Chapter 2 : Not slapping a Blonde airhead is harder than it looks.
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(made by the wonderous NaughtForReal@TDA)
Not slapping the 3B slut is harder than it looks
"Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeee!!!!!!" a big screech rang out, making my head ring, which meant I woke up instantly. I jolted up and moaned, non-verbally casting a silent hex onto the 17 year old girl who had just waked me up moments ago.
"For the love of Merlin, shut up!" I growled at Anne, my best friend who just beamed at me before pointing her own wand at herself and releasing the hex. We were both reasonably good at magic, but were even better at being annoying bitches, which we loved.
Seriously we made ourselves a badge; it's quite cool, flashes and shows our good side...Even screeches if another annoying person comes near, heh.
"Well, try not to be such a grump- MERLIN, did you not sleep?! You realise I need a base to work with you know?”
Anne exclaimed in surprise after looking properly at my face. What's wrong with my face, preening bitch, I just looked at her knowing that she would say exactly the problem in a few seconds....she'd need to explode first though....which isn't the best of things when its Anne doing it...
She took a deep breath and smiled evilly, oh shit.
I'm in trouble.
I grasped my wand and ran out of the room, tripping her with a spell and ran into my bathroom and locked myself in there...
unfortunately that wasn't enough to actually keep her out since she maxima bombardia'd the door.
She looked at me and I looked at her, and I said to her, "You know that you're paying for that....along with a very large list of things..." I trailed off, with an amused face before bursting out in laughter, Anne just looked at me and shook her head whilst smiling before resuming her serious look,
"Okay so here's the deal," she started and I zoned out as she started pulling my hair in all different places, I loved my hair no doubt about it but in the mornings Anne was a frigging lifesaver when it came to my hair and a miracle worker. I could never understand how she managed to get my hair to behave for her...
When I came out of my day dreams and away from my happy place, my hair was done, legs waxed, eyebrows plucked, nails painted and everything done by magic. Told you we were reasonably good at magic, and although we live in England, we go to school in France, or should I say, used to go there, which meant we were under the French law of being able to use magic at 4th year and above...so basically when you turn 14 you can use magic at any time, awesome right? Right?!
I got shaken lightly and felt the light probing fingers of my best friend on my forehead to check for temperature but also to snoop and see what I was thinking since we couldn't do it all the time. Erratic right, still means we communicate across classes and in this case, castles. I’ll explain shall I? With my sensitivity and the fact that we are such good friend’s means we can kinda communicate via our minds. Of course since she’s not as sensitive as me, and doesn’t have my slight ability to sometimes pick on peoples thought, it’s usually a hit and miss with us connecting but 6 times out of 9 we usually manage to connect which is cool.
“Hey, you know about the Hogwarts system?” I asked her after she had taken her cool fingers away, and started to put away all the cosmetics, “y’know about how they separate people by houses” I looked at her face which was now looking at me in horror, so I’m guessing she hadn’t…See in Beauxbatons we never had that problem, we were allowed to switch rooms whenever provided the person you are swapping with is happy with it, which makes for a better environment, which means that girls dorms are a lot less tense especially when people are arguing…or in this case girls, since they are just really annoying when they have their bitch fights.
Me and Anne, although we have been friends since we were young have only argued once or twice in our friendship, disregarding the fact that we are in some ways complete opposites. I watched as my best friend went around the room with her wand ordering everything away before sitting on my bed where I had turned into a laying down position and waiting for me to explain further.
“Basically there are 4 houses, each representing a human characteristic, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff and lastly Ravenclaw- Gryffindor represents bravery and is a bold red and gold for their colours, their other characteristic is they are so brave that they are stupid and reckless at times.” I cleared my throat and Joanne looked at me before asking, “You think we’re going in that one, Phee? Because that sounds an awful lot like us…..” she said trailing off and I reassured her, “Not yet JoJo there’s still 3 other houses, which brings us to Slytherin – where cunning and ambition is prided, it’s where Voldemort came from and its downfall is that people become greedy and have too much ambition, next is Hufflepuff, known as the wimpy house – because their motto is loyalty and the house usually takes everyone else who doesn’t fit in the other houses-“
“SO basically the rejects?” me and Anne looked at each other and smiled thinking of our previous school, in which a bunch of girls tried to make us rejects but since we had the lurvvve of the year and basically school…it kinda backfired on themselves…It’s not our fault, we just watched. Which could be seen as worse but…Eh.
“No Anne, well kinda, but more for people who are loyal and maybe have a mixture of the rest? Anyway last but not least is Ravenclaw – the house that pride and knowledge above all else, apparently like half are swots, some are clever sluts and some are generally normal people who possess a fraction more intelligence than everyone else and party well and hard…apparently they are the nicer version of Slytherin…
Anyway that’s the gist of the houses"
There was a pregnant pause.
Oh wow, dude I’ve always wanted to say that, it's like my bucket list of sayings. I mean how can a pause even be pregnant.
I laughed out loud causing Joanne to jump out of her thoughts and look at me weirdly.
She knew I was random, everyone did, but a while ago she had told me that my randomness weirded her out. When she said to me, well my reaction...was weird.
ha-ha, no my reaction was to say, "weirded out is not a real word"
to which she answered with "Bitch if I used it then it's real" and err, we had one of our 'discussions' which people seem to label as an argument, which for the life of me just doesn’t make any sense.
Sure we're screaming and throwing spells at each other, but all at a very friendly jest.
I told everyone that and they reminded me of the 2009 incident.
Basically what happened....we were muggle fighting (we were 9) and suddenly I rose JoJo (I called her that back then, after watching the Powerpuff girls, you know the muggle cartoon, MERLIN that show was the best, I'd be the one in green...oooh look that makes me a Slytherin) I got a kick after calling her JoJo all the time. needless to say she got pissed off and we fought leading to a broken rib, bitten off top of the ear, a lost tooth, and a black eye...and a few other injuries, but I’m not gunna go through them, I’d like to keep a shred of my dignity dear reader- so alas you shall not know about the details of the incident. BUT I'm not that cruel, so long story short, I never called her JoJo for a while, occasionally I do but....mostly Anne or Jo or Joanne as she was so named.
Oops, the whole time this lil’ conversation between me and you reader, I've been staring at the space in front of me which coincides with JoJo's face.
Suddenly I feel the need to call her JoJo...Unfortunately. But for now let’s just keep it between me and you, yeah? Don’t want her going all Donkey Kong on me right? And in case you are once again confused that's another muggle reference.
Ahhh, look a hand is in front of me, I focused and it turns out it was coming to slap me.
Ladies and Gents, my best friend just slapped me.
"Owww, God Jo, why'd you gotta be so hard on me for" I was rubbing my cheek attempting to rid myself of the pain, she answered with W for whatever formed with her hand, god I loved her, we were as corny as hell but who the fuck even cares, "you were ignoring me Phee and you know I don't take kindly to that, oh and can I call you Nix or Jinx. It'd be so cool to have a friend called that" she smiled at me so innocently and i narrowed my eyes.
"I'm you're only friend bitch" and I grinned, thinking of my plan, "Only if I get to call you JoJo" and I waited for her to register what I just said.
Surprisingly all her face did was go puce, Damn I was waiting for the works here and all. I gave her a straight face and she responded with "sure you can Jinx, sure you can"
Oh shittybabycakes....what did i get myself into here; I glared at her use of Jinx. Merlin only knows how much I hate that name. It was what Granna had called me....before she died of course, but eh, maybe it's time for me to move on...not that I haven’t already but....I dunno it's just really weird…hmmm...I smell cookies....wait no seriously! I smell cookies, and it looks like JoJo did as well. We both grinned simultaneously and ran grabbing our long leather boots with a buckle...yes, yes, we shared clothes and shoes and probably most thing. Stop getting horny reader, it doesn’t apply if you are a girl, but stop reading if you are a boy, for you can only get worse as I go on describing our lovely journey to Diagon Alley. O.O shit.
"Urhhhmmm...JoJo...." I looked at the clock and nibbled my warm chocolate cookie nervously before stating my thought to ....... who was watching us eat while scribbling notes in her little black notebook...see what i did there?
Y'know? Little black dress? Oh you're hopeless.
"You do realise its noon, girls? Just to say, because when you get to Diagon alley" my guardian grinned evilly, "you are going to get run over", my mouth dropped open, she was evil-
"Were you in Slytherin, by any chance Lorei? Just a question" JoJo seemed to have been on the same wavelength as me and when she nodded her head, her eyes glinting, I shuddered and jumped in "what house do you think we're going to be in Lor?" I asked, not sure if I wanted to hear the answer.
She looked thoughtful for a minute before answering "Hmmm, definitely not with the 'Puffs, you'd eat them in five seconds, hmmm Ravenclaw, you'd beat the lot up and force them to party....Gryffie, you would do well there and so would the in the Snakes...it's a tie between the Gryffie and the Slythies....hmmm you'll probably be together though, what you planning on taking for electives? You both can choose anything since you both got O's in everything and I'm using the Hogwarts system to judge that by the way guys" Lorei finished her little monologue with a happy note and started humming.
I just looked at her before telling Joanne, "See JoJo, this is why I'm so weird, because of this lady" I pointed to Lor, only to emphasise what I said, since it was pretty obvious it was Lorei I was talking about....
ANYWAY I DIGRESS. I shouted this in my head and JoJo winced, hmm it seemed to work just then and Lorei took notice of it before sighing and lecturing us on the safe use of our skill, and not to show it off and only use it as a force of good.
"A force for our versions of good, right Lor?" Jo said, with a cheeky grin and Lor just shook her head amused, "well, obviously since that's the only thing I can tell you...damn you're definitely going into either Gryffindor or Slytherin there’s no doubt about it" she threw her head back as she laughed while me and Jo just crept out of the kitchen and to the fireplace to floo.
We got in together, since I always fall and she hates going alone and we held on to each other’s arms before yelling out 'Diagon Alley, The Leaky Cauldron!" and everything disappeared in a spin, and suddenly we flew out of the floo fireplace in the leaky and landed on our arses and we saw the cutest two boys in front of us and shared a thought for a second.
"Damn I would love a taste of that bundle of hotness" before falling on them and knocking them down to the floor.
"Shit, Jinx we knocked down a Wotter and SONNY NOTT, You know I fancy him as well, Arrrghhh I hate you" she whispered yelled into my mind so the boys wouldn’t hear.
I looked at her and glared clearing indicating that the joke wasn’t funny before muttering, "Well you were the one who wanted to call me jinx JoJo" I used the same tone as she did and mocked her all the while getting off.
I fell on the sexiness that is Albus potter and dammmn he looks finer in the flesh, I just stayed on my fours facing him before Jo prodded my mind causing me to blush and jump up quickly and grab his hand and pull him up. And HOMG I’m using waaaay too many ands....sign of my nervousness.
i walked over to JoJo and stood next to her while Potter went to stand next to his friend...who had to be Sonny Nott or more poshly known as Jason Nott and an old play mate of me and JoJo’s current crush.
We stood there sheepishly before the incessant pounding of people's whispers started to annoy me and i turned around to face them and asked coldly and calmly.
"Is there anything you need, peeps?" I smiled wolfishly as everyone who knew me to be under Lorei’s care and had heard of my temper instantly looked away and went back to their business.
Except for this slutty bitch.
And when I say slutty bitch, I actually mean it. Boobs, blonde hair (dyed blonde, believe me that's how obvious it was), and brainless as far as I could tell.
Out of the corner of my eyes I saw Sonny sniggering and JoJo smirking with Potter looking completely and utterly befuddled, damn I love that word too, my next favourite after pregnant silence of course.
Back to the subject of the 3B’s bitch....
"Excuse me but who the fuck do you think you are?!" she drawled in this nasal voice which made me further irritated at her, "you think you can fuck the boy who lived son and get famous, I don’t think so bitch" and she, about 4 inches shorter than me, walked up to my face with her tottering high heels and hissed, "remember your place"
A giggle came from behind me and the 3B looked behind me and asked innocent as a lion....aka not innocent at all, "What’s funny?" and Sonny answered in JoJo's place since she was laughing so much, Nott seemed to be holding her up with an amused look.
"Well you said that to Phee here or Nix as some us knows her as" he smirked and continued, "you must be real dumb, Albus' girlfriend, I don’t know your name, but you look familiar so I must have done you at least once before right?" he looked at her while he cocked his head, “either ways good luck, I wouldn’t wanna be in your shoes that’s for sure.”
Me and Sonny went waaaay back, our dads were close friends (after he renounced being a Death eater of course) and our mums loved to have woman chats or whatever the hell they did, so we pretty much grew with teach other and out birthdays were in the same month...so I knew I could count on him.
I had forgotten the little fact about him going to Hogwarts and now I was more pumped than ever with a mixture of my happiness, excitement and hyperness of being angry and beating this movvafukaaa.
I joke I joke, I’m not going to beat this bitch up, nah I’d use magic, but there’s no way in hell this girl is going to walk out of here after insulting me like that, she should be ready to walk out of here with little or no confidence after what she just said. But Sonny seemed to have done some of my work for me as she looked back at me with my steel cold stare and shivered before taking the Valkyrie stance (the warrior queen for you clueless people out there) bitchy and proud, I prayed an apology to Valkyrie for associating her with this...this....
"Slut, what are you trying to say, hmm?” I asked a layer of venom interlacing with my voice as I prepared to let free, “Look not everyone is as simple minded or as horny as you are sweetie, some of us have priorities and if you were smart, right now, you should apologise to me, because let’s face it, if Albus Potter is the type to like someone like you, then there is no way in hell I would even go near him, no matter how hot or cute he is” I heard dimly as Sonny sucked in his breath, slapped Potters shoulder and shouted out “BURRRRRRN BABY”
And all the while the bitch was staring at me confounded, obvious not for real or I’d be in maaaaajor trouble, no confounded by my words, which clearly struck a tone with her, and she stuttered, “Well-l um, G-good the-n” and she looked at me angry as she turned on her heel and left the Leaky ensuring that she flicked her hair back. I smiled triumphal and turned back to what was just me, JoJo, Potter and Sonny, was now a LARGE group of the underage and a few of age people of the Wotter family, I barely knew them, I only knew Sonny since we were birth and parent friends.
Don’t understand the way I’m labelling that? Then take your mind back to when I first mentioned it.
Right so back to the present again and the large group I came back to after the little put down of the 3B slut made of mostly the Wotter’s with a few exceptions, such as Teddy Lupin (never met him, apparently he’s a metamorphmagus, Soooo cool, plus he’s cute, I would definitely tap that…but unfortunately he’s been taken by the famous Victoire Weasley…the lucky bishhh), Sonny Nott or otherwise known as Jason Nott my oldest friend besides JoJo and MEEEEEEEEEE, The sexy one, that’s right, that’s right, Damn I’m so tempted to just start dancing right now.
So I did, I did the sexing dance, you know when you bring your arms and hands (well, duhhh they’re connected) and pull them towards you indicating a sex thrust.
I sound so intelligent in that lil’ explanation, anyways I did just that while singing, “Who’s the boss, who’s the boss, who’s the booooooooosssssss” and stopped to find the Wotter family staring at me in shock while Sonny and JoJo just stood there sniggering.
I blushed lightly and gave a awkward wave, “Bonjour, dear Wotters how be you on this fine day” I grinned after bowing and pulled Jo next to me.
“I’m Phoenix…but you can call me….wait Jo what’s all my nicknames now?” I looked at her confused and she started counting them on her hand, “Phee, Nix, Jinx, Hoe, Enix, and Pho….Phoenix…..I guess 6 but let’s leave out the one Hoe only one guy used that….” I looked at her even more confused.
“Who the fuck called me a Hoe, Jo?” I was really, really confused, and she laughed ,the bitch, so I sent a stinging hex with my wand or her arse which caused her to yelp and draw strange looks as she jumped up and down in pain, she glared at me and I looked away, trying to look innocent and she drew out her wand muttering, “oooh Baby this is WAR,” she was about to hex me when both our wands slipped out of our grasp and we followed them with our eyes leading to…Mrs.Longbottom, YAY! I haven’t seen her in ages, she was another family friend, to me and JoJo and we called out, “MRS.LONGBOTTOM, WOOP, and CONGRATES SHAWTY!” We ran up to her at the counter, forgetting about the large audience we had of the Wotter family, while we just jumped up and down in excitement at her lil’ bump.
She waved us away telling us to call her Hannah once again, we did try but she was and always would be Mrs.Longbottom.
And then she realised what she said, and her eyes widened, “How in Merlin’s name did you know girls, oh no, don’t tell me-“we cut her off knowing what she was going to say.
“Yeppo, Lor told us, Hannah so sorry, but still we had to say it to you” I beamed while JoJo spoke, and watched Hannah’s beautiful face lit up in a smile as she took our congratulations.
Awww, she’s so nice it’s unbelievable and Neville is the bomb.
Suddenly Hannah’s eyes widened as she looked around me and JoJo and her face flushed.
And I understood, and my own eyes widened while me and JoJo murmured a quick ‘I’m so sorry’ to her.
I KNOW I KNOW THIS IS A IMPORVEMENT ON MY OTHER ONE :D
Hopefully it’s better?
Anyways, if you like it or have any comments of critique feel free to head to my tumblr and comment or review.
Bonjour - hello/good morning