Chapter 5 : James' New Attitude
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James’ New Attitude
I looked into the eyes of a frightened Harmony, watching the way she acted while I was under the invisibility cloak was a real eye opener. People have been telling me for a year that Harmony was no good but because I didn’t see it, I didn’t believe it. I’m feeling pretty stupid now though. The Gryffindor common room emptied, I was thankful for that, I was angry enough without people watching.
‘Harmony’ I said carefully trying to keep the growl out of my voice.
‘I didn’t mean any of what I said James, I promise. Crystal was just joking’ she said panicking.
I hate people who lie and this situation is really my fault, I shouldn’t have become so immune to my emotions. I’d given a lot up for this girl without even realizing it.
‘So you’ve just been using me all this time’ I said.
‘No’ she replied.
I smirked, now I’d seen her in action, it was easy to see the lies.
‘So you aren’t interested in my fame or my money’ I said.
‘Of course not’ she said, ‘they’re just part of your package right’ she smiled.
‘A package you intended to use’ I replied.
She frowned, clearly annoyed that this wasn’t going her way.
‘I’m listening Harmony for any excuse that might redeem you’ I said, ‘Because I am not under your control anymore. I’m not in denial, you’ve been exposed as the lying bitch that you are. I would never marry you and if you thought something as cheap as a fake pregnancy would force me into a commitment then you’re even more stupid than people make out. How were you going to convince me of that when we haven’t even had sex?’ I asked.
She blushed scarlet, clearly she hadn’t thought about that.
‘I can’t believe I didn’t see your true nature before. I’ve wasted a year of my life with you, I’ve lost the respect of my family and the only best friend I had, all because of your jealousy and vindictive nature. I hope you enjoy being alone because after everyone finds out who you really are, you’ll be the school’s social pariah’ I said.
‘I’ll never be that. I’ll always be popular, people who are feared always remain on top’ she said.
‘Oh like Voldemort stayed on top? Oh no wait, he was killed. Like Cormac McLaggen then the famous keeper? No wait, he’s on the bottom after that scandal. Face it. You played the game and lost’ I said.
‘Go on then, dump me. I don’t need you’ she shrieked.
‘Please we’re far beyond that. You’re no longer my girlfriend or my friend. I don’t want to talk to you, hear about you or see you, stay away from me, my friends and my family, understand’ I said.
When I started dating Harmony I thought she was really cool, hot, funny, etc. You get the picture. Now I think I may have chosen the wrong girl, see when I picked out Harmony I was mad. I had an argument with Kaitlin. That argument was wrong and really is the cause of a lot of drama right now. There was a time when Kaitlin and I were inseparable, we were really good friends with each other. I know she thinks I didn’t notice her but I did, when you grow up with a life like mine you start to notice the people who don’t make a fuss straight away. Kaitlin was that type of person, she didn’t care that I was James Potter son of the boy who lived, the Wizarding world’s savior. She just saw me and I saw her and that was the way it worked.
It all happened because Arnold Bones asked Kaitlin out to Hogsmead, Hogsmead was our thing, it had always been our thing and she was thinking of ditching me for him. We got into a huge fight, I didn’t understand why she couldn’t just say no and she couldn’t understand why I was allowed to flirt with everyone and she wasn’t even allowed to go on one date. I don’t know why I got so angry, I don’t like Kaitlin in that way, we’re just friends but the thought of her going to Hogsmead with him really made my blood boil.
My family has been worried for me I know, they know more than Kaitlin as well. See I know it’s a bit abrupt my change in attitude, my affiliation with Harmony. I made the mistake of coming to care for someone who broke me into pieces. I thought I had been in love but now I am not so sure. It had been during the summer two years back, Kaitlin had been with her family all summer so we didn’t have much contact. I had been lonely. Then I met Clara Higgins – weird name I know – we just sort of clicked from the start. You know how young love is, you think it will last forever and when it doesn’t you really don’t know what to do with yourself.
I didn’t handle the breakup well; I realize that, I should have been more mature about it. Instead I closed off my heart and decided I was only going to date people who had no chance got getting into my heart. Hence the reign of the blonde bombshells began. I guess when I got to Harmony I just grew bored, what should have been just one or two dates turned into a year of dating.
I had been blind, I know that now. Having just watched what happened between Harmony and Crystal I cannot believe how stupid I’ve been. It was like I had been blinded to all the things she’d done. I want to say I was under some kind of curse or love potion but really I know it was just denial. I didn’t want to face the problems that were being presented to me.
Albus is right, out of everything Kaitlin was hurt the most, I just abandoned my best friend and for what? So I could live a life without emotion. Well I’m feeling emotions now; guilt, sorrow and hurt. I’ve been an ass and worse I’ve dragged my whole family into my problems.
Being a teenager is hard don’t you think and there is definitely nothing harder than being a magical teenager. These muggles don’t know what they’re complaining about. So I screwed up royally, I don’t really know what to do to make it better. I don’t want to hear Lily say I told you so. The way I see it I’ve got to change, this lifestyle isn’t working out for me, I see that now. I’ve lost respect within my family and a great friend, and I think most of all I’ve lost myself.
First though, there is a girl I need to see.
‘Lily my lovely sister can I have a word?’ I asked upon finding my sister in the library along with Kaitlin and Crystal.
‘Ok why are you so happy and what do you want?’ she asked.
‘What’s there not to be happy about, I’m young, talented and single’ I said.
Lily took a double take and suddenly Kaitlin was very interested in the conversation at hand.
‘You dumped Harmony?’ asked Lily.
‘Yes, so don’t say it’.
Lily smiled, ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’ she said innocently.
I glared at her.
‘Are you going to tell me what you want?’ she asked.
‘Yes’ I replied, ‘firstly I need your help and secondly I need to borrow Kaitlin’.
Lily glared at me, eyebrow raised, ‘What do you need me for?’ she asked.
‘Well it’s come to my attention that I suck at picking out girls. Evidently I always fall for the wrong females and my choices not only effect me but others around me’ I said.
‘So?’ asked Lily.
‘So, I’ve devised a plan’.
‘I refuse to date anyone that doesn’t pass the tests set by you or anyone who doesn’t get on with Kaitlin’ I said.
‘You want me to choose your next girlfriend?’ she asked.
‘Yes. Lily, you might on occasion be my annoying sister but you also have an excellent judge of character. Anyone who doesn’t pass your standard isn’t good enough for me’ I said matter-of-factly.
‘Hmm’ she replied.
‘Fact of the matter, I don’t trust any girls. Clearly I’ve been wrong before. The girls I date aren’t interested in me, they’re interested in my name or my fortune. I don’t want that, I want something real’ I said in earnest.
‘Awh, my big brother’s all grown up’ she smirked.
‘Will you help me or not?’ I asked.
‘Of course I will, leave it to me, and Crystal and Kaitlin. We’ll devise something for you’ she said deviously.
‘Thanks’ I said, ‘Now, can I borrow Kaitlin?’
‘I don’t know can you?’ said Lily.
I sighed, ‘Kaitlin will you come with me for a minute?’ I asked.
Kaitlin looked confused and withdrawn but with an encouraging look from Lily (thank you Lily!) she nodded and allowed me to lead her away to somewhere more private. By private I mean the room of requirement – which has finally started to work again.
Once we were inside the room, it seemed that Kaitlin became angry.
‘What do you want?’ she asked.
‘To talk’ I replied.
‘That’s rich. You haven’t talked to me in what, a year and a half. Why now?’ she asked bitterly.
‘I wanted to apologize’ I said.
‘Right apologize for what? Abandoning me? Insulting me? Letting others insult me? Accusing me of lying? Ignoring me? Treating me like crap? I could go on’ she said.
‘I apologize for all of the above and more’ I said sincerely, ‘please if I could take it back I could. I should never have given you up for a girl. I’m sorry for all the hurt and pain I’ve caused you. I should have been there for you as a best friend and I should have stuck up for you. I’m sorry that I’ve let you down’.
She listened to my apology with her head down and her eyes closed. She seemed in battle with herself.
‘I accept your apology but I do not forgive your actions’ she said.
To me that sounded like a bit of a contradiction.
‘I cannot so easily forgive your actions over the past year and a half. To forgive you now is like saying that I’m ok with everything that has happened but I’m not ok with it and I’m still hurting’.
‘I want to make it up to you, please, I’ll do anything’ I pleaded.
‘Let’s just take it slow yeah, I’d love my best friend back, it’s all I’ve dreamed for this last year but it’s going to take a while before I can trust you again’ she said.
‘I understand’ I replied. This was more than I was hoping for. Of course I’d wished for her immediate forgiveness but I was a fool to believe I would get that. This was good, this was something I could work at and hopefully we’d become better friends at the end of it. I’d never put a girl before friendship again.
‘I meant it when I said I would never again date a girl who didn’t get on with you’ I said. I noticed how her demeanor changed at my words but I didn’t think too much on it.
‘If you’re asking if I’ll help Lily, I’ll do my best’ she said quietly, her attitude so withdrawn I wondered what I’d done wrong.
‘Thank you’ I replied.
‘Is that all? I really need to get back to the library’ she said.
‘Yeah that’s all’ I said.
I watched her go without so much as a goodbye, her change of attitude leaving me confused.
As I left the room of requirement myself I saw my brother walking down the hall, ‘Albus’ I called out.
He stopped, turned and waited for me to catch up.
‘Did you see Kaitlin walk by?’ I asked.
‘No’ he replied, ‘Why?’
‘I was just talking to her and she didn’t seem herself’.
‘YOU were talking to her? Since when’ he said.
‘Since now’ I replied annoyed.
‘Do you know why she’s acting so weird?’ I asked.
‘What were you talking about?’
‘I apologized to her and she accepted but she said she didn’t forgive me yet. Then I asked her to help Lily in my new dating policy’ I said.
‘What new dating policy?’ Albus asked.
‘One where I don’t date any girl who doesn’t pass Lily’s test or doesn’t get on with Kaitlin’ I replied.
‘So Kaitlin’s attitude changed when you asked for her help on that matter’
‘Yeah’ I said.
‘You know why she was behaving oddly?’ I asked.
‘Yes’ replied Albus.
‘Are you going to tell me?’ I asked.
‘Nope’ he replied.
‘Why not?!’ I demanded.
‘It’s not for me to tell and really if you’re that blind it serves you right not to know’ said Albus.
I stopped in the hallway completely stumped as to what my brother was talking about. This time Albus didn’t feel the need to stop and wait for me to catch up, he continued walking down the corridor while I stood forgotten, confused and alone standing in the corridor looking like a complete idiot.
Need some feedback, not sure if this is working ~ Zyii
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