Chapter 1 : 1234.
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He is my savoir. He is my light. He is my warmth. He is my shelter. He keeps away the bad people. He holds me closer. He brushes away my tears. He makes all the difference in the world. Would you believe we both lived in our own little hell?
It seems as though the world is quiet. Funerals have passed. It’s over, the fighting is gone, but we still have other wars to fight. We still have the wounds to heal, the ones you can’t see, and the ones that are hidden from the people around us.
I sit down on the dry grass and I hold my knees to my chest. I want to cry; I keep thinking that crying will get rid of all the hell I’ve gone through, of all the pain I’ve been through. For each tear I’m slowly making myself heal, but I’m not, I won’t heal, I know I won’t be the way I once was.
I don’t even look up when I hear someone moving closer. It’s probably one of my brothers; checking on me because Mum told them to, but when he talks I know it’s not.
“I wish this was all a dream. Just a long nightmare, and then I wouldn’t have to see you like this,” he murmurs.
I look at him and let out a long sigh, trying to stall the lump in my throat. “I do to, but don’t worry it will be,” I whisper, afraid my voice isn’t going to hold.
“Of course it will be,” Harry mutters, his voice filled with hate. “Life will fill with nightmares for the people that never had them before.”
“I had nightmares,” I whisper. “I have nightmares about everyone dying, about being alone. I have nightmares about being in a tunnel and I’m dying, and nobody cares. I have nightmares about being lost, broken, and all alone.”
“You’re not alone,” Harry whispers.
“Neither are you,” I reply, my voice cracking, as I try to control it. “It sometimes seems that way, but even if you have nobody. You’ll have me.”
Harry looks down at his hands, and I rest my head on his shoulder. “What if something happens, like it did today? What if something happens and it’s my fault?”
“This will never be your fault. This isn’t your fault. Why do you always have to be so gosh darn noble all the time. Why do you have to brave all the time, it’s ok to be scared, it’s alright. I am scared, I’m scared for you, that you’ll never get it.”
“Don’t be scared,” says Harry, his grip on my hand becoming tighter. “Don’t, Gin. Not for me.”
“I will always be scared. I will always be scared about the things that could happen, but Harry I don’t want to be scared for you. I want you to stop worrying, because as long as you feel hurt, so will I. I want you to no longer be scared. Please, for me?”
“How can anyone stop being scared?” asks Harry. “I could ask you the same thing, and you wouldn’t do it. You would still be worried about your family, about your friends. You still would care.”
“I would still care, but you don’t understand. When I’m worried, when I’m scared, I go to you. You understand. You make it all feel better. I want to be the same for you.”
Harry looks at me. “I’m happier when I’m with you. I’m a better person. I’m never scared with you. I’m always happy with you. I feel like I can live. You are all I have. You have always been the same for me, but so much more in ways you’ll never understand.”
I take his hand. They’re shaking, and I know it’s not from the cold, and I know my hands are shaking for the same reasons. Sometimes we wonder is the worst truly over, and until it gets better it seems like it never will.
Harry and I live in our own little hells. I have to face the hurt faces of loved ones. Harry has no loved ones to run to. We’re sitting here. We’re both so worried about all the things that could happen. We’re so scared about facing the fears we have that are still there, but we never say. We’re scared of having the nightmares, and having no one to tell them to.
We didn’t realize that day. That we would escape this little hell that I wouldn’t have to face the hurt looks of loved ones alone. That he would have someone to run to. We don’t have to be worried; we don’t have to be scared about facing our fears. We don’t have to be scared about the nightmares that will forever haunt us.
We didn’t realize, even though we said it, even though we both meant it, that we had each other. We weren’t as lost before. We weren’t living in hell, we loved, we hurt when the other was hurting, but for some reason, we didn’t understand it.
We just sat there, with his arm around my shoulders, with my head resting on his. That day we didn’t understand that we wouldn’t have hell forever. That we would live, that we would remember, but it wouldn’t hurt as much as it does today. We didn’t know that one day we would understand how much the other means to us.
We didn’t know that the next day, I would have found happiness in someone I’ve been in love with. We didn’t know that the next day, Harry would have found happiness in me. We didn’t know how strongly we felt for each other; I didn’t know how much I loved him until the next day, when a few days from the war have passed.
I’m not happy just yet, but with him, my little hell slowly disappears.
A/N: This one...well I think it needs a little work, but what is life without a little risk? I hope you enjoy, and well...Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please review. :)
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