Chapter 3 : Rule #3-Carry Her Books, Walk Her To Class, and Gain A Date
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As told by none other than James Sirius Potter.
Now, now, nerd. You musn’t get upset if your witch is a Nina. Women can be very stubborn sometimes. But we can’t give up on that! So I, as the fighter for females that I am, will keep pursuing Nina!
I’ve got to be a role model to some losers, don’t I?
Ding, ding, ding! You guess it! You are those losers!
My advice to you, losers, though.
Get rid of those barmy glasses. Quit with the gelled down, neat hair. It’s repulsive. Make it look sex appeal-ish. Honest to Merlin. The women out there are crazy for that sort of thing!
Also, stop tucking in your ruddy shirts. And get rid of those damn teeth braces.
Anywho. Today’s lesson is a simple one, minion.
And yes. I am calling you that. Minion. Now listen up (or rather…read up?)
Girls love it when you carry their books to their classes for them. They also love it when you walk them to their classes.
Carry their books for them, walk them to class, and retrieve a date from said witch in return for your outstanding chivalry.
If only Nina could see things in this way, life would be made. But, of course, she doesn’t…so that means that life isn’t made.
“Nina! How wonderful to see you!” I grinned widely at her wide eyes, as she stepped back. “Where are you off to on this fine day, Nina?”
She gave me a suspicious look. “Astronomy. Why?”
“Astronomy! Is that class fun, Nina? Oh let me take your books for you, then,” I said gleefully, taking her four books from her hands.
She blinked and stared at me. “What on gods green earth do you think you’re playing at, Potter?”
I gave her and innocent look. “I’m hurt, Nina! Can’t a bloke take a girls’ books to her class for her?”
She wouldn’t stop giving me that funny look. Albus, the bloody arse, ending up seeing me carry her books and burst out laughing. “James, what are you doing?”
I gave him an irritated look. “Go away, Al. Can’t you see I’m trying to walk a girl to class?”
“Is this your attempt to woo her?” he asked, still laughing. Nina, who looked beyond pissed off, snatched her books back and marched off.
Molly tutted from next to Al. “Merlin’s pants, James, if you like the poor girl, just ask her out!” she said, sounding quite exasperated.
“That’s not how it works!” I told her. “You have be suave,” I told them. Albus seemed to find me saying ‘suave’ bloody hilarious. “Stop it, Al! Nina just refuses to believe that she’s insanely attracted to me as well.”
Molly rolled her eyes. “Tell her I’ll patrol with her tomorrow,” she said. “And stop harassing the poor girl! Either ask her out or leave her alone!”
As Molly left, Albus patted his hand on my shoulder. “Oh mate. That girl hates you! She’ll never fall for someone like you!”
I growled at him. “Stop laughing at my dilemma! You’re not making this any easier for me.”
He simply kept laughing. Bloody arse of a brother. Now where was I?
Oh! Nina! Bloody hell!
I practically ran through the corridors to catch up to her. I had to accio her books to let her let me take them to her class. “Oh Merlin, you’re back,” she moaned. “What did I ever do to cause you give me this idiot?” she asked the sky.
I looked offended. “I take offense to that! Can’t a bloke just be nice and take a girls’ books to her class?” I repeated.
“No!” she stubbornly said. “Especially not you! What with your stick up your arse.”
“Ah, but I still am carrying them, aren’t I?” I smugly asked. By that point, we’d reached the Astronomy tower. She reached for her books, but I pulled them back.
“Ah, ah, ah,” I condescendingly said, tauntingly a bit, if you will. “What do I get in return?”
She glared at me. “Take books up to class, my arse. You’ll never change, will you?”
I frowned. What’s that supposed to mean? “So you will come to Hogsmead with me, then?”
I frowned again. “So you won’t.”
“Why the hell am I still talking to you?” she asked herself.
“So you will!” I perked up.
She shot me a look. I looked deflated. “So you won’t.”
“No, Potter,” she shouted. “I won’t bloody go to Hogsmead with you!”
Aw. “Molly says she’ll patrol with you tomorrow, by the way,” I randomly inputted.
She blinked. And then she beamed, went up on her tippy toes, and kissed my cheek. “Thank you, so much!” she happily said, running off to Astronomy.
Did she just…
I literally just sat there and laughed for a full ten minutes. At least I got something out of that.
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