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We are Villains by Phoenix_feather123
Chapter 1 : We are the Villains!
Rating: 12+Chapter Reviews: 14

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Disclaimer: I do not own Lord Voldemort or Harry Potter, that is from Jo. Darth Vader and Luke is from George Lucas. Joker and bat man is from Jerry Robinson. Mojo Jo jo is from Craig McCracken. Browser's from Shigeru Miyamoto . White witch, and Alsan  as you guys should know is from C.S. Lewis . And the Witch of the east is from L. Frank Buam. Lets see... yup  I think I got every body i mentioned. You guys don't know how much work I put into this, so enjoy the story!

Edited 10/27/12: Just a paragraph change and a few grammar errors. :)

"Ok, people people, take your seats, and lets get this show on the road!" Voldemort, with his long, pale fingers inter-twined, nose as flat as ever, looked around. Seated in front of him was the world most epic and most feared villains of all time. He never thought this day would come. (Then again, he also didn't think he would be defeated by  teen-age boy)

"Okay... Since this is our first meeting together, I think we should see if every body is here."

"White Witch"


"Darth Vader"

*Weird Breathing Noise*

"Okay.... And some other people such as Joker and Mojo Jo Jo who I don't feel like naming-"


"-Should be here, so I wil not go on. Hmm, yes. Something is missing. Ah... JOE! WHERE IS THE COFFEE WE ORDERED?"

"C- Coming You-Kn- I mean - Lord- I mean- Sir." A Small man toppled in, carrying a big tray of different kinds of coffee and latés, and trembling with fear. "Here you go."

"Thats better." Voldemort looked with pleasure at Joe, Happy he was causing fear to this pathetic little muggle. he raised his cup, and so did every one else. "To The Villains, who will rule the world!"

"To the Villains, who will rule the world!" Every one repeated. Voldemort nodded and took a sip of his coffee, only to spit it out a moment later.  "I ORDERED   DECAF  YOU  IDIOT!!!"

"And This ISN'T THE MOCHA I WANTED!!" Cried Darth Vader.

"And my Iced Coffee isn't cold enough." Complained the White Witch.

"Thats IT! Your worthless!" Voldemort said, starting to stand up. " I would teach you a lesson Joe, but I already had three times! That leaves me no other choice."

"N-no! P-Pl-Please! Have m-mercy!"

"Avada Kevarda!" And with a flash of green light, Joe lay lifeless on the floor.

"So much for him." Voldemort said with distaste. "Anyways, BOB! Go get us our new coffees, and make sure you get the orders right!"

"Yes sir"

"Now that that's taken care of, I think we should start our new mission to rule the world. First, I think we should attack the heroes. So our first target should be.... Harry Potter!!" Voldemort said, looking around to see what the reactions would be. It was quite different than he thought.

"Why that stupid teen-age boy? Batman is a much bigger threat!" said the Joker.

"A man bat? Please... We should be thinking of ways to destroy the Lion, Alsan!"  Cried the White Witch.

"After we destroy that son of mine, Luke." said Darth Vader. Voldemort half agreed, partly because in some ways Luke Skywalker is like Harry Potter, And partly because he and Darth Vader was very much alike in a way. But Harry was much more worth it.

"I funded this society, so, I get to choose what to do!"

"Says the guy who named this club ICE  CUBE! Yelled The Witch of the east.

"Well, I got it because we are cold and heart less...And it's I.C.E.C.U.B.E.. wich I guess  is ice cube..., BUT it stands for Imortant Club of Evil Corp. United By Evil! It is great, isn't it?"

"It's stupid! It should be called T.V.!" Said Mojo Jo Jo the monkey.

"Why should we name it after a mortal's appliance?"

"It's no appliance. It stands for The Villains. And because we are The Villains, therefore we should use it, in which we would gain use of it. " Said Mojo.

"It's actually not that bad."

"Of course it is not, I don't have this huge brain for nothing."


"Says the guy with no nose." Vader said.

"It's not like your any better Anakin. Is, what , 10% of your body real, or did you make that robotic too?" Lord Voldemort shot back.

"Well Tom, You aren't much more human than I am."

"Of course not. I am the all POWERFUL the INVINCIBLE LORD VOLDEMORT!"

"Stop arguing, you both got destroyed by kids." Said the White witch.

"JADIS!" Both of them said together.

"QUIET!!" The large, Spiked-Shell Turtle named Brower roared. All was silent for a moment.

"Our Anger makes us stronger. Let it lead you to the Dark Side." Darth Vader said.

"We are already at the dark side.  I build this room on the dark side of the moon! We are EVIL.  Plus we cause Terror. We will soon Rule every thing. we naturally hate each other. We are Villains. what more can we ask for?"

"A better name."

"How dare yo-" Voldemort started before losing control. Voldemort shot a hex at him, but it hit the whitch witch instead. She screamed as boils grew on her arms and shot a curse at Voldemort, which froze his clothes. He glared at her. How dare she hex him when he funded this for her! 

"Avada Ked-" He started before he got hit in the gut by Darth Vader's light saber. Voldemort looked around and saw that every one was fighting, so natually, he summoned up a pile of bannana cream pies and launched them randomly around the room. One hit Mojo Jo Jo square in the face, but Voldemort thought he wouldn't mind, being a monkey and all.

He was wrong.

After being shot multiple times with Mojo's freeze ray, (Why does everyone wan't to freeze him? Is it the I.C.E.C.U.B.E. deal or what?) and got hit in the face with the Joker's shoe, he yelled "PENUTS!!"  and every one fell silent and sat back down, acting like nothing happened. That, if possible, made him even more angry.

So now, the once spotless room was covered in battle marks and pie, with a fuming cherry-red Voldemort sitting at the head of the table. At least the red matched his eyes.


"WHAT?"Voldemort said, still shaking with fury.

"The Coffee is ready."

"Oh....Drink Up every body!!!" Lord Voldemort picked up his cup and took a sip.


Okay! I got this idea while I was reading some Volemort stuff and decided I HAD to write this down. So here it is! This is my first Voldemort and the Villains One shot, And my first comedy, so if you guys like it, leave me a review and tell me what you think. If you guys really want, I can make more!

Now, there is a empty, hungry, sad grey box under all this blabbering of the author, and it would loved to have some yummy words. please feed it what you thought of the story! Only then would it be full...




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