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The Not So Magical Life of Mel by Choconut892
Chapter 1 : In which you get to know me...a little...
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 1

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”Rise and shine, it’s a beautiful day outside! We’re not going to waste it sleeping!” said my charming older sister.

“What the fuck, Char?”

“Language, Mel! Wake up! We have shit to do!” oh the irony.

“It’s raining…”

“A little rain does no harm. Get up!” she said, pulling my blanket off and revealing my electric blue lingerie that had barbeque sauce and ice cream stains on it.

Yep. That’s me.

Knowing that Char won’t give up, I slowly raised my head(that was a huge birds nest. Seriously, you put something in it and you will never find it again), tried to get up, but only to get tangled up in my bed sheets and face plant the hard, wooden floor.

“Fuck you, God.” I mumbled, while trying to untangle myself from my bed sheets. I succeeded, by the way.

You must be wondering who I am. My name is Melamine Joanne Mariah Crawford, I’m 16 years old and live with my grandmother. My father was a muggle and my mother and sister a witch. Me? A squib. My parents were freaks, who else would name their daughter after a chemical?

When my mother told my father that she’s a witch after 6 years of marriage, he got kind of freaked out and decided to leave us. My mother was a love sick puppy who couldn’t live without him and went after him. They both got hit by the Knight Bus. They will be in St. Mungo’s for the rest of their lives. Life is harsh.

Anyway, I live with my grandmother (from my dad’s side) Josephine over her shop. You might think its some old handwork store, book shop or the pharmacy or whatever old people do. No, no and no.

It’s a lingerie shop. She’s absolutely crazy. She’s 68, but believes her body is 68 and her soul is 18 or some shit like that. She wears more make up than me and Char and the rest of the female population all together and wears heels higher than Dominique Weasley. Ladies and gentlemen…my granny!

Even though she’s a crazy bitch I love her to bits.

My older sister Charlotte is a witch. She's going to her last year in Hogwarts. I think she's a Slytherin or something.

“Mel! What the hell is taking you so long?!?” yelled Charlotte the Great from the kitchen.

“Calm your tits, woman! I'll be ready in a sec. Where are we going anyway?”

“You’ll see!” Char said and made the “evil” laugh, but failed miserably and sounded like Devil on crack.

I dressed in a pair of ripped jeans and a random blue shirt that said “Come to the dark side. We have cookies”. I tried taming my hair, but broke the brush and put my wild curls in a messy pony tail instead.

“Okay, I’m here! What’s for breakfast?” I asked, trying to smoothly slide to the kitchen, but tripped and fell over.

“Cereal. Help yourself.” she replied her eyes not leaving The Daily Prophet.

“Thanks for helping me up, dear sister!” she rolled her eyes.

“Did you know James Potter is single again?” Char asked.

“James who?”

“James Potter, idiot! The son of the savior of the Wizarding World and the Holyhead Harpies best player! I just told you about him yesterday.” she snapped.

Who the hell are the Holyhead Harpies?

“Whatever, can we go now?.” I replied, because I was too lazy to get into another argument with Charlie.

“Sure. Take my arm.”


“We’re apparating .”

“No, we’re not.”

“Yes, we are!”





“No way!”

“Yes way! Come on, it’s not that bad! We’re late already. Take my arm Melamine Joanne Mariah Crawford!!” she snapped again.

She used the full name. Shit just got real.

“Fine, but if you’re gonna splinch me or whatever it was called, you owe me 200 galleons.”

I went to her, grabbed her arm and prepared for the worst.


Hiiii, this is my first fan fiction! Please review or I will feel like shit:)

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