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The Queen Is Giving In by blackballet
Chapter 4 : Step Two On My Way To Destruction
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 3

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A/N: Shoutout to Pretense of Perfection for giving me really helpful constructive criticism! I've gone over two of my chapters and fixed them up a bit. Hope I'm improving for you, because it's all about you guys anyway. Reading is great, reviewing is great, do what you want though. Love you anyway.



Creeping out of the castle to avoid Filch was not as easy as you might think. Especially when the cloak barely fit three of us, never mind five.

"Dorcas, will you move over!"

"Shut your pie hole Sirius!"

"Seriously Dorcas, just crouch like the rest of us." Boys could be so stupid

"Ladies don't crouch," I scream-whispered for the last time.

"Yeah, well then they don't hide under invisibility cloaks either!" James shoved me out and I bumped into one very flustered Severus Snape.

"What are you doing here Meadowes?"

"Nice to know you've taken enough care to learn my name, Sevvy." I smiled as creepily as I could, and he backed away from me a little bit, then continuing on his run away from me. I was about to go kick some serious Black ass when I got shouldered by a thinner, daintier shoulder. There was a trail of tears leading from the red-headed Prefect who I would have to speak with later.

"Oi, Dorcas, we've got to go! Remus is getting restless."

"Oh fuck it! I'm going without the cloak, I'll meet you down there." I ran out the door that lead out of the Transfiguration side of the Great Hall. The courtyard was dark and dank at night. The big statue in the middle didn't look like a fountain you could get in trouble with from swimming in it. It looked like something you could get seriously injured from, with all the sharp edges. I ran faster, wanting to get in my stride before changing. My feet crunched the fallen leaves as I went faster and faster. The wind whipped my hair around with a force stronger than real wind ever could. I looked up in shock and saw that the full moon had bared itself to the night. I looked around quickly, hoping Remus hadn't turned yet, but it was only me in the courtyard. I ran down the steps leading to Hagrid's house and transformed while passing through the stones.

My red fur was always so silky. Running through the forest, the moonlight would reflect off of my fur. I gave off an eerie glow as well. Most animagi have a little hint of the person inside. James had spectacle birthmarks around his eyes, Peter was short and stout, also looking very nervous, but that could also just be that rat. Sirius had his blue eyes They were the same eyes I had known for all these years. Mine was silly, and rather strange as well. I had blonde ears, to represent my hair I guess. This wasn't exactly subtle as no red fox had blonde ears. My ear cocked to the side as I heard a scream  coming from the distance behind me. The centaurs still hadn't even seen me! I leaped across rocks and over tree roots as fast as was possible, until landing right outside their territory. I skidded to a halt when one of the larger ones stepped in front of me. I made a small squeak that I hoped was only loud enough for my ears. Another yell came in the distance, and the man-horse looked up, giving me the chance to run straight through the camp. They galloped after me, shooting arrows and shouting for me to slow down lest I be struck down mercilessly. Whatever that means. I made it out of the other side, generally unscathed. Small bruises were forming from rocks that had either been thrown, or branches that I had run into. I transformed back into my human self, and walked quietly around the silent clearing. Every crackle and snap of the woods took my breath away. I walked around where I sensed James to be, until I heard a slight hollow echo, and quiet whimpering. Remus was about to fully transform, and I needed to be there. Kneeling down, I felt around on the ground for a latch or handle to open the door. I grabbed the handle and thrust it open, shoving myself inside.

It was dark down there, and it seemed to be a long hallway before I would find the boys. I took out my wand, and turned on the lights. I came in and Remus was beginning to transform. Sirius, James, and Peter were standing in the corner opposite me, holding hands. I transformed quickly, hoping to distract Remus from the terrifying pain of transformation. I closed my eyes and used my senses to find my way across the room. Trotting with a fast pace, I heard cries of pain, and I winced every time I heard his body thrown at wall, or something to that effect. When I felt the comforting fur of my best friend beside me, I opened my eyes to the horror.

Remus was on the floor, bloody and snarling at the two who advanced closer. Sirius turned around when he felt me next to him, and I winced in pain before Remus even hit Sirius. I took Sirius' place next to James, and bit the air, threatening Remus. He stopped moving when he heard another howl in the distance. Rolling my eyes in anticipation is what I would've done if I could have ever figured out how to do that as a fox. Remus headed slowly for the door, and James, Sirius and I went to head him off. Sirius jumped on him from behind, which angered him even more. Remus wanted to go find his wolf friends now, and it would be hard to stop him. Remus thrashed around under Sirius' grip, and I jumped on his back, hoping to help. We were not coming out of this one unscathed, I already knew it. For the second I took my mind off of protecting Remus, he bolted through the door, and we ran after him. Peter came out of his corner and made his way up to the castle to inform Dumbledore that Remus was loose. Keeping up with Remus was no problem for me as it was for the others. The problem was that when Remus and I ended up being alone, there wasn't much I could do. The other two were much stronger than I. Remus had stopped, and was waiting to hear again from another wolf. I think he had almost forgotten I was there. James came up behind me, followed by Sirius. Remus turned around when he heard James' hooves on the ground. What happened next was almost in slow motion. James charged straight forward at Remus, one of his antlers piercing the side of Remus' leg. Simultaneously, Sirius was thrown to the ground, and I heard a whimper from his mouth, a rare noise. Looking back at Sirius, I saw that he had been forced to change back.

"Dorcas!" Why would Sirius be screaming my name when he could be heading back to the castle, was the last question I could ask myself before the centaur ran into me.

 I sat up slowly, dizzy and in a panic. I couldn't hear the sounds of teeth thrashing or the rip of skin. I saw my milky white skin in the sunlight. Confused once again, as I had never transformed back into a human. There was a buzzing in my ear and I saw Remus limping on James in the light dusk of six A.M. in Scotland. I picked myself up and walked slowly back to the castle, without enough strength to run as the fox I should have been.                   

"Vix!" I was in the hospital bed again, twice in two weeks already.

"Pads!" Sirius was coming towards my bed, his arm and leg bound and casted. I sat up and hobbled my way out of bed. He embraced me tightly, until I receded slightly.

"What's wrong?"

"Two broken ribs," I said, grimacing.

"I don't care right now." He hugged me again, with a little less force. I felt his breath on my head. He was breathing heavily, and now holding my head with one of his hands.

"You can't imagine how nervous you made us all," he whispered into my head. His huge arms had made me feel safe time and time again, and maybe these feelings were just strong mutual platonic feelings. They felt the same as James, or Remus, or even Peter sometimes. He held my upper arms and pulled back.

"Why the hell did you transform?" I gulped, my Adam's apple suddenly feeling as big as Sirius' looked.

"Same as you. I was too injured to handle it, and I defaulted back to human." He embraced me once again, and my head rested on his shoulder, my arms hanging limply at his sides. Remus and James came out from behind a second corridor of beds, walking slowly as they both needed. Remus looked worse than James, one of his legs was completely immobile. He was using muggle crutches, an invention the Wizarding World could not figure out a spell for yet. Operation on werewolves was dangerous, as it could cripple them permanently. Everyone joined our small circle and we embraced like true friends. Another tear slipped out of the side of my eye. The drop on the floor echoed in my mind as I hugged them as tight as I could. It seemed to smack the ground with intensity now. No one else heard it though, just me. Remus withdrew and went to lay down, as Madame Pomfrey hadn't allowed us to get up yet, and she was due back any minute. His words, not mine. James sat on the bed across from me, and Sirius sat next to me, letting me rest on his shoulder. His muggle T-shirt was soft and dark blue. It felt like I was laying on a cloud. Putting his arm around me, we sat through more silence and I let it happen. I wanted to break the silence, and for the first time, I would have something to talk about for every awkward silence for the rest of my life.

One of the things I couldn't wrap my brain around was Sirius' fucking mouth. He had a Victorian-esque beauty mark above it, on the right. His lips were set in a half smile most of the time. When he actually smiled, he used all of the teeth that fit in his mouth. It was the kind of smile that made you want to smile as well. He always shaved, except after he's had sex or a long night. After a full moon, for example. His lips were completely soft and he was always licking them. No one ever saw him put chap stick on, but I did one time. It was the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. Except for one spot, his lips were a subdued red. He got a scar on the bottom right of his lip in fourth year, from Bellatrix. That spot has been a light pink ever since. The things I chose to think of while getting dressed in the morning were truly starting to disturb me.

Mornings after the full moon were the worst. We would get to skip breakfast, but that was usually about it. This was something we knew when we agreed to do this. Remus was the only one who ever got to skip a day of school. I heard more banging on the door, and I chose effortlessly to ignore it. I was putting my make up on as slowly as time would allow it. It seems that Marlene had gotten in late as well last night and was not her usual cheery self. Deciding to skip breakfast was not the best idea, seeing as Lily would be worried about my health. I don't think Transfiguration needs me today, so I will take my sweet time at breakfast. Smiling at my placid reflection, I opened the door and Marlene glared at me from her bed, got up hastily, muttered something under her breath, and flicked on the shower with her wand. And she thinks she's got time problems. I tied up my newly clean hair in a bun and walked downstairs with my bag. Going downstairs I got a few more strange stares than normal, but I waved it off to my horrible appearance. I trailed along the corridors, taking any turn I wanted to. The last few kids were trailing into their classrooms and I spotted Lily and Alice, chattering and about to turn the next corner.

"Wait!" I ran after them, tripping myself in the process. They walked over to me rushed purpose, and helped me up.

"Oh my god!" I looked at Alice in annoyance.


"What did you do to your eye?" Oh shoot, I didn't cover that up?

"You know, Emmeline is just still not over Sirius I guess."

"Seems she's left a pretty big mark there. What's that about?"

"Like I said. You know how Sirius can be." We continued down the hall, Alice and Lily shut off by my hasty reply.

I assumed there was actually more to that story than Sirius had even let on to me. I mean, shagging straight off the train, then not even talking to her at the feast? What was wrong- oh. I get it. Sirius wasn't, 'sorting things out' with Emmeline. He was most likely sorting things out with any random girl. I despised it when he did that. I know why though. He has been rejected all his life, and I know what it's like to not be able to trust anyone. Most people thought he only started getting abused when he was sorted into Gryffindor, but from what James and Sirius have told me collectively, I can tell it started way before that.

Walburga Black was sometimes worse than her husband I think. His father mostly stayed in the background, the foreground was Walburga's wrath. She was the one who kept up appearances, and believe me, at the parties I had the so called blessing of being invited to, you would think Sirius a prodigy. Either that or he had been beaten so badly that day that he couldn't even show his face. I had been on the wrong side of her once, and I don't regret it one bit.

"How dare you? How dare you come and embarrass me?" Walburga was screaming at the top of her lungs, piercing the ears of the poor house elves who adorned the walls. I was around the corner, waiting for Sirius to come down from his room. He was now bleeding out of his nose, standing up against his mother, not even trying to stifle the blood.

"I did nothing you haven't told me! I stayed in my room until promptly eleven o' clock, when all respectable Pureblood festivities would be expected to end." He would get it for this. He was mocking her. He knew it too, as I saw the smirk slide on his face when she raised her fist. I hid my eyes, not wanting to see, nevermind hear what would happen next.

"Be careful, Madame Black. Wouldn't want another tooth to fall out, or it might not look so good to your master." He bowed low, another mocking attack. I really hoped he knew this would get him nowhere. As of now, I don't think he even remembered I was supposed to be taking him to Remus'.

"Hold your tongue! You won't take the Dark Lord's name in vain! You're insolent! Insufferable! No one will ever love you!" She let her dainty hand rest, and rearranged her rings so they sparkled under the dim kitchen light. She grabbed his collar, and walked him over to the corner.  

"You're just like your uncle." She spat on the floor in disgust. "He left because we hate him! That's what will happen to you too." She let the chair screech against the tile as she brought it over to where Sirius was crumbled on the floor. She crossed her legs, and dusted her perfect, black gown as if there would ever be a speck of dust on it. She leaned close to her trembling son and whispered through perfectly painted lips.

"You're worthless. Your so called best friend has been waiting in the hall for you, watching you get screamed at by a woman. You're so very lucky she's Pureblood. Pretty, that one. Better keep her safe, Sirius dear."

"Shut the fuck up!" Sirius' voice rang out in the large room, and I saw his blood spatter from his lips from across the room. She almost went to smack him, but dropped her hand to rest on his cheek when she saw my face.

"My son, you could have been so wonderful, like your brother." This was enough. Sirius was better than any of them could ever be.

"He's better than you." She turned away to look at me, and let her fingernails scrape against his face.

"Don't you dare tell him that you, or anyone else in your family is better than him, because you're wrong."

"Watch yourself, pretty girl. Did you not hear me talking to my son? I think he'd like to have you, and I won't have him working on damaged property."

"Shut up," Sirius roared from the corner again. I glanced at him and tried to give him my best pleading face, the one that told him to stop.

Walburga turned back to use her menacing voice on him again, but not before I froze her. I froze her with my wand. Like with ice and everything. Sirius let out a sigh of relief that I could tell he'd been holding in. I walked over to him and lifted him up as much as I could.

"We need to get out of here. She might burn the ice with all that rage." He chuckled as fully as was possible, and let out another ragged sigh.

"We need to get you out of here."

"Go to James' place. His parents. Help."

"Are you ready?" He nodded quickly, and I saw more blood leaking from under my hand.


That was one of the nights that I will never forget. At James' house, Mrs. Potter worked her magic on Sirius and he was moderately fixed up by two in the morning. The night had been moved from Remus' house to the Potter's. Everyone was there, and I think Sirius did know in his heart he was loved. He wasn't worthless, but I have always had a hard time proving that to him.

Lily and Alice kept trying to drag me into the conversation, but I would have none of it. My mouth would stay shut until we were separated by at least one potions table. God only knows what would come out of this mouth at nine in the morning, considering the circumstances.  

I made my way over to Sirius, and dropped my bag on the floor in between our chairs. I nudged him, while he was flirting shamelessly with Gwenog Jones, Hestia's older sister who was in Hufflepuff. He flipped his hair back with his hand before turning towards me, and I saw Gwenog bat her lashes one last time, all while giggling unattractively.

"What's wro- Whoa!" He caught my image in the middle of speaking, realizing what I needed in the first place. 

"What happened to your face? Or at least your makeup?" I crossed my arms over my weak ribs and coughed, hinting that he needed to amend that statement and fast.

"I mean... Well fuck, you get it." I sighed again. This whole getting treated as one of the boys bit was getting old.

"Can you just fix it? Pomfrey left it for me last night."

"Just do it yourself, I'm not good at that stuff." He turned back to Gwenog, who had just been joined by her pretty friend. I looked down, trying to keep my temper.

"I can't!" he turned around quickly, annoyance flashing on his face

"Well why the hell not?"

"I just can't." I gave up, my arms becoming limp at my sides. I felt like a big deflated balloon. I was hungry, tired, moody, dying, and just wanted my face to become a pasty white again.

"Fine, just turn towards me." He grabbed my chin forcefully, and examined my eye and cheek. I looked away again, not wanting any reason to fall into those beautiful eyes. I felt the pain leave my cheek slowly, and he removed his hand. He fixed my bruise, quickly and easily. There wasn't magic he wasn't good at, the bastard. We both faced the front, and a dead awkward silence settled. That's never actually happened before. Silence has happened, but never uncomfortable silence. I had to do something or I would just burst.

"Sirius what the hell did you do to Emmeline?" He turned to answer, but not before Slughorn started up class. He faced the front again, and chose to ignore me. Something he would never do on a regular basis. I fell against the desk, my head bouncing, definitely leaving another bump. Worst. Day. Number. Two.


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