And it was as I snuggled down in my covers, preparing to go to sleep, when my thoughts drifted to him as usual, that I remembered the tests.
The positive tests.
A week goes by very quickly after I learn that I'm pregnant, and I'm suprised to find Christmas is less than a month away. I feel like everything I do I do in a daze. I hardly notice the time go by.
What do I do? Do I tell him? Do I tell Rose? Do I tell my Mum? I know for a fact she'll flip. I hardly see her much, since I go to Hogwarts and always spend my Christmases with the Weasleys. The only time I see her is summer break and even then she's working all the time because she's the editor at the Daily Prophet, or jetting off to some exotic location.
There was always the option to... have it 'dealt' with. I knew getting pregnant was irresponsible. If you asked the students of Hogwarts who was most unlikely to have a baby out of wedlock, I was sure I would be number one. To those who didn't know me, I was just 'that quiet Gryffindor who is friends with the children of the saviours of the Wizarding World.' I was not someone to drink or sleep around.
Next year would be N.E.W.T year, and I'm estimating that the baby will be born this summer. There is no way I can go into seventh year with a baby. I knew if I kept the baby I would have to leave Hogwarts. The thought makes my heart break into a thousand pieces.
My thought process is interrupted when I realise the entire transfiguration class has gone silent.
I look up to see Professor McGonagall looking at me expectantly. Shit. She must have asked me something.
I search my brain hopelessly for even a hint of what she said. Nada.
Rose is coughing maniacally beside me, whispering "Yes" under her breath. I take a chance and look up at Professor McGonagall.
"Er... yes?" I mutter, and the class laughs.
"Very good, Miss Weasley" McGonagall says sarcastically, glaring at Rose. I swear the woman must be over a hundred years old at this stage, but she's the only teacher that scares Rose shitless.
Rose blushes almost as red as her hair and looks down at her lap.
I imagine Rose being a mother. I think she would be a great one. Not while she's still in school, of course. She has more sense than that.
The next day I got morning sickness for the first time. It was so strange.
I woke up earlier than all the other girls and was just lying in bed enjoying the last few minutes of sleep before I had to get up, when I felt my stomach lurch. I swear, that dash to the loo and heaving my guts out really woke me up.
This was real. This was a baby.†
So, I've officially decided to go against the abortion spell after all. Although the thought of leaving Hogwarts, telling my mother, telling my friends, telling him, makes me want to sink into a black hole and never emerge, I know it's the right thing to do.
Now I have finally made my decision, I feel more at peace than I have since I found out.
Rose and I are sitting with her younger cousin Lily, discussing the Christmas holidays. I go to the Weasley's every year for Christmas, because Mum is always working. There is absolutely no chance I'm going this year though. No chance. He'll be there.†
It's not like I can avoid him forever though. After all I am carrying his spawn.
I wonder how he'll react. I knew I was on the verge of a mental breakdown when I first suspected it, but now I've had time to adjust. I now see the baby in almost everything I do.
I see it in the vegetables I'm eating at dinner now rather than the usual chips.
I see it in the new shine in my hair and the strength in my nails.
I see it in the slight rounding of my face. I can't believe it. I'm having actually having a baby.
If my calculations are correct, I got knocked up on the first of October. It is now the second of December. That means I am sixty-two days pregnant, which is roughly ten weeks. There are usually forty weeks all together, right? I search my brain for any common knowledge I have of pregnancy.
Ruby poked me with her fork. I never even noticed her join us.
"Huh?" I looked up at her. She nodded at Rose. "Rosie is trying to talk to you, Vi."
"Oh" I muttered, feeling embarrassed. "Sorry, Ro. I just have a lot on my mind" I said apologetically.
Rose looked at me with concerned eyes and rubbed my arm. "I know, Vi" she soothed gently. Her kindness made me want to cry.
"Shit, are you crying, Violet?" Alex rushed over to join us at the Gryffindor table from where she had been sitting at the Ravenclaw table talking to her friend Jemma Dobrev.
Missy, who was chatting to Mikey Collins a little further up the table, looked up, startled, at Alex's words and looked at me.
Her mouth almost hit the table in shock and she bounced up and squeezed in beside me and some first year and wrapped her arm around me.
"Why are you crying?" Alex asked kindly.
I understood their surprise. Ever since we all met when we were eleven, none of them had ever seen me cry. Not even Rose.
I felt the tears stream faster down my face and I hiccuped, "Rose.. is *hiccup* being.. so.. so.. *hiccup* nice!" I wailed. I could tell I was being ridiculous. Even in my own head I knew it was insane to cry over someone being nice to you. My bloody emotions didn't get that though.
"That's why you're crying?" Rose asked, suprised.
I nodded as the tears continued to fall. Rose grabbed me by the elbow gently and pulled me up to standing. "Shall we go up to the dorm?" She whispered to me quietly. I nodded again. I knew I was making a fool of myself and I couldn't ignore the stares of half the school, shocked to see Violet Beale cry.
Rose gently led me towards the door and the rest of my dorm mates and Lily created a sort of moving barrier around us to stop people gawking at me.
We were almost to the door when I heard a familiar deep voice say my name, and I was catapulted back to that night...
After far too many fire whiskeys, the day began to grow darker as we grew drunker. Ruby and I began a muggle game called 'truth or dare'. Ruby is a half-blood and grew up in muggle London, so she knows all about muggles and their lifestyles.
Basically, we would dare each other to do stupid stuff or force the other to tell the whole truth, and when we were done, we would take a shot of fire whiskey again.
The dares started out really stupid, like admitting who was our first crush. But the more we drank, the more daring we got. I dared her to jump over the bar and steal the clock hanging on the wall. To my utter shock, she actually did it when the bar keep went back into the storage area. The entire pub cheered when she waved it proudly above her head.
She also revealed she lost her virginity to Tommy Browne when she was fifteen. That one was a shock. Tommy Browne was so not Alex's type at all. He had glasses and terrible acne, and he practically lived in the library.
She then dared me to grab some random bloke and dance with him on our table. I did this, no problem. The poor guy seemed terribly frightened of me, all females in general actually. He nervously pushed his glasses up his nose a lot. I think I did him a favour, though, because after I pulled him up onto the table and danced with him, he climbed down into the crowd of men who cheered him, patted his back and offered to buy him another drink.
This was so unlike me. I never did these sort of things. I was always so quiet and kept to myself. I only ever came out like this was when I was with my friends.
I saw several Hogwarts guys and a few of the random men looking me up and down as I stood on the table. I suddenly felt very exposed in my tight skirt and †pink t-shirt. I climbed down immediately, not liking the attention, even if it was flattering.
As Ruby and I sat down again, it was my turn to dare her. I looked around the room, looking for inspiration for a good dare. it was then that I saw him. He was over by the bar with a few friends.†
Damn that boy looked good. I blushed deep red and turned back to Ruby before he could look and catch me staring.
"I dare you to... kiss that woman over there. On the lips" I said gesturing in the direction of some woman standing chatting to a random bloke.
Ruby suprised me by not arguing and heading straight over to the woman, put her hands on either side of her face, and pressed her lips firmly to hers. It only lasted about three seconds, but the entire crowd cheered and wolf-whistled. I caught several guys in our year's jaws drop.
She returned to the table and I smiled as she took the shot.
"Your turn," I sighed, glancing back at him involuntarily. This time he noticed me looking and smiled at me. I felt the butterflies trying to bust out of my stomach. I nodded shyly. I see the alcohol hadn't really helped in this area. He still affected my entirely.
Ruby noticed me looking and a devilish look crossed her features. Fuck.
"I dare you... to go snog hottie over there!" Ruby announced proudly.
"No" I said simply. She and Rose were the only people who knew how much I liked him. There was no way I would kiss him. No way.
"What, are you scared, chicken?" Ruby began making clucking noises and bobbing her head back and forth. Even I could tell she was slurring her words.
In retrospect, I realise the fire whiskey had taken more of a toll on me than I had realise at the time, because if I had been sober, there is no way Ruby could convince me to kiss him. But I wasn't sober.
Not even close.
So I made my way across the pub to him.†
As I returned to the present, I realised he had called my name again.
All of the girls except for Ruby had no idea we had slept together. They had no idea how awkward this conversion was likely to be.
As Ruby raised her eyebrows knowingly, I heard his footsteps approach behind me, and I felt his hand on my shoulder.
All the other girls greeted him cheerfully and I winced.
I turned around slowly to face James Sirius Potter.