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Hog...what? by hpsauce
Chapter 1 : COD is not just a type of fish
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 1

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DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter, Xbox, Call Of Duty (COD) or any other brands etc that are mentioned in this chapter or the upcoming next :)

“Fuck you, Albus Potter. Fuck. You.” I yelled into my mike.

“Language!” My Mum’s voice echoed up the stairs.

“Bloody hell, De Angelis, never knew that 11 year olds were into that kind of thing.”

If Al was in the room at that second, I would have walloped him with my pillow of doom. You know I’m serious when I threaten with the pillow of doom.

“Hey, Al, never knew you were into that kind of thing either.” James retorted. Hallelujah for his older brother, who always had the right comeback.

“Ok, back to the game.” I said, getting a silence from my headphones as my neighbours/best friend’s brothers got ready to kill some zombies!

If you hadn’t already guessed, I’m not your average 11 year-old. I do not, under ANY circumstances want to use, cue shiver, make-up or wear, gag, dresses. I also don’t want to do anything to my curly, platinum blonde hair, cough Lily Potter cough. I do, however, love to slaughter zombies on my Xbox.

Me, James and Al, were yelling at each other to ‘Move out the fucking way!’ and ‘Shoot the bloody thing you moron!’ Yeah I think my Mum had given up on telling me about my language.

“AL, OPEN THE DOOR!” I screeched through my headset.

“Ok, ok, chill Astra, I’ll open the door.”

Mwahahahaha, I loved shouting at Lily’s brothers.

Another fact about Astra De Angelis (yes that is my name, bow down to its epicness), she is best friends with her neighbour, Lily Potter, yet prefers to yell at her two teenage brothers on Call of Duty. Yeah...I’m an amazing best friend (note the sarcasm).

“Astra, seeming as you refuse to remove yourself from, I guess I’ll have to talk to you through Al’s mike.”

“Oh, hey, Lil.” I said absent minded.

“FUCK YES!” James bellowed, “That’s my kind of gun!”

I turned my character around on the screen to see James’ man wielding a machine gun, shooting at a hoard of limping zombies.

“Man down! Man down!” Al shouted melodramatically, “Go on without me guys...”

“Al, why do you have to be such a drama queen?!” Lily screamed at him. I cringed, knowing how scary the wrath of Lily could be. “Let me talk to my best friend!”

I rolled my eyes, chuckling to myself as I imagined what would be happening next door at this point in time.

“What are you laughing at Astraeus De Angelis?” Lily snapped.

“Um...uh...” Shit, my life is over. Tell my Mother I love her!

“That’s what I thought.”

James let out a slight laugh.

“Shut up you dickhead.” Lily retorted.

“LILY LUNA POTTER, I NEVER WANT TO HEAR THAT KIND OF LANGUAGE LEAVE YOUR MOUTH EVER AGAIN! AM I CLEAR?!” Mrs Potter was seriously scary when she wanted to be. *Sigh* the positives of only having a Mother as family.
Silence echoed from my headphones.

“Ok...” I trailed off awkwardly.

No one replied.

“Well I guess I’ll be going then...bye people who’ve just randomly disappeared...”

I shut down my Xbox, leaping off my bed for the first time in weeks.

Dramatically, I ripped open my curtains revealing sunlight.

“AAAHHH! My eyes!” I yelled.

“Astra! Are you ok?” My Mum shouted up to me. Ah, the compassion and love my parent has for me.

“Yeah! I’m fine. I’ve been permanently blinded for life by the sun but aside from all that everything’s just fine.”

“Can you come down, Astra honey, dinner’s ready.”

“Coming Mum.”

Dinner with Mum was always rather awkward. We just sit there, in silence, eating and...yeah that’s about it.

You see, me and my Mum, we’re like opposites; I like video games, she likes daytime telly, I’m a tomboy and she’s always image conscious.

I never knew my dad, so I’ve never really had anyone to relate to that much, no one that I felt I had loads in common with. Well, within the family of course. Outside of my scarily tiny family, I had the Potter’s. Ever since me and Lily met in reception, we knew we’d be the bestest friends (which I know sounds really cheesy but just deal with it, ok?).

What happened was - cue flashback – imagine the most annoying screech you could ever hear. Then, imagine that coming from the cutest most likeable little girl, with curly blonde hair and big, baby blue eyes being chased by some little boys with worms. I bet your thinking at this moment in time ‘Astra...what did you do to this girl?’ Well: a) STOP ACTING LIKE MY MOTHER! and b) I didn’t do anything. I sat there, glaring at screecher with my already well practiced death stare, willing her to shut the hell up when our darling Lily Potter comes along, with sopping wet red curls and a bucket in her hand. You can probably guess where this is going but I’ll continue with my tale in anyway. Lily marched over to screecher, yelled at her to, I quote, ‘Stop being such a wussy!’ then ceremoniously dumped the bucket of water over her head. She continued to annoyingly screech but at least it was actually funny now.

After laughing for around ten minutes straight, I went over to Lily and told her how absolutely fricking awesome she was. We instantly gelled. The only downside was that Lily got the dreaded phone call home. But that wasn’t too bad. From what I heard, her Dad just laughed.

Lily has such an awesome family.

“Astra?” Mum said softly.

“Yeah, Mum?”

“Have you got everything ready for your new school, for next week?”

“Ummm...maybe...I think so...” Wow. I am the epitome of organised. I just remembered I had about one pen, a broken ruler and my tattered old bag ready for school.

“Are you...ok?”

“Sure.” This is a riveting conversation here guys. Well, actually, it’s the rare occasion where we’re actually having a conversation.

“I mean...” she continued, “are you ok going to big school without any friends? Because, you know, Lily’s going to that other school.”

“Well,” I had a lump the size of a tennis ball stuck in my throat. It had only just hit me. I would never go to school with Lily Luna Potter again.

“It’s ok, it’s ok, Astra. I’m sure you’ll make plenty of new friends.” My Mother soothed.

“I...just...I’m gunna miss Lil...” I trailed off tears now tracking down my cheeks as reality hit me.

“Astra, honey, you’re a strong girl. I know you and Lily have been best friends for a long time but...” Ok...the first deep conversation with my Mum EVER...deep breaths Astra, deeeeeep breaths.

I just burst into spine wracking sobs from that point on, not able to hear anything that my Mum said. My brain shoved images of me sitting lonely on a cold metal bench in my cruddy new ‘big school’ and Lil running around laughing with new friends in large green school grounds.

Stop being such a jealous bitch, Astra. You’re better than this. You can make new friends without Lil. You can still be friends; you’ll just go different schools.

Thanks for the pep talk conscience; I don’t know what I’d do without you. You make me feel like I could take on anything; especially a new school.

I straightened my spine and plastered a weak, forced smile on my face (though I probably just looked constipated knowing me).

“You know what, Mum?” I said “I can do this. I can make new friends.”

“Good, Astra. That’s more like it. Just be confident and smile and I promise you will make lots of new friends.”

Pah. Stupid empty promises. My negative conscience scoffed.

Shut up!

Oh god, I think I’m turning into mental patient material with this kind of inner conversation thing. Eurgh, could life get any worse? DON’T even THINK about answering that question. It was a rhetorical question so should be left unanswered. However, I think I am tempting fate a little asking those kinds of questions.

Hmmm...don’t think I should be doing that at this moment in time; life’s already shitty enough.

So... I know I’ve only been discussing my life with you for a couple of minutes but, as you can probably already tell, it’s not exactly all rainbows and unicorns. To sum up my life at the moment in one long hyphenated phrase I believe ‘almost-in-high-school-losing-best-friend-because-of-it-not-having-much-family-support-because-I-have-no-flaming-idea-who-the-hell-my-dad-is’ just about takes into account all the shitiness of the life of 11 year-old Astra De Angelis.


A/N: Hello world....this is my first ever chapter in my first ever fanfiction so I hope you like it :) reviews with positives and constructive criticism would be much appreciated to make this better and to feel confident to post the next chapter (which I have written in my archives ;)) hope you enjoy/enjoyed :D

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