The clock on the wall showed that it was almost seven pm. We had fallen asleep and slept for nearly five hours. It seemed that neither of us had been getting very good sleep lately. The light purple bags under his eyes gave that away, it was sad to see his perfect face with something ugly on it. I certainly knew I hadn't gotten good sleep, and probably looked like it. Last night I just tossed and turned, but even before that I was constantly restless, feeling like something was missing. I blamed it on the pregnancy, figuring it was just as simple as that. Even though I knew it was something else. Right now, waking up with him, I didn't feel that way. I felt whole again and I had gotten some of the most restful sleep I've ever had. I watched his chest fall up and down with his breathing.
I curled up closer to him, happy to have him there. I was careful not to jostle him too much. I didn't want him to wake up. I knew once he did we would have to talk more about the uncomfortable topic of how I was just left. I just wanted to move on, forget about everything. I wished I could go back in time, and fix everything. I wish I could still have the time turner and go back and never become anything more than just barely friends with Ron.
Ron. I was sure he went back to the burrow. He was probably staying there until he could get a new apartment, and by that I mean until his parents got him one. I wonder what they thought about us no longer being together. I was sure his mother was devastated. She is probably terrified for the baby. Ginny is going to go psycho over the wedding being canceled. Harry had tried calling here over eleven times. I knew I'd have to face him, he would want answers. He would want to know why the relationship that he had watch blossom fell apart. He had just been so caught up in his relationship with Ginny that he didn't notice. They had been busy and I didn't blame him at all for not really knowing what had been going on. Would I ever tell them about what I had been doing behind Ron's back? I wasn't sure. Even if Draco and I did start a real relationship I wasn't sure. Was there really any point of telling them? I knew they would all be devastated. But they should have known at least a little, somewhere deep in the back of their minds. There were so many times that family members had to ask if we were okay, but they always just assumed that we would be. We really weren't good for each other though. We made each other miserable on a daily basis. Sure, there were good times but not enough to out weight the bad ones. Getting married was a moronic idea to begin with. He really only proposed because he was pressured to. Just like I only agreed because that's what everyone else wanted me to do. I wish I could have just gone back and stood up for myself. Draco had told me that I wasn't being brave, that I needed to stop thinking about everyone's else happiness and think about my own. And well...I was finally doing that kinda...
Okay...not exactly my happiness. But I was thinking about my baby, and its happiness and well being. That was just more important than anything else. I didn't care if Ron or his family disagreed. He was no help, nor would he ever be, to this baby. He wanted me to give it up for adoption! I just couldn't. It was for my happiness that Draco was here though. I needed him here.
Draco stirred underneath me and I stopped my frantic thoughts, like that would make him fall back asleep. He didn't though and eventually his eyes blinked open.
He looked confused, like he didn't know where he was. After a few seconds though the confusing left his eyes. “Hey there.” He smiled at me.
I smiled back at him. It was nice to have him here. Deep down I knew that I had made the wrong choice before. I knew that he was who I should be with and I was relieved that Ron had finally pushed me to it. Granted I was still upset that Ron just walked away after all those years together, but being here with Draco helped a lot.
We stayed like this, just cuddled together, for a while before he spoke.
“Hermione...we have to talk about all of this. I need to know what's going on.” I knew this time I couldn't avoid it.
“I really don't want to talk about it. Can't we just enjoy this time together?” I mumbled, it was a hopeless request that I knew would be turned down.
“No. We need to talk. I don't want to be strung along with false hope again. Do you know how bad that hurt to think that you were choosing me and then you didn't? It was terrible.” His voice was lowered. I knew he didn't want to be saying that but he really did want me to talk to him. “So I need to know. What are we?”
I sighed. What were we? I wasn't really sure. “I...I don't know.” I answered honestly.
“What do you know? What do you want and what don't you want?” He pried.
“I want....I want to be with you. I don't think I can spend another day without you in it. I've been going insane without you. I definitely want to be with you....it's just when. I don't know when. I don't know if we really should throw ourselves into a relationship right away. It will look bad for the both of us and I couldn't feel okay about you looking bad.”
He gave me a half smile. “I'm use to looking bad, love.”
I rolled my eyes. “I know, ya stupid Slytherin.” I smiled at him. “But that's not what I mean. I just...I don't know. Can we just be this? Just us.”
“Yes. This is okay.” He pulled me into his arms. Another moment of silence passed through us. But then he continued on. “Now...there's one more thing.”
Oh no.“What's that?” I mumbled. I was done talking, I didn't want to any longer.
“The baby. I want to help you through all this. I want to be there for it all.”
“I don't know.” I mumbled back at him. “Do we really have to talk about this?”
“Yes. Hermione, please...” I wish she would just listen. Why wouldn't she just talk to me? Why couldn’t she just sit down and let us talk this out? We just went over what we were. But we couldn't be that until we addressed the baby issue.“We need to talk about it. You can't ignore me, you must have an opinion. Share your thoughts with me. I want to know.”
“I don't think this is what you really want...” She mumbled. “You said you didn't want kids. That you would screw them up.”
“If it wasn't what I wanted I would never have suggested it. I'm all for this idea, it was mine after all.” I smiled at her. “And no...I won't be the perfect father. But at least I'll be one.”
She sighed ”I don't know.”
I grabbed her hand in mine. “Come on 'Mione, you need the help.” I smiled at her but she must have taken it the wrong way.
She tried to pull her hand out of mine but I held on tight. “I don't need the help.” She huffed.
Aw, that was not what I meant. “No, no. You don't need it, but it would be nice. You don't need help, but you shouldn't have to do this alone either. I want to help.” I smiled at her again and she softened, understanding that I didn't mean exactly what she heard.
She seemed to think about it. “It would be nice.”
I nodded in response. I didn't really know what to say so I just allowed her to snuggle back up to me.
We spent the rest of the night just being together. I did have to go home quick and grab work papers. Vivian had me working extra hard. I honestly believed that she was just pissed off that I didn'r want her. I'm sure she wasn't use to being rejected. But I just didn't feel anything for anyone else than Hermione, and I was sure I never would. She was my future.
I had missed just having her there. Didn't matter what we were doing, as long as I knew she was there I was content. I thought about those days that she would stay over before this all happened. Simple little things made me smile. Cooking together, reading together, watching tv together, showering together, sleeping together, just being together. It was so nice. I missed that. But at the same time I was happy that everything had hit the fan. I, of course, did not like that Hermione had gone through all of this pain but I was happy that it made Ron out of the picture. He was just bringing her down. Now if she let me, I wanted to show her everything she had been missing.
There was still one question that was burning deep inside my brain, I needed to ask it. I looked over at him, he was sitting on the opposite side of the couch with my legs over his lap, he was shifting through some work papers. I had asked him to stay the night with me, he said that he would be happy to but he did have a big project due to work the next day so he would have to work on it a while tonight. I didn't mind of course, I knew his knew job was pretty demanding. I was just happy he was staying with me.
He must have felt me looking at him because he looked up at me, a bit amused to find me staring.
“Draco...” I started, trailing off. He nodded at me to keep going, smiling a bit to himself. “What happens after the baby is born? You said you'd be here through the pregnancy, but you never really said anything about what you would do after it was born.” I spoke slowly, dragging it on. Did I want him to stick around after? Did I want him to be the baby's father figure? We had talked about being in a relationship but it seemed like we had forgotten that a baby would be there too.
He rolled his eyes. “You have such little faith in me, my dear.” He leaned over to me and kissed the top of my head. “I'll be here for as long as you want me here.” He smirked at me, his stupid trademark smirk. “Which, if I have it my way, will be a very long time.”
“Really?” I tried to stop myself from smiling but I felt the muscles in my face betray me as I broke out in a huge grin.
He smiled at me again and then laughed. “Sorry darling, you're stuck with me this time.”
Heyya lovelies! I'm terribly sorry for the wait. I was so busy during Thanksgiving break and now the validation time is really long so it seems like forever. I love you all! Happy reading!