How could I have been so stupid not to have seen? How could I have been so foolish? Have I lost everything now? Did I work it out too late? How have I messed this up so badly, I don’t want to lose Kaitlin, she is the best thing in my life. She makes me happy and good and I can’t live without her.
My God, I can’t live without her. What does this mean? These feelings I have suddenly seem so clear. I have been blind to my own feelings for so long, I must have blocked them out so completely. I love is blind then I am the blindest man alive.
She hasn’t spoken to us since we cornered her into revealing her secret, since she told me she loved me. I have tried everything I can think of to get through to her. I bought her chocolates, flowers, cards, jewelry and much more but she sent them all back unopened. I only knew she’d been near the things I’d sent by the smell of her lingering perfume. It made me think that perhaps I had a chance.
I still cannot believe it took me so long to work out my feelings. What Kaitlin feels for me I return tenfold. I love her with all my heart and I’ve been a retched fool for not seeing it before but it does not matter for I will win her now.
I don’t know what I expected when I spoke of my most deepest secret – my love for James but I hadn’t expected what had actually happened. All the gifts, the flowers, the candy and the cards kept coming by the dozen. All sent by James of course, begging me to talk to him.
I wish I knew what he wanted, what it all meant. Did he just want to talk? To be friends? Or dare she hope that he wished for more? It was almost too much to bare but I will bare it until the truth finally comes out.
How can I tell her of my feelings if she will not respond to my advances? I know no one ever said that love was easy but I would appreciate it if someone would cut me some slack here.
So desperate am I that I sought out the advice of my dear brother, though why I bothered is beyond me. He hadn’t even got any girl experience. Albus and Crystal are still dancing around their emotions. However I have to start somewhere or I fear I will go mad. My lover for her is so strong, why do I feel like it’s consuming my body and soul.
I’ve never felt this way before and it is most un-guy like. I am a man not a sniveling love sick teenage girl. Yet I cannot stop the way I feel.
‘Albus I need advice’ I said spotting my brother as usual in the library.
‘About?’ he asked.
‘Kaitlin’ I mumbled, this was humiliating enough, I didn’t want to run the risk of having the whole school know.
‘Oh?’ said my brother, ‘What about Kaitlin?’
I sighed, he really wasn’t going to make this easy for me, ‘How can I tell if Kaitlin is responding to my advances? Am I doing something wrong?’ I asked.
My brother looked at me with this giant Cheshire cat grin on his face like I’d just told him where he could find a pot of treasure. ‘You knew what I wanted all along didn’t you’ I said.
‘Yup’ he replied popping the p.
‘I hate you’ I joked.
‘No you don’t but I can’t help you. In case you hadn’t noticed my track record with girls I like is even smaller than yours. I suggest you ask Scorpius, after all he managed to overcome what you’re struggling with now’ he said matter-of-factly.
‘Scorpius really?’ I moaned, I still disliked him but there was nothing I could do about it, him and Rose were joined at the hip now.
‘Yeah really, suck up your pride and go talk to him or you may never win Kaitlin’s hand’ commented Albus.
Jerk he knows just what to say to make me do something. So Scorpius has all the answers does he? Well I have questions, and with the matter of Kaitlin at hand, I might just be able to see him…even though my pride tells me differently!
Ok so I may have deviated slightly in my ‘talk to Scorpius’ plan, it’s been two days since I spoke to my brother and I still haven’t done it. Worse, Kaitlin still isn’t responding to me, I gift her with all these presents and she takes them graciously but she doesn’t look so happy about them, more confused and some other emotion that I can’t quite place.
Luckily for me, Scorpius hangs out in the library far more than he used to, the downside of dating Rose I suppose, she seems to have mastered all his bad attitude without really doing anything. Thankfully luck continued to be on my side as Scorpius was sitting on a table by himself, I remained hovering nearby trying to get up the courage and knock down the pride to talk with him.
‘Are you going to stand there all day Potter?’ he asked.
‘Oh, urm, I was wondering if you could help me’ I said, swallowing the vomit that threatened to rise.
‘I was wondering how long it would take you to suck up your pride and come see me’ he said.
‘Wait you know why I’m here?’ I asked shocked.
‘Of course, Albus told me, he was definitely right when he said I’d have to wait for you’ he said, smirking.
I made a mental note to find my dear brother later and kick him.
‘So can you help me?’ I asked worriedly.
He sighed pitying me. ‘You are doing this all wrong; Kaitlin is like Rose in some ways. She already knows how you are; she needs to know who you are. Stop trying to impress her and just be yourself. She knows all your good and bad sides already’.
‘So basically I have to avoid doing anything I’d normally do and go against the rules?’ I asked.
‘Yeah’ said Scorpius.
‘Let her see the real you’ he said seriously.
‘Ok’ I replied, he’d given me a lot to think of.
A Couple of Days Later
I don’t think I’d ever felt more nervous in my entire life. I would take Quiddich, exams and even detention over this. It’s the act of putting yourself out there was terrifying, despite all the advice Scorpius had given him, he was still worried that Kaitlin would still turn him down. After all he hadn’t exactly been the model example of a great friend and prospective boyfriend in the last year.
It wasn’t his fault that it had taken him so long to work out what he felt for Kaitlin. He was a male after all, and hadn’t really realized what he was feeling till the object had started to become unattainable. He’d managed to get there in the end though, so really it was alright.
His hands were sweating; he’d never reacted this way to a girl before. He was starting to sound like a movie character, he couldn’t imagine a life without Kaitlin in it, he didn’t want to be her friend anymore, he wanted her to be the one he woke up to, the one who held his heart and the one to be his family. They were big thoughts for someone still in school but he felt so passionate about it.
It had been a Hogsmead day but he hadn’t felt like going. He’d picked up a single red rose that he planned on giving to Kaitlin when she returned from the village. He knew red roses were cliché but he hoped that she’d appreciate the sentiment. He wanted to spoil and treat her, so far his gifts hadn’t been appreciated and he hoped that the rose would be the first of many gifts that she’d love to receive.
Oh god, here she comes – moment of truth.
‘Kaitlin’ I stuttered, why couldn’t I be cool, calm and collected at a time like this.
‘James?’ she questioned.
‘Can I talk to you for a minute?’ I asked.
‘Sure’ she replied and allowed me to lead her away to a more secluded area.
‘I erh’ this was not going well, I felt sick, and I was sweating overtime.
‘Are you alright James?’ she asked concerned.
‘Yeah’ I said.
She waited patiently.
‘I know I haven’t been the best friend or even person in the last year. I know I’ve pushed you too far and I apologize. What you said a while back, I know you’ve been avoiding me because of it and I’m sorry it took me so long to become aware of it’ I said.
‘The fact of the matter is that I am aware of it and now I don’t think I could ever avoid it again. I’ve been an idiot, I showered you with gifts in the hope that you’d change your mind about me but I just ended up making you confused. I just can’t bear the thought of not having you in my life’.
‘I’m only a guy, I make mistakes, and I don’t notice the obvious things but if you’re willing I’d love a chance with you’.
‘Will you give me that chance? Will you go out with me?’ I asked with bated breath.
She looked at me with wide eyes, a torrent of emotions washed past her face.
I handed out the red rose and hoped against all hope that she took it from me.
There was a moment of uncertainty where we both looked at each other unmoving and I thought for a moment that this was it and she was going to reject me. I felt very unmanly tears gathering in the corner of my eyes and I willed them away.
She reached her hand forward; the rose was within her grasp. I felt my heart stop momentarily.
She leaned in close and I shivered in response, I could feel her hot breath on my ear.
‘Yes’ she whispered, that one word lighting up my entire world, and she took the rose from my hand.
I felt more girly that I should admit at that moment but when everything comes together and you end up with the girl of your dreams you feel a bit giddy.
It wasn’t magical, it wasn’t spectacular but it was special. The start of something new, things could only go up from here.
Ta-da. The end. Not sure what people think of this ending. Lack of response from the last two chapters made me a bit self-conscious about this particular piece of work and perhaps I ran out of steam. I think the initial idea of this story became too boring for me and so the story became more of a challenge. I gave it my best shot and though it is not my best work I am proud of it. I will now be returning to Dramione stories but it will probably be a week before I post anything new ~ Zyii