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Chapter 2 : Wide Awake
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And it was as I snuggled down in my covers, preparing to go to sleep, when my thoughts drifted to him as usual, that I remembered the tests.
The positive tests.
Two weeks seem to go by very quickly after I learn that I'm pregnant, and I'm surprised to find Christmas is less than a month away. I feel like everything I do I do in a daze. I hardly notice the time go by.
What do I do? Do I tell him? Do I tell Rose? Do I tell my Mum? I know for a fact she'll hate this entire situation. She's never hidden her distaste for the Potter family.
Don't get me wrong, she's not evil or anything. She doesn't hate what Harry Potter did for us all. She appreciates him, y'know, saving everybody's lives and that, but she hates the excessive praise he and his family get. To this day there are interviews and pictures of Harry Potter, the saviour of us all. Mum thinks his kids just get a free pass and never have to work for anything the get. Which isn't true at all.
I hardly see Mum much anyway, since I go to Hogwarts and always spend my Christmases with the Weasleys. The only time I see her is summer break, and even then, she's working all the time. She's the editor of the Daily Prophet, and she loves her work. She commits to it so fiercely that sometimes I find myself jealous of a newspaper.
If I thought getting her attention was difficult in the past, I'm sure it won't be hard now.
I knew getting pregnant was irresponsible. If you asked the students of Hogwarts who was most unlikely to have a baby out of wedlock, I was sure I would be number one. To those who didn't know me, I was just 'that quiet Gryffindor who is friends with the children of the saviours of the Wizarding World.' I was not someone to drink or sleep around.
Next year would be N.E.W.T year, and I'm estimating that the baby will be born this summer. There is no way I can go into seventh year with a baby. I knew if I kept the baby I would have to leave Hogwarts. The thought makes my heart break into a thousand pieces.
My thought process is interrupted when I realise the entire transfiguration class has gone silent.
I look up to see Professor McGonagall looking at me expectantly. Shit. She must have asked me something. Anxiety riddles my stomach as I search my brain hopelessly for even a hint of what she said. Nada.
Rose is coughing maniacally beside me, whispering "Animagi." under her breath. I take a chance and look up at Professor McGonagall.
"Er... Animagi?" I say, although it sounds like a question.
"Very good, Miss Weasley" McGonagall emphasises, glaring at Rose. I swear the woman must be over a hundred years old at this stage, but she's the only teacher that scares Rose shitless. Rose blushes almost as red as her hair and looks down at her lap.
I imagine Rose being a mother. I think she would be a great one. Not while she's still in school, of course. She has more sense than that.
The next day I got morning sickness for the first time.
I woke up earlier than all the other girls and was just lying in bed enjoying the last few minutes of sleep before I felt my stomach lurch. I swear, that dash to the loo and heaving my guts out really woke me up. After the burning in my eyes had subsided and the lump in my throat had decreased, I paused.
I know it sounds like an odd place for a realisation, staring into a toilet bowl full of last night's dinner, but that's where it happened. My body was changing, evolving in way that was purely being caused by this baby. It hit me almost like a pile of hippogriffs all at once. This was a baby. This was real.
In that moment, I knew for sure. I wouldn't be able to get rid of the kid.
I was definitely not being naÔve about his. I knew this would be hard, the hardest thing I would ever have to do. And although the thought of leaving Hogwarts, telling my mother, telling my friends, telling him, makes me want to sink into a black hole and never emerge, I know it's the right thing to do.
Later that day, Rose and I sat down with her younger cousin Lily, and the two of them began discussing the Christmas holidays. Every Christmas, I go to the Weasley's because Mum is always working. But there is absolutely no chance I'm going this year though. No chance. He'll be there.†
I know I'm being stupid. It's not like I can avoid him forever. After all, I am carrying his spawn.
I wonder briefly how he'll react. I knew I was on the verge of a mental breakdown when I first suspected it, but now that I've had time to adjust, I see the baby in almost everything I do.
I see it in the vegetables I'm eating at dinner now rather than the usual chips.
I see it in the new shine in my hair and the strength in my nails.
I see it in the slight rounding of my face.
I can't believe it. I'm having actually having a baby.
If my calculations are correct, (and I'm positive they are, considering I've stayed awake almost every night since I found out staring at the ceiling above my bed doing maths like a mad person) I got knocked up on the first of October. It is now the second of December. That means I am sixty-two days pregnant, which is roughly ten weeks. There are usually forty weeks all together, right? I search my brain for any common knowledge I have of pregnancy.
Ruby poked me with her fork. I didn't even noticed her join us.
"Huh?" I looked up at her. She nodded at Rose. "Rosie is trying to talk to you, Violio."
"Oh" I muttered, feeling embarrassed. "Sorry, Ro. I just have a lot on my mind," I said apologetically.
Rose looked at me with her usual concerned eyes and rubbed my arm. "I know, Vi," she soothed gently. Her kindness made me want to cry.
"Shit, are you crying, Violet?" Alex leaned over from where she had been sitting along the long table to get a closer look at the rare enigma that was Violet Beale's tears. When she had confirmed that yes, I was indeed crying, her mouth almost hit the table in shock.
"Why are you crying?" Rose asked softly, curiosity seeping into her words.
I understood their surprise. Ever since we all met when we were eleven, none of them had ever seen me cry. Not even Rose.
I felt the tears stream faster down my face and I hiccuped, "Rose.. is *hiccup* being.. so.. so.. *hiccup* nice!" I wailed. I could tell I was being ridiculous. Even in my own head I knew it was insane to cry over someone being nice to you. My bloody emotions didn't get that though.
"That's why you're crying?" Ruby asked, surprised.
I nodded as the tears continued to fall. Rose grabbed me by the elbow gently and pulled me up to standing. "Shall we go up to the dorm?" She whispered to me quietly, doing her best not to turn this into a scene. I nodded again. I knew I was making a fool of myself and I couldn't ignore the stares of half the school from around the Great Hall, shocked to see Violet Beale cry.
Rose gently led me towards the door and the rest of my dormmates and Lily created a sort of moving barrier around us to stop people gawking at me.
We were almost to the door when I heard a familiar deep voice say my name, and I was catapulted back to that night.
After far too many fire whiskeys, the day began to grow darker as we grew drunker. Ruby and I began a muggle game called 'truth or dare'. Ruby is a half-blood and grew up in muggle London, so she knows all about muggles and their lifestyles.
Basically, we would dare each other to do stupid stuff or force the other to tell the whole truth, and when we were done, we would take a shot of fire whiskey again.
The dares started out really stupid, like admitting who was our first crush. But the more we drank, the more daring we got. I dared her to jump over the bar and steal the clock hanging on the wall. To my utter shock, she actually did it when the bar keep went back into the storage area. The entire pub cheered when she waved it proudly above her head.
She also revealed she lost her virginity to Tommy Browne when she was fifteen. That one was a shock. Tommy Browne was so not Alex's type at all. He had glasses and terrible acne, and he practically lived in the library.
She then dared me to grab some random bloke and dance with him on our table. I did this, no problem. The poor guy seemed terribly frightened of me, all females in general, actually. He nervously pushed his glasses up his nose a lot. I think I did him a favour, though, because after I pulled him up onto the table and danced with him, he climbed down into the crowd of men who cheered him, patted his back and offered to buy him another drink.
I remember thinking how unlike myself I was behaving. I was always so quiet and kept to myself. But there was something exhilarating in the freedom of inebriation. The alcohol coursed through my veins, it's fiery hot trail leaving me tingling.
Standing on the table, I saw several Hogwarts guys and a few of the random men looking me up and down. I suddenly felt very exposed in my tight skirt. I climbed down immediately, not liking the attention, even if it was flattering. I let my hair fall forward, hiding my blushing face as I thought of another dare to give Ruby.
I looked around the room, looking for inspiration for a good dare. It was then that I saw him. He was over by the bar with a few friends.†Damn that boy looked good. I blushed an even deeper red and turned back to Ruby before he could look and catch me staring.
"I dare you to... kiss that woman over there. On the lips" I said gesturing in the direction of some woman standing chatting to a random man.
Ruby surprised me by not arguing and heading straight over to the woman, put her hands on either side of her face, and pressed her lips firmly to hers. It only lasted about three seconds, but the entire crowd cheered and wolf-whistled. I caught several guys in our year's jaws drop.
When she returned to the table, she smiled as she took the shot. "Your turn," She said.
I sighed, glancing back at him involuntarily. This time, he noticed me looking and smiled at me. I felt the butterflies trying to bust out of my stomach. I nodded shyly. I see the alcohol hadn't really helped in this area. He still affected my entirely. Ruby noticed me looking and a devilish look crossed her features. Fuck.
"I dare you... to go snog hottie over there!" Ruby announced proudly.
"No." I said simply. She and Rose were the only people who knew how much I liked him. There was no way I would kiss him. No way.
"What, are you scared, chicken?" Ruby began making clucking noises and bobbing her head back and forth. Even I could tell she was slurring her words, and in retrospect, I realise that the fire whiskey had taken more of a toll on me than I had realise at the time.
I knew this because if I had been sober, there is no way Ruby could convince me to kiss him. But I wasn't sober.
Not even close.
As I returned to the present, I realised he had called my name again.
All of the girls except for Ruby had no idea we had slept together. They had no idea how awkward this conversion was likely to be. Ruby raised her eyebrows knowingly as I heard his footsteps approach behind me, and I felt his hand on my shoulder.
All the other girls greeted him cheerfully and I winced.
I turned around slowly to face James Sirius Potter.
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