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The Tale of Steven Bird by alicia and anne
Chapter 4 : Bad day for Steven
Rating: 15+Chapter Reviews: 2

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A/N: I in no way own Madness, they're a great band though :D I hope you all enjoy this chapter. Let me know if you liked this chapter :-D


I had been in this new friendship for almost a week now and to be honest I wanted out of it. Mary had to be the clingiest girl I had ever met and I knew Lucy Weasley.

If Mary wasn’t following me to my lessons and sitting next to me in most of them, some of which I am positive she doesn’t even take, she’s sitting next to me at meals and trying to cut up my food for me.

Now I don’t know what would push you over the edge in this situation, but for me it was the food cutting. I am an almost fully grown man – sort of, and I am more than capable of cutting up my own food, thank you very much. But when I pointed this out to Mary one breakfast that she had followed me, she ignored me and began placing an egg onto my plate, telling me that she wanted to see all of my food eaten.

I could only stare at her for a few moments before looking down at my plate in horror; I could not stand eggs in any shape or form. The taste, the texture – I shudder just thinking about them; if she was any kind of friend she would have know I didn’t like eggs.

Lucy meanwhile seemed to be having a whale of a time sitting with Harold smiling at something that he had said to her. I gripped my fork tightly as I pushed the egg onto the table and covered it with my plate whilst Mary was looking for some salt, staring at Lucy as Harold made her laugh again.

Who did he think he was? A comedian?

I hated him so much.

How could she still be ignoring me? Didn’t she realised I was miserable without her?

“I need to go to my lesson,” I told Mary quickly before darting away from the table, gathering my bag on the way; hopefully I could lose her on the way.

I was relieved when I saw that she hadn’t followed me, I could finally spend some time alone. I practically skipped up the stairs as I hummed a song to myself, it felt good to be free.

“There you are,” I jumped wildly at the sound of Mary’s voice, bashing into the corridor wall and grazing my elbow.

“What the hell?” I cried feeling a pain in my elbow; I looked down and noticed that there was blood forming. Oh great, I get away from one crazy person through fear of being hurt and now this happens, just great. How did she get here so fast? I’d only just left her.

“You tried to sneak off from me,” Mary said with a smile as she stood close to me, all thoughts of my elbow were forgotten as I tried to push her away from me slightly, she had obviously forgotten the talk we had about personal space. She took my pushing as a sign that I wanted a hug and held onto me tightly, squeezing most of the life out of me; I was relieved when she pulled away from me.

“Oh Steven, you’re so special -” she squealed.

Well I wouldn’t go that far as to say I’m special, sure I was alright, I guess?

“- and this past week has been amazing,” Mary told me as she stood in front of me.

“Really?” I asked her in shock.

“I’m glad you agree with me,” she said happily.

I tried to think of when in the past week our time together was amazing, nothing came to mind at all.

"Steven, I think that we should move our relationship to the next level,” Mary stated taking me completely by surprise, what on earth was she talking about taking it to the next level? Did she want us to be best friends? I didn’t want a new best friend, its bad enough I had the last one.

“Err –“ was all I could manage as I looked around me to try and think of a way out of this situation.

Mary seemed to take this as some sort of approval at her words, as before I knew what was happening Mary began leaning towards me, instinctively I leaned backwards, trying not to dwell on the fact that I was near an open window. I realised in horror why she was leaning closer to me and was beginning to feel uncomfortable; if I leant backwards anymore I would fall out of the window and to my death or immense amounts of pain.

I couldn’t see any escape before she kissed me. In my attempts to escape her clutches she managed to deepen the kiss much to my displeasure, I opened my mouth to merely tell her to go away, it was my own fault really.

I should have taken my chances out of the window.

“What is going on here?” came a squeak from behind Mary, who was nearly licking my face. This was just getting strange.

“Me and Steven are in love!” Mary cried turning to look at Lucy who was staring at us with her hands on her hips. I let out loud gasps as I tried to get as much air into my lungs as possible. I don’t remember love being any part of this, just the wish to wash my face, and get well away from this nut job.

“Oh really?” Lucy asked, raising an eyebrow at me. “Is this true Ostrich face?”

Now was there any need to compare my face to an Ostrich? I did not have a beak nose! I was wiping my face with my sleeve in disgust as I looked at her.

“I do not have an Ostrich face,” I told her, “Don’t leave me here alone!”

“See, he told you to leave us alone,” Mary said, her arms folded as she glared at Lucy who was watching me carefully, I couldn’t work out the look on her face.

Lucy nodded before she walked away from me and Mary, I lunged forwards to try and grab Lucy’s arm but I missed her by inches.

“Lucy!” I called after her, Lucy seemed really sad and I didn’t like it.

“You don’t need her Steven, you’ve got me,”

“But I don’t want you,” I cried, watching Lucy continue to walk away from me. “I want Lucy back,”

Mary let out a laugh as she grabbed my hand and pulled me down the corridor, she was quite strong, or I was really weak – I’m going to go for her having superhuman strength.

“My name is Mary, silly,” she giggled as she kept her steel like grip on my hand; “Now I want you to meet my pet cat he’s been dying to meet you.”

I could only sob to myself as she pulled me down the corridor.


I had spent most of my day trying to think of a way to avoid Mary and the only thing that came to mind was to get a detention and not tell her where I would be serving it, at least then I could get a few hours alone and try to think of a better way to get her out of my life.

I was waiting for the opportune moment during my second to last lesson of the day, which was Transfiguration with Professor Thorne, normally my favourite teacher but I was desperate to escape the clutches of my stalker – I mean new friend. I just hoped he could forgive me for what I was about to do.

“You are teaching this class the wrong way,” I called loudly from my seat as the Professor had taken a breath in his speech.

Professor Thorne looked up at me with an eyebrow raised in question, his arm still pointing at something he had written on the blackboard. He stopped his speech in shock at my sudden outburst.

“Am I now, Mr Bird?” he asked me as he folded his arms across his chest, the other students were looking at me, I wasn’t sure I could handle all of this pressure. “And how exactly am I meant to be teaching it?”

“The right way -” I told him, man this detention thing was difficult, how did other people make it look so easy? How did Lucy manage to get me in detentions without even trying? I needed her expertise in this. My eyes darted over to where she was sitting next to Harold, she was looking at me with a small smile on her face and it gave me the strength I needed to do what I did next.

“- and I for one will not stand for it.” I bellowed, standing up and shoving my chair away from me, it nearly took out my legs but I managed to straighten myself in time. I chose to ignore the snort I heard from behind me.

“Watch out everyone, he’s gone crazy,” I heard someone say to my left, I felt adrenaline fill me as I grabbed hold of a quill from my desk and tried to snap it, it merely bent out of shape. I didn’t want to give in this late into my impressive tantrum so I threw the quill as far as I could; it sailed over a few people’s heads and landed in the empty fireplace.

“This is what I think of the lesson.” I cried pushing my pile of parchment to the floor; the parchment flew around the floor causing them to scatter in different directions. I looked up at the teacher to see his reaction and ultimately get given my detention, but he seemed to be trying not to smile. It must be hiding his fear of my wrath.

I looked down at the mess I had made on the floor, a smile of jubilation on my face as I relished in the disturbance I had made, before I noticed that my parchment had writing on it. No! It was my homework for the lesson at the end of the day; I must have got them out of the bag without realising.

I bent down quickly and began gathering all of the parchment I could reach, ignoring the laughter coming from my classmates. I couldn’t find all of the parchment before I gathered my bag and ran from the room.

Well that was a disaster.


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