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No Ordinary Nutter by Hedwig_Pie
Chapter 4 : Of Nutters and Troubled Rappers
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 8

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Chapter 4: Of Nutters and Troubled Rappers

‘James fucking Potter,’ I screeched, as I approached the Potions dungeon.

He was once again in his devil-may-care position, leaning against the wall like he owned all the shit. Curse him. Curse him and his devil-may-care standing positions.

He seemed to be mindlessly chatting up the same blonde twit who was fawning over him last lesson. I scrutinized her tie. Silver and green. For a Slytherin, this girl was sure acting like a ditz.

He pushed himself off the wall at my approach, a smirk already in place.

‘Halle Thomas, what can I do for you today?’ he asked, directing his sparse attention away from the Slytherin, who was now furiously talking to the side of his cheek.

I stood in the most threatening pose in my arsenal, one hip pointed out, both hands on waist and head slightly cocked to the right.

That’s right, I mean business.

‘What kind of pixie dust have you been sniffing to think I’ve been flirting with you? Get your head out of our arse otherwise you’ll lose the only friend you’ve got in this class,’ I growled, completely surprised by how confident I sounded.

Look at me –Halle the Ravenclaw– telling off all who is evil in the world.

I should get a medal.

The Slytherin –I should really learn her name, otherwise she will forever be known as ‘The Slytherin’ –cleared her throat and raised an eyebrow, ‘I’ll be your friend,’ she said suggestively.


Why is the world so unfair?

Despite my threatening speech, and the Slytherin’s failed attempt at seduction, Potter looked unfazed. Perhaps even, bored.

He obviously has a much more exciting life than I. My highlight of that week was watching a fellow Ravenclaw’s cat walk on its two hind legs.

It was pretty damn exciting.

James then proceeded to turn his ‘charm’ factors on extreme, and shot the Slytherin girl a cross between a smirk, a grin and a pout. I had to bite my lip to stop myself from laughing, since to me he looked like a sulking cow.

Slytherin didn’t think so, since she morphed into a puddle of goo, unable to form a coherent word.

I couldn’t help it, I burst out laughing.

‘Are you still mad?’ he asked, grinning alongside me as we ambled into the classroom.

I chose not to response and instead looked around the classroom. Twelve. Twelve girls glared at me as Potter slid into the seat at my immediate right.

I grinned maniacally when the twelve girls glaring at me started glaring at each other, some mouthing things like, ‘Back off, he’s my boy!’

Pah. He is sitting next to me. Making him my boy, silly fan girl.

Ahem. That was uncalled for.

Let’s just forget we said that, shall we?

Besides, I obviously meant it in a slang kind of term. Like when gang members call each other homies or boys. Yes, that was it. My black heritage was coming out in my speech.

Next thing you now I’ll be rapping down the corridor and referring to my home as the hood.

Oh, those would be the days.

‘So Thomas, cat got your tongue?’ Potter asked; when I was deep in thought about producing my own movie, about a rag-tag group of kids who had a passion for dance.

I would be the troubled rapper, of course.

Goddamit, I need a life.

‘Hmm? You’re an arse Potter and I refuse to talk to you,’ I said, staring straight ahead and refusing to look at his face.

‘So I might have lied. A teeny weenie bit. But you should have seen Al’s face when I said you were flirting with me, he was about combust,’ Potter said, laughing.

I turned around to face him, frustration bubbling beneath the surface of my skin. So this was why I had ignored this bloke for the past five years.

Because he was a ruddy prat.

‘That is a horrible thing to do, Potter. I am not a pawn in your brotherly battles,’ I said, swatting him on the shoulder.

Ooh, that’s gonna leave a bruise tomorrow.

‘That is not going to leave a bruise tomorrow, Halle. I barely even felt it,’ Potter said, glancing down at the affected area.

I looked at him questioningly, ‘Shit. Did I say that aloud?’ I asked.

He nodded and patted my head. ‘So we good?’

I sighed and returned the nod, ‘Yeah, we good my homie.’

Potter erupted into laughter at my completely appropriate use of black slang, and involuntarily I felt the corners of my mouth twitching upwards.

Godric, his laugh was contagious.


Professor Chang was drawling on about the uses of a Polyjuice Potion. I hated theory lessons, they were so boring. And honey, it’s a bit obvious what a Polyjuice Potion does; drink some potion and poof you’re somebody else for like half an hour. It’s not rocket science.

Potter looked as bored as I was, but it was prohibited to talk in class. Like Professor Chang would send daggers with her eyes and deduct house points. I think my record was 35 points in one class when I was in a heated argument with Al about the positive effect pies had on society. Did Al get any points deducted? No. Because he was the son of her secret lover.

OK, maybe not secret lover. But my dad told me Harry Potter and Professor Chang used to go out. Talk about your Hogwarts gossip.

I felt a nudge by my side and looked down to see a sheet of parchment on the desk. Potter had written me a secret note. Ooh, how exciting.

I looked down and read Are you old enough to enter the Triwizard Tournament?

And thus began my first parchment conversation with Potter.


Potter: Are you old enough to enter the Triwizard Tournament?

Me: Hell yeah. One of the oldest people in the grade. You?

Potter: Just made the age limit.

Me: Don’t know if I’m gonna enter. You know they had to fight a dragon last time?

Potter: Yeah, my dad told me.

Me: Well don’t you have connections.

Potter: Hell yeah. I’m cool like that. You should enter.

Me: I’ll enter when you admit you love me.

Potter: Alright. JAMES POTTER



I shook my head mockingly, and scribbled out the word loves repeatedly until it was no longer visible.

Now it just said James Potter (insert giant black smudge here) Halle Thomas.

Thus ended our note, since Potter’s drawing took up the rest of the parchment. He looked at me when I didn’t reply and I whispered to him, ‘you took up the whole page, you wanker. Sorry, I don’t feel the same way. Unrequited love must be so painful.’

He nodded and clutched a hand to his heart, ‘Loosing the will to live.’

Professor Chang sent us the warning glares, so we shut up and looked at our tables.

He ripped the last part of the note off and slid it towards me after a couple of minutes. ‘Just so you’ll always remember,’ he said, pushing it towards my elbow.

‘No way, homie. I ain’t accepting this,’ I laughed, as I took the parchment, tore it in half and then shoved it in his bag.

Wow, I am pathetic, I couldn’t even tear it properly, it was only half-torn. God dammit, even a piece of parchment can survive my wrath!

Potter opened his eyes wide and let his mouth drop, to which Professor Chang cleared her throat and said, ‘Something shocking, Mr Potter?’

He nodded intently, ‘Just how fascinating Polyjuice Potions are. Who knew it’ he squinted to read something off the board, ‘only takes 18 hours to brew in a copper cauldron? Bloody fascinating,’ he said, earning a few snickers from around the room.

Chang narrowed her eyes, before relenting, ‘Language Mr Potter. Anyway, the Polyjuice Potion-’ she said, before lapsing back into some description which sounded like it had been memorized from Advanced Potion Making.

When the bell rang later, Potter winked at me before practically running out of the classroom. ‘I’m gonna enter, Halle. Wish me luck!’ he called out, leaving before I could reply.

‘Good luck, James Sirius Potter,’ I replied, but he was probably too far away to hear.


James P.O.V

Thomas knows my full name.

Well, that settles it; she’s had a crush on me for years.

You want to hear my logic which supports this 100% correct claim? Well, I can’t give it to you, because my logic is most likely too advanced for your brain and it might kill you.

True story.

You know, if Thomas hadn’t ranted on about rubber ducks the first time I ever spoke to her, all the way back in first year, I wouldn’t have ignored her all these years. She’s not a half bad character, and her arse is definitely something nice to look at in my spare time.

Shit, that makes me sound like a stalker. Let’s make this clear, I do not follow Thomas around all day so I can stare at her arse.

I’ve got ladies following me around all day for that.

It was the big moment; I could feel my heart pulse increase as I quickened my pace down the corridor. I saw a few girls in the corner of my eye checking me out, and I decided to flash them a confident grin. One of them squealed.

Have I ever told you how amazing it is being the son of the saviour of the Wizarding World?

Connor was leaning against the corridor, Jessie Kurt underneath his outstretched arm. Everywhere we went together that chick was popping up, never leaving Connor’s side like they were attached by the hip. Seriously, I told Connor to meet me near the Goblet of Fire, I don’t remember inviting Kurt.

Not that I have anything against the girl, but seriously, bros before hoes.

‘Hi, Connor,’ I said as I approached, ‘And Kurt.’ I added, half-heartedly.

Kurt sent me a grin which made her look like the Cheshire cat, but in a creepy way.

‘Hey mate,’ Connor said, retracting his arm from the wall and hi fiving me. Hi fiving was our thing. Don’t even think about stealing it.

‘Hi James,’ Kurt cooed, it slightly annoyed me that she used my first name. I mean, she wasn’t allowed to use my first name. We were not on a first name basis.

Come to think of it, I’m not on a first-name-basis with anyone, really. There was the family, and then there was Connor. That’s pretty much where the list ends.

Halle’s a nice name, though. I’m not sure how it’d taste on my lips. Halle. Hall-ey.

‘James,’ Connor said, snapping his fingers in front of my face, snapping me out of my thoughts.

‘Ready to do this shit, man?’ I asked, nodding towards the folded piece of parchment in his hand.

‘Yup, where’s yours?’ he returned, and I motioned for him to hold on. Swiftly, I brought my hands to the front pocket of my backpack, and began rummaging around for my parchment. I knew I had written my name down somewhere.

Aha! I smiled victoriously as I brought out a slightly crumpled bit of parchment, which had a large tear in the side, and then folded it in half. ‘Got it!’ I exclaimed, bringing out the parchment, and walking towards the Goblet.

‘Aren’t you gonna check it? Could be your Potions homework for all you know,’ Connor asked, raising an eyebrow.

I shook my hand dismissively, ‘James Potter doesn’t make mistakes. Anyway if it’s wrong, the Goblet will just spit it out again, and I’ve always wanted to see the Goblet spit something out,’ I said, entering the protective circle put around the Goblet and dropping my parchment into the flames.

I held my breath for a second, watching for anything wrong with the flame. Maybe I should have checked it, could have been anything and I wouldn’t have even noticed.

Damn my Gryffindor impulse.

The flame changed colour, a bright purple, and then made a sort of gargling noise. People around pointed at it curiously, but the moment soon ended and the flames returned to normal.

The cheer was deafening, I hadn’t even noticed all the people in small clumps surrounding the Goblet, but everyone cheered as my parchment went in. I grinned maniacally, and pumped my fist in the air, earning a growing crescendo in the already deafening applause.

I walked back to Connor and slapped him on the back, as he had earned applause about as enthusiastic as mine. We flashed each other a thumbs up, before Connor intertwined his fingers with Kurt’s and walked away. I smiled at no one in particular and shoved my hands in my pockets.

James Potter; official contestant for the Triwizard Tournament.


Authors Note:

ah, lets see, you already know i don't own anything Harry Potter related.
or do i?
no, i don't.
feeling charitable? there's a little grey box down there that would love to hear your thoughts.


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