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Chapter 25 : The Madness of Hating Words
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"You have to do your homework at some point, Scorp," Rose said, shrugging but not looking away from her essay. "And be quiet, this is a library."
Me, Alice, Rose and Scorpius were all in the library, trying to work on our potions essay, though it wasn't due for two weeks. But Rose wanted to get it done and I figured I should probably try to kick that procrastination habit. Alice needed help from Rose and Scorpius decided to come because he wanted to spend time with his new girlfriend.
I'm thinking that he was actually hoping that Rose would ditch her homework and snog him in the Restricted Section.
Which, clearly, didn't happen.
So instead, Scorpius was stuck reading his potions book, with an arm around Rose's chair, playing with the ends of her hair.
"But I don't want to do it now," Scorpius said. "There are so many other things I'd rather do."
"Like snog your girlfriend in the Restricted Section," Alice mumbled, sending a quick smirk over at Scorp.
Rose rolled her eyes. "Not going to happen."
"Please?" Scorpius said, leaning his head on Rose's shoulder. "You know you want to."
Rose smiled and blushed, finally tearing her eyes off her essay to look at Scorpius. "Yeah, I want to, but I want to get this essay done first." Rose kissed Scorpius quickly. "You don't have to stay here. I think Louis said something about sneaking into Hogsmeade to get some candy from Honeydukes. You can join him if you want."
"You sure you won't mind?" Scorpius asked, lifting his head off her shoulder.
"No," Rose said. "It's a Wednesday afternoon. Hate to break it to you, but I'm probably going to be doing homework until dinner. So go and get some candy. I know that you'll enjoy that much more than being here."
"But I want to spend time with you," Scorpius said.
"Yeah, I want to spend time with you too," Rose said, looking at Scorpius with a smile. "But we've only been together for four days. We don't need to spend every single second together. Besides," she said, wrapping her arms around Scorp's neck. "Hogsmeade is on Saturday. Which means that we get to have our first official date." Rose frowned. "Well, not really our first date, since that happened before but-"
"That didn't end well," Scorpius said. "So how about we scratch that as our first date?"
"Sounds perfect," Rose said, smiling at him, looking happier than I had ever seen her. "Now go get some candy with Louis. I'll be fine. I'm sure Alice and Addie are going to bother me about you and our relationship since we haven't really talked about it yet." Scorpius still looked unsure, even though there was candy involved. "Oh for Merlin's sake," Rose said, pushing him out of his chair. "Go. I'll see you tonight."
Scorpius leaned down and kissed Rose's head. "You're the best girlfriend ever, you know that?"
"I've been told," Rose said with a teasing smile.
"Bye Ads, Alice," Scorpius said, walking out.
"Bye," I said, before turning to Rose with a giant smile on my face. "Have I mentioned how adorable you two are?"
"Only about one hundred times since we've gotten together," Rose said, smiling. She picked her quill up to start writing again, but started smiling so much that she put it down and looked at me and Alice happily. "I'm so happy."
"I can tell," Alice said. "I don't think I've ever seen you smile so much. Not even the first or second time you and Scorpius got together."
"It's different this time," Rose said. "Saying that makes it sound like all we do is break up and get back together, though that has been true for us lately. I don't know. It's just different. Everything is in the open. We both have screwed this up so much that I don't really know how else we could. Getting back together was probably the best thing for us."
"What made you take him back?" I asked. "What made you run up to him and snog the living daylights out of him? That was a very un-Rose thing to do. To be honest, I thought you were never going to take him back."
"Honestly, Ads, it was you that made me give him another chance," she said. I looked at her, confused. "What you did at the Quidditch game. You told everyone, not just Al, how you felt about him. It was like you said- you needed to take a risk in order to fix you guys. That's how I felt about Scorpius. I wanted to fix us, I really did. I just, I didn't know how. And I didn't want to end up hurt again, so I thought that maybe not even trying was the way to go. But then when you said that you knew you needed to take a risk to fix you and Al because you would have ended up just as hurt if you didn't. So I just...took the risk. I had originally planned on having a mature conversation with him-"
"And there's the typical Rosie," Alice interjected.
"But then, I walked into the Great Hall and thought, 'Fuck it' and kissed him." Rose smiled. "And it was the best thing I could have done."
"Did you ever end up having that mature conversation?" Alice asked.
"Oh yeah," Rose said. "When we were doing rounds on Sunday we talked. We had a lot more to talk about than just me telling him not to lie to me again. I mean, that was a major part of it but there were wrongs on both sides. So we spent rounds talking and then ended up talking even more afterwards."
"Did you guys really need to have that long of a mature conversation?" I asked, frowning.
Yeah, they both screwed up.
But I highly doubt that their screw-ups made them have to talk for three hours about how they screwed up.
"No, most of it was that conversation," Rose said. "We talked about how he lied and then how I called him a Death Eater and then just went through our love life history, making sure we went over everything. Granted, his telling of his love life and hook ups was longer than mine, but we just decided that we were going to be honest with each other about that. We agreed that we wouldn't lie again, unless it was something small like a birthday party or a present. After that, we found a little alcove and just talked to each other. We talked about a lot of things, mainly just getting to know each other more than we do already."
"That's good," Alice said. "Kind of shocked that you two didn't end up snogging in that alcove, but it's a good thing that you were both honest."
"It wasn't easy being honest, on either part," Rose said. "He listed all the girls that he's ever hooked up or fancied, which wasn't fun to listen too. And then he felt it was only fair that I listed everyone who I had ever fancied, gone on a date with or hooked up with."
"Did you tell him about Luke Wood?" Alice asked.
Rose cringed. "Yeah. He didn't like knowing that I continually hooked up with a seventh year when I was in fourth year. Especially when I told him that I thought I was in love with Luke and that I caught Luke with another girl. I thought he was going to leave right then and find Luke and beat him up. But he did say that it suddenly made sense as to why Addie and I weren't speaking for a few months."
"Rose, I had every right to be mad," I said. "Luke Wood was the love of my life. And all of a sudden, you started a secret relationship with him even though you knew how I felt about him."
"In my defense," Rose said. "You barely talked to him. Even though you both were on the same Quidditch team, you wouldn't speak to him, making him think that you hated him. All you really did was stare at him and follow him around Hogsmeade."
"That was one time!" I said, burying my hands in my face.
"But let's not forget that then the dorm became really awkward, since Addie came crying to me about how you were hooking up with Luke and then you came crying to me about how Addie was mad at you," Alice said. "All in all, fourth year was not very good."
"Oh, yeah, I forgot, you told Alice!" Rose said. "Even after I told you not to tell anyone!"
"He was the love of my life!" I said into my hands.
"Who was the love of your life?"
My eyes widened and I pulled my hands off my face too look up at Al.
"Um," I said. "We were just talking about how, um, in fourth year, ugh, Rose had a thing with Luke Wood."
"Oh," Al said, smiling down at me. "And he was the love of your life?"
"I thought so at the time," I mumbled awkwardly, avoiding his gaze. He seemed to understand what I had been implying, since his smile dropped and he awkwardly looked at Rose.
"Where's Scorp?" He asked.
"Sneaking down to Hogsmeade with Lou," Rose said. "I thought you'd be there too."
"I was," Al said. "But then something came up."
Alice frowned. "Something came up that was more important than sneaking off grounds to get candy? That does not sound like Albus Potter."
"Um, well," Al said, awkwardly looking over at me. "I couldn't because-"
"Albus!" A female voice with an Irish accent called. We all turned and saw a pretty strawberry blonde sitting there, waving at him. "Hey! I was wondering where you were."
Rose looked between the girl and Al, who was know looking awkwardly at the ground, before saying, "Oh."
I never knew that one word could break my heart so much.
Because that wasn't an "Oh you're going to the store? Cool" Oh. It wasn't an "Oh that's who you like? Honey, you could do so much better" Oh.
No it was an "Oh, you're not with your guy friends because you're meeting a very pretty girl who probably is going to hook up with you after" oh.
And hearing that "Oh" from Rose, the smartest girl I know, basically confirmed all of my worries as to why he didn't say anything to me about my announcement at the game.
He had moved on.
And I fucking hated the word “Oh”.
I looked back down at the table, using my hair as a shield to block my face from Al's. I picked my quill up, pretending like I was writing my essay and not at all affected by this new piece of information.
You know, cause I'm so totally cool like that.
"You better go Al," Alice said, a slight edge in her voice. "Wouldn't want to keep your little leprechaun friend waiting."
"It's just tutoring," Al mumbled.
"Right," Alice said. "You should go. Wouldn't want your tutoring session to go longer than it should."
I felt Al's gaze on me, but kept my eyes firmly on my paper, focusing on what I was writing. I didn't want to look at him. If I looked at him, there was a good chance that all the tears I was holding back would fall and I would look even more pathetic than I am.
Which is pretty fucking pathetic already.
I heard Al walk away and dropped my quill, squeezing my eyes shut as Rose's hand started rubbing my back.
"He's an arse," Alice said. "A complete and total arse."
"No he's not," I said quietly, lifting my head up. "He just doesn't feel the same way as me."
"You don't know that," Rose said. "Maybe he is just tutoring her."
"Rose, look at her," I said, glancing over at Al, who was frowning down at a book while the girl looked on. "She's gorgeous. And she has red hair."
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"Potter men have a thing for red hair, remember?" I said. "James and Lily? Dark hair and a redhead. Harry and Ginny? Dark hair and a redhead. Al and this girl? Dark hair and a redhead. They fit the pattern."
"That's just a weird coincidence," Rose said. "It doesn't mean anything."
"It doesn't help that she's foreign," I said, looking away from Al. "I mean, did you hear her accent? Boys love foreign girls."
"I wouldn't exactly call the Irish foreign," Alice said.
"That's not the point," I said. "The point is that he moved on. And maybe it's time I did too."
"Okay, wait a minute," Rose said. "Addie, you do not know for a fact that he moved on. Yeah, she's pretty. Big whoop. That doesn't automatically mean that he is moving on. For all you know he could be just as confused and heartbroken as you are."
"But there's a difference between us," I said, putting my essay in my bag. "I actually put myself on the line and told not just him, but the entire school how I felt about him. He didn't have to do that. He could have come up and talk to me about it privately. But he didn't. So I think we need to face the truth."
"Maybe he's just a gutless coward," Alice said, earning a glare from Rose.
"Ads, trust me, please," Rose said desperately. "There is no way in hell that he could have moved on from you this quickly. I can almost guarantee that he is actually just tutoring her."
"Or maybe we all just need to stop denying the truth," I said, standing up. "He's not a gutless coward and he's not just tutoring her. And even if he is, that doesn't mean that he hasn't moved on to someone else. The truth is we have no idea what is going on with him but we can assume that the fact that it has been five days since my confession and he hasn't said anything, that he moved on. Or at least doesn't feel the same way about me anymore."
"Addie..." Rose said.
"I know you don't think I’m right, Rose," I said. "And maybe I'm not. But as of right now, I really don't know what else there is for me to believe."
I walked away before either of them could say anything else.
I got out of the back section of the library, where we had been sitting, and was walking closer to the door, when someone stepped in front of me.
Someone who I really did not want to see.
"Well, hey, there Malfoy," Erica Ericson said.
"Ericson," I said, making a move to get around her, only to have her grab my wrist and twist me around so that I was facing her.
And over her head I was able to see Albus and his girl too.
My eyes went back down to Erica, and she smirked up at me, as if she knew what I had been looking at.
"So how is my dear Alby anyway?" she asked. "Has he talked to you lately?"
"What do you want, Ericson?" I asked, pretending like I was sooo bored with her.
"Me? Nothing," she said innocently only to look up at me, an evil glint in her eye. "Just wondering, did Albus ever say anything to you after your little confession on Saturday?"
I didn't say anything.
Which only caused her smirk to get bigger.
"Oh?" She said. There's that damn word again. She looked back Albus and the Ginger. "Well would you look at that?" Erica turned back, smirking even more than I even thought possible. "He's sitting with a very cute girl. Probably someone who's a lot better than you too. He's moved on, yet you can't seem too." Her eyes flicked down to my necklace, which was in plain view. "Still wearing the necklace he gave you? That's pathetic, Malfoy. Even for you."
The tears that I was trying so hard to hold back started falling, one at a time, the A red hot against my skin.
"Face it," Ericson said, getting in my face. "You lost him. and you're not getting him back. You're just a pathetic whore-"
"Why don't you shut the fuck up?" A voice said and I turned and saw Caleb walking towards us, a pissed off expression on his face. "Seriously back the fuck off her, Ericson."
"Well if it isn't Caleb Adams," Ericson said, smiling sweetly as him. "Don't tell me you're just as pathetic as Malfoy is here, pining over your ex."
"Ericson, I don't think you're allowed to say who is pathetic for pining over an ex," Caleb said. "Wasn't it you who went up to Albus at the beginning of the year, convinced that you were still with him even though he broke up with you?"
"Well, I-" Erica started, but Caleb wasn't done.
"And wasn't it you who wrote him everyday all summer, wondering why he wasn't writing you back?"
"And even tried to seduce him, despite the fact that he told you many times, that he hated you and you were never ever getting back together? Like ever?"
Ericson stared at him, speechless.
"That's what I thought," Caleb said. "Now leave."
She did, without a single retort back.
Which was rather surprising.
She normally can't keep her mouth shut.
"Hey," Caleb said, turning towards me. "You okay?"
I shook my head, not saying anything because I knew that more tears would come if I did.
Caleb cupped my face, wiping a tear and forcing me to look at him. "Want to talk about it?"
He kissed my head before grabbing my hand and pulling me out of the library. He pulled me away from the library and dropped my hand once we were down the hall.
And before he could even say anything, I put my arms around his waist and started crying on his chest.
"So are you going to tell me what that was about?" Caleb said a few minutes later, when we were both sitting against the wall. "Because I highly doubt that was all because of what Ericson was saying."
I didn't say anything, choosing instead to pick at my shoe.
"Okay, guess I'm going to guess then," Caleb said. "I'm guessing it has something to do with Al."
"Wow you're a real Ravenclaw," I said.
Caleb bumped my shoulder with his. "Come on, Ads. What happened?"
I bit my lip and looked down. "I think he moved on. In fact, I'm about ninety percent sure that he did."
"Why do you think that?"
"Because he met some girl in the library today," I said. "He said he was tutoring her, and maybe that's true, but...he still hasn't tried talking to me about what I said on Saturday. I go out there and make a fool of myself and he doesn't say anything."
"So you're convinced he moved on?" Caleb asked. "Because of those two things?"
"Not addressing the fact that someone said that they're falling in love with you is a pretty big thing," I said. "I don't know...I just think that he's done with me. I put him through six years of bullshit and finally he's done."
"I don't think that's true," Caleb said.
"And why do you think that?"
"Because he looked ready to kill Ericson for making you cry," Caleb said simply. "He was sitting with that girl and she was looking but Al was looking over at you, basically killing Ericson with the look on his face. And when I brought you out, he followed. But then you latched yourself onto me and he just nodded at me, like he was glad someone was taking care of you and went back into the library." Caleb looked at me. "You can't tell me that means he's moved on."
"I really don't know anything anymore," I said. "I just wish I could ask him about it."
"So ask him," Caleb said, as if it was so easy. "It's not that difficult. Ask him to Hogsmeade this weekend or just to meet you for a drink and talk about it."
"I'm meeting my mum this weekend," I said. "Besides, I don't want to force him to talk about it if he doesn't want to."
"For two Gryffindors, you two are really such cowards," Caleb said. "You can tell the entire school you're falling in love with him and he can basically let the entire world know that he fancies you even though you have a boyfriend, yet when it comes to actually talking to each other, you guys cower away."
"We're not cowards," I mumbled, even though I knew it was true. "And what about you? Have you gotten around to asking our dear friend Anna on a date yet?"
"Completely different situation," Caleb said. "I'm a Hufflepuff; I'm not expected to take risks. It's perfectly okay for me to have a crush on my friend and not do anything about it."
"Bullshit," I said. "Come on Caleb, you fancy her. Ask her to Hogsmeade this weekend. What's the worse that could happen?"
"She could say no."
"You asked to Hogsmeade after knowing me for about ten minutes. I think you ask someone who you've known for a while easily."
"Yeah but I'd knew you'd say yes."
"Because you dragged me to library to snog you, so really, you were in my debt."
I rolled my eyes, laughing. "Whatever weirdo. Just ask her. What's the worse that could happen?"
"Fine, I'll ask her," Caleb said. "On one condition."
"And what would that be?"
"You talk to Al," he said, causing me to glare at him. "And you find out what the hell is going on between the two of you." He smirked at me. "Just do it. What's the worse that could happen?"
"I hate you."
"Love you too."
"Have I mentioned how much I love these ribs?"
"Yes James," I said, looking at him sitting next to me at dinner. "You mentioned it about four times."
"Because it's good." He took a huge bite, causing sauce to get all over his mouth. "Really good."
I scrunched my nose at him. "Don't talk with your mouth full."
Freddy smirked at me. "It's useless, you know that right? No matter how many times we tell him, he will continue to talk."
"Why do you think Annalise isn't here?" Dom asked. "She refuses to be anywhere near him when he eats like this."
"Your just jealous of what we have," James said. "All you and your boyfriend do is snog."
"At least he wants to snog me!" Dom said. "And enjoys it. Annalise tells me that you're an awful snogger."
James's mouth fell open at this, grossing everyone out since it was still full of food.
"That's a lie," James said, swallowing. "That's total bullshit and you know it."
"No, it's not," Dom said. "She honestly hates the way you kiss."
"She seemed to be enjoying it last night!" James said.
"That's true," Fred mumbled, causing me to frown at him. "I walked in on them."
"Eww," I said.
"It wasn't a pleasant sight."
"I do not use teeth!"
Fred and I both looked over at James's latest outburst. We weren't the only ones, since it was late for dinner, about eight, so the few others at the Gryffindor table looked over as well.
"Then you should really talk to your girlfriend about that issue," Dom said, throwing her strawberry blonde hair over her shoulder.
"What the hell?" I mumbled, confused (as usual) by their arguments.
James suddenly stood up beside me. "Annalise!" She looked up from her food at the Slytherin table with a confused expression on her face. James started motioning dramatically, beckoning her over. She rolled her eyes before talking to her friends and standing up.
"You called?" she said, a slightly annoyed look on her face.
"Did you tell Dom I'm a bad kisser?" James asked frantically. "Because I'm not right? You said I was a great kisser. You weren't lying to me were you?"
Annalise frowned at him. "No, I didn't tell her you're a bad kisser. You're a fantastic kisser, I've told you that about fifty times."
James turned toward Dom, smiling triumphantly. "HA! TOLD YOU SO!"
Dom rolled her eyes. "Yes, you're a great kisser, but now you look like an idiot with sauce all on your shirt and face, doing a ridiculous dance. So really, I won this one."
James sat back down, glaring at Dom. "You're an evil person."
"Ravenclaw, honey. There's a difference."
Annalise sighed. "Is there any other reason for me to be here?"
"You mean other than me?" James said, smirking slightly at her.
"Yes, other than you," Annalise said, a slight smile on her face.
"Then I suppose not," James said.
Annalise leaned down and kissed him on the cheek, avoiding the sauce. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
"Alright," James said, turning his face so he could kiss her full on the mouth. "I love you."
Annalise wiped the sauce off her face with her sleeve before smiling down at James. "I love you too."
HAVE I MENTIONED HOW ADORABLE THEY ARE?!
Seriously. Get married. You're perfect for each other.
James went back to eating his ribs, a huge smile on his face.
That is, before Dom started freaking out on him.
"James!" She squealed. "You didn't tell me that you told her you loved her! You guys are so cute!"
"Weren't you just telling him that she didn't like kissing him?" I asked.
"Yes, but that's before I saw how adorable they are together," Dom said. "When did you tell her? Or did she say it first? When did you realize you were in love with her? Oh Merlin, I can't believe you actually told someone that you loved them an-"
"Dom," Freddy said, interrupting her. "It would be great if you could stop squealing and ask him about all that girly stuff another time."
"Trust me," Freddy said, a slight edge to his voice. "He'd be more than happy to tell you all the gooey details, just please don't do it while I'm present."
Dom frowned at him. "What's got your knickers in a bunch?"
"Nothing," Freddy said. "Merlin, just because I don't want to talk about everyone's love life doesn't mean that my knickers are in a bunch."
"Bullshit," Dom said. "What's the matter with you?"
"I told you, nothing," Fred said, angrily. What shocked me was that he actually seemed angry. I had never seen him like this before. "Now just leave me the fuck alone." He got up and left.
"I should go after him," James said, starting to stand up.
"No," I said, placing a hand on James's arm. "I'll do it. I think that he won't talk about it with you."
James didn't look sure, but I stood up and left before he could say another word.
I walked out of the Great Hall and saw Fred's retreating form heading in the direction of the kitchens and Hufflepuff Common Room.
"Oi!" I said, running to catch up to him. "Fred!"
He didn't turn around, choosing instead to continue walking like he hadn't heard me.
Which I didn't like.
Not. One. Bit.
So naturally, I ran up to him and pushed him.
"What the bloody hell was that for?" Fred asked turning around to face me.
"For ignoring me when I called out to you," I said. "Now what's wrong?"
"Nothing," Fred said, clipping the word and continuing his walk.
"Really?" I asked, falling into stop with him. "Then why did you huff out of the Great Hall after your temper tantrum?"
Freddy glared at me. "I didn't have a temper tantrum."
"And I don't have curly hair," I said back.
Fred stopped walking suddenly and I walked so that I was in front of him, facing him.
"I'm just so fucking sick of it," Freddy said. "Of all anyone talking about or worrying about is their own bloody love lives. Especially James. Since he and Annalise started dating, it's all he can talk about! Like, I'm so glad that he finally got her but really, I don't want to know anything beyond that. Let's just talk about Quidditch and about pranks we can pull and all that. Just go back to being us. And Dom too, like I'm glad that she isn't off hooking up with random guys anymore but I feel like I barely see her anymore. At least when there were random blokes, she would come to me to beat them up and would hang out with me. And it's not even just them. Everyone I know seems to be in a relationship. Rose has Scorpius, Ryan has Lorcen, Louis has Paige, Alice has that Will bloke, Roxy has her boyfriend, Al has-"
"Fred!' I said, interrupting him. "Not everyone has someone! And even if they do then talk to them about it if you miss them!"
"It's not just that!" Fred said, running a hand through his hair and calming down slightly. "It's-it's not just that. It's not just that I miss them or that I'm upset with them being in relationships. Honestly, I'm so fucking happy that they're all in relationships. It's more..." Fred sighed, looking at me straight in the eyes. "It's more that I'm just sick of being the only person that doesn't seem to have a relationship of any kind beyond a few one night things. At risk of sounding like a poof, I guess I'm just sick of being alone."
I frowned at him before taking his hand in mine and squeezing it. "You're not alone, Freddy. Not everyone has someone. And trust me, one day you are going to meet some girl, some amazing girl who is going to be perfect for you. You're not alone Freddy, because I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."
Fred looked down in my eyes and I could tell he was debating something.
I couldn't tell what he was debating, but then again maybe I didn't really want to know.
Either way, he made a decision and went for it.
He pulled me by the hand closer to him before slowly lowering his mouth onto mine, giving me enough time to tell him to back off.
But I didn't.
And I'm not really sure why.
When his mouth met mine, his free hand moved so that it was at the small of my back, pulling me closer to him. Mine went up to his hair, threading it through my fingers. At first the kiss was slow and timid but it escaladed quickly.
His tongue worked its way into my mouth as he pushed me up against a wall. I detached my hand from his and wrapped it around his neck pulling him as close to me as possible. His other hand went down and grabbed my waist, holding me firmly in place so that I couldn't get out of his hold.
Not that I really wanted to.
The kiss was frantic; no emotions were behind it, mainly just two people wanting to have the touch of another person. It wasn't soft or slow or gentle or romantic in any sort of way. There were no butterflies or weakness of the knees or anything. Just two people kissing each other like they hadn't kissed another person in an extremely long time.
Which, in my case, was true.
It wasn't a bad kiss at all; in fact it was really, really good. So good, that it made me forget everything that had happened lately.
So I allowed myself to get lost in it and explore a little. One of my hands left Fred's hair to wander down his chest, untucking the front of his shirt to feel his abs underneath my fingertips. In response, Fred moved one of his hands so that it was no holding my waist lightly, but grabbing my arse, something that I had somehow never experience before.
Caleb and I never got this into it- yeah, we would snog, but never in this frantic way that could easily lead to more. It was always nice and gentle, making sure that neither one of us pushed the other too far.
And with Al, even though we got like this a lot, he always kept his hands above the waist, like he was scared that I would smack him if he went anywhere else.
And that thought, that one thought, was enough to pull me out of the blissfulness of the kiss.
Because this wasn't who I wanted to be kissing.
Was it great? Yes.
Did I enjoy it? Fuck yeah.
But in the end, it was Fred who I was kissing. It wasn't Al.
I pulled away suddenly, dropping my hand from his hair and chest. I don't know when the tears appeared, but they did and by the time I pulled away, I was full on sobbing.
"Shit," I heard Fred mumble, and he removed his hand from my butt. He brought me into a hug, holding me close to him. "Shit, I fucked up there didn't I? I shouldn't have done that, I'm sorry."
I clenched his shirt in my fists. "It wasn't that it was bad. It's just..." I looked up at him trying to find someway to not make this sound as terrible was it was. "You aren't Al."
"No, I'm not," Fred said, looking down at me, sadly. "It was dumb of me to do that."
"It wasn't all you," I said, wiping my eye. "I wasn't complaining."
"I still shouldn't have done it," Freddy said, guilt written all over his face. "I'm so sorry Addie." I leaned my head against his chest and felt him kiss my forehead. "Al and James are going to kill me if they find out."
"Why?" I asked.
"Because you're you," Fred said. "Any other girl, I'd be fine. But you're you. You're Al's. No matter what the hell you guys are going through, you're still his. Always." There was a moment of silence. "I'm sorry."
"Fred, I swear to Merlin, if you apologize one more time I'm going to kill you," I said, laughing slightly despite my tears.
"Right," he said. "Sorry."
I rolled my eyes and leaned against his chest, tears still falling. "So how about no one finds out about this?"
"Yeah," Fred said, rubbing my back comfortingly. "That sounds like a good idea."
Fred and I walked back to the Common Room together careful not to get caught out since it was well past curfew. After our awkward snog session, we went into the kitchens and ate out our feelings.
We figured it was a better way than snogging out our feelings.
It was about 11:30 when we came back into the Common Room and, surprisingly, there was only one person in there.
I noticed that Freddy stiffened, like he had been caught doing something wrong at the sight of Al.
"Hey," he said, walking towards the boy’s dorms and distancing himself from me.
"Hey," Al said, looking between us like he knew something was off. "Where were you guys?"
"Kitchens," Fred said. "There was some left over cake that was calling our names."
"You guys have been together since dinner?" Al asked, frowning.
"Um, yeah," Fred mumbled. "I got to go to bed, big day tomorrow."
"Right," Al said, glaring slightly at Fred. "Night."
"Night," Freddy said before looking over at me. "Night Ads. Sorry about keeping you out so late."
"It's fine," I said, heading towards the dorms myself.
At least, until I heard Al go, "Addie, wait."
And that caused my heart to stop and start pumping very quickly in my chest. I stopped on the first step.
"Look, what I wanted to say was..." Al said and I knew that he was probably running a hand through his hair, trying to figure out the least awkward way to say whatever it was he wanted to say.
I ignored the part of me that was hoping for a response to my confession.
"Um, it wasn't your fault. What happened between us."
"Oh," I said, not turning around, and my heart sped up as I heard him get off the couch and take a few steps in my direction.
"I was an idiot. I am an idiot. But...this whole thing, what's been happening to us the past few months, it isn't your fault. If anything, its mine."
"No it’s not," I said, turning to face him.
And I nearly wished that I didn't.
Because now, after having kissed Fred, I was craving even more to kiss him and run my hands through his soft hair.
His green eyes were piercing mine and I almost, almost, pulled a Rose and snogged him, right there.
But I didn't have that courage.
Caleb was right. I was a coward.
"Yeah, it is," he said, running a hand through his hair. "Look can we just...go back to the way it was before? Before all that shit with Caleb and...all that."
I knew that by "all that" he meant our attempt at a relationship. And I could see in his eyes that he didn't know what to call it. We were only officially dating for two weeks.
"I just...I would like to be your friend again, Ads," Al said. "Things weren't so bad when we were just friends."
I decided to ignore pointing out to him that we were only just friends for about two weeks before things started getting weird.
"Friends?" I asked, my heart lagging. He wasn't telling me that he was falling in love with me too. He wasn't telling me that I was still His Girl, like Fred said.
He just wanted to be friends.
"Yeah," he said. "Just back to normal."
Back to normal. But the thing is, being friends wasn't normal for us. We didn't have a normal. For five years, I thought it was normal to argue with him everyday. Then for three months, I thought it was normal to have a boyfriend and ignore all my feelings for him. For about three weeks, we stumbled between the awkward line of dating or not dating. And for the past month and a half, it was normal for him to ignore my existence and for me to constantly cry.
Normal didn't exist for us.
And I knew that. I know because it was so rare to have that changing normal. We were rare and our entire relationship since we met has been rare. It has always been rare and you know what? I was there and I remember all too well.
We had never been actual friends.
Yet here he was offering friendship like we were friends before.
But I didn't want to be friends with him. I wanted to be his girlfriend. I wanted to hold his hand and kiss him and hold him whenever I wanted. I wanted him to push me up against a wall and kiss me like Fred had, but mean it unlike Fred. I wanted him to be mine and me to be his.
But all he wanted was friendship.
So I had a choice to make. Friendship, or nothing.
The answer was obvious.
"Yeah," I said, pushing down every part of me that told me to tell him how I felt again. To instead be a coward and hide. "Yeah, friendship sounds...good."
His face broke out into a smile, a real, true smile that I hadn't seen in a long time.
"Great," he said, backing towards the boy dorms. "Well, I got to go to bed but I'll see you tomorrow." He flashed a smirk my way and a part of me hoped for the jerk smirk just so maybe, just maybe, I could find a reason to dislike some part of him. But he just gave me a friendly smirk, like he gave Scorp or Rose. "Friend."
"Yeah," I said. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow...friend."
Remember how I said I hated the word "Oh"?
Well I officially hate "friend" more.
But if friendship was all Al was offering, Id take it.
If rather be his friend than nothing any day.
And I walked up the stairs to my dorm, got in my bed and curled into a ball, wondering if I had made the right decision.
A/N: New Chapter! Yay!
Sorry it took a few weeks to get out. I've been terribly busy. But hopefully it will cool down!
I hope all my American readers had a lovely Thanksgiving and I hope all my other readers just had a lovely Thursday!
So the chapter. Lots happened. What did you think? Al and Addie are finally on regular speaking terms at least! And Rose and Scorpius are so cute. And...(nervous laughter) Fred and Addie kissed. Not really sure what made me do that, but Addie was basically yelling at me, telling me that was what happened.
But hey, JAMLISE SAID THAT THEY LOVED EACH OTHER. HOW CUTE IS THAT?!
Next chapter, will be Hogsmeade. She meets with her mum. For those of you wondering more about her dad, that will be addressed!
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