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The Reason I Breathe by alicia and anne
Chapter 1 : A broken mess.
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 4

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A/N: I had this idea for a story for quite some time and I saw this challenge by AlAndAl and it gave me the push I needed to write it. It's a dark Albus story and I really hope you all enjoy it, I've tried looking over this millions of times but it's currently the early hours of the morning so I'm going to update it, forgive me if there are any mistakes.


Chapter 1

The familiar burning went down his throat as he downed another gulp of Firewhiskey. Waiting for the effects to hit him and make him forget. Forget that he was unhappy, forget how she made him feel, forget her.

He winced as he brought the bottle away from his lips, swallowing another mouthful of the amber liquid. His eyes were stinging and he could feel them blurring with tears, he just didn’t know whether they were from thoughts of her or from the taste of the alcohol. He found he didn’t care either way.

His body was feeling warm even though he was shaking from the bitterness that was nipping at his skin, he knew he should have brought a coat out with him into the garden, it was Christmas after all.

Not that he was having a happy Christmas, she ruined that for him.

She had turned up at his grandmother’s house attached to Fred’s hand, beaming at the family surrounding them as though everything was fine, as though Albus’s whole world wasn’t shattering around him, his heart had taken the hit and he could feel an ache in his chest as he took in her appearance in his family’s home.
Her beautiful eyes, her perfect hair, her wonderful smile. None of that was for him anymore, it was all for Fred.

Everyone had welcomed her with open arms as she walked hand in hand with Fred, laughing along with something that Lily had said before giving Fred a chaste kiss on the cheek. That should have been him and her doing that, should have been Albus’s hand that she was holding, should have been introduced to everyone as Albus’s girlfriend, he was the one who loved her. What he wouldn’t give to hurt Fred in the way that he was hurting, to make her see that he still wanted her, still loved her.

Neither of them even glanced in Albus’s direction as they made their way around the family, greeting each person as they passed. Their eyes skimming over Albus as though he was nothing more than the Christmas decorations, he began shaking with anger as Fred wrapped his arm around Leanne and kissed her. It was like they both wanted to destroy Albus, and boy were they were succeeding.

Only James seemed to notice the way Albus’s stiffened when Fred and Leanne walked into the room, James was the only one to notice the heartbroken look that had filled Albus’s face when he saw her, only to be replaced quickly with an angry one as he glared at Fred who was oblivious to Albus, the two once the best of friends and now not even seeming to be family.

James moved to walk over to his brother who had backed away quickly, stumbling into the kitchen table as he struggled to keep his breathing calm. James could see that Albus was beginning to fall apart but was unable to reach him before he ran from the room, grabbing for a bottle of Firewhiskey from its place on top of a table as he passed it.

James made it to the door to see Albus apparating from the end of the garden, ignoring James’s calls for him to stop. James let out a sigh as he walked back into the house, wondering why his brother had reacted that way, none of his family seemed to notice Albus’s disappearance.

Albus had apparated to his parent’s house, pacing around the garden as he opened the bottle with his wand before placing the wand back in his pocket.

He found himself still pacing the garden as he continued drinking from the bottle, his head was beginning to pound and his eyes were still blurring, he could feel the tears cold against his cheeks and he wiped them away from his eyes with his sleeve.

He knew he wasn’t over her, how could he be when she had this much of an impact on him, when his heart broke this much at seeing her with him?

Letting out a sob he tried to think of anything else but her, his eyes closing as he tried to think of a happier time. But every memory was tainted with her presence, either hers or Fred’s.

Fred had pretended to care when Leanne had left Albus, he saw how much it hurt Albus when Leanne had told him that she never loved him, that she wanted someone else. Gave him comforting words when he admitted that he was nothing without her, encouraged Albus to try and find happiness with someone else, when all alone he wanted Leanne to himself. Albus hated himself for trusting Fred so much, it cut deeply that he had betrayed him like this.

He gulped down another mouthful of the liquid quickly, wanting the numbness to take effect quickly; he didn’t think he could hold everything in anymore. He let his love for Leanne consume him, let her get closer to his heart than anyone else had ever gotten, and she just threw his love away like it was worthless, like he was nothing. He should have expected it, he didn’t deserve happiness, he didn’t deserve her love, and he knew that.

He loved her so much that it had taken over everything of him, he didn’t feel right without her, and he didn’t want to be without her in his life.

She had wanted to destroy him, tear out his soul bit by bit and she had succeeded, the pain of it was tugging at his heart and he wanted nothing more than to not feel a damn thing.

His world began to spin around him as he staggered slightly, falling to his knees he let out a loud cry as he struggled to keep his pain contained, struggled to not give in to the hurt. He managed to get himself into a sitting position, hugging his knees to his chest as he ignored the coldness seeping through his clothes from the ground wet with snow. The bottle of Firewhiskey had fallen from his hands, nothing left in it to ruin the whiteness of the snow, Albus wiped his fresh tears as he relished in the fact that it wouldn’t be long before the darkness took over and he would forget for while.

This numbness wouldn’t last forever and he knew it, he just wanted to forget for a while.

Next Chapter

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