J. K. Rowling is a genius, my idol, and she owns the entire Harry Potter Universe, not I. Also, 'screwed-up mess' is a reference to the song Tell Me A Lie by One Direction.
Pretty little CI by SophieScarlette @ TDA
My name is Tea June Milligan.
Yes, yes, I know, what kind of a ridiculous name is that? What exactly were my parents thinking when they named me that? Were they on crack? Are they hippies? Personally, I think they were confunded, otherwise, why would they name their only, dearest
daughter after a drink that neither of them can stand? But anyway, I digress.
So, yeah. There's something you really need to know about me if we're going to be acquainted : I think I could rightly claim that I, Tea June Miligan, take the cake, as well as the bakery, for being the most screwed up mess of a person, ever.
Why, you ask? It's a long story. Infact, it's a list :
Why I, Tea June Milligan, Am Such A Screwed-Up Mess -
1. Let's start with my birth, shall we? When I was born, it wasn't a beautiful spring day, with flowers blooming and birds chirping and all that jazz. On the contrary, it was Halloween night, there'd been a storm in the town, and 5 people had been injured because they were hit by lightning. I know you think it has got nothing to do with my popping into existense, but I take it as an omnious indication of my time here on earth.
2. What can I say, I'm superstitious. Another one of my many quirks. (This reminds me, don't ever bring broken mirrors or black cats near me. They're bad luck, and God knows I could do with less of that.)
3. My parents named me after a hot beverage first accidentally discovered in China, which they severely disliked.
It was only much later, when I was a toddler, that I changed the pronunciation to Tee-yah
(I was an intelligent three year old, deal with it), otherwise calling for me was like ordering a steaming cuppa at a shitty roadside cafe.
4. When I was 6, my mum and dad died. They were killed by Death Eaters, actually, because they were both muggle-born.
5. All my life after the age of six, I've lived at an orphanage managed by a middle-aged half-blood squib, who calls all of us 'nutcased fucktards'. Needless to say, we've all learnt a majority of our choicest and most creative swear words from her.
6. My face is best friends with the ground, and worst enemies with gravity. I'm not joking here. If I did not care for my dignity, my face would perhaps be stuck to the floor with a Permanent Sticking Charm. I'm waiting for them to give me the award for 'The Klutziest Person of the Millenium' any day now.
7. I love the colour green, especially Slytherin green, even though I'm a Gryffindor. I'm such a disgrace. Joy. (But really, have you seen the colour, it's so rich and royal, looks so striking with silver, and, most importantly, is one of the few colours that suit me. But anyhoo, moving on...)
8. I am in my last year at Hogwarts. To think that just a year remains, till I have to leave the place and start living on my own, out there in the real world, is enough to make me want to puke, cry and throw something at the wall, all at the same time.
9. I'm in love with James Potter. Yeah, yeah, I know what you're thinking. "So, she's just another one of those cliché fangirls, who claim that they're in love with James Potter, when they're only infatuated and/or obsessed."
But I swear on Merlin, I am indubitably, unequivocally, irrevocably
in love with James Potter. Which brings us to…
10. The cherry on top of this already icing-and-sprinkle-and-silver-balls-covered three-tier double chocolate sponge cake is that my best friend is Lily Evans.
Yes, you read it right, the girl who has been the object of James Potter's
infatuation/obsession/love since we were all ickle Firsties, is the same girl that I have been jointed at the hip with since the age of eleven, when we first met on the Hogwarts Express. And the worst bit? She thinks I hate him just as much as she does…
Merlin, I have such a rocking existence, don't you think? Won't you just love to have my life?
But you know what, i don't think I'll trade. Because after all is said and done, how much worse could it possibly get?
And I clearly didn't have any idea how much...
I stared at the creature on the floor with my eyes narrowed in disdain and disgust. It gazed right back at me, its beedy black peepers wide with bewilderment and - dare I say it?- amusement. After wasting the better part of my morning searching and chasing after it through the nooks and crannies of my tiny room, I had finally cornered it. I could bet you anything that it would not be so amused when I am finished with it.
I cautiously took a step forward. The grey rat that had been inhabiting my room for over a month now twitched its bald, pink tail nervously.
Yes, be afraid rodent. Be very afraid.
With a loud war-cry worthy of the Amazons, I pounced on the furry ball of grey. It tried to scraper, but being the ninja that I am, I trapped it in the upside down glass bowl I had borrowed from the kitchens for this express purpose.
I took out my wand, and carefully aimed it at the rat's face. It was a quivering mass of patheticness that would have perhaps invoked some kind of pity or mercy from softer-hearted girls, like Lily, for instance. But I, dear floor-filth, suffered due to your squeaking and scurring for a whole month, and since I hate all rodents (and by all, I mean even rabbits and squirrels), you're going to have a hard time with me around.
Smirking, I had just started to speak the incantation 'PRAEMORIR RODEN-' when, with an almighty bang, the door flew open.
I whirled around with a startled 'ARRGHH!' The rat, sensing a chance of freedom, scuttled away, overturning its bowl-slash-trap. The person who had enabled the fucking filthy rodent I had been just about to vanish (why? What did you think?) just stared at me in annoyance.
Annoyance? Huh, she didn't know nothing
about annoyance. I'll tell you what is annoyance... Being the one who had had to put up with finding her bed-sheets chewed, or cheese in her closet, or a bloody rat terrorizing her in her nightmares.
... Tell the last bit to anyone, and I will castrate you.
Yes, even if you're female, I'll find some way to inflict that kind of pain on you.
I swore. The caretaker, Miss Marple, who had interrupted my little rendezvous, didn't even flinch, just scrunched up her nose, like being here was somehow a great inconvenience.
“What?” I spat, and she, still maintaining the expression that suggested that she had dragon dung shoved under her nose, answered, “There's an owl for you.” Our letters were never brought directly to us. They were first inspected by Marple.
Yep, invasion of privacy right there.
“And oh, on your way down, return that bowl in the kitchen.” I nodded once, but she'd already left.
I made my way down the rickety stairway, still mystified. The only person who owled me was Lily, and I'd just gotten a letter from her this morning, saying she had been made Head Girl.
I collected my letter from Marple's office, my curiosity increasing ten-fold when I saw there was no name of the sender on the envelope.
I hurried upstairs, locked my bedroom foor, and threw myself down on the bed, quickly tearing away the envelope.
Can you meet me in the Diagon Alley at one today? Just something important I need to talk to you about. I'll be waiting with Sirius in front of Quality Quidditch Supplies.
I reread once. Then twice. Then three times. I couldn't believe my eyes. Had James Potter honestly written to me
? But, why would he write to me? I mean, yes, he had before, but why now? Had he suddenly realised that not Lily, but I was the one for him? Holy Merlin, then was he calling me to Diagon Alley to proclaim his undying love for me before the whole world? Would he ask me to be his princess and ride off into the sunset with him? Was he-
Hold up, hold up! First of, I refuse to be anyone's
princess, even James Potter's. And secondly, calm down! He's just asked me to meet him. Honestly, sometimes I just can't
Err, right... I'm not crazy. Nope, not in the least.
An hour later, I found James and Sirius fangirling over the latest broom model in the Quality Quidditch Supplies.
I'm not exaggerating. Oh no. They were honestly squealing and jumping like little girls, going all 'OMG, it's the Culmulus 360!' or 'OMG, just look at its balance/accelaration/whatever-the-hell'.
Okay okay, I'll admit, just without the 'OMG!' bit. But only just.
“I thought you said you'll be waiting outside
the store?” I said, creeping up stealthily behind the pair of them, causing them to turn around quickly and grin at me. Sirius greeted me with an obnoxious shout of “Tea-pot!” I elbowed him in the ribs.
“Sorry Tea, couldn't resist,” James said, looking too hot for me to handle in his old blue jeans and plain white tee.
I swallowed hard, forced a smile and repeated the mantra I had been mentally uttering ever since I tapped my way into Diagon Alley.
I will not jump James' bones. I will not jump James' bones. I will not jump James' bones?
“So, you had to talk to me about something imporatant?” I ventured, as soon as we left the shop. Sirius wasn't actually paying close attention *COUGHblondbimboalertCOUGH*, but James instantly straightened up at my words.
“I, uh, actually wanted to...um, ask you something.”
Do I want to be your gilfriend? Sure, anyday, thought you'd never ask.
Yeah. Right. As if.
“D'you, er... Do you want to be my, um, girlfriend?”
Seems like I spoke too soon...
A/N: So, after months and months of procastination and putting it off, I finally got this out. My first novel ever! I'm just so, so exited, this is like a huge milestone in the history of me. I would like to thank my best friend, as well as my inspirations, Saval (dream_BIG), Alexa (Miss Incendio), Laura (sour_grapes_snape), Ellie (PygmyPuffGirl), Carolyn (dobbyismyhero), starryskies55 and many, many others who are the sole reason that I sat down I typed this. Thank you, all of you!
And now, to my readers- welcome. I know that I'm not very experienced in writing, and the plot is still developing, but I hope to turn it into a good story. Just bear with me until then, because, after all, all good things to those who wait. :)
Having said that, I would love it if you left me a review. Tell me everything: was it any good? Should I continue? Do you like it? Hate it? What do you think of Tea? Constructive criticism? Praise (I hope)? Just take a moment and drop a review, and I'd be eternally grateful.
Love to all,
P.S. Just to remind you, there's this little grey box just a few centimeters below this. Scroll down, and you'll find that it's woefully empty! It really is a hungry little box, so take some pity, don't be so cruel and heartless, and feed it some reviews... Plus 2000 karma points to all those who do review! :)