It’s not easy being the girl who constantly falls into the shadows. It’s not easy when everyone who acknowledges your existence questions your motives and people hating you because of them, no matter what those motives were.
The worst part of it all is that I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or make them think that they’re a bad person. Because no one can be one hundred per cent bad. I just didn’t want to be insulted or ignored.
I didn’t want to be insulted or ignored. Yet it was an endless cycle. If I stood up for myself, I’d probably end up hurting someone.
So, that was why I was hiding in a little room behind a scarlet tapestry, hoping that no one would find me. I could barely fit into the confined space, so much so that I was curled up into a little ball, pressing my head against my knees.
Clueless if Charlie knew about my little hiding place, I tried to breathe quietly. The cobbled stone walls were cold and jagged. I felt it hurt my arms. Seriously, I wished that it would be easy for me to just tell her to back off and leave me alone.
How I ended up in that small, confined space was a long story.
It started with, as usual, my guitar. I sat in an empty classroom, strumming rather loudly a selection of my favourite minor chords. I hadn’t expected that anyone would walk past, hence the rather loud humming that went with my guitar playing.
Accompanied by daydreaming of dates with Jude, and kissing him in the rain. That was one thing I wouldn’t admit to anyone, despite it being one of those good Saturdays.
Hearing noises outside the room, I suddenly started playing quieter, and my humming ceased to a standstill. Looking up with my wide eyes, it went silent again.
I liked the silence. Well, I was used to it anyhow. The way that no one called my name or smiled at me in the corridors was just normality. I wasn’t bothered by it anymore. Maybe if I had friends, I’d not get on well with them. I wasn’t saying that I didn’t want friends – because I did- but I was just saying that I was content with my life, despite it not being ideal.
Anyway, even with the silence I continued humming. I’d purposely choose a classroom in a rather empty part of the castle so no one could hear me. I didn’t like it when people listened to me play as it put pressure on me to play well and it just didn’t feel natural. That was why I had come to a habit of carefully placing my guitar under my bed when someone else came into my dormitory.
Back to kissing Jude in the rain. I was imagining him pulling me into his arms and kissing me comfortingly, saying that he wanted to be with me. Well, I wasn’t sure which words Jude would choose as I’d never really spoke to him before but, I could picture how he spoke, smiling at me.
I really should focus on more realistic goals.
I sat on one of the tables against the far wall, feet propped up on a wobbling, wooden chair. I’d come to this classroom before just to play. Whenever I did, it was normally a good day. I could spend hours strumming chords or making up random melodies. It had become a habit of mine to do this when the dorm was filled with squealing girls fussing about boys and make-up.
I thought about boys (meaning Jude) on the inside and it didn’t make a big fuss of it like they did.
Suddenly, I heard more footsteps outside. Unfazed, I only quieted down slightly. And then I reached the height of embarrassment.
The door creaked swiftly open, muffling the sound of my guitar being shoved under the table.
Two people fell into the room, arms wrapped around each other and kissing rather loudly. They didn’t seem to notice me. Shocked and unaware of what to do, I blinked for a few seconds. Then, I made a quiet little squeal, the couple breaking apart suddenly, red faced.
“Who the hell is that?” the boy asked, pointing at me violently. I didn’t recognise him but he must have been a seventh year, judging by his height and the fact that he had just pulled away from another seventh year.
A seventh year that happened to be Charlie Cole.
“What the fucking hell are you doing, Rowe?” Charlie spat, throwing her arms in the air angrily.
“I don’t know,” I stuttered quietly, grabbing my guitar and making my way out of the room. “Sorry.”
“You’re a freak!” Charlie yelled back, looking at me as if I was a piece of meat, waiting to be eaten. Tripping over my own feet, I managed to make it out the door. “I’m going to make sure you don’t tell anyone!”
I left confused about why Charlie didn’t want anyone knowing. I scuttled off with a scared expression on my face and guitar strap slung over my back. Despite my attempts to run away as fast as possible, I’d received a slap to the arm.
I wouldn’t tell anyone. Even though Charlie was the one person that I loathed, no one would listen to me anyway. No one would even turn around if I called their name.
Startled by the possibility of being beaten up by two people instead of one, I raced back to the Hufflepuff common room. Although, only a few of the Hufflepuffs knew my name or recognised my face, if I had my guitar, they'd ignore me. If I started playing, they knew to block their ears. It left me wondering if I was that bad, or if everyone hated me that much. For that reason, I just sat by the fire, idly twiddling my thumbs. My guitar was placed under my bed, covered by a yellow rug for security reasons.
The Hufflepuff common room was a place that no one ever went in, apart from Hufflepuffs. All the other common room’s held frequent parties or invited friends over all the times. Yet, us Puffs kept to ourselves. Only a few people from other houses (unfortunately Charlie was one of these) ever came in.
It was quite a large room, long and rectangular in shape. Paintings covered the walls, along with bright yellow hangings. The notice board was just by the fire. Black chairs (all filled with warm yellow cushions) were ridiculously comfy and a large rug lay on the floor. It was a rather detailed pair of badgers.
I liked the common room, even though I sometimes believed that I wasn’t friendly enough to be in Hufflepuff. I didn’t really fit into any of the four houses – I was that hopeless!
There I sat in a comfy black sofa. I could feel the warm flames dancing a few feet in front of me. I liked to watch them. They seemed to be in unison of each other, like they really were ballerinas or something of the sort.
I had been sitting down for literally a few minutes before it all went wrong. Dakota marched into the room. Naturally, she was followed by Charlie and a girl called Agnes Leigh. Agnes was in my year and house. I had nothing against her, although, there is a rather annoying sentence sprawled across my guitar that says Agnes was here. She seemed nice enough, despite being friendly with Charlie.
Charlie was shooting daggers at me, glaring as if I was her prey, and I certainly felt like it. “Charlie?” Agnes said. “What's the matter?”
With that, I slowly made my way out of the common room, trying to find a way to avoid her completely. Wherever I would go, it seemed that she always turned up to ruin everything.
“Nothing. I need to go,” Charlie said, spinning around on her heel and marching out. I honestly didn’t know why she came into our common room so much. Was it to tiresomely taunt me?
Now she was following me. “Who did you tell?” she spat as I tried to race away.
“No one…” I trailed off quietly, wishing that she’d just let me be. I was a good few paces in front of her though, but I knew it wouldn’t be for long. Charlie was so much taller than me and had a much brisker, faster walking pace.
I tried to convince her of the truth, but the fact that I was scarpering did not help my case. If I stopped moving, she’d probably punch me anyway. I didn’t even know the name of the boy she kissed so it was entirely pointless anyway.
I had been in this same situation so many times; running away from being hurt or bullied even more. Though today, I was even more stressed by the fact that she had a motive to want to hurt me. It was frightening, of being chased down corridors. I’d never be able to outrun her.
Despite my possibilities, I started to run. “Would it be okay if you leave me alone?” I muttered, worried that I came across as too kindly. Though violence is not the answer so why can’t it be kindness?
“No, I want to know the truth, you little bitch!”
Her words dug into me like knives. They hurt so much more because the only people that ever spoke to me were to give me harsh comments or tell me that I wasn’t good enough. I wouldn’t want to inflict this on anyone else.
“I said I didn’t tell anyone!” I raised my voice, running even more. Charlie rolled her eyes and continued walking. Deciding that I really didn’t want to confront her, I decided to leg it. Basically, I ran as fast as I could to get away from her.
“You can’t run forever!” she called back.
That was when I decided I could hide for a bit, bringing me back to the small room. I had heard footsteps walk past a few times, though no taunting words from Charlie. However, I was too scared to leave my hiding place. What if she was waiting for me, just to accuse me of things that I hadn’t done.
I was still oblivious to why she didn’t want anyone else to know. How bad could it be – she was just kissing someone. Well, no matter how disturbing and heated it looked, it was just kissing.
After Merlin knows how long of hiding away, I poked my head around the corner of the tapestry, looking from left to right. I felt like I never wanted to be seen by Charlie again, what with her critical insults and violent tendencies.
No one was there; in fact it was as if an empty chill followed me wherever I went, all the way back to the common room. Even the sceptical and judging glares of the paintings didn’t seem to look at me. I sometimes heard them say things to each other like 'Oh look, it's that lonely girl with the funny
guitar' or 'honestly, what is she wearing?'
. It never seemed to happen to anyone else and I don’t know why they said it to me. Maybe I was unpopular amongst portraits too. At least they knew who I was. What an honour.
I still looked down to the floor when I walked; it was becoming a habit of mine no matter how bad it made my neck ache. Just as I was about to enter the common room, I heard someone yell at me. “Watch where you’re going!” an angry voice said. I looked up to see no one but Jude glaring down at me. He really does have lovely eyes. “You’re a freak, Amy.”
I didn’t know how to reply, it was as if my mouth had stopped moving altogether. My feet weren’t exactly fully functioning either.
My body hates me, you know.
“Erm, sorry,” I mumbled quietly, not even able to correct him on my name. I felt my face turn red as I dashed off into the common room.
It was definite. I could tell he hated me.
Or, he could have hated a girl called Amy who just looks like me.
I fancied my chances.
A/N Hi! This is the latest chapter! Yeah, updates in the next few weeks will be slower because I have school but there shouldn't be more than a month between them for my stories., :)
Please review and I shall love you forever and ever!