Chapter 2 : Chained up
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Now, when I say my house, I don’t mean the house that Jones and I live in, I mean the house I live in all summer. And the house that James is currently occupying because he’s too fucking lazy to get off his fat arse and buy an apartment or something.
“Yes, Lily, dear?” He asked in a mockingly polite voice.
“I told you to chain Jones to his bed, not to fucking chain him to me!” I screamed at him, holding up my left hand. Jones, who had been cringing at my screams, lifted his right hand with it.
You see, I asked my darling elder brother James to chain Jones to his bed for the whole day so I could torture him without mercy. And get that look off your face, not like that. Instead, James found it amusing to stick me in Jones’s bed and chain me to him, hence the handcuffs holding Jones and me together.
Did I mention that they were indestructible?
Yeah, I tried to break them, but I couldn’t do anything too strong, or else it would rip Jones and I’s hands off.
To his credit, James looked properly abashed. “Sorry, Lils.” He said. “I just couldn’t resist it. I mean, it was so tempting—”
I cut across him before he could finish. “I don’t care how fucking tempting it was. Get me away from this complete fucking arsehole!” I said in a dangerously low voice. Jones started to inch away from me, but I yanked him back to my side by jerking my arm.
“I would, Lily, I really would.” James said regretfully.
“But?” I asked.
“But I lost the key.” He said, and then he ducked behind the door, using it as a shield. I let out a scream of frustration and take out my wand, but instead of screaming the incantation of a curse, I say, “Accio handcuff keys!” Nothing happened.
I slowly turned on James, who cowered. “What. Did. You. Do!?” I screeched at him. Then I threw a Bat Bogey hex at him, and he ducked. Jones also had his wand out.
By the time Jones and I were done, James looked like a constipated cow with rabies, mad cow disease, and covered in boils and tentacles. “Let’s go, Jones.” I said, marching over James, taking care to step on his face. Jones had no choice but to follow.
“Dad! Mum! Al!” I screamed into the house. They all came from various staircases. Al fell from the ceiling.
“What?” Dad asked, panting. “What’s this boy doing here? Are you pregnant?”
I threw my hands up in the air. “Why is it that whenever I visit with a guy that you always assume that I’m pregnant? What if I just want to visit my dad, huh?”
Well, I guess I’m technically married and I have a baby, but still.
“Then why are you here during the school year?” Al asked triumphantly. I rolled my eyes.
“Well, it’s kind of a long story.” I said. My family groaned as I led them into the sitting room. “Hey!” I said. “My stories are not that bad!”
Once we were all seated, Jones sitting on the couch next to me (blech), and Mum, Dad, and Al sitting across from me, I noticed that Dad and Al were sending death glares at Jones.
“Albus and Dad, I am not pregnant!” I said firmly.
“Lily, it’s okay to admit it,” Mum said. Her face was just containing her happiness at one of her kids finally having her grandchildren.
“I am not pregnant! Merlin, what is wrong with this family?” I asked.
“Why don’t you just start, Potter.” Jones said.
“Yes,” I said, taking a deep breath. “Right. Starting.” I took some deep yoga breaths, and then began.
“Okay, so, McGonagall has finally gone insane. She paired up all the seventh years and stuck us in a house with a baby to improve our ‘muggle skills’. I was stuck with Jones and baby Luna, and I tried to play a prank on Jones. Fortunately, my brother (not you, Al) works at Weasleys Wizard Wheezes. Unfortunately, said brother played a prank on me, and chained me to Jones. And lost the key.” I explained, holding up the hand that was connecting me to Jones.
“Where’s James?” Al asked a bit apprehensively.
“You should find him lying on the front step. He may need St. Mungo’s, I didn’t bother to check. But you could always call Hugo, he’s patched up poor little Luna plenty of times.” I said cheerfully. Mum groaned and Dad ran to the spot we had beat up James.
As it turned out, James actually did have to go to St. Mungo’s. Mum tried to ground me, but I reminded her that I wasn’t living in her house anymore, and I was seventeen, so she couldn’t do shit. She promptly burst into tears, wailing about how her babies were all growing up so fast and that she had found her first grey hair yesterday.
Honestly, I was amazed that she found her first one just yesterday. I mean, the woman’s 44 years old. She should have been getting grey hair long before yesterday.
Anyway, the handcuffs still hadn't come off, which was beginning to be a bit of a problem, seeing as we had to go to the bathroom and take showers. Taking showers especially, since neither of us deemed the other trustworthy enough to not take a peek when we were stark naked. I was facing that dilemma now.
"If I don't take a shower soon, then I'm going to explode." I said in a dead sort of voice. Jones and I were sitting on the couch, watching a rerun of a Quidditch match.
"Then take a shower." Jones said, keeping his eyes glued to the screen. I jerked our still-chained-together hands in annoyance. "Oh, right. Well, then do what I do." He said.
"What do you do?" I asked. "I mean, you haven't had a shower in three days either, but you don't smell like a pig's arse like I thought you would."
Jones smirked. "I just Scorgified myself. Works like a charm." I sat up, looking at him in amazement.
"Why didn't I think of that?" I asked.
"Because I'm the smart one." Jones said.
"Debatable," I said, grabbing my wand and casting the charm.
"Hmm." I said, smelling myself. "Well, not quite the same as a shower, but it'll do." Jones grinned, sitting back into the couch.
“Told you it would work.”
I reclined back into the couch, pondering this not-quite-peace-but-not-quite-fighting state that Jones and I seemed to be in. It was like he was—dare I say it—tolerable. We hadn’t argued since this morning, and now we were just sitting here. Watching TV. Being civil.
It was like a minor miracle.
I heard a knock on the door, and I stood up immediately to go get it. I have this thing with doors—I need to answer them right away. It’s weird, but there’s no helping it.
Jones, however, had different plans. “Just a second!” He whined, his eyes still affixed to the TV screen.
“Get up!” I demanded, jerking on the chain.
“No,” He said, crossing his arms childishly.
“No—Merlin’s beard, get up.” I demanded, taking my wand out. “Or I swear I’ll hex you.”
Under my wand tip, Jones got up reluctantly and followed me to the door. I opened it to reveal Hugo, standing on the doorstep, looking confused, frightened, and guilty.
“Hugo,” I greeted, standing aside so he could come in. “What is it?”
Hugo stared at me, looking pale and shocked. “It’s Hailey. She’s pregnant.”
I know! It's been really long! There is really no excuse for abandoning a story for a year... but I did complete a novel, Exchange, and started on the sequel :)
Anyway, reviews would be nice, even though I really don't deserve them. Thanks!