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Here without you by kjp
Chapter 18 : a shoulder to cry on
 
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 4


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amazing, fantastic and awsome CI by OctoberSeaBreeze @ TDA

1st March

Its Ron’s birthday today incase you didn’t realise, I off course being the dopey head I am brought him a present (using the seeker weekly magazine- cost me a fortune) forgetting that I can’t actually give it to him. I thought about sending it to him by owl but it was too risky, they’re tracking owls now and I don’t want to be the reason that Harry, Ron and Hermione are caught thank-you very much, I’d never ever forgive myself.

February’s gone by quickly according to Neville but in my opinion that month just dragged so badly I wanted to cry. I’d recently realised that it was my newt year and I’d forgotten all about them with the whole war and everything.

I blame McGonagall, she was the one who brought it up. She’s the bloody only one who’s ignoring the war around here and acting normal (except giving us less homework… at least she’s sympathetic)

So I’ve been revising for it and even listening more in dark arts class and muggles studies only because I really don’t want to fail... can you imagine what the Carrows would say to a whole year of work gone down the drain, I can just see him yelling at me with his wand being pointed at me, calling me scum… yeah, I really don’t want that.

God I can’t belive it was just one year ago that Ron had managed to poison himself, and took a love potion and almost died… it seems like another life ago, doesn’t it?

I should really stop taking a trip down memory lane, it makes me all emotional. Damn Ronald Weasley for having your birthday today.

I finished wrapping Ron’s present even though I had no intention what so ever of sending it, I just thought it would make me seem less sad about the whole thing, might make me think clearly. And my plans never work… of course it didn’t make me bloody think more clearly, because it just isn’t that simple for me.

It made me feel a lot, lot worse, made me almost want to just throw the chudly cannons mug that I brought him across the room and break as much things as possible, and then when I’m done messing the room up just curl up in all the broken pieces and cry… it just seems like the easiest thing in the world to do.

When did I get so emotional?

The present was badly wrapped but it wasn’t the worst I’d ever done… nah the worst I’d ever done was probably when I was trying to wrap a bludger for Fred and George which would chance them around as soon as they open it… it was hilarious when they did open it but the aftermath from my mother wasn’t so much.

I put it on the drawer next to my bed and went down stairs to the common room, as soon as excited the dorm I was ambushed by Neville who looked like he was having a heart attack… or at least a panic attack.

“Ginny… I’ve been waiting here for ages, hurry come on we need to go!” he cried grabbing my arm and pulling me out of the common room and down through the moving staircases.

When he stopped waiting for the staircase to move along so we could continue I took my chance to ask him WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!

“Neville! Wait, what’s happened… your panicking” I screamed at him as he grabbed my hand once again and dragged me downwards, I almost slipped I can tell you!

“They’ve finally done it, the Carrows I mean… they’ve finally given up on us and… and… killed. A student has died” Neville announced stopping in his tracks “They did it in the transfiguration courtyard. It was a third year Ravenclaw”

“They can’t have! That must still be illegal at the very least to kill someone” I yelled at him. I know the Carrows were bad, but I can’t believe that they would kill a student especially not in a open place like the courtyard.

“You-know-who runs the ministry now remember, anything’s legal… the only illegal thing is being a muggle-born!” Neville said still running down the stairs. It was only then I noticed that he wasn’t bringing me to the transfiguration courtyard but was taking down to the dungeons.

I’m too panicked right now to bother asking him where were going.

“So they just killed them, using the killing curse?” I asked my mind racing, questions burst into my mind, some questions I knew he wouldn’t have been able to answer but it was worth a shot.

“I’m not to sure, I heard from Parvati that they’d been torturing her and she just gave up fighting the curse of and just let it effect her. When she told me it sounded horrible” Neville cried pulling me in front of a tapestry of a fruit owl.

“Neville what are we doing here?” I questioned, I’m sure such a confused face showed on my face but he didn’t say anything, he just tickled the pear that I’d tickled so many times and allowed me to go through the hole in front of him.

“We needed a urgent DA meeting, as students will be around and about we couldn’t just go up to the seventh floor area and open a massive door that leads to the room of requirement, especially when were a secret group” Neville said looking at me like I’m about to shout at him for being so stupid, I don’t know why… I’d have done the same thing.

“Neville, I’m not sure about this… I don’t think we can do anything” Hannah said, she’d been crying by the looks of things and I felt sympathetic to her “We can’t show them that whatever they do we’ll fight back, were just kids in the middle of a huge war”

Neville scratched the back of his neck uncomftable with the tension the room held… I could feel his eyes diverting everywhere around the room refusing to look at anybody fully in the eye.

He didn’t say anything, just let the awkward silence fill the space up… it was so bad I felt like I was suffocating in it.

I had to do something; I couldn’t just stand there and let Neville get all the questions thrown at him when he had no answers.

“Why can’t we?” I asked every DA member in the room “Why can’t we show them that even though they can torture and humiliate us they will never ever beat us… we need to show them that, that’s the only way to win this war no matter what your age…”

My voice trailed away as I watched every single person in the room carefully afraid of what they’re reaction would be.

Hannah softly smiled at me, I knew at once I’d suddenly given her hope.

“A DA meeting tonight in the room of requirement at seven, we need to start planning” I softly announced to the room, no one disagreed with me as the room started to file out.

“Thanks Ginny, you saved me there” Neville cried out and launched himself at me, squeezing me to death with a hug.

“Oi! Don’t get to attached” Hannah said playfully came over wrapping his arms around Neville.

“So are you a couple now or what?” I wasn’t really sure what was going on with them to, I’d had a suspicion that they’d been sneaking around together but whenever they were around me they acted like they were just friends, on the rare occasion when they were with me they would hold hands… but nothing more. Strange relationship if you ask me.

“um… I don’t really know” Neville looked down at Hannah who was leaning on him and staring back at him with the same passion Neville had in his eyes. I could tell they liked each other (it might even be more than that) and even though I prefer Luna with Neville I just will let it be, if Luna were here perhaps things would be different… but she’s not so we have to deal with it.

I smile at them and leave the kitchen because them just staring at each other like they’re in love or something is making me jealous so before I get in a bad mood I left.

 

*


Everywhere I went for the rest of the day people were either talking in low whispers or crying they’re eyes out, my heart went out to the people who knew the Ravenclaw personally and was friends with them.

The castle was in silence for the whole day, no one wanted to talk unless they were gossiping about what had happened which I thought was a little rude… they had no respect gossiping like that.

The day dragged by, classes were still on and the Carrows would patrol the corridors all day, they showed no guilt of what they’d done but instead used it to make other students scared. I had to walk past them every class I went to, I felt like they’d been following me just to make me walk past them. Cowards that’s what they are.

Luckily for me I don’t have any lessons with either Alecto or Amycus Carrow for another week now… which means I can avoid them for a little longer.

I was waiting in the library studying for transfiguration a subject I suck at waiting for seven to strike. I couldn’t wait for the meeting… the DA was all at Hogwarts that I looked forward to and was the only reason I was staying, otherwise I’d have begged my mum on four knees pleading her to take me back home.

It’s a prison here now, and even more so after today.

The clock in the library striked and I gathered all my books together… I hadn’t told anyone yet but I’d planned on letting everyone who wants to sleep in the room of requirement because I knew the Carrows would be patrolling the corridors and it would be very likely that if thirty students all go out into the corridors at once at least one of us will be found.

I instantly remember looking at the new rules in the common room

ALL students must be in their common rooms by eight, if found they will be expelled

I don’t want anyone to get expelled, at least this way we will all be safe.

I collected my bag from the floor and dashed to the seventh floor looking behind me to check if anyone was watching before entering the secret room.

“Ginny there you are! Everyone’s here, except Seamus… he’s in detention” Hannah called for me dragging me over to the front of the crowed with a blazing smile written on her face... her mood had certainly changed.

“ok everyone… excuse me.... guys!” Neville said desperately to all the people in the room who were chatting loudly not noticing Neville trying to get their attention.

“BLOODY SHUT UP OR LEAVE RIGHT NOW!” I scream at the top of my voice, everyone went quite immediately… I guess I just have the ability to make people shut their mouths, I’m special like that.

“Thanks Ginny” Neville smiled at me, his face a it crestfallen but still confident “Ok so as were all here now I think we should get started… we need to train harder, I feel like something big is going to happen so and I don’t think were prepared… we all know what happened today and I am not about to let that happen to anyone else in school… from now on they’re will be one meeting a day at seven to ten…”
Many outburst of rejection around the room exploding… everyone moaned and started talking to their friend about how unfair it was… stupid people, don’t they realise that this is really important that were prepared, it could be a matter of life or death.

“But we have homework to do you know” Zacharias big mouth called from towards the back of the group. He’s so annoying it worries me.

“Well then I guess its good-bye to you smith then because believe me this is much bigger than homework… so I suggest you shut your big damn mouth” Hannah yelled at him getting up from the chair she’d been sitting on in the corner “I cannot believe you. Someone died today, someone’s child died today, someone’s friend died today and you have the nerve to moan about doing three hours of work that can help stop all this.. you’re making me sick… now all of you can either deal with it or leave now!”

Many eyes exploded staring at Hannah like she was a different person, I’d never imagined sweet little giggly Hannah to get all tempered like that. Neville had a little smile playing on his face as did I and everyone in the room stood quietly ashamed of themselves, as they should be.

I watched Smith carefully, his face showing surprise, then his face fell and look guilty for a second or two and when I thought we’d finally got through to him he stood up anger displayed on his face and stormed out of the room expecting the rest of the DA to follow after him.

When no one came he left and slammed the room of requirements door with such force that I even flinched… I just hope he doesn’t tell on us because that just might be the worst thing to happen right now.

“Ok lets get started” I called to the room who started getting on they’re pairs or threes and practising stunning.

I released a sigh of relief… they were sticking with us.

 

*

 

2nd march

 

I’d been awake all night wondering what I was doing? The answer was I didn’t know… what was I doing that actually helped the war? Sure I was helping students learn more things that might help if a battle blew out but what good was it really, everyone expected me and Neville to know all the answers to be able to help them but really we can’t.

Man I really hate you-know-who for doing this to the world.

I could hear a heap of snoring coming from goodness knows where. I remember most of the DA crashed here last night, and we just stayed up until about three in the morning before anyone actually went to sleep. I didn’t even get any sleep because of that ridicules snoring that I’m sure comes from Neville.

Some of the DA went back to their dormitories, most of the Ravenclaws I’m thinking… they didn’t want to break anymore rules.

The only thing I’m worrying about is if there are going to be students outside wondering the halls.

I look down at my watch it was half five, quite early but at least they’re won’t be as many people roaming the corridors at this hour… you’d be stupid to.

I woke most of the people up, shaking them and if they didn’t wake I poured water over them using my wand… Evil right? Oh well they’ll deal with it, I’d love cold water to be poured over my face every morning it would be so refreshing and awakening.

No one spoke as they left the room, all to tired to utter a single word… luckily for us no student was wondering the halls on the seventh floor as such a stupid hour so we all managed to safely return back to our dormitories alive and well and crawl back into our own beds and fall asleep… well I did, I don’t know about anyone else.

I didn’t bother going down to breakfast, I was starving (I was always hungry) of course because I hadn’t had dinner either but I couldn’t care less, I’m tired and to bloody tired to get up… do you get me I’m tired, tired, tired… being tired is never good like ever! People shouldn’t get tired, being tired shouldn’t be a option…. It should be illegal to be tired therefore I would not get tired and the feeling of being tired would go away!

Eugh! I’m so bloody tired.

I don’t even have the intention of getting up today, screw school I don’t care about that, for all I know I might be Saturday or Sunday but I refuse to get up from this bed because it is so soft and warm.

I felt a soft nudge his my side and then a low whisper “Ginny, come on get up… we’ve got a meeting in a minute”

My head instantly lifted up and I flung around looking for the person who had just nudged me. I could see the sun setting from my window and realised I had been sleeping all day… oh well I only had two lessons today both pointless to go to (charms and transfiguration) they don’t teach you stuff that matters anymore.

Hannah was sitting at the end of my bed looking at me with a humour spread across her face.

Why was Hannah in the Gryffindor girls dormitories?

I must have looked at her with a confused look because she instantly knew what I was thinking.

“Neville told me the password so I could get you up, I got some awkward looks though when coming up I must admit” Hannah said pulling me up out of bed and handing me a handful of clothes that was folded over her arm “Get dressed, the meeting starts in ten minutes”

I yawned, stretched my legs and arms and finally got out and carried myself to the bathroom with struggle.

I must admit I look like a dead person walking, my hair was bushy making it rival Hermione’s hair. My eyes were bloody giving me the look like I had just finished crying and I’M BLOODY TIRED! Still no one gets that.

I know combing my hair will make in ten times worse (I won’t go into details with how I found out… it was a very bad experience, had to go around for about three days with overly bushy hair- and I didn’t know any spells that might help me out, I was only thirteen) So I have a shower, a fast quick shower, so fast Infact I don’t even bother changing it to hot water.

“That was quick… now hurry cause we only have about two more minutes” Hannah said as soon as I excited the bathroom fully dressed with a towel wrapped around my head.

“Ok coming” I grabbed my wand from the drawer and excited to the room with Hannah by my side talking about her potion essay that sucked (her words not mine).

I’m not listening though, only a few minutes I ago I was in my bed and now I’m out and about, head spinning and tired…. Yes I’m still tired!

I wasn’t listening until suddenly a question caught me of guard.

“Ginny? I was wondering something… did you ever love Harry?” Hannah asked looking at me fully in the eye as we walked down the seventh floor which was pitch black.

“No” I lie instantly… I couldn’t allow myself to say out loud that I was even though I had with Fred and George… it was different with them, they were family and I knew they wouldn’t judge me and I trusted them and with Hannah it was just… different.

“oh…” Her voice off, and then quite suddenly from no where she stopped in her tracks “It was just I was wondering what it felt like, I know I really like Neville and all… I was just wondering if it was love that I felt rather than a fling”

Then she continued on walking looking a bit crestfallen and upset, I felt like I was to blame.

“Yes” I released “I am… I am in love with him”

I felt the pressure lift off me again like the first time I’d said the words out loud… it felt like I could breath again just in the two seconds I had said it I was able to take a breath of fresh air and feel good It was the greatest feeling, every time I said the words… it was amazing… only for a moment then I realised the world was still in war and I turned normal again.

“You were in love with him!”
“No… I am”

My eyes watered up and I had to stop in my tracks to keep my eyes from over flowing, I was good at doing that, excellent Infact... it was a talent I had of being able to stop myself from crying.

“I realised it a few weeks ago… I’ve been so depressed lately and I can’t seem to get out of it… I just realised that Harry was my medicine, but its quite hard to find him when he’s off saving the world and I’m here, always here left behind because I had to fall for the bloody hero!” I struggled, feeling weaker than ever.

Hannah came over to me and put her arm around me, I realised I was wrong to lie to her, Hannah was someone I could confide in… she was a great friend once you got to know her and I’m glad I did.

“Ginny it’ll be ok-” She tried to reassure me but I cut in front of her

“Stop saying that! Why does everyone say that, its not going to be ok… it never is with Harry something always happens and he has to save the day because everyone expects him to” I cried, tears starting to collide down my face in a instance. I felt the tears stroll down my cheeks.

“I really admire you, you know that?” Hannah said calmly still hugging me “You have been so strong in this war that I wonder how you cope… without you Ginny I’d have given up a long time ago… now its your turn not to give up hope, please don’t because then I might just loose hope as well… he’s coming back and you need to have trust in him”

I dried my eyes on the back of my sleeve and pulled away from the hug “Your right, I was being silly crying like this”

“No you weren’t… its ok to cry, I cry myself to sleep every night over the past month” Hannah admitted not looking at all embarrassed about admitting it… I’d have gone red as a fire truck ( I always wanted to say that) if I’d had said anything like that “Anyway Nev is probably looking for us so I guess we-

She was cut off by the noise of walking… pounding footsteps, we knew he it was but stared at each other in fear and legged it in the other direction. It was past curfew I could tell by the darkness of the night.

We were louder than meant but we needed to get to the room of requirement, we just had to before Alecto caught us. We knew it was Alecto because the footsteps were so heavy and I knew she wore shoes that would echo around the corridors making children scream running in the other direction if they heard it.

We of course do the same and run of in the other direction only because I don’t want to be killed tonight.

It felt like the corridor was getting longer every step we took because it took us about an hour to get to the end of the corridor and hurry inside of the room of requirement I hope safe from getting tortured or killed by a certain death eater.

I collapsed to the floor huffing out of breath; I expect Hannah did the same.

I struggled to get a breath of air in! Stupid death eaters making me run… I know, I should be fin considering I’m on the quiddittch team… well think of it this way I haven’t trained for about half a year so I’m sorry if I’m a little slow.

“Woah! What happened” Neville ran over and helped Hannah up from the ground… well thanks! No one helps me, typical its like I’m a third wheel or something now, it just gets awkward you know

“Alecto was outside, its just lucky she’s a slow runner or she would have seen us” I told everyone helping myself up, when I wobbled a bit Seamus caught me who had come to my side.

He had a nasty cut the went just across his eye, I remembered he had a detention from yesterday. It obviously didn’t go well by the looks of things.

“Thanks”

“Gather round everyone” Neville called everyone “I want us to focus on our weaknesses today… for example your weaknesses could be defence spells, or charms, just pick something to work on that you struggle with and then go from there, ok?”

Everyone nodded and went to their partners discussed for a few minutes and pulled out their wands and started sending spells at each other. A couple of Ravenclaws went over to the book corner and picked out some random books to start looking things up on, Hannah and Neville were giving each other loving eyes making me insanely jealous.

I was standing awkwardly in the middle of the room twisting my wand in my hand staring around at everyone.

Last year I was popular, wherever I went I had friends by me… this year my only friends are Neville, Hannah and Luna… Luna’s been kidnapped and no one bloody knows where she is, and Hannah and Neville are in love (or something like that) then there is me, all alone in a crowded room staring at everybody with the most awkward look upon my face… its just embarrassing!

“Ginny” Hannah came behind me giving me a little squeeze on the arm for support “I was wondering if you were going to stay at Hogwarts for the Easter holidays?” she asked.

“I’m going home, I’m taking as much time as I can away from this godforsaken place” I replied.

“oh… well me and Neville can’t really go home, my dads on the run and so is Neville’s gran so we have to stay. I’m guessing were going to be the only people at Hogwarts” She tried to joke trying to lift my mood, realising it hadn’t work she tried to comfort me “look it’ll be ok, you just have to trust Harry and the order… and yourself” She whispered the last part just enough so I could hear.

I nodded at her in understanding knowing that if I said anything I’d end up in a heap of tears, I didn’t trust myself in speaking.

*

 

26th march

 

The rest of the summer flew by and it was time to pack our trunks and leave on the Hogwarts express, I knew fully well I was going to be alone all train ride but it doesn’t bother me.

I’d spent my whole term dedicating my time to the DA, it became so bad I stopped doing homework and just spent my time in the library searching spells up, I stole a couple without telling madam Pince, but I don’t care really… if she finds out and has a go at me I’ll send out a message to witch weekly about her and filch engagement (good plan, right?)

My trunk was full to the brim, I had to use a extendable charm on it to make everything fit… it was a tricky spell but I managed.

Of course then my trunk got heavy meaning I had to use a weight lift spell which failed miserably the first time I tried but it came out perfect the second time.

Everything was set, all that I needed now was to say goodbye to Hannah and Neville… I’m expecting tears to be flowing out by the end of it, so I have tissues at the ready just in case, god anyone would think I was leaving forever!

“You set?” Hannah asked in the Gryffindor comment room. She’d been coming by a lot lately after me or Neville hadn’t given her the password and the rest of the Gryffindor house slowly got used to her. We knew they kept whispering about her and if I caught them they ended up with bogeys flying at them, admittedly gruesome to watch but funny.

“Yeah…” We didn’t say much else but Hannah unwrapped herself from Neville’s arms and hugged me, squeezing me to death (What! She really does hug in a way that almost kills you… no joke)

“I’ll miss you” Hannah started crying, I kept my tears at bay… for now. I can’t even tell you why I was crying… it just happened, I expect Hannah would say the same.

“Bye Ginny, see you in two weeks”

I was late, if I stayed any longer I’d miss the train something that I would hate to do.

I gathered everything together, gave everyone a last minute hug and ran out of the common room not caring to take a breath… I’ll regret it though because my trunk is really heavy

But I don’t care, I’m going home to mum and dad and that’s all I bloody well care about at the moment.

 

A/n I know this chapter is a bit rushed so please forgive me, I didn’t have long to write it and I had to fit in so much, only one and a half chapters away from the start of the battle! Yay *excited squeal* 


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