Chapter 1 : I.
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This piece is written for two challenges. It is for RHadley's Interpretations Challenge. We were told to open up our music library and listen to the first song that played while on random. My song was Harvey Two Face by Hans Zimmer from Batman: The Dark Knight (Original Score). From there, we were to observe the feelings and emotions that we felt from the song, and write a piece conveying those emotions. So, as you read, understand that the emotions I am trying to convey are what I felt as I listened to Harvey Two Face.
Due to this type of challenge, the set-up of this story is very different from anything I have ever tried; clearly the words that stand out in the one-shot are the emotions I felt. You'll have to let me know what you think of this style! I'd really appreciate that.
The second challenge this is for is Aguamenti123's Proverbs Challenge. My assigned proverb is "There's a thin line between love and hate," and you will often see this theme in this work.
With that said, I do not own the characters. Only the plot, and I hope you enjoy! :)
(verb; to remember, recollect, think back)
I could never forget the first time I saw her. I can see it clear as day. Her hair was always radiant; it rippled down her back in a fiery waterfall. Her cheeks were kissed from the sun, and her eyes were the most beautiful shade of green I had ever seen. Even under that sulking due to her sister's cruel reprimanding, she was still beautiful. Even though she was crying, I could tell she was defiant. Strong, delicate, and loving.
I will never forget what I said to her. The words are still there in the back of my mind, and they always will be. You shouldn't cry because you're different, I told her. She had asked why, and I had gladly informed her.
I told her that being different is special. That there's no such thing as a bad different. I should know. Even at the age of ten I had struggled with being different my entire life; I had learned to embrace my differences at a young age, and I taught Lily to do the same. From then on and for the rest of her life she flourished with my lesson, learning to embrace her differences, and she never let them get to her.
I made her smile then. That was the first time I saw her smile. Her tears were still wet on her cheeks, and she thanked me. From that moment on we were friends. Every day we met under that oak tree, and I told her of all that she could look forward to at Hogwarts.
Even then I knew she was special. I loved her then.
(noun; a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person)
I think Lily always knew that I loved her. Maybe not in the way I truly loved her, but she knew. As a friend at least. How could I not love her? When her parents had to leave her had to leave her at the train station in between platforms 9 and 10, she was lonely and had no one to turn to. Other than me. Of course I was there for her. She bid goodbye to her parents and jealous sister before she took my hand and we ran at the wall together.
There was nothing our first year that we didn't do together, save for the few separations caused by our sorting, but we would always reunite with one another shortly after. Lily and I had found an empty compartment together and shared it on our first journey to Hogwarts. I told her of all the wonderful and mind-dazzling things she would soon see, and even though she was scared, she did her best to smile.
With a friendship like ours, how could we not love one another? And despite what she or others may have said later on, I know she loved me. Not in the way I would have liked, but she did.
I thought we would never drift apart. That it would always be Lily and me against the world, but that changed. She found her own circle of friends with Alice Abbott - now Longbottom - and Marlene McKinnon. Our long afternoons by the Black Lake slowly grew shorter and shorter until they were no longer daily. They turned into every other day, then weekly, and then never at all.
I grew hostile towards her as the years passed, and rash when I shouldn't have been. There were the few times when my anger with her got the best of me and she would leave me standing in a corridor, gawking at myself after I had made her cry. I would always want to gobble the words back up and apologize profusely, but she was gone before I could catch her. She would always come back, though, whether it be a day or a week later. Lily had this unnatural need to forgive others. Forgive and forget was her philosophy.
Then one day in our fifth year I really messed things up.
(verb; to feel sorrow or remorse)
I will never forget that day by the Black Lake. The day when I completely lost my composure and all discretion, the day Lily would no longer forgive me, and the day James Potter humiliated me more than he ever had.
I was used to being picked on. It was a daily routine for me; I had long ago learned to endure and accept it. But that day was different. I couldn't just take the humiliation from James Potter and his comrades like I normally would.
I had been sitting by the lakeside under our usual oak tree. Lily and I had planned to meet under the tree promptly at 2 PM. We had a Transfiguration exam the following day that we wished to study together for and catch up after the many times we had missed our gatherings. Two o'clock came, and Lily didn't show. Then she came skipping down the grounds with those two girls in tow and they began splashing along the shores of the lake.
I stopped what I was doing then and observed. Did Lily even notice me waiting under our tree? Did she even remember we were supposed to study together? If she did, was she blowing me off?
I watched her kick off her shoes and let the lake water lap over her toes, and that Alice girl kicked water at her feet. They giggled and splashed and played, and then it didn't matter to me what had run through her mind. I didn't care if she had forgotten or had just chosen to ignore our meeting and blow me off again; the bottom line was she had evaded our meetings once again.
When they retreated from the water and just laid in the grass, basking in the sunlight, I threw my book aside and stalked towards them with my jaw set in frustration. The eyes of the three girls popped open as my shadow covered their sunlight.
"Severus?" Lily inquired.
"You forgot," I immediately accused. "You forgot again, didn't you?!"
"Forgot wh - Oh, Severus! I'm so sorry. I did. I...Oh, Sev, I'm so sorry!"
"The hell you are, Lily! I can't even count how many times you've forgotten now. Does our friendship mean nothing to you?" I snarled.
She rose from the ground and turned to face her. Her strikingly beautiful green eyes beseeched me, but I did not let it affect me. I help a strong face, chin high, and I watched her eyes swell with tears as she grasped both my elbows.
"Sev," she pleaded desperately, "of course it does! I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me."
Her two friends were looking at us with curiosity. I could see their mouths moving with their whispers from the corner of my eye, and I knew they were wondering how a girl such as Lily could ever be friends with someone like me. I wanted to tell them to mind their own business, but I ignored it like I had always done.
The wind gently tossed Lily's curls, and she lowered her head in shame. "Please forgive me."
"Not this time. You can make it up to me if you like, but I know you prefer your little minions over me. So I will make this quite simple for you; don't even bother."
Then I stalked off, leaving Lily with tears growing large in her eyes even as I turned my back on her. She plopped down between her two friends, her tears beginning to fall steadily, and the two girls embraced her and rocked her between their stronghold. All the while I could feel their eyes on me burning holes of hatred into my back. I faded from everyone's mind as I claimed my spot under the tree once more and tried to focus on my schoolwork. Occasionally I glanced to Lily to check on how she was coping, and it she appeared to be recovering quickly. Soon enough her cheeks were dry and the glassy look faded from her eyes. Within a few minutes, there was no trace of her cries.
Despite how wrong it was, this angered me. I thought I had made it clear we would no longer put the effort into our friendship. It would slowly dwindle until we were nothing more than acquaintances. We both knew this now, and over that thought, I expected a good cry from her. But this is what I get? Maybe six minutes worth of crying? Our friendship for so long should have meant more than that.
Fuming, I forced the situation from my thoughts and tried tell myself she wasn't worth it.
But of course I thought differently. That was the first time I hated her, but she was always worth it. I just didn't know it until I lost her, and now I regret that day more than anything. But not as much as what came next.
(noun; a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority)
Pride. It would be my ultimate downfall to my friendship with Lily. There was no denying that my pride was the cause of it.
Shortly after I stalked away from her, fuming and cursing under my breath, I tried to shake it off. Perhaps an hour passed, and I strongly ignored Lily and her minions as they played around and I tried to look busy with my studies. The day was peaceful, and for anyone not sulking in their lonesome, the day was glorious. The sun was shining, and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. It was a great break from the tremendous amounts of rain we had been receiving, and the wind was gently brushing across the grounds down to the Black Lake.
I soon found my peace as well, falling comfortably into the atmosphere as I forgot about my incident with Lily. Then that wretched Potter with his friends in tow disrupted that serenity.
"Oi, Snivellus!" James Potter with his all too big ego shouted to me, calling me by his favorite pet name he created for me. "Got that long nose of yours in another book?"
"What's it about? Tips on how to make that mop on top of your head any greasier?" his best friend, Sirius Black, pitched in. I wrinkled my nose in distaste. That Sirius Black. Potter and Black: the dynamic duo. Black's brother, Regulus, was a Slytherin in my own house, and I was actually quite fond of him, but Sirius Black? How had the Black family produced such a disgrace to their name?
"It's actually about what made you so ugly, Black," I snarled in retort.
"Hey!" Potter shouted, ready to defend his friend. "You watch your filthy mouth!"
Potter and Black's two other friends came jogging down the grounds just as Potter whipped out his wand. Remus Lupin began to shout his protests towards James; Peter Pettigrew just following in his wake like the lost puppy he's always been.
"James, he's not worth - "
"Levicorpus!" Potter shouted, and my book fell out of my hands. It dropped to the ground as I was hoisted into the air by my ankles.
I felt the blood rushing to my face, my long, black hair falling towards the ground. Everything shifted; Potter appeared to be defying gravity as he approached me, his wand outstretched and his other hand reaching for something I couldn't decipher. He was approaching me when a mass of red entered my vision. I didn't have to look twice to know it was Lily coming to my rescue.
"Leave him alone, Potter!" she demanded.
Lily and Potter began their usual banter. Potter demanded a Hogsmeade date and Lily swore she would rather date a blast-ended skrewt. Foul words were thrown about as I remained floating in the air, ankles up.
"Go away, Evans!" I found the words spilling out of my mouth, my first since I had been hoisted into the air. "I don't need help from a filthy Mudblood such as yourself!"
She blanched, and I knew as soon as I said the words, I wished I hadn't. The look on her face said it all. She couldn't believe I had said it either. After years of friendship, of ups and downs. How could I?
She released a few maledictions upon me before storming off, leaving me to Potter who was now fueled with anger towards me for calling his precious Lily a Mudblood.
Forgive and forget. The words rang through my mind. It was my choice to not forgive Lily only an hour ago that led me to my poor indiscretion, and it would be my failure to utilize my philosophy that would end my friendship with her. I could forgive and forget, but Lily...She couldn't. And she wouldn't. Not this time.
(adjective; feeling or expressing sorrow or grief; sorrowful, sad)
We never recovered from that day. Not a day goes by when I don't wish I could take it back. I wish I could change the way I handled the situation; I wish I could change the words that came out of my mouth. I wish I could have forgiven and forgotten faster.
I lost my dearest friend that day. It wasn't until she walked away from me for good that I realized I loved her. I always had and always would. There's such a thin line between love and hate.
While she may have put me at the back of her mind, I never forgot her. I was nothing more than a memory left in the wind to her, and despite the thin line I had always held, I would always cherish her in my heart. While she overlooked me for the rest of her life, I would continue to give her everything I could. My mourning over our loss of friendship helped me to strengthen my courage and lengthen the ends to which I would go for her.
Just because she had forgotten about me didn't mean that I had forgotten about her. Even as Voldemort recruited me, I went to Dumbledore. I spoke of my loyalty to Dumbledore and the Order, for it would always be true. To protect Lily, it would always be true. Even after she married Potter, I still loved her and never failed protect her by any means necessary.
And then I lost her. For good. I had mourned over our loss of friendship, but now I was mourning for something else entirely. The loss of Lily's life. Never again would I see her at the Order meetings. Even then when she would pretend I didn't exist, it was better than not seeing her at all. I begged to hear her maledictions towards me once more, for that meant she at least was alive.
But never again. Now she was gone, and all I wanted to do was tell her how I would always love her. I wish I could take back what I said.
Every night I speak to Lily. I tell myself she's there, listening to me, and that she understands me and has forgiven me. I will never forgive myself for never patching things up with her. I tell myself that she has forgiven me and all is well.
But that's the thing about mourning and death. You can't do anything about all the things that were left unspoken. Now they just linger in the air around you, and you wonder what you could have done differently. I will never speak to Lily again, never hear her voice, whether it be an apology or a harsh malediction. I can never express to her how truly sorry I am for ruining our friendship; I can never tell her how much I loved her - and always will.
Now, all I can do is hope that maybe Lily will find me. Maybe letters will fall from the sky, and they will shower me with her proclamations of undying love and friendship as well. She never hated me, right? She couldn't have. She always said she loved me, even if it was as friends.
That's the thing about love as well. It's unconditional.
(adjective; not limited by conditions, absolute)
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