Chapter 8 : Feelings
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The only good thing was that Tara no longer hung out with us. But the bad thing was she got what she wanted all along and I had lost to some slut.
"You didn't lose to her." Blaise insisted.
"Then why is she waltzing around with what used to be mine?" I asked.
"Because you let her. You gave up the race, but you didn't lose." He said.
"Doesn't really make me feel better, but thanks." I smiled slightly.
Through all of this Blaise had been my biggest support. He was always there for me when I wanted to talk or when I just didn't want to be alone. He was perfect.
Not that Ron and Pansy didn't help, but they were busy with their own relationship and I didn't want to be the reason that got messed up.
"Hi Jolina." I heard a mocking voice come up behind me. I turned and saw Tara and Draco walking towards me. It was unfortunately too late to run anywhere. Fantastic.
"Hello Tara." I said. "Have you stolen any boyfriends lately?"
"Just yours." She smirked. I couldn't even believe Draco was with her. I mean he knew that she wrecked our relationship on purpose. He knew he was wong and I was right.
"Oh, well I would steal boyfriends if I couldn't get one for myself too." I said.
"So you can get one, but you can't keep one. How sad." She pouted.
"You know, last I checked, I broke up with him and he was begging me for another chance. You're kind of like a second choice."
Tara glared. "It's pathetic that you still wear that ring when you're not even together."
"We should go, Tara." Draco said suddenly.
"No, Draco stay. I think she should hear this." I said. "The reason I still wear this ring is because your boyfriend won't take it off. He said he wont take it off until I agree to marry him. Isn't that sweet?"
Tara looked at Draco a bit angrily. "You're right Draco, we should go." She pulled him away. I had a feeling he would be getting an ear full. Oh well.
"What was that about?" Blaise asked approaching me.
"Tara was being a bitch as usual." I said.
"What did she say?" He asked.
"The usual. I can't keep a boyfriend and she's really happy she stole Draco from me." I answered.
"Don't listen to her." He said. "She's just a whore."
"I know that, but still, she's kinda right." I admitted.
"No, she's not. It's the idiot guys who can't keep you. You're way too good for all of them." He smiled sweetly.
"Oh Blaisey, what would I do without you?" I asked leaning my head on his shoulder as we walked into the classroom.
Blaise grinned. "Be horribly sad and depressed?"
I giggled. "That sounds accurate." I kissed him on the cheek as we sat down. "Thanks."
Blaise touched his face where I had kissed him and smiled widely. He didn't stop smiling the whole class period.
My life right now in a word: shitty. I hate it so much. It's empty, it's pointless. I'm not happy. Why, you ask? Because I had lost Jo for what seems like forever.
I never meant to cheat, I swear. I mean, yes I did enjoy flirting with Tara over summer, but that's all it was. Just harmless flirting, but apparently she took it to heart. And I don't know, I kind of liked the idea of a girl wanting me desperately and pining after me. Jo never did that, but I always liked that. But with Tara, it was a different story.
I guess I let it go too far. I kind of started to like her, but I never planned on doing anything about it because I love Jo way too much.
Whenever Jo got mad at me for hanging out with Tara too much, I'd get frustrated. I mean I could have cheated if I wanted to and I didn't. Until the night that Tara kissed me.
I had just stupidly told her about the Room of Requirement and suddenly she was kissing me. I pushed her away and told her we couldn't do this, but she was so insistent. She kissed me again and I kissed her back, then I remembered I was supposed to be meeting Jo. I told Tara that could never happen again and not to tell anyone. She looked very put out.
Then I got into a huge fight with Jo. She was trying to break up with me, but I wouldn't let her. Just the thought of being without her made me desperate and angry. Why did she want to leave me? Was there someone else? I thought there had to be.
She kept saying horrible things. She said I didn't care and that I was fucking Tara behind her back. It was making me so angry because I thought I was going to lose her. And for a moment I did. But then we made love. It was heated, passionate and angry.
I apologized to Jo and I swore I would treat her better, and I planned on keeping my word on that. Then Tara had to go and ruin everything. Jo broke up with me. I cried a lot. Tara comforted me. I accidentally had sex with her.
I never meant to, it just happened. But it made me realize that I really only wanted to be with Jo. No other girl could make me feel the way that she did. Sex with Tara was just so...empty.
So the next day I found Jo asleep in her room. She looked peaceful considering all that had been happening lately. I laid down with her, just watching her sleep.
When she woke up I begged her for another chance. I was so happy when she took me back. Then I knew I had to treat her right. I had to do whatever to keep her with me forever.
I thought about proposing, but I thought it wasn't the right time. Not until we were out of school. So instead I decided on a promise ring. Jo loved it. She even cried when I gave it to her. After that I thought nothing could stop us.
But later that day, I was sleeping with Jo in the Room of Requirement when Tara walked in. She said she wanted to talk. I didn't want Jo waking up and seeing her and then being upset on her special day, so I took Tara to my room. I don't know how it happened.
One minute we were talking, the next we were kissing the next we were having sex again. I don't know what had come over me. I kept telling myself this was the last time I would see Tara, I couldn't risk Jo finding out about this.
Just as I was thinking this, the door swung open and in walked Jo. I couldn't believe it. I had never meant for any of this to happen, but I couldn't convince Jo to stay with me. She was done and I had broken her heart for the last time. I just wanted one more chance, but I guess I was out of those, but I still asked and begged for one. I didn't get it.
We made love that night and I thought we were back together. I mean you can't make love to someone the way we did and have it not mean anything at all. But I was wrong. We woke up and Jo still wanted nothing to do with me. I wasn't sure how to feel. I was sad and angry and desperate. I just wanted her back.
Later Ron had told me Jo wanted to talk to me. I assumed she wanted to get back together, I was so happy. Instead I was embarrassed in front of everyone. But the funny thing is I still wanted another chance. I knew I deserved what Jo had done, though.
In the end, I didn't get another chance and I resorted to being with Tara. I mean, it's better than being alone, right? Still, everytime I see Jo I want to run up and kiss her. I wanted to get on my knees and beg for another chance. I know I don't deserve it, but I want it so fucking bad. All I think about is Jo no matter what I'm doing. Eating, sleeping, even when I'm with Tara.
But this is my life. Missing Jo every single minute of the day. Maybe if I give her some time she'll take me back. I can't spend forever without her.
I had just walked by Draco. He wasn't with Tara or anything, but everytime I saw him, I got this pain in my chest. He looked like he wanted to say something to me, but I quickly turned away.
When I reached the end of the hall, I heard him call me. "Jo!" I just kept walking like I didn't hear a single thing.
I don't know why but I started crying. I ended up running into Blaise. "What's wrong?" He asked sitting me down.
I explained to him what happened. "But I'm fine. I'm just being over dramatic is all." I said.
Blaise smiled. "I know you too well. You're not fine, but you will be."
I smiled weakly. "Blaise, I seriously don't know what I'd do without you. These past weeks you've been so amazing, really. I don't even know how to repay you."
I suddenly realized how close our faces were. Blaise leaned closer and pressed his lips against mine softly for a few sseconds. He pulled away. "That's payment enough." He whispered as he moved back in.
I may have leaned closer also, but I couldn't be sure. Right before our lips touched again, we heard footsteps. I quickly pulled away just as Theodore came around the corner.
"What are you guys doing?" He asked.
"Just talking." I said. Theodore looked us over. He saw Blaise's hand on my leg.
"Um okay. See you guys later then."
"Bye." I said as he started walking away. I looked at Blaise. "I should go." I said standing up.
"No, Jolina, I'm so sorry." Blaise said getting up and grabbing my hand.
"It's not that Blaise." I assured him. "I just have to go meet Pansy at the library. I'm already late." I smiled.
"Okay, well see you later then?" He asked hopefully.
"Of course." I said giving him a hug. I walked away.
"What the hell did I just do?" I asked myself.
You kissed Blaise I thought.
"No I didn't, he kissed me, there's a difference." I was trying to reassure myself.
Well you didn't stop him.
"I didn't know he was going to kiss me." Seems like a valid argument.
You were leaning into kiss him.
"Temporary clouded judgement." I insisted that's what it was.
Just admit it.
Why you're so worked up.
"I don't know what you're talking about." Of course I did.
You have feelings for Blaise!
"What no!" I exclaimed. Some people looked at me strangely. It wasn't exactly normal to be having a conversation with yourself.
No, I thought. I couldn't like Blaise, could I?
Later that day Blaise and I were sitting in the common room.
"Look about what happened earlier-" Blaise started.
"It's fine." I assured him. "It's not like I was pushing you away or anything."
"We're supposed to be friends." He stated.
"Yes, that's true." I said.
"But I want to kiss you again." He admitted.
"Friends kiss sometimes." I said looking up at him.
"But not the way I want to kiss you." He whispered.
I smiled. "Look Blaise, if we happen to kiss again, then it happens. No need to get all worked up over it, is there?"
"I guess not." Blaise said.
"I'm going up to bed, I'm exhausted." I said.
"Okay." He said giving me a kiss on the cheek. I felt myself blush.
"Goodnight." He said.
"Goodnight." I smiled, turning around.
Okay, maybe, just maybe I do have feelings for Blaise. But I'd never admit that to myself in a million years. If that made any sense at all...
A/N: Sooo what did you think? How do you feel about hearing Draco's side of the story? What about the kiss between Blaise and Jo? Interesting right. Next chapter things get even MORE interesting. Thanks for reading. :)
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