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What the HELL is fan fiction?!?! by Lilyflower8159
Chapter 1 : what's the internet?
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 3

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Disclamer: Monty Python owns Tim the Enchanter and The Brothers Grimm own Snow White nore do I own the internet or anything Harry Potter realated.


The Marauders (minus Peter) were bored out of their silly boyish minds as they huddled together in James cozy living room. It had been raining all day and had canceled their quidditch game.

Sirius was about to scream out in frustration when James father Mr. Potter slammed the front door open and came skipping (YES skipping) into the living room. James, fearing for the small sanity his father had left, asked, "Dad what's up?"

"James I bought a laptop. It is this portable computer Muggles have and it connects to something called the Internet and the Internet can search anything in the world."

Sirius thinking this was something that would clear the boredom that was slowly killing his brain, "Oooh! Can we see it?"

James father grinned and handed Remus the laptop before heading into the kitchen to find his wife.

"Well," asked Remus, "What should we look up?' he asked as he opened the Internet.

"Let's type in our names and see what we get," said Sirius. Everyone turned to stare at him.


"First smart thing you've said today, Pads" said James with a shrug.

"Let's type in 'Sirius Black' and press enter," Everyone waited until the page finished loading.

"What's that?" asked Sirius as he pointed to a website called /books/Harry_Potter/

"I don't know, lets…seeee," said James as he clicked the link and up popped a big white page with a long list of titles and summaries with the author's name next to it.

Remus, being the fastest reader, quickly scanned the screen stopping on a names of an author, "Hey look at that it says 'Marauders-And-Lily-I Love'. Click on it James,"

James obeyed, equally curious and waited for the page to download. Once the page had updated. They saw a profile with a bunch of quotes and links to stories at the bottom.

"Hey," cried Sirius giggling, "Look at that." He pointed to one of the grouping of quotes and read aloud:

Professor Flitwick … does not know where Snow White is.

Remus snorted remembering when James asked him.

Professor Snape … has no wish to get in touch with his 'feminine side'.

"If Snivellous is a teacher at Hogwarts then Dumbledore has really gone mad." Stated James

Professor Lupin … has no need for a flea collar. Ever.

James and Sirius snorted and Remus had a feeling what they were getting him for Christmas.

Professor Moody … the best 'teaching' Hogwarts has seen in a while.

Professor McGonagall … does not take herself too seriously. It is a bad idea to tell her.

"Oh Minnie," laughed James

Professor Dumbledore … should be referred to as 'Professor', 'Headmaster' or 'Sir', not 'Dude', 'My Liege' or 'Tim the Enchanter'.

Harry Potter … is more Emo than Draco Malfoy.

James wondered who this 'Harry Potter' was, but didn't ask.

Draco Malfoy … disagrees.

Hermione Granger … has PMS and a wand.

Ron Weasley … is very afraid.

"Completely understandable," said James thinking about his Lily-flower

Luna Lovegood … is perfectly sane, thanks very much.

Ginny Weasley … wants her Hogwarts toilet seat.

Fred Weasley … knows if he and his twin giggle at an idea for more than fifteen seconds, they may assume that it's against the rules and therefore should not carry it out.

George Weasley … knows he and his twin will carry it out and are not remotely sorry.

"Reminds me of you two," said Remus

Lily Evans … swears she is not in love with James Potter.

James Potter … doesn't believe her.

Remus Lupin … would prefer less jokes about 'his time of the month'.

"I would…" said Remus

Sirius Black … killed by drapery.

"What's that mean?" asked Sirius. The other two shrugged

Andromeda Black … is going to marry a muggle – screw the consequences.

Bellatrix Black … is quietly going insane.

Narcissa Black … would like a new hairbrush.

Lucius Malfoy … does not like to be referred to as 'Luscious Mouthful'.

They burst into laughter at the thought of Malfoy's face if they called him that.

Voldemort … does not think it would be funny if HP were to put on earmuffs and pulled out a mandrake in his presence"

The group of boys burst into laughter and through the giggle James gasped, "The funny thing is that some of this is true."

Remus laughed, "It's weird that I'm mentioned twice."

Sirius shrugged, "I can tell you one thing. Next time I see the Headmaster I'm calling him Tim the Enchanter."

This brought on a second fit of laughs and once they calmed down enough James scrolled down to the story links. "Most of this stuff seems to be about us."

Sirius asks, "What's this?" pointing at the computer screen at a story called, "James Potter Has Finally Seen Enough."

James shrugs, "The summary says 'Moony, honestly, I'm ashamed at you – I thought that you, at least, would be a tad more considerate towards me, but NO! You let that stupid fluff-ball we call Padfoot fuck you on MY BED! SBRL"

"Well," Remus says a little confused and slightly grossed out, "I have never let Sirius fuck me, ever. Sooo now I'm curious. Who wants to read it?"

All three of them raise their hands and James clicks on the link and waits.


Author Note:

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