"There," said James, putting down his quill. "Read away, Mooney."
Remus took up the parchment carefully in both hands, as though it was made of a very fragile glass. His eyes darted across the page as Sirius read it over his shoulder.
The Rules of Charm
1. When approaching a girl, remain casual, keeping the nerves that I know will be plagueing you under control.
2. Speak plainly, but with a voice that could easily twist about long and difficult words. A low and mature tone is also advised (if you can manage it, Mooney).
3. Be mysterious, it's intrigueing to a girl. Don't tell her all about yourself on the first date.
4. Presents are always appreciated, but to score more points with the gal of your choice, stick to the romantic stuff. You know, flowers and chocolate.
5. A lot of the action must take place in your eyes. Girls love that. Gaze at her softly and gently, and be sure not to look at anyone else.
6. Talk about her more often than yourself. And be sure to ask about her opinions.
7. A romantic kiss on the hand is usually better appreciated than making out.
8. You must show the girl your sensitive side. Or, if you're like Sirius and haven't got one, you should read a lot of books and get ideas from there.
9. Compliment her, but ont only on her looks, but her brains also. The girl could be dull as a doorknob...tell her she'd clever.
(If you're wondering where I got my information, you can thank Sirius. He 'borrowed' Cindy Patterson's diary a few years back)
"You forgot to write," Sirius said when he was done reading, "that it's good to mention you're friends with us." He and James laughed as Remus rolled his eyes.
"What I'm wondering," Mooney said, eyeing James, "
is how, with this knowledge, you still haven't managed to win over Lily Evans."
James opened his mouth to reply, but Sirius cut him off.
"Evans is a special case," he said. "These rules apply only to your average witch. Besides, you need to master this list before asking questions about taming lionesses."
Remus raised his eyesbrows silently as James chuckled. He brandished the parchment with a helpless look in his eyes.
"How do I master the list?"
"Practice," James answered shortly. "Loads of practice if you don't have an innat sense of charm."
"So we," Sirius continued, "have set up a crash course for the next week. You will have a test each day, and each will be more difficult than the last."
Mooney dropped the parchment instantly and let his head fall to the table with a dull "BANG"