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What ever happened to Dudley Dursley? by Ms_D_Longbottom
Chapter 6 : Double Dates
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 2

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Authors Note: Oh my Merlin, I know i'm terrible I haven't updated in so long. But here's the next chapter. Please leave me a review. I love reviews and the reviewers!



I am going to bloody murder Harry when I get my hands on him. What the bloody hell has he gotten me into? I don’t even know the slightest thing about cooking! What the fuck am I going to do?!

Then it hit me... Mrs Weasley, master cook of the world.

I sprinted for the Leaky cauldron. In fact I ran into the door. Bollocks I can’t get in without Harry... now what?! And with that I toppled backwards as the door opened.

“Hello Dudley trying to get in?” I heard someone say from above me. If it was anyone else I would have sworn. But at this familiar face I smiled. Dedalus Diggle.

“Dedalus, man am I glad to see you!” I laughed sitting up and giving him a hug. He seemed quite surprised but happy.

“Ha ha good to see you too. Now tell me; why on earth are you trying to get into the leaky cauldron. Where’s Harry?” He asked.

“That bloody prick has got me into one hell of a mess. We bumped into my girlfriend Penny so that fucking genius thought it would be real funny to tell her to come over to my place for dinner with us and Ginny. Only thing is he knows I can’t bloody cook.” I huffed.

“That still doesn’t explain why you’re trying to get into the leaky cauldron. He’s not in there” He chuckled.

“I was kinda hoping I could figure out how to get back to the burrow... to ask Mrs Weasley to help me...” He burst into laughter.

“You’re a far way from the burrow D. How long have you got?”

“Just under an hour.”

“Well I’m no Mrs Weasley but I can rustle up a decent meal. I could give you a hand...”

“Oh my god would you?” I begged.

“Sure I’ve got nothing better to do. I make a mean Lamb Curry.”

“Well I probably don’t have the ingredients at home but Harry gave me some money.” I held out my palm showing him the notes.

“Muggle money confuses me. Don’t worry I’ll get the ingredients. I’ll apperate you home first, you set up the dinner table and I’ll cook.” I grabbed onto his arm.

“How can I ever repay you for this?”

“I’m sure there will be sometime I’ll need to call in a favour...”



“What are you smiling at dear?” Mrs Weasley asked as I entered the kitchen of the burrow.

“Ah just the fact that I got back at Dudley for once.” I smiled.

“Oh Merlin Harry what did you do?” Ron asked worriedly.

“It’s not like I blew him up or anything.” I chuckled. “I met Penny and said she should come over to his place with us and Ginny... if that’s okay.” I finished.

“Of course it is dear” Mrs Weasley replied.

“What’s she like? And I don’t see how that’s getting back at him.” Hermione commented.

“Dudley can’t cook... ha ha”

“Well that is a problem.” She replied.

“I’ve given him an hour, that should be long enough for him to order a Chinese.” I chuckled.

“An hour? You’ve only given me an hour to get ready?!” Ginny cried.

I was shocked to say the least. Gin never took long to get ready, don’t get me wrong she didn’t need to she was beautiful without makeup and doing herself up. It surprised me that she suddenly felt she needed more than an hour.

“Well Gin, you don’t usually care all that much. You never take long to get ready your beautiful as is...”

“Yeah but we wanna blow Dudley out of the water don’t we?” She smiled mischievously and ran upstairs. I couldn’t hold back my smile.


“Dedalus, this looks and smells amazing. I can’t thank you enough for this.” I said with relief looking at the food in front of me.

The man wasn’t kidding when he said he cooked a mean lamb curry.

“Why thank you. Now, you’ve got ten minutes if you’re lucky. Go get dressed. All you need to do is plate up. Oh and don’t forget to call your girlfriend on the telly phone.” He replied. I only just managed to keep my self control and not laugh.

“Telephone, it’s called a telephone. Not telly phone” I chuckled. He shrugged his shoulders.

“I was close enough, I’ll see myself out. Have a good night.” He smiled picking up his coat and heading out the front door.

I waved and said a final thank you as he closed the door. I’m sure I heard the faint but distinct sound of him apperating. I called Penny and she said she’d be over shortly. No doubt Harry and Ginny would be arriving soon also. I went into my room and a box on my bed caught my eye. There was a note attached.

Thought you might need these.

Good luck.


P.S This counts as part of the favour, no need to repay me.

Inside the box was a new pair of jeans and a dark blue dress shirt. I was speechless; I would never do enough to show this man my gratitude. I changed quickly, just in time to answer the door. It was Penny.

“Sorry I’m a little early, I just couldn’t stay away.” She said quietly, kissing my cheek. She was wearing a tight, frilly purple shirt and a pain of nice tight jeans.  “Oh Dudley this looks amazing!”

She had seen the table I’d set out for dinner. A few cleaning charms from Dedalus, a red table cloth and some candles to set the mood. Not too shabby if I do say so myself.

“What’s amazing surely not my cousin” Harry said coming up behind her, Ginny attached to his arm.

Or at least I hoped it was Ginny, I had to do a double take. She was wearing makeup and a short but elegant red dress.

“Hiya Harry” Penny said giving him a hug. “You must be Harry’s girlfriend; it’s so nice to meet you. I’m Penny” she said kissing Ginny’s cheeks.

“Nice to finally meet you. Dudley just doesn’t know how to shut up about you. Do you Dudders?” Ginny replied with a wink in my direction. Bloody hell he’d got her in on it too.

“Oh really?” Penny replied blushing.

“Oh yeah, it’s always ‘Penny this’ ‘Penny that’ ‘Penny is so beautiful’ ‘you guys just have to meet Penny’”

“Come in!” I butted in shepherding them into the house.

“Wow D I must admit I’m impressed. I was half expecting take out Chinese.” Harry praised. Clearly he was surprised.

“See he has no faith in me” I said pulling out a chair for Penny.

“Well I believe in you” She replied.

I dished up and dinner went surprisingly well from there. Harry and Ginny kept the taunts to a minimum and even when they did start acting up Penny just thought it was cute and squeezed my hand. She and Ginny got along well; they spoke as if they’d know each other for years.

“It’s getting late, we should be going Gin” Harry yawned shortly after ten. “We’ll see you tomorrow Dudley”

I escorted them out and said good bye. It was almost a strange feeling not returning with them to the burrow. I closed the door to find that Penny had made her way to the couch. She sat sideways with her legs curled up into her body.

“Your cousin and Ginny are lovely”

“You haven’t seen him on a bad day” I replied with a chuckle. She smiled. “Man I love that smile”

“Stop it!” She blushed. I sat down beside her.

“Why? I’m only telling the truth.”

“You’re so sweet” she leaned in for a kiss.

I captured her lips slowly; I wasn’t going to rush this. I loved this feeling; I didn’t want it to end anytime soon. She kissed back just as softly smiling against my lips. I knew it then that this girl meant the world to me. I would do anything for her.

After a while she started to take control and the kiss became rougher, more desperate. I wasn’t complaining and matched her pace.

“I’m... not... usually... this... forward” She gasped between kisses. To be honest neither was I, hello this was the girl who gave me my first kiss.

“Neither... you... you’re... um... my first kiss” I admitted. She stopped kissing me suddenly.

“Are you serious?”

“No I’m Dudley” I realised after I said it she wouldn’t get the pun. Harry would have. “Yes I’m being serious. You are my first kiss, first love.” In a way I felt stupid admitting it. Here I was with this beautiful girl who probably had had so many boys fawning over her and I was admitting that she was my first, brilliant.

“I think that’s amazing, I wish you could have been mine. I’ve only ever been with one other. His name was Pete, he was a right pig. That and you’re a way better kisser.”

Ha Dudley Dursley 1, Pete Mr-ex 0.

“He was an idiot to ever throw you away.” I pushed her hair behind her ear and kissed her again. This time I was in control. She kissed back and I felt her hand roam down my chest. I started to feel a little embarrassed. It was more flab than ab. I’d lost a little weight, but not much.

“Are you okay?” She asked.


“Do you want me to stop?”

“No, it’s okay”



“Look at me.” I did as she asked. “Are you embarrassed about your body?”

“Well... kinda. Look at me. I’m no abs and all flab.”

“Well I like you for you. That includes the flab, okay?” I smiled.


She took control again, shuffling closer and kissing me. It started slowly like the first but became rougher again. She traced her tongue along my bottom lip nervously. I let her tongue slip into my mouth and we battled for dominance. Which surprisingly I won. I don’t know how long we stayed like that, but by the time we came up for air; both our lips were swollen.

“Wow” We mouthed, breathing heavily. I glanced at my watch. It was past midnight.

“Christ I should have had you home ages ago.”

“It’s okay; I told daddy I was having dinner here with you and your cousin. I said I didn’t know when I’d be home.”

“I doubt he expects you to be here this long though.”

“It’s okay really, he likes you. He sees you’re not like Pete.”

“I’ll walk you home”

“Do I have to go? I can sleep here on the couch. Besides it’s raining, we’ll both get soaked.” She asked nervously. She was right; now that I focused I could hear the rain hammering outside.

“No, I’ll sleep on the couch. You can have my bed. Just let me get some blankets.”

“Dudley really, I can...”

“No, I’m sleeping on the couch. I’d never make you sleep on the couch.”

“Okay only if you’re sure.”

“I am” I replied going and fetching some blankets and changing into some pj’s.

“My room is just on the left, the bathroom’s opposite.” I said setting up my new bed on the couch.

“Thanks. Night Dudley” She said kissing my cheek and slipping into my bed room.


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