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Hello, My Name Is... by Irobbedgringottsandgotaway
Chapter 1 : A Chappie
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 2

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Disclaimer: Anything recognizable belongs to JK Rowling.

James Potter's song of the chapter: Float On by Modest Mouse






"Hello, my name is James Potter. So tell me, are you using the Confundus charm or are you just naturally mind blowing?"

"So that's it? One stupid line and girls are falling all over you?"

"Yes, are you jealous?"

"No. I don't believe that works for one second. I don't know one girl who would fall for that."

"Ah, Alex. You have so much to learn about the one and only James Potter. Why, I have landed girls with that exact line, not to mention much worse."

"That's bullshit."

"But it isn't. It works, I swear to you."

"It doesn't work on me."

"Oh really?"


"Well, we'll just have to see about that."

"I'm sure we will. Give me your worst. Right here right now."

"Allright. Here goes."


"James, what's with the face? If you scrunch it that hard, it might get stuck like that."

"I'm sorry. It's just... you're so beautiful that I forgot my pick-up line."

"Is that it? James, you can unscrunch your face now, unless it is stuck like that."

"Sorry, I just... I honestly forgot. I keep getting distracted by your beauty."

"James, seriously."

"What? I am being perfectly serious."

"Just stop with the pensive, drooling look you have there."

"What look?"

"James, just give it up."

"Why? Is it working?"


"Wanna bang?"

"Hell Yeah."


Allright, so you're probably wondering: "Was James Potter always awesome?"

Well, the answer is yes.

I was born awesome, only to acquire awesomeness, just to have awesomeness thrust upon me.

So it's really a cyclical path of grandness that began with my birth.

I was born to the Saviour of the Wizarding World and his wife, Ginny. My parents are pretty beast, or at least they were before I came along, thus out-beasting them.

You see, there are five reasons that I, James Potter, has sufficiently achieved awesomeness.

Or, as I like to call it - T.A.C.T. J.A. : The Assets Connected To James' Awesomeness

1. James Sirius Potter's affluent and suave influence over the opposite sex.

2. James Sirius Potter's BEAST quidditch skills and all surrounding skills of physical greatness.

2.5 James Sirius Potter's BEAST skills of pranking and stirring up trouble.

3. James Sirius Potter's dashing good looks and charm that make him a SEX GOD.

4. James Sirius Potter's refined taste in muggle music.

5. James Sirius Potter's ability and aptitude to create acronyms.

5.5. James Sirius Potter's modesty.

See, this list arose probably around the fourth year I attended Hogwarts, when I began making acronyms. See, I have acronyms for pretty much anything you could ever need.

This includes every sort of advice about girls, the bro code, the oath of manliness, and personal health.

But more on those later.

Fourth year was the year I had my first girlfriend, Amy Roberts, and SPOILER ALERT: it didn't end well.

In fact, it ended up with my first swim in the Black Lake. And it was NOT intentional.

Of course, from then on I took my mates out to swim in the lake at least once a month.

But the first time I took a dip in there, Amy shoved me in there, and a large majority of the school population happened to see it, including my Piranna/Cousins and my future wife.

So yeah, not the best moment of the year.

But I got her back for that.

Okay, so I might as well just tell this story. It can be the first chapter of James Sirius Potter's Memoir of Awesomeness: the Trials and Tribulations of Having Wit and Allure.

So here's a Chappie for you.

{o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o}

"James, I don't understand, why are you doing this?" Amy whined obnoxiously.

"Listen Amy, It's really not you, it's just that I have other objects that require my pursuiting. Nothing against you, in fact, you're really very fit, and probably will have no trouble finding a new boyfriend." I explain, giving her my apologetic face.

Her face shifts from sadness to rage. "Who is she?"

"Who's who?" Now I'm confused.

"The girl you've been cheating on me with!" She said a little loudly for my comfort.

"I haven't been cheating on you!" I exclaim exasperatedly. If there is one thing I won't do, it's betray someone's trust. I leave that to the D bags of the world.

"Is it because I won't put out? Hm? Is that why?" Woah, wait a second, where did this come from? We haven't ever even discussed It.

"What are you talking about? I never even said anything about It!" I exclaim again.

"Oh, but you were thinking about it!" Great. Now a small crowd has gathered over to the side.

Because that's just what I need right now. A bunch of loser Hufflepuffs thinking that I'm a jerk boyfriend who cheats on people because they don't put out.

I sigh. "Listen, Amy, I just don't feel that way towards you anymore, that's the only reason I'm breaking up with you. Not to mention you're so bloody dramatic."

And that's when she pushed me, hard, so that even I, a god of bodily perfection, could not catch myself before falling into the Black Lake.

Amy is not helping her case for dramatics right now.

When I emerge, huge groups of students have crowded around the lake.

I spot Amy's smug smirk.

I can see my brother and his friend Taylor snickering.

Alex Johnson and a friend are smiling, obviously pleased with my pain. (Alex doesn't like me-more on that later).

Well, crap.

Fred and Ryan Davies are laughing their arses off a ways away underneath our usual tree.

That's just fantastic. Amy is going to get poned later. I swear on my mother's grave this bitch is going to get served.

I march out of the murky water, shedding as much water I can off my clothes, and march straight past Amy.

"Amy, we're done. Get over it." I snarl as I pass her.

I veer straight towards Fred and Ryan while most of the student body turns and goes back to their own business.

Damn right you stay out of my shit.

"Fred, Ryan." I begin. "I've got a job for us to do."


Later that night, we enter into the fourth year girl's dormitory through the window on our brooms as quietly as we can. The three of us drop like flies onto the ground, hiding out in the darkness.

Five girls are tucked away sleeping. My cousin Roxanne is snoring. Loudly. I happen to notice that Alex Johnson's bed is rumpled and empty.

We sneak over to Amy's bed and initiate the plan. It's slightly difficult to do while she's asleep, but I know the charm fairly well.

Just as we are about to exit through the window again, someone comes through the window from outside.

It's Alex.

"James? Fred? Ryan? what are you lot doing here?" She asks, annoyed.

"Uh... nothing of course." I improvise. "Just dropping in to say hello to Roxy. Fred really missed her."

She cocks an eyebrow and crosses her arms.

"Um, yeah. I really missed my sister. Quite badly, in fact." Fred says in accordance.

"Right. Because Roxy was just telling me how good you two are getting along right now after you broke her boyfriend's nose yesterday. Says you two are closer than ever. So I'm sure she'd love to be woken up in the middle of the night to talk to you." Alex smirks.

She's got us right where she wants us.

"Run for it mates!" Ryan shouts.

We bolt out the window faster than Alex can catch us. However, she does manage to capture my broom before we leave.

Well shit. A girl who despises me now has captured my most prized possesion.

But I value my life right now, so I hop on the back of Fred's broom and we zoom off into the night.


"Potter." Alex says, coming into breakfeast the next morning. She marches right up to me.

"Johnson." I say, not looking up from the Prophet and taking a bite out of my apricot jellied toast. "I'm missing my broom. Have you seen it?"

"Not important. Amy's screams woke me up this morning Potter. Guess what time."

"Seven?" I play along.

"Five in the friggin' morning Potter."

"Why, I didn't know Amy was an early bird."

"Okay, it was six thirty, and she has to get up bloody early so she can do her bloody makeup and bloody hair!" Alex is yelling now, attracting quite a bit of attention.

"Ah, and what did you think of the improvements?"

Alex's face calms down the slightest mackerel. Her shoulders relax. "They were bloody brilliant. She straight out cried about her blonde hair turning black."

"And the pimples?" I inquired.

"Definitely grand." She admits.

"Have a seat, Johnson. Butter some toast for yourself. You've had a rough morning waking up so early." I say, turning the page to the weather.

"It wasn't so bad." Alex admits. "But toast does sound good. Thanks."

She sits across from me and makes a face at the strawberry jelly resting on the table and starts spreading apricot jelly across her toast, sighing contentedly. I can't help smirking.


And cue Amy's rage.

All in all, a successful morning.






A/N: Allright, so thank you for reading. This is a sort of sequel/prequel to The Trouble With Life Is..., but it can stand alone. I just couldn't quite give up James and Alex yet, and James was begging to be written about. I plan to make this longer than the first story, but to keep uploads on this story going, I am simply focusing on this story and my story, 12 Fail Safe Ways to Charm Witches: the Revised Edition, which is a sort of spin off of these two stories, except about Al Potter. So please, read and review!!

Also, James would like to know: What do you think would you smell in Amortentia, or love potion?

Please Review!

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