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Chapter 6 : Overreactions Cause Stupid Fights
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“Calm down, woman! It’s just a little get together. No tomfoolery will occur,” I said, but the look on her face told me that she didn’t quite agree.
“You better kiss his face!”
“You heard me, there will be lip to face contact or else!” her eyes became wide and creepy. She began staring me down as I forced myself to nod. She really was one psychotic lady sometimes…cough…all the time.
I looked over to where Kerf was sitting. Robyn’s intimidations usually played out like this. Kerfy would usually just sit there looking quite scared himself, while just giving me this look that clearly read ‘don’t leave me alone with her’. At least this time he was eating pie, cherry to be specific. Now that I think about it, why the fuckity fuck didn’t he bring me pie?! What kind of rude gesture was that?! Aren’t gentlemen callers supposed to try and win over the friends too? I definitely don’t approve.
Robyn began her rant on how an opportunity like this only comes around once every seven moons and how if I don’t want to die alone with ninety cats that I should take this date a little more seriously. I wasn’t aware that one date was going to dictate whether or not I will become an old maid. It sure didn’t matter to Lydia Franklin and all the other slooty sloots that have different dates every 3 days. Kerf continued to eat his pie. Stupid little shit.
“Fine! Can I at least go to dinner? We’ve been in this closet for two hours now and I think the Kerfinator is getting some claustrophobia anxiety.” I asked. Oh, I didn’t mention that we’ve been held hostage in a closet? Yeah, that’s what happens when you tell your best friend that a nerdy Ravenclaw asks you out. That hasn’t happened to you? Oh, well then you obviously suck.
Robyn looked over at her boyfriend how was now nervously licking the plate, “He’s fine! He’s just eating pie! Let’s focus on you! What are you planning on wearing?”
I looked at her nervously, “Umm…pants?”
“I meant specifically!”
“Pants with two leg holes.”
“Maybe with some belt loops and a zipper.”
“STOP FOOLING AROUND I’M DEAD SERIOUS!”
“That’s rude, Robyn, Sirius Black was a noble man.”
That’s when I saw The Twitch. Her eye did this maniacal twitch that would scare a sociopathic killer. She snapped. I think my jokes were a bit too much. This happens every once in a while when I get a bit too wonky and she gets a bit too fed up with my stupidness.
She breathed solidly and looked me straight in the eye. That’s right, eye. I’m a Cyclopes, “I think Mike needs to work on some homework, right darling?”
Kerf looked up from his pie eating and saw The Twitch. He hurriedly stood up and grabbed her hand. If she wasn’t so mentally unstable I would’ve said “AWWWW”, but considering her malevolent gaze, I made an educated guess that it wouldn’t be a great idea.
If you have grown up with only one close friend and a whole lot of people that are scared of you, then you know what it feels like when your close friend is quite angry with you and has forbade her boyfriend from even offering you a chicken wing at dinner time. She assumed that chicken wing was code for something. It was literally just a chicken wing. It was honey garlic. She does have a solid grudge against honey garlic though, please don’t ask why.
I’ve spent the last three days playing nonstop Quidditch and doing homework by myself in the library with all the creepy freaks, it feels like home. Albus Potter has really been talking to me a lot lately, I think he feels sorry for me. Everyone knows about me and Robyn’s fight. She basically announced to the entire student body. Sigh. This is going to be a long argument.
As I did my potions essay in the library, Al decided to come and sit with me.
“Hey, Remington,” he greeted.
“You do realize that you can call me Alicia, that is my given name,” I replied and he chuckled. Even though I’ve become much more chill around the godly Albus, I still get those inner crazy spaz moments. I MADE HIM LAUGH OMGOMG.
“Ok, Alicia, how’s your essay going?”
“Fantastic, Sir Albus the Great,” I responded. LOL Did I really just say that? Good. I aim to be weird quite a bit, it just keeps people guessing.
“Sir Albus the Great? I didn’t realize I was knighted.”
I looked up to see him smiling cheekily. If he wasn’t so beautiful I would probably call him annoying.
“Well, I’ve knighted you in my head, so you’re going to be knighted and stay there!”
“Aye aye, cap’n!” he said while saluting.
“I’m a pirate now?”
“Well, I’ve made you a pirate in my head, so you’re going to swab decks and stay there!” he copied my previous statement while giggling. Are you serious? Albus Potter giggles? What a sissy! But, a gorgeous sissy, don’t get me wrong!
“Shouldn’t I be calling you cap’n? Since you act like a bloody slave driver out on the pitch?”
“I am not a slave driver! I just want my players at their top peak! It’s simply reasonable.”
I rolled my eyes and returned to my essay. I tried to ignore him, but his rippling muscles were really quite distracting. Flex. Flex. Flex. Damn you, biceps!
“Staring at my ripped body, are you?” he taunted and I quickly denied.
“Pfft, no! Of course not!”
“I think you were!”
“Oh, really? And why would you think that?”
“Because you just muttered ‘flex, flex, flex’ and smiled creepily.”
THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN MY HEAD, MOUTH! WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS FAIL ME! I WANT A NEW MOUTH THAT’S NOT A GIANT JERK-FACE!
“Why would I be looking at you, I’m already practically dating someone!” I retorted and as soon as it came out of my stupid, messed up, mouth, I knew I shouldn’t have said anything.
“WHO?!” he blurted out spastically.
I realized at that point that I didn’t even know his last name, “Ben…Ravenclaw.”
Luckily, Al knew who I was talking about and nodded, “Oh.”
The look on his face really confused me. It wasn’t a happy look, it was almost sad, disappointed even. I thought that he’d bug me more, even chant “Ben and Alicia sitting in a tree” or something. He just sat there staring at me. His eyes were empty, like a hole. The look alone made me absolutely fall apart. Why was he so upset? It was just me. No one special. Unless he likes me. No. NONONO. He is Al Potter, Quidditch Extraordinaire and I am Alicia Remington, Weirdo Extraordinaire. I have nothing really impressive to offer. I do have one talent, though. I can do a really awesome Smeagol impression. WHERE’S THE PRECIOUS HOBBITSES?! See, that was uncanny. Oh, Middle Earth, why can’t you be real?
He didn’t really speak for the rest of the time we spent in there. I made a little small talk about Quidditch, but the whole dating thing was dropped. I wasn’t even mad that he ditched me in a bush, anymore. I was never really that mad, mostly because I am head over heels in love with him. That’s besides the point, something was bugging him and I feel like I’m the source. Maybe he’s actually in love with Ben and I’m stealing his man? Oh, Merlin, that’d be so unfortunate. Whatever it is, I hope I can solve it before the match against Gryffindor. Sigh. Why must life suck the wien so much?
A/N: LOVELIES! I would just like to say that I am not cool and I do not own Batman, Robin, Middle Earth, Smeagol, or Hobbits. They belong to their original creators. I am just a fan.
Secondly, I'd like to thank LittleLionGirl for not only loyally reviewing every chapter of this story, but every chapter of all my other stories. You are so kind and you keep me going! Thanks so much!
I love all my readers, 500+ reads already! You guys are better than aged cheddar and that is pretty good indeed.
Cap'n Al, Sailor of the Sea of Nerds
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