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The 'Accidental' De-throning of Rebecca Thomas. by Half_Empty
Chapter 3 : Poultry makes the best headgear
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 6

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shipsinthedark @ TDA... yet again. You are my IDOL! :D 





I have chicken in my hair.



 “I have to say Kyra, that new hat is really working for you.”


“Thank you Damon.”


I have chicken on my head.


“Kyra are you aware….”




It was cooked at least. If it was raw I’d probably be screaming by now.


“Um… Kyra?”


“Can I help you?”


“You have a little…”




I lost my hat a little there… but I had a right to be on edge! I had chicken in my hair! My beautifully sculpted hair…


Sad face.


And all because I fell asleep in my lunch…because as luck would have it I’m sick. Extremely sick.


Stupid Karma.


…and stupid Mia. What’s the point in having a seer for a best friend is she can’t warn me about these things?


“Blimey Kyra, are you sure you’re alive?” That was the charming question I received from the one and only Mia Bishop as I sat in the seat beside her. “You know this is DADA so it’s probably best you don’t show up looking like you’ve already been killed by a dark wizard.”


I scowled at her from behind the dark sunglasses I was wearing to disguise my condition- The teachers would probably go ape-shit if they saw the state I was in.




“I know, and you have chicken-“






“You sounded so much like the Queen just then-“


“Shut up.”




I spent the entire lesson wearing my chicken.


“You look like a Rehab patient with those glasses on you know.” Mia said, taking a seat on the bench beside me during dinner.


I scoffed. “Noted.”




I grinned but it was hidden against the table I was slumped against. My blond curly hair fanned out around me like some sort of tribal headdress on the wooden surface as I heard Mia make a sound somewhere between a gasp and a giggle.


I debated looking up to see what was the matter but… I’m just too damn lazy. Luckily Mia felt the need to divulge.


“Lydia’s talking to James…” She gossiped, lowering her voice to conspiritually whisper: “Rebecca looks murderous.”


I raised an eyebrow against the table.


You know how in royalty there is a line to the throne? King, Queen, Prince, Princess?


Imagine Rebecca as the queen and Lydia as the distant cousin whose next in line, then you’ll see why this change of events would cause a problem.


“No…” I gasped dramatically, flinging my head up from the table, wanting to get a look at Rebecca’s surely dark expression. My hair flapped around my face but my hat on the other hand…. Well let’s just say that it learned to fly.


The chicken soared through the air, miraculously managing to avoid all the floating candles above our heads. It spiralled, bouncing off the roof before rebounding and falling back into the room.


Guess where it landed?


A)On the floor. (Pshh… not likely)


B)   On a table. (If I would be so lucky)




C) In a certain someone’s hair.


If you guessed C… well you have a measurable amount of common sense.


It fell from the great height picking up speed as the journey moved on and as it landed on Rebecca’s head (which was attached to James’s I might add, Mia had been kidding) it landed with a splat. It even mashed into her hair as an added bonus making it near impossible to remove.




Me: 0


Karma: 3 (It got an extra point for my illness)


Mia giggled, Rebecca Thomas screamed and I, on the other hand ducked under the table to hide. Mia joined me soon after.


“You still have some-“she started quietly, lifting a hand to reach for my hair.


“Don’t! Just don’t…”


But, as with all things in life I twisted the previous events in my favour. It’s an easier method then remembering you were at fault in any case- In other words I will forever remember this day as the day that Rebecca Thomas stole my hat.


If I would be so lucky.


The next day was less repetitive,


Kyra’s List of Event’s:


-Wake up.


-Eat breakfast.


-Arrive at lesson one (Transfiguration) chicken hat free.


-Fall asleep in Transfiguration still sans chicken helmet.


-Go to lesson two.


-Throw up in lesson two.


-Hide said vomit from view of Professor Longbottom.


-Hide from Rebecca Thomas and her cronies as she walks past my ‘lair’ (aka. Hiding spot) in the library.


-Convince Mia that despite my recent illness I am not carrying the plague.


-Go to the hospital wing where Madame Umbridge (somehow the old toad managed to reproduce) tries to re-grow my bones.


-Persuade Madame Umbridge that my bones do not in fact need re-growing.


-Practise my sex education script with Albus Potter.


-Throw up. Again.


-Go to dinner.


“Albus Potter’s staring at you.”


I groaned.


“Tell him to go away.” I mumbled into the table. I really didn’t feel like practising our script-again- tonight.


The legendary Albus Potter had in fact turned out to be more than the nerd I first suspected him to be. He’d tuned out to be a full out homework Nazi, making me practise twice every day since the assignment had been set.


Because… you know… it’s not like I’m sick or anything.


“He’s coming over here.” She whispered leaning forwards to whisper in my partially covered ear.


“Don’t you dare-“ I started but before I could even finish the command she had clambered from her seat and vacated to the other side of the bench, watching my every move along with Alice Longbottom. She’s absolutely convinced that there’s going to be a wedding in the near future.


…and I’m convinced that she’s going senile.


“Traitor.” I grumbled beneath my breath.


“Pardon?” Albus sat beside me, poking me in the shoulder rudely with his index finger.


I coughed, sitting up straight in my seat. “Nothing.”


He grinned. “Ready to practise?”


I scowled at his cheerful expression, pointing to my own sallow eyes and pale, waxy skin.


I was the height of attractiveness clearly. Mia says I look like ‘Snape’- whatever that means.


“Do I look like I’m ready to practise?” I asked, scathingly.


His eyes sparkled with amusement. “Come on grumpy.” He grabbed my elbow, pulling me from the bench.  “Let’s go.”


“No!” I grunted, resolutely sticking my ground.


He tugged hander, his grip slipping to my wrist as I struggled. “What are you, two?” He panted from the strain.


I grinned. “Three actually.”


“Oh great.” He responded sarcastically “Good to know. Now up.” He ordered releasing me completely and letting me flop to the bench. I remained in the exact same position, except  re-laying my head against the table.


“Kier-ra.” Albus whinged, poking me continuously in my side.


Hey- that tickles.


“Go away.” I moaned. “I’m sick.”


“You mean to say you’re not naturally this green?” He gasped in fake horror.


“No” I growled. “Because I’m not a flower, so if you wouldn’t mind I’d like to go to sleep. Shoo.” I made a shooing motion with my hands behind my back.


Bad idea.


He grabbed them, one in each hand, using them to pull me back into his chest as he dragged me from the bench.


This boy is a menace.


“Albus.” I grumbled. “Put. Me. Down.”


“No.” He chuckled by my ear. “I’m taking you to the Hospital Wing.”


I scowled at the rest of the hall who were watching with wide eyes. “Go about your business. Nothing to see here.” I heard James’s deep chuckle somewhere in the background followed by a scathing comment from Dear Old Becky- I think it went something along the lines of “Slag”.




Albus laughed sending vibrations down the side of my neck- very pleasurable vibrations. But what he said made me stop mid-thought.


“I’ve only known you a week and I’ve already reached 2nd base.”


I choked.




Wait a minute… let’s think about this rationally.


Albus- dragging me from the room, his hands tight around my waist.


Me- continuously smacking him in the chest causing me to slowly slip in his grip in turn manoeuvring his hands to be near my…


Merlin’s Pants. I’m making him touch my boobs.


I hastily stopped struggling allowing him to lift me fully into his arms- bridal style (again)- as I tucked my head into the crook of his elbow.


Fantastic. Now I’ve gone from second base to marriage.


I heard Albus’s –slightly mechanical- laugh as he carried me from the room and almost as if he could read my mind he said: “Don’t worry. I said last week that I’d have to buy you a drink first.”


I threw up, narrowly missing his shoes.


 Like of the party, right here.




I grinned sheepishly, wiping my mouth with the sleeve of my robes.


“Ew.” He groaned, and rightly so.


“You know” said Al. “If you didn’t want to practise our script you could have just said so.”


I scowled, looking up slowly from my sick bucket. “Oh really. You mean you wouldn’t have dragged me from the Great Hall?”


“You’re very sarcastic, you know that?”


“I’m aware.” I replied in a monotone, looking at him with pure irritation as I played with the Gryffindor emblem on my robes.


After I threw up, Al practically ran to the hospital wing, moaning about ruined shoes the whole way.


I did miss them. He’s just being a drama queen…um… king.


“We’re going to practise this thing anyway.” He smirked, pulling 2 thin sheets of parchment from his bag. His version of payback for the shoes I guess. “Remember, you’re the girl.” He said slowly as if talking to a child.


I glowered at him. “I’m sick, not retarded.”


He held up his hands in an ‘I surrender’ motion, painting a faux fearful expression onto his face.


“Har-Har.” I grumbled beneath my breath, taking one of the sheets of parchment. “It’s your fault I’m sick anyway for making me lie to Trelawney.” I informed him haughtily. “You owe me, big time.”


It’s always useful to have a potter boy in your debt- think of all the possibilities. I mean, his dad saved the world.


He raised an eyebrow, a small grin on his lips and his (absolutely gorgeous) green eyes filled with amusement.


“How does that make you sick?” He asked, trying not laugh if his tightly closed lips were any indication.


“Karma Albie. Karma.”


It was his turn to snort. “Karma doesn’t exist- and don’t call me Albie, we had a deal.”


Oh no he didn’t.


I was less than impressed. “You broke that deal when you carried me here and let me get this straight-” I said sarcastically. “You live in a magical castle filled with witches and wizards and Karma seems unbelievable to you?”


He nodded, taking out our script from his bag. “Karma’s stupid.” He stated factually.


Oh yes he did…


I glared, opening my mouth to speak, but he interrupted with a smile that I couldn’t help but reciprocate.


Hey! He’s a pretty boy…


“Let’s get started then, shall we?” he prompted, taking out his quill.


I groaned. Loudly. “Do you really think talking about having a child is going to help my situation at the moment?”


I actually quite like kids… I just don’t particularly fancy having one at this moment in time… despite what Mia might say.


He laughed awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck before answering. “Probably not, but Homework’s homework.”


Well look at that… Albus Potter is secretly a nerd.


I was right. Ha!


Obviously I didn’t say that out loud though as it’s not the best idea to insult the son of the saviour of the Wizard World.


Not that being a nerd is a bad thing…


Instead I grumbled beneath my breath. “Stupid Trelawney.”


He chuckled deeply. “Rebecca’s out for your blood now, you know.” He said conversationally with a small smile, twirling the quill between his fingertips. “She didn’t appreciate the chicken bath.”


Who would?


I groaned. “I swear I didn’t mean to.”


He laughed, making his green eyes sparkle. “I know that- you’re too nice. Becky on the other hand…”


“Doesn’t?” I finished for him easily, running a frustrated hand down my face, and smudging my mascara.


Great, now I’m a panda with an illness.


It’s a wonder Albus hasn’t jumped me yet.


Notice my sarcasm?


He smiled carefully. “Yeah.” He agreed, running a hand through his hair- again.


I reached up to grab it as a reflex. “Stop that.” I ordered. “It’s annoying.”


He grinned cheekily. “Oh it annoys you does it?” he asked, lifting his other hand to ruffle his hair and releasing the one I had grasped earlier to do the same. “Terribly sorry.”


“Quit it.” I growled, catching both wrists and pinning them firmly together. “It’s distracting.”


Because you’re so beautiful it hurts…


Obviously I didn’t say that out loud.


He raised an eyebrow. “Distracting?” he clarified with a laugh. “A monkey with symbols running past your door- that’s distracting. A boy running his hand through his hair- that’s mildly irritating at the most.” He grinned, his green eyes filled with amusement.


…and that’s the first thing he could think of, a monkey with symbols?


I scowled at the insinuation. “No. Mildly irritating is a dog barking as I attempt to write an essay, a boy running his hand through his hair on the other hand- that’s suicide potential.”


He chuckled, both eye brows raised and his nose pinched with indecision. “It appears I’ve stumbled upon a drama queen.” He said in a pompous tone, wagging his index finger in front of my face. “That’s not becoming on a young lady like yourself.”


I pulled his face closer to mine, using his captured wrists as leverage. “You irritate me.” I informed him lightly, with a slight laugh.


He smirked. “You love me really.”


Cocky prat… but he speaks the truth…


He released his wrists and used one newly freed hand to pinch my cheek. “You know you do.” He grinned.


Can he read my mind too?


He coughed awkwardly, pulling away after noticing how close we’d gotten. I sent him a sheepish grin, as I did the same.




He smiled. “I have an idea.” It was like a light bulb had gone off in his head.


I frowned in return. The last time he had an idea we lost all bodily contact… I don’t like his ideas.


“You hate it when I ruffle my hair, right?” He asked cheekily.


“Yes.” I drew it out, looking at him in confusion.


“So let’s change the last deal to me stopping doing that- in your presence only of course- and then you’ll stop calling me Albie.” He looked like he’d solved the reason behind the universe.


I didn’t have the heart to correct him.


I smiled, a challenge clear in my eyes before shaking his outstretched hand.




I felt like I’d just signed away my soul, not my nicknaming rights.




Once upon a time in a mystical old library, there lay an upturned table. This beautiful, wooden, polished, expertly carved, upturned table lay in the deep, dark depths of the magical library where nobody ever ventured, for it was guarded by a fearless dragon- Amelia who was valiantly charged with guarding the innocent princess within its domain- Kyra Miller from the Evil Overlord Rebecca.


In other words I’m hiding under a table as dear old Becky hunts me down. Mia’s my look out.


I think I’m going to die.


Location: Kyra’s lair.


Occupation: Hiding from Rebecca Thomas and Co.


Time spent: 2 hours.


She’s found me- well not me per say but she has found my general vicinity- Alice Longbottom (the double crossing snitch) tipped her off. I knew I couldn’t trust her.


And now they just won’t bloody leave. They keep talking, and talking, and talking…


It’s torture.


Let’s set the scene:


I stand crouched in my ‘Lair’, peeking occasionally over the top of the table I’m hidden beneath. Mia sits beside me, absentmindedly examining her nails. It’s like she doesn’t even care that we’re been stalked by an evil fork stabber.


“You can stop checking Kyra. They aren’t going to find us.”


I sent her a withering glare. “It’s good you’re so confident in your abilities, because I’m certainly not.”


She smiled benignly. “I’d have seen something by now if it were going to end too catastrophically.”


I thought back to the chicken incident that she hadn’t seen coming.


Yeah… she’d have definitely seen something.


I’m too sarcastic for my own good.


I ignored her, and continued to watch the girls from my vantage point. One of them had left- probably to get Rebecca a fork.


Mia tutted beneath her breath, carrying on inspecting her neon yellow nail polish for chips.


I sighed, running a hand through my hair in one quick motion. Unfortunately this was immediately followed by a startled gasp behind me- just a quiet strangled sound in the back of Mia’s throat but it was enough to alarm me, causing me to spin around to face her as she fell backwards to the floor. I caught her head in the nick of time, watching as her eyes clouded over, becoming silvery in colour.


Brilliant timing Mia, what a fantastic time to have a vision. Couldn’t you have done this when we weren’t being stalked by an evil queen?


I bet she did this just to annoy me.


I started to panic.


“What was that sound?”


Oh dear… not good, not good…


“I think it came from over there.”




I made my decision quickly as they made their way over towards us- no one could find out about Mia, it would be too dangerous for her: Many a bad person would love to get their grimy hands on a real, breathing seer. Just think of all the possibilities!  So with a shaky breathe I stood, walked out from behind my shield, and said:-very casually, mind you considering the situation- “Hey roommate.”


Rebecca Thomas sneered. 







A/N: Mwahahahahahaha! A mini cliff hanger!


Ahem. Sorry, just had to get that out there. Seriously though, sorry for the cliffy and I’ll try to update nice and quickly :D


Hey! That rhymes! ... Kind of…


Disclaimer: I own nothing but the laptop I have been abusing for the past few hours it took to write this chapter. ;) Peace.




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