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Chapter 1 : Meet Kaitlin
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Let me bring you back to the present, it’s the first day of Hogwarts see, I’ve just arrived on the platform and trying to find my friends is hard due to all the traffic of others. I’m heading into my sixth year and I’m really excited to be back at school. See this summer wasn’t fun at all, neither was the last summer or the summer after that, actually I’ve never had a good summer. Other holidays are better because I stay at Hogwart’s for them but I’m not allowed to stay at Hogwart’s for the summer break, instead I have to go back to where I belong, hell.
I pulled my hair over my face as far as I could, it had been cut this summer (not my choice) and it was cut badly, (on purpose). I know I put cream on and used my wand to hide it but I was really scared that someone would notice, someone like Lily. Lily has been trying for years to figure out my secret, not about me liking James (she’s known that for years), but the other one, the where I spend my summers one, the one about family. I don’t want to tell her and that suits me just fine, she can keep on asking questions and I’ll just continue to ignore them.
You may be wondering why I don’t just tell James I like him, well you see there is another catch. He has a girlfriend, and not like a really nice one that would be hard to hate etc. No he has to date a bipolar girl, by that I mean that she’s totally nice to him but a bitch to everyone else. Especially me, she doesn’t like me. I generally block her out, I learnt early on that James was always going to believe his girlfriend over me…and Lily. It pisses Lily off the way James has changed in the last year, I don’t like it either but he has a right to live his life. If she makes him happy then I’ll leave them be. If she hurts him, I’ll slit her throat.
Honestly, I’m a nice person though, I’ve just had a hard life and so like many other creatures I’ve adapted. I have a sharp tongue (I definitely over used it this summer) but I haven’t used it much in school. I was always more of a keep quiet and keep your head down kind of girl but after this summer I’ve decided that that approach isn’t working. So why bother, I should just let people see the real sarcastic me. If the call me on it that’s their problem right. I guess you could say I grew a backbone over the summer, I knew I always had one but it was buried deep down.
“Kaitlin, Kaitlin” shouted Lily over the voices of others.
I was drawn to her voice like a moth to a light, how can a person sound so happy all the time?
“Lily” I shouted as I finally managed to push my way through the crowd and was able to attack her with a hug.
“I’ve missed you” she said, squeezing me tightly.
“Lily, can’t breathe” I gasped.
She slapped me playfully on the shoulder, I winced, that girl has hidden strength.
“How was your summer?” she asked.
“Alright” I replied.
“What that’s it, no adventures or cute boys?” she asked.
“Nope” I replied, hoping she’d drop it I asked how her summer was.
“Same old” she replied, “James had the nerve to invite that skank over, urgh. It didn’t take Mum long to realize she was a bitch. She said it was just like when Uncle Ron was dating this Lavender girl. It’s funny though, I’ve never seen Mum have to pretend to like one of James’s girlfriends. Granted this is the first he’s bought home but still it was a bit of a surprise, none of us thought they were serious” she said.
“Oh” was all I could think to say, I hadn’t realized that James was serious about this girl, I had hoped that it was just a passing fling like all the others and that he would miraculously realize he had deep feelings for me. It was stupid I know, but my feelings for James went way beyond an ordinary girl crush. I was in so deep I could be drowning.
“Speak of the devil and he shall appear” she muttered.
To my utter embarrassment James Potter was heading our way, I wished I didn’t get butterflies every time I saw him, it was just another reminder of how much he meant to me.
“Hey Kaitlin” he said in that ridiculously sinful voice of his, breath Kaitlin breath! I mentally told myself.
“Hi James” I replied somewhat breathlessly.
He smirked that James Potter smirk of his that sent the butterflies in my stomach into a frenzy.
“Good summer?” he asked.
“It was alright” I replied.
“Lily here missed you loads, so did Al” he said, I wish you missed me my mind mumbled to me.
“So how was your summer?” I asked.
“It was great, Harmony came over and met the parents, isn’t that great” he said.
“Yeah” I replied lamely.
He looked at me like he was going to say something, but Lily interrupted.
“Here comes Harmony” she said, mumbling “the she devil” and I had to try not to giggle, if James heard what his sister said, he didn’t comment.
“Hi Jamesy, I’ve been looking everywhere for you” she said, you know those girls who are incredibly clingy and think that this type of talk is attractive? Yeah that’s Harmony, she’s like a bitch, meets a cheerleader, meets a criminal. She was bad news and she’d somehow sunk her claws into James. I hated her.
“Sorry love, I’ve been talking to family” he replied, leaning in to give her a kiss, great now I’ve been scarred for life.
“Oh how silly of me, I didn’t see you there” she said.
Lily and I exchanged a roll of the eye, how James couldn’t see any of this was beyond me, then again love does blind people, but I refuse to believe James is in love with her! That’s like saying Santa Clause is marrying the devil. It doesn’t happen.
“Why are you blind?” retorted Lily.
Harmony’s eyes darkened, “No, you’re just too pathetic to notice” she spat.
This was usual Harmony behavior, what wasn’t usual was that she was doing it in front of James. Usually when James was present she was sickly sweet and insulted you in a way that was poorly concealed as a compliment. She usually saved this bitch appearance for when she was away from James and could bully others to her heart’s content.
This would be the part where James was supposed to step in and tell off his girlfriend for calling his sister and friend pathetic, he didn’t.
“Least I’m not a first class bitch” replied Lily, amusement and anger glinting in her eyes.
“Lily that’s enough!” cue James voice, always standing up for Harmony never for his family or friends.
Lily shook her head, disappointed with her brother, “James she’s a bitch and everyone knows it, it’s not my problem you’re too blind to see it. She’s also a bully and bullies one of your best friends, which fyi you continue to ignore. So do me a favor big brother, stay the hell away from me till you’ve come to your senses” she stormed off after her tirade leaving me to be the awkward wheel to the two lovers before me.
Harmony looked murderous, James was expressionless. I felt sick. Lily had just said what I wanted to say, perhaps it was a good thing that she’d said it instead of me, James would have probably exploded if I’d said it.
“How dare she say that to me!” screamed Harmony, it was a horrible sound, “I am none of those things Jamesy, and your sister is a liar. Why didn’t you stick up for me, your sister is a bitch, and she should be locked up!” she shouted. Through her entire tirade, James remained silent, his eyes eventually locking with mine.
I sighed, this was my big moment, “James” I said, “You’re being a dick, grow up and stop seeing what you want to see, try reality instead and Harmony don’t lie, it won’t get you anywhere, you’re a bitch and a bully, the sooner James realizes it the better” I felt pretty good about myself after that.
I started to walk away but James stopped me, damn! I forgot about his Quiddich reflexes.
“What the hell?” he shouted.
I just stared at his hand on my arm, willing him to let go, despite his harsh tone I couldn’t help the way his hand on my skin was making me feel.
“How dare you talk to me like that and Harmony for that matter, this isn’t you” he said.
I almost felt sorry for him, six years and he still acted as if he knew me, he knew nothing.
“Oh Jamesy” I sighed, adopting a sickly sweet voice (one often used by queen bitch over there), “You don’t know anything about me. I can talk to you and Harmony however I like after all she talks to me how she likes. Oh I forgot you don’t like hearing the truth about your girlfriend, you prefer denial” I simpered, actually simpered; it was enough to set my insides on fire.
“I’m not in denial, Harmony’s lovely”.
“To you perhaps she is but to everyone else she isn’t. What made you do it? What made you want to date the one girl whose made my life hell for six years?”
He didn’t answer with the question that I so longed to hear, instead he deflected, “I know lots about you” he said.
I rolled my eyes, why did Lily have to leave me alone with him, “Prove it” I said.
“Your favorite colour is red and you love chocolate frogs” he replied.
I eventually found Lily about fifteen minutes later, she was crammed into a compartment with Crystal, Albus, Rose and Scorpius. James hated Scorpius but he and Albus were good friends, besides everyone knew that Scorpius and Rose liked each other it was only a matter of time before they got together. Lily seemed to have calmed down since her outburst at her brother, no doubt she’d been moaning about it before I arrived.
“Where have you be?” she demanded, “I’ve been looking everywhere for you”.
I rolled my eyes, again, I do that a lot. “Thanks for leaving me after that very amazing outburst. You left me with no way to dig out of the hole you’d made” I growled.
“Oops” she replied, looking at me with a big pout on her face.
“Don’t pout at me, you know I can’t stay mad at you when you pull that face!”
“Ok I’m sorry” she moaned, “What happened after I had gone?”
“Harmony went off about how mean you were and why didn’t James stand up for her etc.” I replied.
“What did James do?”
“What did you do?”
“Unleashed a fury similar to yours” I replied sweetly.
“Wait, wait” said Crystal (my best friend ever), she was smiling one of her big smiles that stretched from ear to ear. “You unleashed fury onto James?! Feisty!” she exclaimed.
“I thought you weren’t going to get involved” said Albus, (always the annoying voice of reason or other such things).
“Things change” I replied.
“I thought you weren’t going to get involved because you wanted him to be happy” said Albus (he knew about my feelings for James, actually most people did, except of course James himself).
“I tried that and it made me unhappy. Besides he dragged us into this when he started dating her, I’m not going to lie down and take it just because he can’t see her true personality”.
“Wow” said Rose.
“You’ve changed” said Scorpius.
“What happened over the summer?” asked Albus.
“I grew a backbone” I replied coolly.
I knew I should be kinder, they were my friends after all but I couldn’t risk them knowing about my secret, it was getting larger by the second.
“Ok” said Lily, looking at me seriously, thankfully she then guided the topic away from me and my newly grown backbone. I didn’t mean to sound mean but I’d kept this secret for the better part of six years and just because it happened to have gotten worse didn’t mean I was going to suddenly crumble down. I squeezed myself into a corner of the carriage, wincing in pain as my body was battered against the window.
If this was day one, the rest of the year was going to be really really long.
I moved slowly as Harmony pulled me along in search of a carriage. My sister’s outrage I could believe, she didn’t exactly like Harmony they were chalk and cheese, she’d expressed her dislike over the summer but I hadn’t expected Kaitlin’s response. Sweet kind Kaitlin who kept her head down and followed others. Why did it shock me so that she had stood up for herself? It wasn’t just that she’d insulted Harmony it was more than that. I felt an urge in my body willing me to smash something, I’d never had that feeling from Kaitlin before. I’d never seen her act that way before.
She’d almost looked in pain as she spoke to me. I couldn’t help but think for a moment that I’d done something wrong, but I brushed that feeling away. She was just a friend and really she was more Lily’s friend than mine. I hadn’t even noticed her till recently, I’m not going to lie, she grew up a lot during her fourth summer, she came back in fifth year looking like a woman, it was hard not to notice.
She’s always been a bit quiet but fun to hang around with. She used to take it from everybody but this outburst earlier told me she wasn’t going to do that anymore. I don’t know why it bothered me so much, it shouldn’t. She wasn’t anyone special, besides I had Harmony, she was gorgeous, kind and sweet.
Recently though, I couldn’t quite put my finger on it but however much I try to deny it I have been seeing a side of Harmony that I didn’t know existed. She can be quite mean spirited but I refuse to believe that she’s bullying Kaitlin, she wouldn’t do something like that, Kaitlin must be lying. Although I have seen Kaitlin crying in the common room sometimes, she seems so alone in those moments, half of me says to go and comfort her while the other half says to leave.
Lily says she has a secret. Lily has always believed that Kaitlin had a secret, she’s been trying to uncover it for years but Kaitlin never budges. It makes me wonder what she’s hiding. I also wonder what makes her cry at night and why she never mentions her family. She’s a hard nut to crack and I don’t understand why I want to find out what’s underneath her thick exterior. Something about her puzzles me and I find myself wanting to know more, yet at the same time I know I shouldn’t.
It’s maddening, I’m a Quiddich star, I have a hot girlfriend and good grades, I shouldn’t be bothering with this stuff, so why am I?
“Jamesy, you haven’t been listening to me have you!” moaned Harmony, shit, I realized I’d zoned out.
“Sorry I was thinking” I said.
“About me I hope” she giggled.
“Yeah” I lied.
“We really need to get you some new friends” she announced.
“Your friends are horrid and you deserve better ones. Why should you put up with them, plus they are mean to me. Especially that Kaitlin girl, she hates me and I have no idea why, I’m always so kind to her” she moaned.
Lately a lot of conversations included Kaitlin. I didn’t get it, yeah Kaitlin and I were friends and we hung out but not nearly as much as we did before I started dating Harmony. Surely Harmony couldn’t find Kaitlin a threat, Kaitlin was just Kaitlin. We were just friends.
“Kaitlin’s a friend Harmony” I said seriously.
“Yeah but you’re so close to each other, are you sure there isn’t more to it?” she asked.
I sighed, “No. There is nothing to it. Kaitlin means nothing to me, she’s just a friend, she’s more Lily’s friend than mine, I don’t even know her” I said.
“Then why do you always hang out with her?” she persisted.
I racked my brain for an answer, “I use her for getting homework answers that’s all, and she’s too blind to see. I don’t like her really” I said. I heard a distinct thump from my left but when I turned around there was nothing there.
I came out to get some air when I heard them talking. I was hoping I could walk by unnoticed until I heard my name. Then it was as if the world crashed down before me and I couldn’t help but think of how foolish I’d been. Of course he didn’t like me, I was nothing to him. I lived in a deluded fantasy, where all my dreams came true, in reality he was only tolerating me because I was his sister’s friend. Still the words stuck in my head; ‘she means nothing to me’, ‘just using her’, ‘too blind to see’, ‘I don’t know her’, I don’t like her’.
The words circled around faster and faster until it was all just a blur, I couldn’t see, stars began to appear across my vision, my recently acquired backbone crumbling from within sending me quickly to the floor like a falling leaf. I tried to heave myself up but it was too hard, Romeo and Juliet had it easy, I meant nothing to him. The darkness appeared and I welcomed it like an old friend.
Tell me what you think! ~ Zyii
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