Reality struck me as soon as I opened the door and the bright lights of St. Mungo’s bore down on my skin.
I was going to be a mum.
The thudding coming from my heart became more prominent and I could have sworn I felt a little heartbeat in the area of my womb where a little being is now growing minute by minute, second by second.
The leaflets in my hand became heavy as I remembered the headlines screaming out from them.
What do I do next?
What are my options?
Growth and your baby
I stuffed them quickly into my small shoulder bag before I approached the waiting area where my anxious parents were waiting for the diagnosis after my fainting episode. I thought my heart could beat no faster as I saw them looking eagerly down the corridor hands clasped between them.
The thought of their reconciliation made me smile a little bit as I continued the slow walk towards them. They’d been fighting a lot recently so this was a nice change to see them back to their normal selves and even looking like we had the perfect family unit, although part of it was for the papers. They wouldn’t like to see the headlines accusing them of messing up their children’s future because of their fighting so pretences were kept up.
Mum rushed over to me as I took down a huge gulp. This was huge, no this was beyond huge. How on earth could I tell her that her baby girl, her 17 year old protégé was expecting another little addition to the family? All the moisture seemed to have been sucked from my throat.
‘Did they tell you what was wrong sweetie?’ Mum asked me quietly, embracing me into a short but loving hug. It pained me to see her so concerned about me when I knew the deep dark secret I was keeping inside.
‘Mother I’m fine, low blood sugar, low blood pressure. It’s fine!’ I brushed her off, shrugging myself from her hug before looking on towards my father. He gave me a sympathetic look which I understood in an instant. She was this very bubbly, overprotective person and I guess I loved her for it. Her overprotective nature had always kept me out of trouble … well until now.
I smiled at them both before turning away. I couldn’t do this, I really couldn’t do this. I couldn’t pretend to them that everything was okay; I couldn’t pretend that I wasn’t screaming out from the inside. How on Earth could I be so stupid? How could I get myself into this situation? This wasn’t me, this wasn’t me at all.
I could feel the air draining from my lungs as I realised, at some point I would have to tell them. It seemed surreal that moments ago I was blissfully unaware but now, because of some silly healers say so, I was going to be a mum and my life was going to change.
My mind spun round, completely boggled and perplexed. I just couldn’t get my head around the information I’d just been given. How could I have a baby growing inside me, I would have known surely? I would have been able to feel it as it grew. I know it was only as big as a strawberry but I would have known.
The dizziness washed over me again but this time I fought it. I couldn’t give them a reason to suspect anything. This was my mess and I was going to solve it.
‘Ready Rosie?’ My father asked me. I shook my head. Could I apparate whilst I was pregnant? I didn’t ask. This isn’t the sort of thing they teach you about in Hogwarts, they teach you about splinching and they teach you about Destination, Determination and Deliverance but they don’t mention a damn thing about real life situations.
‘Of course she’s not Ronald, she’s just fainted. Do you not get that horrible feeling when you land? Would you like her to pass out again?’ My mother looked at my father in what seemed to be utter disbelief. She was right I guess about the feeling but it just gave me an excuse to go by floo powder anyway. I was kept in the same position, just flowing between a long network rather than my particles dissolving through the air.
My anxiety calmed a little as we approached the fireplace. I put my hand out and grabbed a generous pinch of the glittery, silver floo powder. Taking in a deep breath, I tried to focus on getting home in one piece. I just felt like suddenly my responsibilities had changed and suddenly this little being, this little tiny being nestled in my womb became my life.
I smiled a little to myself, taking in a little bit of this new change. It felt natural to me, taking on more, it was just what I’d done at school with my prefect ship and the Gryffindor House Co-ordinator but that was what felt strange. My mind had already adapted to this idea of being a mother, yet I seemed to be still reeling from the announcement.
‘Ebony Grove.’ I shouted into the fireplace throwing the powder down.
I looked around the grates as I rushed past them and saw just little hints of the lives people held. A mother hovering, a father dictating some work, a little baby crawling round on the carpet. My hand clasped around the lower of my abdomen and I closed my eyes.
My mind flew to a place where this little baby inside me would be growing up happy in a loving environment. The images of crawling and its first steps gave me a warm fuzzy glow. I could just imagine sitting there on the lawn with the little baby playing around, sipping a cold drink under the beating sun. It seemed like we couldn’t have been happier, until my mind wondered to the man involved.
Then my life slipped straight back into reality and the dream seemed to have turned into a nightmare. My mother and father yelling at me and saying they didn’t want me to keep it, turning to Uncle Harry for help only to be told, ‘This is your problem’. I’d turn to living in a tiny place, so worn down that I couldn’t even use my magic to make it better. I’d have final demands on the doorstep and this little happy smiley baby would be crying, screaming and whining all the time for food, sleep, nappy changes and just generally for the hell of it.
The swift journey I was on shuddered as I landed in the very familiar fireplace of our home. Stepping out, I quickly raced up the stairs, trying not to make eye contact with anyone so they couldn’t see streams of tears caused by the shock of reality.
My life would be changed now, changed from my comfortable reality into something which I wasn’t even sure even I could control. I liked to be in control and know what was going to happen but now I was being thrown into a pool of uncertainty.
I knew I had options but to me none of the options seemed right. I could keep the baby but could I really cope with all the changes that were going to take place? I don’t think I could get rid of the baby either, I know it’s there now; I can sense that it just wouldn’t be the right thing for me to do. I couldn’t live with myself.
That left adoption but I don’t think I could have lived with that either. Could I really carry this baby for 9 months, feeling it grow and watching my stomach swell, only to give it away to another family in the end? I don’t think I could even if it did go to a family who had been trying for years.
My mind became completely hazed over as I realised I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t cope with this responsibility of having to make decisions regarding the rest of my life. I already knew what I wanted to do, I wanted to be a politician, and I wanted to change things for the people. Yet now I had someone else changing things for me.
Why couldn’t we have been more careful? Why couldn’t we have been interrupted or something? Just anything which would have prevented this.
‘Rose, tea’s ready honey!’ My mother yelled at me up the stairs. I shook the tears from my face and surveyed myself in the mirror beside my bed.
My eyes looked really puffy and my make up ran all the way down my face, the lines dissolving on the point of my chin. I didn’t look like me, I didn’t cry. I’d never had any reason to, my childhood was perfect, I wasn’t bullied and I had so many friends around me, yet just a little tiny person had managed to break through my exterior and make me shrivel into someone I wasn’t.
I grabbed a face wipe from my desk, scrubbing away the evidence of my tears. I am Rose Maria Weasley. I am strong. I can get through this.
My lips formed a little smile as my face became normal again, just the slight blush on my cheeks remained which I thought I could live with. After all I had fainted today. Taking one last look, I found myself placing my hand on my stomach, caressing the place where this new life was forming. I could just imagine its little heartbeat, its little stumps for hands, the body the size of a strawberry. To me the idea seemed alien.
‘Rose! Tea’s ready!’ My mother shouted again impatiently up the stairs. I sighed and looked down. I could do this, I could pretend like nothing was wrong for the sake of this one dinner.
Rushing down the stairs I looked around the table. Mum, Dad, Hugo and Albus sat there all with huge grins on their faces. I might have known Albus would be here!
Albus Potter, the bane of my life, the irritating buzzing noise in my ear and also my best friend. What a lovely combination. He sat there with that smug little smile on his face which couldn’t help but make me laugh. I loved him almost like a brother and to be honest I was glad to see him, at least when he was here my mum couldn’t corner me about my episode earlier.
‘Hey Rosie Posie,’ he sang to me between mouthfuls. I rolled my eyes before taking my seat next to him.
‘Hey Al.’ He gave me a smile as I helped myself to what looked like Pasta Bake on the table. I couldn’t be quite sure because of the black bits which seemed to cover the top of it. Mum must have cooked tonight.
‘Feeling better Rosie?’ Hugo asked. I nodded at him smiling. If only he knew what was going on inside.
Dinner was full of jovial laughing; joking and general Weasley silliness and I liked that. I felt as if nothing had changed. A smile graced my lips which I couldn’t shake and I just felt normal, I felt like Rose!
‘Looking forward to going back to school?’ Albus asked me grinning as he helped himself to another roll. I groaned as I remembered we only had 2 days of freedom left after the Christmas holidays. The two weeks had gone far too quickly in my opinion but then again they always do. Christmas was one of my favourite times of year. I loved spending time with my family, decorating the trees, terrorising the gnomes in Grandma’s garden, the presents. It was just brilliant.
This year Christmas had been an extravagant affair with Victoire having just given birth to little Analeigh. Everyone was fussing, rushing around Myriad Lodge with presents for the new addition, eating lots of food and it was the first year everyone had been home since before I’d been born. Someone was generally working, if it wasn’t Harry then it was dad, if it wasn’t dad then it was mum, if it wasn’t mum then it was Teddy. It was just a huge never ending circle of jobs which required constant monitoring and everyone had to have their turn.
‘Obviously Albus. I can’t wait for NEWTS and leaving school and having to pick a career which I have to stick to for the rest of my life.’ I replied sarcastically.
‘Wouldn’t surprise me with you.’ He muttered back just as I threw a spoonful of pasta at his head.
He just laughed as he flicked it away with his wand and placed it back in the tray. I couldn’t believe he’d actually just said that, I wasn’t that bad! I still snuck out after hours with everyone else and partied and drank but obviously that wasn’t enough for some people.
Clearing my plate, the fire suddenly sparked up throwing ash out everywhere. Albus ducked his head sheepishly as my Aunt Ginny’s head appeared between the burning logs.
‘Ron is Albus with you?’ she asked quickly. Ron looked over at Albus, who was free from her glare before shaking his head.
‘But d-,’ Hugo started. I kicked him in the knee before he could go any further.
‘Ouch!’ he cried out, staring at me with a dirty look. I just smiled still looking at my Aunt Ginny eagerly awaiting the explanation as to why Albus was in trouble this time.
‘If you see him send him home. I have Megan here crying her eyes out. I don’t care who he dumps but when she’s turning up at our house in floods of tears he needs to get his act together and man up a little bit.’ With that she vanished from the fireplace, only leaving the spattering of ash that decorated the floor.
We all just burst out laughing as Albus raised his head, looked around the room and then sagged as if the weight of his mother’s anger had been lifted off him. I don’t know what he was looking so happy about, she would be more angry as soon as she caught up with him, especially if she’s been going through grates to look for him. My dad just looked and Albus and shook his head.
‘Good luck to you boy,’ he laughed before waving his wand and vanishing the ash left by Ginny’s flurry of annoyance.
I couldn’t help but chuckle because my dad was so right, once Aunt Ginny was worked up about something; there was no calming her down until she had her own way. She was probably tired of picking up after Albus’s crap all the time and today was her explosion day. If it was me, I would just get it over and done with… but knowing Albus he’ll probably hide for a good few days until his dad sends him a howler. The silly silly boy.
Albus just shrugged it all off.
‘Erm… Ron… can I stay here tonight?’ He asked his voice full of pleading. I knew straight away he would.
My dad was a pushover, he must have forgot last time he let Albus stay here. I distinctly remember Albus telling his mother where he was and then like a flash, my dad was covered in Bat Bogeys. I don’t think I had ever laughed so much, especially when mum ‘forgot’ the counter spell. It was most definitely on my top 10 highlights of family disputes!
Night creped over on us quickly, it was almost like I hadn’t seen it coming. The day had just been a whirlwind for me ever since stepping out of the hospital, however when I glanced at the huge round watch that adorned my wrist, I found my eyes becoming tired and my body sag.
The day seemed to have just disappeared into a great chasm of nothingness and now it was going to start all over again.
It’s mad if you think about it, the way you spend your time. You spend 8 hours sleeping, 2 hours eating, 1 hour with the family, 3 hours by yourself and then 10 hours doing whatever the hell you end up with. 24 hours that just go round and round. Tick tock… tick tock.
Today, my ten hours had been filled with silly hospital visits and worrying and that saddened me to think about it that way. In the whole one hundred and fifty thousand seven hundred and seventy two hours of my life, I’d wasted ten of them today. Time is something that you never get back, yet now I completely felt like I’d wasted it. I hadn’t come to any decisions, I hadn’t even acknowledged there was a problem, I’d worried, I’d ignored, I’d almost forgot.
That is until I was given time to think about it, time to think about the worrying and now the worrying about my worrying seemed to bother me. I couldn’t help but wonder what else I’d done with my day if I hadn’t have fainted this morning. I wouldn’t have been worrying, I’d probably have been out with Lily or Jennifer playing quidditch or in the town, just like usual. I might have even made tea tonight and spent a little bit more time with the family, yet the time I have spent with them today I’ve spent wishing I was away from them.
I felt like they could see through me, like they could see that I was lying and that I had this little ball of energy and life growing inside me. It didn’t seem real to me. It seemed like one of those theories I had just made up in my head, something I’ve overthought and just made myself believe I was pregnant, yet I had the pictures to prove it.
My eyes drooped further as I carried on thinking about my life ahead. How I was going to struggle at every little corner, at every little obstacle because my family probably wouldn’t want anything to do with me. My mum was a rising politician having worked her way through the ministry, disregarding her title and making it because she could rather than just because she was entitled and my dad was head of auror training. How would that look if he was meant to be setting an example to people on how to be good members of society that everyone looks up to when he had an unmarried teenage mother as a daughter?
And Hugo? Well Hugo would be the one person who wouldn’t care. He doesn’t like nor dislike babies and I can’t see him being adverse to the idea of being an uncle and helping out even if he’s not overly enthusiastic. We’ve always been as close, even as children because there were only two of us, but at the moment, I feel like we’re worlds apart. I’d love nothing more to go and tell him what was going on but then he’d know and it would be so real and I don’t quite think I’m ready for that yet.
I can’t acknowledge the fact that it’s going to happen because as soon as I tell one person, just one single person then my secret is out. I would no longer have the option of trying to hide it, trying to hide my tears and my frustration because I wouldn’t need to but if I told them it would become real. I’d have to start deciding things and at the moment I don’t want to. I want to carry on being the normal 17 year old girl I am then I can deal with everything in July.
‘Rose! Rose!’ I felt someone shaking me from my semi-conscious sleep. I must have drifted off on the sofa, thinking about the mess that is about to swathe my life.
‘Wazgoinon?’ I mumbled. I heard a tut then felt myself being hoisted into the air into the arms of what was most likely Albus. He tended to do this a lot, rescue me from my crazy naps and put me in bed; then again that’s what friends are for! I considered him more than just a friend though, more like a brother to me really because of his over protective ness and his caring nature really. He was just the perfect version of Hugo because he didn’t argue or tease me and we were just so close. Generally he was the person I went to if I had any trouble, though my new secret seemed too much to burden him with.
I felt myself being lowered down onto the light feather pillow and quickly buried myself beneath its warmth as I heard the distinct scraping of the sofa extension being pulled out of the tiny armchair in the corner of the room. Him sleeping on the sofa bed always made me laugh. He was so big for it, yet when I wake him up in the morning, he is always in the same position, lying on the side all huddled up like teddy bear!
‘Goodnight Rose,’ I heard him whisper.
‘Night Al,’ I mumbled back.
As I drifted off once more, the thoughts of the future creped slyly to the front of my mind. The dreams of mine which were once filled of so much joy and happiness with me running off into the sunset and falling into my perfect job had turned into a nightmare.
A.N. Hey guys! It's lovely to see so many reads and reviews here and I hope some of you are going to stick with this story as it has so many plot twists and turns along the way! Please just leave me a little tiny review saying how you thought this chapter would go? And even your theories of where I'm going to take this!
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