"What was that?" She squeaked after we pulled away from each other. We were both panting softly. She was leaning against the opposite wall, I could barely see her due to the darkness of the closet. That was incredibly intense. I had no idea she would kiss me back like that. She was even the one who initiated the second kiss. I had been feeling rejected, yes I Draco Malfoy felt rejected. She didn't kiss me back the first time. She had looked so worried and scared. And then, she just...kissed me. It was wonderfully shocking.
"I don't know...you tell me." I reach out for her hand and was surprised when she let me take it. She squeezed it gently. I smiled at her, not sure if she could see it or not. But I couldn't help smiling.
She shifted and took a small step closer to me. "Why did you kiss me?" She whispered softly.
I chuckled softly. "Why did YOU kiss me?"
I could just barely see her smile. "Draco please, I asked you first. I really want to know."
I just stared at her for a moment. I didn't know exactly what to say. Why did I kiss her? "I...I guess...I guess I just wanted to." I shrugged. I don't know. I just felt like kissing her would be the thing to do right then, so I did it.
She tilted her head like a confused puppy. Cute. "You just wanted to?"
I laughed softly. Reaching out to her face, letting go of her hand, I tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "I guess so." I took her hand in mine once again and pulled her closer to me. She looked up at me, expecting more of an answer. "I just saw you walking in the hall and pulled you in here. And I just felt like I needed to kiss you, so I did."
"Just like that." She didn't seem to be talking to me, more to herself. Her voice was barely audible.
I squeezed her hand, "Just like that."
"So...what does this mean?" She whispered again.
I pulled her into a hug and whispered into her hair. "I don't know. I guess...We'll just have to see where this takes us. I wish I had all the answers but I don't. We'll just need to figure them out. "
She didn't say anything for a long time, just let me hold her. "I don't know how I feel about this. Part of me knows this is wrong and yet part of me think that we cou-"
She was cut off by a voice calling her name from outside the door. We both jumped. Then we realized that it wasn't coming from right outside the door, no one knew we were in here. They were just in the hall looking for her. The voice faded as the person moved further down the hall.
"I....uh...I should go." She mumbled against my chest.
"Yeah, people will start to wonder where we are." I gave her a half smile.
She reached for the handle of the door but paused. She turned back to me for a second, where I placed a soft kiss on her forehead. She gave me a sad smile before opening the door out to the hallway.
I waited for a few minutes in the dark room. What just happened? Did Hermione and I really just kiss? Twice? This must be some sort of dream. I pinched myself. Ouch, nope not a dream. This was so surreal.
After some time I left the little storage closet. Hermione was wandering around seemingly aimlessly. She was alone but she didn't seem to be looking for her friends or Weasel. Shit. Ron. That disgusting creature that the amazing girl I just kissed was engaged to.
I just kissed a woman who was engaged. Not only did I do that but I liked it! And I would do it again, engaged or not.
Shit, I'm going to hell.
*
I knocked on her door. She never said good morning the past two days to me. She also went to lunch without me. This was unusual. Of course I knew why. She probably was weirded out and didn't want us to be friends any longer. Bloody hell, I really blew it. I shouldn't have kissed her. I probably ruined our friendship. And honestly she was one of my closest friends, she brought out the good in me.
What I wasn't sure of was why she didn't like the kiss. Was it because she didn't like me kissing her? Or was it because she was engaged. That was the question that kept haunting me. If she wasn't with Ron would she be with me? Why was she with him in the first place. He made her miserable, you could see it in her face whenever they are together. He purposely cut her down and hurt her. I was hoping that the abuse was only verbal.
"Come in." I heard her meekly call. She looked up when I came in the door. "Oh." Oh. Oh? She didn't seem happy to see me.
"Hermione...you've been avoiding me." I stated sitting in chair in her office.
"No...Draco, I haven't. I've just been busy." Even she knows that this is a lie. She wouldn't even look me in the eyes.
"Okay. Do you want to get lunch today?" I asked trying to sound casual. And failing.
She looked uneasy and didn't answer right away. I sighed, I already knew the answer. "I'm sorry, but not today. I was planning on working during my lunch. I have so much to do, I feel like I'm really behind." I knew for a fact that she was on top of things, like she always was. She was blantly lying to me.
"Yeah. Okay." I said. I knew I wasn't going to get anywhere. Why try? I got up and walked toward the door. "Bye Granger." Yeah, I even called her by her last name. I guess we weren't just taking steps backwards in our friendship. We were full out sprinting to back where we had been in Hogwarts. I walked out of the room gently shutting the door behind me. I went back to my office and worked on the paper work that I was actually behind on. I usually wasn't late with work, I would do what I had to do. Other things have been on my mind lately, work was one of my last priorities right now.
Why couldn't she just talk to me about it. Why did she just have to ignore it? Ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away, she's smarter than that.
I needed to talk to her. I waited impatiently until lunch break. I didn't get hardly any of the work done that I was suppose to. This was frustrating.
The very second that I could I went to Hermione's office. I didn't knock, I barged right in. A little rude? Yeah. Did I care? Not one little bit.
"Draco? What are you doing, I told you I couldn't do lunch with you today." She seemed sad while saying this. Yet at the same time it seemed that she was happy to see me, like she had been hoping I would try to get her to go with my anyway. But that was probably just my imagination. I was just hoping for the best, hoping for something.
"I need to talk to you. I need you to listen." I spoke in a firm voice.
"I really can't. It's going to have to wait." The somewhat happiness was gone from her eyes. She looked down at the paperwork she was doing. It was extra stuff, I noticed.
I inhaled sharply. What I said next she was going to hate. "No Hermione, listen to me. Listen to me right now. I know, I really know, that I fucked up everything between us. I'm terribly sorry about that because our friendship is what got me through the day every day. The only reason I like working here is because I get to see you every day. I get to step out of my outside life, one where I have to try to be Lord Malfoy. I get to be the person I actually want to be, as long as I'm around you, I'm me. Now I had to let my stupid feelings toward you branch out to more then friendship. Worst off I acted on them. I'm fully aware that you are taken. Painfully aware of that fact. Even if I don't agree with who you choose to marry I had no right to kiss you. I shouldn't have done it. I should never have kissed you, it was wrong. You are not mine to kiss. Yet I wish I could say that I regret it. I really wish I did. But I don't, I don't regret kissing you one bit. I loved having my lips on yours, I loved the feel of your body nestled into mine. I loved having my arms wrapped around you. Hell, I even loved just whispering in the dark of a damn storage closet. Although I don't regret kissing you, I regret messing up our friendship. I don't think that makes any sense at all but that's okay. This may be the last time I talk to you for a while since you don't want to see me. So I'm going to talk until I have nothing more to say. I just...I wish we could still be friends. I...I..I don't know!" I was panting by the time I was done. I had rushed those words out, forcing them out at the speed of light. I felt like I was a balloon who's end wasn't tied before it was let go, everything just rushed out of me. I was left deflated.
She just stared at me. He mouth was slightly open, shocked by my rather long rant.
"Please say something." I whispered, taking a cautious step toward her.
She finally spoke. "What do you want me to say?" She looked like she was on the verge of tears.
"Anything." I wanted to just not be here, wanted to crawl inside myself and hide away.
"Like what? Draco what? Do you want to hear that I don't know what to feel any longer? That I can't go home and look into my fiance's eyes any longer? That I don't even know if I would want to anyway. I have no idea about this marriage. I don't think I can go through with it. But how the hell am I going to explain that to the Weasleys and my friends?"
"What does it matter what they think?" I spoke a little louder, not yelling but still louder than I should have.
She winced. "It just does! Why wouldn't it matter? They're my family."
"For one minute can you stop worrying about what others think. It's your life, not theirs. You were a Gryffindor, weren't you? Because you're acting like a Hufflepuff. You're allowing yourself to be walked all over. Where is your brave heart? Why don't you stick up for you want! Damn it Hermione, for once just think about yourself. Don't think about what anyone else but you wants. Just what do you want?"
"I...I don't know." She wouldn't look at me, just studied the top of her desk.
"Well then get back to me when you do!" I was about to storm out when I saw a teardrop hit her desktop. Oh no.
She sunk down in her chair and spun it slowly so that her back was towards me. "Just go."
"No. Hermione...."I walked over to her and kneeled down in front of where she was sitting. She tried to spin away from me but I stopped her. "Please...I don't mean to make you cry. I'm sorry. Maybe I'm being to hard on you, I'm being greedy. I want you all to myself, I hate sharing."
She didn't move, she was a silent crier. She just looked down and covered her face with her hands. I pulled one of her hands away before speaking.
"I would like very much to just try to be friends again. Please. Do you think that would be possible?" She looked up and could clearly see the hopeful look on my face.
"I think we could try that. I do miss you something terrible." Her voice squeaked as she spoke.
I pulled her into my arms, hugging her body to mine. She carefully hugged me back. "I'm greedy. I'm sorry."
"It's somewhat reasonable...I kissed you too. It wasn't your fault. I just, I need some time to think about everything. But for now I would like to have my best friend back again." She gave me a little half smile.
I hugged her tighter."You'll always have me. No matter what we are to each other, you'll always have me."
Printer Friendly Version
