Chapter 7 : Struggling Romance
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Am I doing something wrong? Am I ugly inside? Am I boring? Am I not hot enough? Am I too arrogant? Am I insensitive? Am I not a real man? See in my head I don’t see myself as any of those things but what if I am all of those things and they are the reason why I cannot get a real girlfriend. Maybe the way I behave sends out a certain message that attracts girls like Harmony and not real honest girls.
Dad say’s I’m too much like my namesake, apparently James Potter my Grandfather was an arrogant jerk as a teenager. He actively pursued my Grandmother even when she wasn’t interested and it wasn’t until he changed, became less arrogant and spent less time caring what others thought that she actually started to like him back. Perhaps that’s what I need to do, change.
When I proposed the idea of a contest to my sister I thought it would be a great idea and that I’d have girls flocking to me. The idea itself was great but the result has been less than satisfactory. According to my sister on five girls made it through the first testing round and that’s five girls out of the entire female population of Hogwarts. Plus out of those girls none were chosen for having similar interests as me, in fact so far none of them have anything in common with me. I’m starting to lose hope.
I was never concerned before about who to date or how I appeared to others. I wasn’t interested in an attachment or a real commitment. Mum always said it would happen to me sooner or later and now it had. Everyone expects me to have a fantastic love at first sight relationship because of the way my parents and Grandparents met and fell in love. What if there is no one like that out there for me? What if I just suck at romance? Apart from that one time that I don’t speak of any more, I don’t know what it’s like to be in love, like truly in love. How do you know? Is it a feeling? A sign? Or a moment?
I sound like a girl now – which for a guy isn’t good. I’m tired; obviously I’m doing something wrong because otherwise I would be with a decent girl about now.
So I did what any other guy would do, I sucked up my courage and pride and went to ask others for advice. Let me tell you this afternoon has had me running my hand through my hair more times than I can count. Who knew asking for advice would be so pointless and who knew that the one person whose advice would be most helpful would be the one that was so hard to ask.
This is the advice I got from Lily: Lily told me to hang on in there and eventually I’d find someone worthwhile. She said that no one ever finds someone when they’re looking and if they push it then they are even less likely to find someone. She said I should just stop looking and then someone would find me. Personally I say that’s crap advice, if I took the advice of my sister I’d remain single for the rest of my life! You don’t meet people if you stay secluded in your own little hole. If I stop looking then I’m not doing myself any favors, I’m just showing that I’ve given up. Fair enough if that’s what my sister would do but it’s certainly not what I would do.
After Lily’s unhelpful advice I went to Albus who said: ‘Go for the quiet ones’. Seriously that was all he said. Well he may have added that the quiet ones were always the ones that would surprise you the most and when I asked what he meant he just told me cryptically that the quiet ones have the most fun. At that point I stopped listening; I noticed his raised eyebrow and realized I’d just learnt more about my brother than I’d ever wanted to know. So I learnt that asking your siblings for advice on girls really isn’t the best thing to do.
After realizing I should never go to Albus for girl advice again, I went to Crystal: Now Crystal confused the life out of me. I know she’s a pretty random girl anyway but she went on and on about some fictional character that sounded a lot like my brother Albus before blushing hard. Then she told me that it was obvious as to whom I should date and if I couldn’t see what was right under my nose then she wasn’t going to help me at all.
Crystal’s advice made no sense at all although it’s very obvious who she is crushing on, so I went to ask Rose for advice. This is what she told me: Rose didn’t really have any advice for me, she was too wrapped up in her own relationship with Scorpius (I don’t like that kid) but she did tell me that I should talk to Kaitlin and that I was asking the wrong questions. She told me to ask Kaitlin what she looked for in a man because in Rose’s words, Kaitlin was the sweetest girl in the world and if you could become even a little of what she’s looking for then you’d have a chance in finding a girl. I didn’t really understand why it had to be Kaitlin but I went looking for her anyway.
So finally I found myself talking to Kaitlin and this is what when on:
I found her in the library.
‘Kaitlin’ I said, she jumped not realizing I was near. I sat down opposite her, ‘What do you look for in a guy?’ I asked.
She blushed bright red, it was cute. I could already see her overanalyzing things.
‘I need girl advice and Rose said the best way was to ask girl’s what they looked for in a guy’ I said.
She looked disappointed by my words.
‘So what do you look for?’ I asked.
She frowned, ‘I look for a guy who can make me laugh. A guy who will treat me right, hold me when I’m scared, soothe me when I’m crying, listen to me when I’m mad. I want a guy who isn’t afraid to be himself, someone who thinks highly for his friends, someone who can’t be swayed by others. I want a guy who will tell me he loves me and will buy me gifts just to show he cares. I want someone who will accept me as I am and won’t try to change me, someone who is honest and won’t stray. I want the real deal’ she said.
Because he walked away so quickly, James didn’t hear Kaitlin say. ‘What I really want is you’.
It didn’t matter because he would never know and she had to stop pinning for something that was out of reach.
Does this chapter work, I know it’s short and sort of a filler chapter but meh. Not sure it’s my best work ~Zyii
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