or write or try to get Al to talk to me. Leave me alone."
And then she apparated away.
Scorpius stood there, stunned at her words. He walked slowly back to his flat and threw away the paper that caused the entire mess. He sat down on the couch, knowing that she meant it this time.
But he realized that he couldn't lose her. Even if he did fuck up at a completely new level, he knew that he wasn't going down without a fight.
So he apparated to her house, right to the front step.
I imagine you are home,
In your room, all alone
Rose's eyes opened as she heard the crack of someone apparating to her doorstep. She didn't have to get up to look out the window to see who was there. She knew who it was.
And that made her clutch a pillow closer to her, squeezing it so tightly it was like she thought that she could squeeze out the pain.
Of course tonight was the night that Dom decided to go out. The night that she really needed Dom to stop her from going to the door and letting him back in, from allowing herself to get hurt again.
She heard the rain hit the window and she knew that Scorpius was probably getting cold out there. She should have known that even though she told him not to come here, to try to talk to her, that he would.
But he hadn't knocked. He hadn't made his presence known like all the other times. He wasn't banging on the door, begging her to let him in so they could talk about the problem.
Rose slowly got up from the bed, pulling her jacket closer around her. She tried to dry her cheeks, but every time she did, more fell, until she finally gave up and walked lightly across the floor.
The entire house was silent, except for the rain hitting the roof. Rose walked down the stairs, not bothering to turn any lights on and slowly made her way to the front door.
She didn't think Scorpius was there anymore.
You find yourself at my door,
Just like all those times before
She stood at the door, putting her hand on the handle, waiting to see if there was any sign of life on the other side. She waited, waiting to hear the familiar sound of Scorpius's voice, asking her to open the door so they could talk about it. How he wouldn't let her sleep and refused to leave until she opened the door and talked to him about the problem.
But she knew that this time was different. It wasn't because one of them said something stupid or rude or mean. It was because he fucked up.
Slowly, Rose turned the lock and held the door handle, trying to make herself hope that he wasn't there.
But the majority of her, the part that loved Scorpius with everything she had, hoped even more that he was out there.
Rose opened the door and saw him sitting there, his head in his hands. His head snapped up at the sound of the door opening, but Rose slammed it shut as soon as his eyes met hers.
She sunk down against the door, a new wave of tears coming over her as she tried to forget the look in his eyes.
Remorse. Total and complete regret and guilt and remorse.
You wear your best apology,
But I was there to watch you leave
Scorpius jumped up and started banging on the door.
"Rose!" Scorpius cried. He was getting soaked, the rain hitting him despite the overhang. "Rose, please, let me in. I'm so sorry, just please, let me explain!"
Rose pulled her knees against her, a sob escaping. She couldn't get his face out of her mind. She knew he was sorry. Anyone who saw him, sitting out there, would know that.
And Rose wanted to believe that he was sorry. She wanted to believe that he meant it when he said that he loved her.
But this scene had been happening too often. She would let him in and then something bad would happen and he would say they were over and she would run off crying and then they would be here, again.
It was a vicious cycle.
And she knew that it would always continue.
"Rose," Scorpius said, resting his head against the door, with both hands holding the hinges. He was falling apart and he knew it was only a matter of time before his guard broke down. "You don't need to let me in or to take me back. Just please open the door so I can explain."
Right before your eyes,
I'm breaking and fast
Rose heard the pain in his voice. He wasn't asking her for much, he just wanted the chance to explain to her face what happened. Why he did it.
So she slowly go up and turned towards the door, opening it so that she could see Scorpius's broken face, his hair wet from the rain. His clothes were rumpled from the quickness that he put them on and his eyes were wide, looking down on her with such remorse. He took in her appearance, her eyes red and puffy with tear stains on her cheeks. Her red hair was still messy from his fingers running through it and her tiny frame was shrunk into the PJs she was wearing.
Each of them both looked broken and vulnerable, signs that they shouldn't talk, because nothing was going to be held back.
Nowhere to hide,
Just you and me.
They stared at each other, knowing that they couldn't hide away anymore. Everything had to be put out on the table in order to not lose what they had.
Scorpius knew that if he wasn't going to be honest with her, this would the last time that he would stand at her door, begging for another chance.
Rose, looking at him, told herself that this would be the last time. No matter what happened, if they got back together or they didn't, this would be the last time that she stood here, waiting to hear an explanation.
Scorpius didn't say anything, instead just choosing to look at her. He wanted nothing more than to cross the door and hold her in his arms, wiping away all her tears.
But he couldn't. He didn't want to push too hard with her. He was too afraid he was going to lose her.
"Well?" Rose asked, her voice cracking. "What are you doing here? Why-" She broke off and looked down. "Why did you make that goddamn list?"
This is the last time I’m asking you this,
Put my name at the top of your list
"Rose," Scorpius said softly. "That list was dumb. It was just a list that the guys and I made up last year at Hogwarts."
"Did you often go around making lists of girls that you would sleep with?" Rose asked, her voice raising. "Did you always place bets on whether or not you could do it? Were the amounts different because of how easy someone was?"
She looked at him, expecting answers, but he just looked down in shame.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Rose yelled, causing Scorpius to look up at her in shock. "How could you do that? Forget just to me, how could you do that in general? Were all you Slytherins such bastards that you thought it would be fun to place bets on who can sleep with the most girls?"
"I don't know!" Scorpius yelled. "I don't know why the fuck we started it! We were sixteen and stupid when we told Goyle we'd give him a Galleon if he shagged Chang and it just escaladed from there!"
"Well that makes me feel so much better!" Rose yelled, tears streaming down her face. "Do you know what? I changed my mind. I don't want to fucking hear what you have to say. Put my name on that goddamned list and go collect your earnings Malfoy, because we are done here."
She started to close the door, but was unable too as Scorpius stuck his foot in the door.
"No," he said stubbornly. "No, I'm not leaving until you let me explain."
"Well that's tough!" Rose yelled, putting all her weight against the door in a futile attempt to close it. Scorpius just pushed a hand against the door along with his foot, not fully opening it but resisting her. "Because I'm not going to let you!"
"Rose," he said softly, watching her trying to push the door closed and not fall apart. "Please just let me explain."
"No," Rose said, more and more tears falling down her face, making it harder for her to see, much less push the door closed. "I'm done with you and this and I just...I'm done."
This is the last time I’m asking you why,
You break my heart in the blink of an eye, eye, eye.
"Why?" Scorpius asked, not letting up. "Why are you so done this time? Yeah, I fucked up big time with that list but I can explain it. Why do you not want to even hear my explanation?"
"Because you broke my heart!" Rose screamed, giving up all her attempts at pushing the door closed. "Don't you get it, Scorp? You completely shattered me! I can't feel anything right now because I am so numb! Do you know how it felt for me to sleep with you, to give you my virginity and then find a list saying that you could shag not only me, but so many other girls as well? I don't think you fully understand this, but for the past four months, I have meant every single word I have said to you. I told you everything, even things that I have never told anyone else and actually allowed myself to take a risk with you despite how much we fight and how I knew you were bad news. I knew that this could only end one way, since you're such an arrogant jerk who doesn't know how to take no for answer, who pushes me so past my limits and makes me talk about things I don't want to talk about and who is so smart and kind and caring and competitive and rude and amazing and who I..." Rose took a deep breath. "And who I am completely and totally in love with."
Scorpius gulped at that. For even though they had said that they loved each other two months ago, he still got nervous when he heard her say it. She said it more than he ever did and every time, without fail, his heart would go into overdrive and he realized, like always, just how much this girl was able to love and how he couldn't believe that out of every bloke she could of had, she chose him to give all that love too.
Rose let out a dark laugh, shaking her head. "And you don't even care. It was all just one big game to you, a way to make some extra money. Shag the bookworm Weasley who rarely talks to anyone but her family because it would be fun. Lead her on and make her fall totally in love with you and then break her heart because it's not like you care anyway. It's all for a bet." Rose heaved out a sob, pulling her jacket tighter around her and hugging herself before she whispered quietly. "And I fell for it. I fell for all of it. I was naive and stupid and I fell for it. I fell for you. But you don't feel the same."
Scorpius watched her again, looking down at her toes as she curled them inward, not wearing socks even on the cold winter night. Scorpius couldn't help but smile at that, remember how she went on a rant about how much she hated anything on her feet, especially socks.
"Can you please just go?" Rose asked quietly.
This is the last time you tell me I've got it wrong
Rose looked up as Scorpius took a slight step forward, pushing the door so that it was fully open again. He didn't step in the house, just stood as close to the inside as he could, without stepping over into Rose's territory.
But she found that she wanted him too. She wanted him to come into her territory and hold her and break all the rules like he normally would. He didn't though. He wasn't taking any risks tonight or pushing her in anyway or forcing her to do anything but listen to him, almost like he knew that if he pushed her too far, she would never give him another chance.
"You're wrong," Scorpius said. "You are so wrong. This whole thing between us wasn't a game to me. It never was. I asked you out in August because I wanted to go out with you and I fancied you. This entire thing wasn't for a bet, Rose. you weren't for the bet. I completely forgot about the bet until last night, when Goyle came over and pulled out the list, asking me if I had earned my money yet. I punched him in the face and told him to get out and that if he didn't understand my relationship with you then he could leave and never talk to me again. So he did and he left the note on the table and I forgot about it." Scorpius took another step closer, but step back when Rose glared at him. "Yes, I did shag some of those girls as a part of the bet. Yes, that makes me a bastard. But I was sixteen when we made that list. We didn't even talk about it much last year, so I forgot about it. I probably would have continued to forget about its awareness if I hadn't been paired up with you as a partner for that Transfiguration project we had in January. Because since then, you have completely turned my entire world around."
Rose looked at him, a confused look on her face.
This is the last time I say it's been you all along
Scorpius shook his head, a slight smirk on his face. "You really didn't know did you?"
"Know what?" Rose asked.
"That from the moment I started that project with you, there was no one else," Scorpius said. "Why do you think I suddenly became friends with Al? He knew that I was starting to feel something for you. He knew that I was going to try something and so he threatened me. And when I didn't bugger off, he threatened me again. It continued that way until March when he finally asked me why I wanted you. And I told him."
"What did you tell him?" Rose asked. "What could you have possibly told him that would make him change his mind about you? He hated you."
"I told him the truth," Scorpius said, looking down at Rose, who was no longer crying. "I told him that I fancied you because you were unlike any other girl that I had met because you were so focused on your school work and your family and just being you that you had no idea the effect you could have on a bloke. You were so innocent and naive and believed the good in everyone, yet had a temper and was ready for a fight at any given moment. You're still that way. And that intrigued me. I had never met someone who was like that and at first, it just interested me, but then I found myself actually starting to care about you. You completely snuck up on me, Rose Weasley, because I had no idea how I felt about you until it was too late. I found myself getting jealous when a guy would flirt with you and you wouldn't realize it. I found myself wanting to go to Hogsmeade with you or to walk you too your class. Remember when I gave you my Quidditch jacket when you cold that Hogsmeade trip?"
"When you, me and Al went?" Rose asked, wiping some tears away as she recalled the strange day. She was confused as to why Scorpius wanted to spend the day with Al, since they had only become friends.
"Yeah," Scorpius said. "I only gave you that because I wanted some way to let you know that I fancied you. But you..." Scorpius shook his head, a smile on his face as he recalled how she thought his act was one of kindness. "You didn't see it that way. No matter how hard I tried, you never understood that I actually fancied you and didn't just want to be your friend. Al finally told me just to ask you out because your family was getting sick of watching me try to win your heart and you being totally oblivious."
Rose remembered all the random things he would do that was nice for her during those months. How he would find any reason to hug her or put his arm around her and how he was always more than happy to give her his jacket, even if it would have made him cold. She remembered Dom telling her that most boys don't help their friends move into their new house and how Scorpius liked her. But Rose refused to believe that Scorpius had anything more on his mind than friendship.
"I don't think you realize what you do to me," Scorpius said. "You drive me crazy- you get me so mad that I don't even want to talk to you again, but then I know that I would be worse off if I lost you. You make me a better person and believe in myself. But it's always been you. After I met you, I never wanted anyone else. I forgot about the list, I forgot about the bet, I just wanted you."
Scorpius stepped forward slightly and Rose followed him, moving herself closer to him. Scorpius reached out and grabbed her waist, pulling her so that she was right in front of him before she looked up into his eyes.
"It's always been you Rosie. I don't say it nearly enough, but I am in love with you. I meant it the first time I said it to you and I have meant it every time after that. I love you, Rose Weasley. I really fucking love you and I would love nothing more than to be with you. But if you can't be with me, because I hurt you too much this time, I understand that completely."
Scorpius then stepped back, outside the door and waited for her verdict.
This is the last time I let you in my door
Rose looked at him, standing out there, the rain falling down behind him, her heart still racing at his words. He loved her. He didn't say it often, probably said it four times all together, but she knew that when he said it, he meant it.
And there was really no choice after that.
But she swore to herself that this was the last time she would take him back.
Rose walked forward, reaching out her hand to his and pulling him inside.
"You're getting all the warm air out," she said, shutting the door on the cold November night. She turned towards him and he looked down at her in disbelief.
She let go of his hand and instead put her arms around his middle, squeezing him tightly and letting all the extra tears out. His arms came around her, pulling her as close to him as possible and she felt him kiss her head, before resting his chin there.
Rose leaned away a little, before going on her tiptoes to kiss him softly. "I love you. I really do."
"I love you too," Scorpius said. "I'm going to say that a lot more now."
Rose smiled at him, before resting her head on his chest.
This is the last time I won't hurt you anymore
"I promise that this is the last time you run away from me crying," Scorpius said softly. "I'm not hurting you anymore."
"Good," Rose said softly. "Because this is the last time I'm taking you back."
Scorpius nodded, digesting her words. This was his last chance. If he hurt her one more time, they were done, for good.
This was the last time.
This is the last time I'm asking you this,
Put my name at the top of your lips.
This is the last time I'm asking you why,
You break my heart in the blink of an eye.
They stood in silence for a few minutes, just holding each other and listening to the rain. Each of them were hoping that this really would be the last time that they were in this mess.
This is the last time I'm asking you
Rose squeezed him tightly and though she had never been religious, was praying that this really was the last time that she would end up crying because of Scorpius Malfoy.
Last time I'm asking you
Scorpius squeezed Rose in response, swearing to himself that this would be the last time that he hurt Rose Weasley and came begging for her back at his door step.
Last time I'm asking you this.
"Come on," Rose said, pulling out of the hug in order to grab Scorpius's hand. She pulled him in the direction of the stairs. "Let's go to bed."
"Okay," Scorpius said.
He let Rose lead him up the stairs and into her room. He got into the unmade bed and Rose snuggled against his chest. She reached up and kissed him softly and slowly. He responded, keeping his grasp on her hips light.
She deepened the kiss and put her leg on the other side of Scorpius so that she was straddling him. They both knew where it was headed and neither of them stopped, because they both hoped that this would end better than the first time.
Rose pulled away slightly, looking into his eyes, almost as if checking to make sure that this wasn't fake. He looked back up at her, telling her that he was going to follow her lead.
So she leaned back down and kissed him and he held her as close as possible, never wanting to let go. He pulled away and left kisses all down her neck as she worked on getting his shirt off. He followed her, pulling her shirt over her head before resuming his trail of kisses down her neck and onto her collarbone. Rose pulled his face back up to meet hers and soon their bottoms and underwear followed their shirts.
It was different from the first time. Before, they were frantic and their hands were all over, exploring. Their kisses were quick and sloppy, wanting to kiss each other’s mouth while kissing everywhere else at the same time. But this time, it was more calm. The kisses were slow and full of passion.
Hours later, Rose's head was against Scorpius's chest. Scorpius was fast asleep, his arms wrapped around Rose so tightly that it was not letting her move away from him. She looked up at him, his hair a mess from earlier and his face completely at ease.
She felt something pull in chest at thinking that maybe this wasn't the last time she would take him back. She kept telling herself it was because she didn't want to be that pathetic girl who kept taking her boyfriend back even when he didn't deserve it. The problem was, she loved him. Plain and simple.
She didn't want to take him back if he hurt her again.
But she didn't want to live without him either.
She settled her head on his chest, closing her eyes.
Again, she prayed, just like Grandma Granger always told her to do before she went to bed, that this would be the last time she took him back.
But she prayed even harder that this would be the last time Scorpius would hurt her.
This is the last time I'm asking you,
Last time I'm asking you,
Last time I'm asking you this.
A/N: Yay a new story! I must admit, I really do enjoy writing songfics. Although, I feel like a story could come out of this one, because I provided so much background information.
The song is ‘The Last Time’ from Taylor Swift’s new album Red, and her and her co writers own everything about it, while I own nothing.
So what did you think? I like it.
Follow my blog! Just go to my author’s page and copy past the link!
Other Similar Stories
Lets play a ...
Those Four Words
With a Heart...