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The Madness That is My Life by frini19
Chapter 19 : The Madness of New Years Eve
 
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 24


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I don't remember much about my mother.


She left before I got the chance to have any real memories with her. The strongest memory I have of her is her voice.


I couldn't tell anyone anything about her. I didn't know if she was a good mum, one that spoiled me and took me to the park often or if she was one of those parents who was high or drunk all the time. I couldn't say anything about her really, because she left when I was five, not giving me enough memories to associate with her.


All I remembered about my mum was her voice and the picture that I had until I burned it.


Sometimes that was even too much.


And suddenly, eleven years after she left me, eleven years after she dumped me on Draco and Astoria, she was standing in front of me. She looked older than from what I remember from the picture. She was around 39, but her blond hair had become darker and hung down flatly. She was no longer the perfectly skinny women I remember, because while she was still skinny, she was rounder in her hips and face. Her eyes though were still the same. The light green, so different from Al's vibrant, emerald eyes, stared into mine, as if she was awestruck that I was standing in front of her. Looking at her, I felt like I was looking at a different version of myself, a version I didn't want to be and I was suddenly so grateful to my father for giving me curly hair and blue eyes, for making me different from the bitch in front of me.


"Addison," Matilda said, her voice cracking like she was about to cry. "Oh my Merlin, you are so beautiful. You've grown up so much."


"Yeah," I said, no sympathy in my voice. "That tends to happen in eleven years."


"Addison, I know you probably weren't expecting to see me," Matilda said, her eyes glistening. "But I had hoped that you would be a little-"


"A little what?" I asked, feeling all the anger well up inside me, threatening to burst out. "A little happy? A little thrilled to see the mother who abandoned me?"


"I never abandoned you-"


"Then what do you call leaving without so much as a goodbye?!" I yelled. "You left! You abandoned me! I thought we were staying here until you got back on your feet and then I wake up one day and you're fucking gone! As if it wasn't bad enough that my father was Merlin knows where, my mother had to leave me as well! And then you show up here and you expect me to be happy to see you? You expect me to be so fucking thrilled that you finally decided to show up in my life?"


"Addison, I know you're angry with me," Matilda started, but once again, I interrupted her.


"You know I'm angry with you?!" I screeched. "Angry doesn't even begin to hit the surface! I'm fucking furious! Not only am I furious, but I'm also so heartbroken that my mother could do that to me! Do you know the emotional hell you put me through? I've dealt with so many issues, so many stares because I'm the child that got ditched by her mum. You put me through fucking hell and now you expect that you can just come here and act like everything is fine, like you didn't completely fuck me up by leaving me!"


It was then that I realized I was crying.


Scorpius came up to me and grabbed my hand, pulling me away. "Let's go, Ads. Let Mum and Dad take care of her."


"No," I said, pulling my hand out of his grip and turning back to face my mother. I tried to keep my voice steady. "It's not fair of you to do this to me. I have finally accepted what happened, I've finally moved on. For the first time in a long time, I'm happy and not feeling like everyone in my life is just going to abandon me. It's not fair for you to come back and shatter all that for me. It's not fair for you think that I would accept you with open arms. After all the hell you put me through, you didn't even think that maybe seeing you would hurt me?" I heaved a sob and I felt Scorpius's arm wrap around my waist, pulling me to his chest.


"Oh honey," Matilda said, and she took a step closer to me as I buried my head against his shirt.


"Don't you dare get close to my child," Astoria said, her voice stern, moving to walk in front of Scorp and me. Draco came and stood next to us, laying a comforting hand on my back. "You've caused her enough pain already and I will not let you come any closer and hurt her even more."


Matilda turned towards Astoria, her face suddenly full of anger. "Addison is not," she said curtly, "your child. She's my daughter."


"You left her in our care," Astoria said firmly. "She is my child. She hasn't been your child since the day you walked out that door on her."


"You didn't give birth to her!" Matilda yelled hysterically at Astoria. "You didn't see her take her first steps or say her first word! She isn't your child, she is mine!"


"You can't suddenly claim her!" Astoria yelled back. "I may not have given birth to her or know what her first word was, but I was there for her when she stayed up all night with the stomach flu! I held her hand when she had to get a shot, I took her to Diagon Alley for her first year at school! I'm the one who grounded her and fought with her when she broke the rules! She told me she hated me when she was thirteen and going through her I-hate-everything phase! I was the one who taught her how to fix her hair and dress properly! I gave her basic schooling lessons and showed her off to Hogwarts every year. I loved her just as I would if I had given birth to her." Astoria lowered her voice. "Just because you gave birth to her does not make you her mother. There is so much more than carrying a child inside you for nine months to make you a mother, something you didn't understand eleven years ago and something you don't understand now. You may biologically be her mother, but I will always be her mum."


"Scorp, bring her upstairs," Draco said, softly. Scorpius tightened his hold on my waist and guided me slowly toward the door.


"You can't do this," Matilda said quietly. "You can't take away my right to be a mother."


"You lost that right eleven years ago," Astoria said, her voice unfaltering. I had never heard Astoria so angry at someone, not even when Scorpius nearly killed himself by jumping off the roof two years ago. She came over to where Scorpius and I were standing, wrapping another arm around me and pushing us towards the door.


There was silence and right before they lead me through the door, I broke out of their grips and turned to face Matilda.


"You want to know what my boggart is?" I said, my voice scratchy. I was sure that my eyes were red and puffy, most of the make up running down my face due to the tears. "Just take a wild guess, Matilda."


She seemed shocked that I called her by her name and not Mum. "I don't know. What?"


"It's you," I said, remembering all of what it said. "It's you, telling me exactly what I have felt since you left. It's you telling me that I'm not good enough and that I'm never going to be good enough and that you are so glad that you left. You tell me that every single person I care about will realize that I am not good enough and leave, just like you did." I let out a dry laugh. "Most of the time I end up crying in the fetal position because I think you're right. Maybe I am just a worthless piece of shit."


"Addison, I would never-" Mum started towards me, causing Scorpius to grab my wrist and Astoria to throw a glare that could kill her way. "I would never say that about you."


"Yeah, well," I said, shrugging. "That's how you make me feel. Everyday for the past eleven years, I have felt like I'm not good enough. Because let's face it, my own mother didn't love me, so who could?" Matilda looked like she was about to cry, knowing that she made me feel that way. "You taught me one lesson and that's to never think you could be good enough. Because eventually someone comes along and proves you wrong." I met her eyes, my blue ones piercing her light green ones. "I have been hoping for you to come back for eleven years and now that you're here, I don't know what I was waiting for. You are not my mother, nor have you ever been. And I hope that I never have to see your face again."


Scorpius pulled me toward him right as a sob erupted from me.


"Bring her up to your bedroom," Astoria said. "I'll be there in a minute- I need to go make sure the house elves know what is going on."


Scorpius nodded and slowly led us out of the room, holding me close to him, whispering, "I'm not leaving. I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere."


"Addison-" I heard Matilda call out.


"I think you should leave," Draco's stern voice said. "I think that my daughter made herself very clear that she does not want you here. Not only have you upset her, but you have also upset my wife. You are not allowed in this house if you upset my family."


"I'm your family, Drake," she said, using her nickname for him. "I'm you're sister, your baby sister. I know that I've screwed up, but I'm still you're family."


"You may be my sister," Draco said, his voice not faltering. "But Astoria is my wife and Addie is my daughter. Addie has been through enough because of you and I won't have you causing her more pain, especially when that pain distresses my wife. I won't have you hurting people that I love, people that have been here for me and each other." There was silence before, "Merlin, Mat, what are you even doing here?"


"I missed my baby," she said softly. "I missed my beautiful little girl. Everyday for the past eleven years I have wondered about her and every time I saw a girl with curly blond hair, I would think it was her, but they wouldn’t have her eyes. I know I screwed up, I know that I've missed so much...but I missed my daughter. I had no idea she was so beautiful until I saw her in the Prophet."


"So an article comes out that she might be dating a Potter and suddenly you decide to come and make amends?" Draco said, and I could hear the accusation in his voice.


"You think I came back just because Addison might be dating Harry Potter's son?" Matilda said, her voice a whisper. "What kind of person- what kind of mother- do you think I am? I don't give a damn about Addison's relationships! If there were an article that she was dating a fifty-year-old woman, I would still come back! The only thing that fucking article did for me was make me deal with the fact that I had royally screwed up and that I missed my daughter. I was missing her entire life because I made a dumb mistake when I was young."


"You were 28!"


"I was naive!" Matilda yelled. "I wasn't you, Drake! I'm four years younger than you and I had a child and no husband! I was a single mother to a five year old. I couldn't hold a steady job and I was barely making ends meet! I wasn't planning on leaving that day. I was naive enough to think that I could track down her father, that I could make us have a family again! That suddenly, I wouldn't be taking Addison to The Leaky Cauldron to play while I worked and that she'd have a chance at a normal childhood with a normal family. I was trying to do the right thing, I was trying to find my daughter's father."


Draco and Matilda talked on, but I stopped listening. Scorpius opened the door to his bedroom and walked me over to the bed.


I curled up in a ball, my beautiful blue gown all around me, and held myself, trying to get rid of the pain and forget all that had happened. Scorpius rubbed my arm, trying to calm me down, but I sobbed and screamed and hit his pillows, doing everything I could to take out everything I was feeling.


And when I was done, I felt nothing.

 




"You're sure you want to be here?" Astoria asked as we entered the Potter's house. The house was huge, and the downstairs had been transformed into a large ballroom so that the formal event could take place.


"I'll be fine," I said, my voice lacking emotion. "I don't want to ruin your night."


"You won't," Draco said. "If you want to get out of here, just let us know and we'll be gone." I nodded and Draco kissed my head. "We love you, kiddo. You look beautiful."


"I love you too," I said. "And thank you."


I went toward the drinks table, wanting to get away from my family. I saw Scorpius looking after me, but I used our cousin telepathy to let him know that I didn't want to be bothered. He understood and I saw him start to walk towards Rose, who was sitting with her family at a table. When she saw him, she lit up, getting out of her seat to kiss him before grabbing him by the hand and pulling him over to the table where her parents were sitting. Hermione greeted him with a warm smile and Ron even seemed glad that he was there.


I reached the drinks table and looked around. On the dance floor, James and Annalise danced. James looked very classy in his black tux and green vest to match Annalise's dress. Annalise looked stunning; her gown was a dark green that went perfectly against her tan skin tone. Her deep brown hair was in an up do, with a few soft curls framing her face. James dipped her dramatically and she laughed, and smiled up at him when he pulled her in close. She leaned her head up to kiss him quickly and then set her head back on his chest. Lily was also on the dance floor, though she looked less than enthusiastic with her partner: Professor Slughorn. Her eyes were shifting around, as if trying to find someone to help her escape. Fortunately for her, Hugo asked Slughorn if he could cut in, saving his cousin from dancing with the elderly Professor. Louis and Alice were also there, talking to Alice's parents. Alice, of course, looked magnificent in a light pink gown that framed her body nicely.


I grabbed the first drink I could off the table and was pleased when I felt the firewhiskey burn down my throat as I chugged it.


I was about to grab another one when a hand beat me to it. I looked up and saw the face of Victoire Weasley.


"Aren't you a little young for Firewhiskey?" she asked, a smile on her face.


"I'll be seventeen in a few weeks," I said, but didn't reach for another drink. "I'm having a shitty night."


"I'm sorry about that," Toire said. "But I really don't encourage my husband's students to drink. It could get him in trouble."


I shrugged. "Understandable. Where is Teddy, anyway?"


"Oh, he's off with my friends Jason and Michael," Victoire said, waving her hand in the direction of a group of men around her age. "They went to school with me. My best friends, even now."


"Did you ever date either of them?" I asked, because they were both fairly attractive.


"Oh, Merlin no," Victoire said, laughing. "Michael liked me in our fifth year but then I started dating Teddy. Although it wasn't really dating."


"What do you mean?"


"This is going to make me sound like a slag," Victoire said, taking a drink of Firewhiskey. "But he was dating my friend when we got together. Her name was Gabrielle Lancaster, and even though I thought she was my best friend at the time, she was a total bitch."


"So you got back at her by stealing her boyfriend?" I asked, an amused smile on my face.


"No!" Victoire said. "No, it wasn't like I was doing it to get back at her. I had liked Teddy since I was a kid and when he started dating her, I started acting weirdly around them. He wanted to know why and I accidentally told him that I liked him. And then he pushed me up against a wall and snogged me." I cringed and Victoire laughed. "That was probably more information than you needed to know. But anyway, we started having a thing while he was with my friend but every time he was going to break up with her something went wrong...but eventually it worked out. Thank Merlin. If it didn't Teddy and I probably wouldn't be on speaking terms."


"I never knew that about you guys," I said. "I always thought you just started dating."


"Well that's what we told our families," she said. "I wasn't going to let them know that I was helping him cheat on his girlfriend, who happened to be my best friend at the time." She waved at someone behind me. "Well, I got to go make sure that my husband isn't getting to much grief from my boys. Nice talking to you!"


"You too," I said, before grabbing another firewhiskey. I was about to drink it when I felt a pair of arms come around my waist and grab my arm, stopping me from pulling it up to my mouth.


"Isn't it a little early to start drinking?" Al said, an amused smile on his face as he pulled the cup out of my hand and placed it on the table.


"It's never to early to start drinking," I said curtly, turning around in his arms so that I could see him. He was smiling down at me, his green eyes full of joy. My heart started racing and all I wanted to do was cry into his arms and tell him everything that was wrong, but I couldn't. Seeing Matilda had brought back all the walls that Al had broken down. "Especially on a shitty night like this."


Al frowned. "What's shitty about it?"


The way he was looking down at me, with such concern, almost made me tell him. I almost just broke down sobbing, right there in the middle of the ballroom in this beautiful dress, right into his arms because I knew that he would make sure I was okay. He would make sure that I wasn't going to get hurt again, that Matilda was never going to come close to me.


"Everything," I said instead, my words short. "Everything about this entire night is fucking shitty."


"Hey," Albus said, cupping my face. "What's wrong?"


I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Instead I just shook my head.


"Do you want to dance?" Albus asked, pulling me towards the dance floor.


"No," I said, resisting his tug on my hand.


"Come on," he said, the playful smile back on his face. "Dancing can make everything better."


"It won't make this better," I said. He tugged on my hand again. "I don't want to dance, Al. I'm serious."


"Just one dance," he said, still pulling me. He was testing my patience. "One dance with your boyfriend."


"No!" I said, my voice shrill. "No, I don't want to fucking dance! I don't care who it's with, I don't want to dance!"


Albus frowned at me and stopped trying to pull me to the dance floor. Instead he just got close to me and forced me to look at him.


"What's wrong?" he asked, his voice stern. "And I want an answer this time. I don't want any of this silent crap."


"Nothing is wrong," I said, my words clipping. All the anger from what happened with Matilda was coming back and I knew that if I didn't keep it down, I would end up spilling it all on Al and probably ruin everything. "I just don't want to dance."


"Bullshit," Albus said, his fierce tone matching mine. "Now tell me what the fuck is going on with you."


"Maybe I'm just pissed off," I said, pulling out of his grasp. "Maybe I'm pissed off and annoyed and you interrogating me isn't helping."


"I'm sorry that I care," Albus said, clipping his words. "But as I recall, we're in a relationship and as your boyfriend, I'm supposed to care."


"Yeah, well as my boyfriend," I said. "You should know when to back off."


"When have I ever known when to back off? I'm not going to let you drink your problems, whatever the fuck they are, away."


"It's my life and my problems," I said, grabbing another firewhiskey. "I will deal with them as I please."


I tried to walk away, but Al grabbed my elbow. "Don't you dare run away from this. We aren't done here."


"Yes," I said, pulling my arm away. "We are."


I walked away before he could say another word.

 




I stared at the full glass of firewhiskey in front of me. It was the same glass that I grabbed when Albus and I fought about an hour earlier. After walking away from Al, I found a table in a corner, no one there mainly because no one could see it.


But you could see everyone from it.


After our argument, Albus walked around, talking to people before meeting up with Scorp. I'm guessing that he asked if something was wrong with me and Scorp said nothing. Al then continued moving on to talk to more people and has spent a lot of time talking to a really pretty brunette.


Not that I was jealous.


But seeing her talk with him, flirt with him was enough to make me want to puke.


The worst part? Al seemed so totally oblivious that she was flirting with him. He just smiled and continued talking to her while she would flip her hair or touch his arm.


Watching it made my blood boil and I was getting more and more pissed off with every passing second and I knew that if I didn't stop watching, I'd go over there and rip her hair out. But I couldn't stop watching. Partly because it made me forget about everything else that had happened earlier and partly because it amused how even though she was flirting with him, Albus would constantly look around the room, a worried look on his face.


I could only hope that meant that he was looking for me.


"So, I'm going to go out on a limb and say you're hiding?" I heard a voice say and looked over my shoulder to see Ryan standing there. He came and sat down next to me. "Are black tie events not your scene?"


"Something like that," I said, turning the glass of firewhiskey in my hand. "What are you doing here? I thought your family always went to Paris to visit your other grandparents on New Year's."


"They do," Ryan said. "But when I secured an invitation to the Harry Potter's famous New Year's party, Mum insisted I come."


"How did you secure an invitation?" I asked him. "You aren't friends with any of the Potters."


"Dom brought me as her plus one," Ryan said, shrugging. "We aren't super close, but we got closer when she told me she figured out I was gay. She said I had to come because there was some guy she wanted to set me up with."


"Oh," I said, frowning. "That was supposed to be my job. When you felt comfortable enough to come out to everyone, I was going to find you a boy and make you get married and then have you adopt children from a developing country."


"Well, Dom beat you to it," Ryan said with a smile.


"Damn her," I said, bring the glass of firewhiskey up to my lips. When I set it back down on the table, I saw Ryan giving me a disapproving look. "What?"


"I know that seeing your mum was hard," Ryan said and I snapped my head up at him. How did he know about that? "But you shouldn't drown yourself in alcohol to numb the pain."


"I'm not drowning myself in alcohol," I muttered and pushed the glass away from me. "How did you know?"


"Scorp told me because he thought that you might talk to me," Ryan said. We were quiet for a moment. "Was it bad?"


I nodded. "It was bloody awful."


Ryan wrapped his arm around me. "I'm so sorry, Ads."


I rested my head on his shoulder and held back the tears. "I also got in a fight with Albus."


"Of course," Ryan said and I could hear the smile in his voice.


"It wasn't one of our usual fights," I said softly. "He's my boyfriend now and he knows something's wrong, so he cares and is trying to get me to talk about it. But I...I can't."


"He's your boyfriend?" Ryan asked. "When did that happen?"


"Christmas," I said, my eyes finding him and the girl again. I felt a dull stabbing in my chest. "But now I have no idea if he wants to be with me, now that he knows how fucked up I really am."


"I have no doubt in my mind," Ryan said, stroking my hair softly. "That no matter how fucked up you are, he will still want to be with you. You two are falling into something special. And if you want to be with him, then you have to let him in, Ads, you have to let him see just how screwed up you are. You have to bring down the walls completely."


I nodded and was about to respond but Dominique came over to our table, looking excited.


"Ryan! He's here!" she said. "Oh, hey Addie. Do you want to come meet Ryan's new boyfriend?"


"He's not my boyfriend," Ryan said. "I haven't even met the guy, Dom. Besides, no one but you, Addie and my parents know I'm gay."


"Whatever," Dom said, brushing that off. "Do you want to meet him now? A bunch of us are talking, so it will be pretty casual."


Ryan looked at me. "Do you want to come with me or do you want me to stay here with you?"


"I'll go with you," I said, lifting my head off of his shoulder. I looked back at where Al and the girl were and couldn't find them. My heart hammered, worried that maybe he was with her somewhere.


Maybe he was snogging her or something.


Because he realized I wasn't worth it. That I wasn't good enough.


Dom clapped her hands excitedly. "A bunch of us are standing there, so just come when you're ready." She left us, heading towards a group of teenagers.


"You sure you want to do this?" Ryan asked, standing up. "I could stay here or bring you home if it will make you feel better."


"No. I want to meet this guy." When Ryan looked unsure, I smiled, pushing my doubts about Al away, and said, "I need to see if I can find you a better boyfriend than Dom can. Besides, you wouldn't dare date a guy without my approval first, right?"


"No, no you're right," Ryan said, holding a hand out to help me up. He squeezed my hand. "You really do look beautiful tonight, Addie."


I smiled and squeezed his hand. "Thank you, Ryan."


We walked over to where Dom was standing, with the Scamander twins, James, Annalise, Albus and two girls that I didn't recognize, one of whom was the girl who was flirting with Al earlier.


Well I'm glad to see that they aren't snogging or fooling around.


No one fools around with my man.


She was still flirting with him, only now, he was just looking at me. His eyes met mine and I gave him a small I'm sorry smile. He walked across the crowd to stand with me wrapping an arm around my waist. I nuzzled into his chest and wrapped my arms around him, squeezing him tightly.


"I'm sorry," I whispered softly.


"It's okay," he whispered back.


"I'm going to be an emotional mess for a while."


"That's fine with me. I'll take care of you."


Hearing him say that brought tears to my eyes because he sounded so totally sincere about it. That made my screwed up family life okay, that made the fact that my mother had come back and totally fucked with my emotions okay because I knew that Al was going to take care of me.


I leaned my head up and kissed him. With my heels on, I was only about four inches shorter than he was, so it was much easier to kiss him. Al responded, kissing me slowly, telling me that he was going to keep his promise to me, no matter what.


"Merlin, can you guys please stop?" James said and I pulled my head away to see him looking at us with a disgusted look. "I don't like seeing my little brother snog my fake little sister."


Annalise frowned up at him. "You realize that sounds wrong, right?"


"I know," James said, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her back to his chest. "I don't like to think about it."


I laughed and rested my head against Al's chest. "You two are cute."


James smiled and rested his cheek against Annalise's head and was about to say something, but was cut off by Freddy's sudden arrival.


"Only took him seven years, but he finally got her," Freddy said, clamping James on the shoulder. "Never would have thought that Annalise would still want to date him after hearing about how he had nightmares up until he was twelve. Nightmares to where he needed Teddy and Toire to sleep in the same room as him."


"Freddy," James said, his face turning red. "Shut. Up."


"Aww, was wittle Jamesy scared?" Annalise asked in a teasing voice, turning her head so she could look up at him. She kissed him on the cheek quickly. "It's okay, I'll protect you now."


James smiled before offering his hand. "Would you like to dance with me and get away from this idiot I call my best mate and cousin?" Annalise laughed and nodded, allowing James to pull her back onto the dance floor.


I giggled and relaxed into Al, listening to the other conversations going on.


"Ryan, this is Lorcen," Dominique was saying.


"Hey," Ryan said, giving one of those guy nods.


"Hey, mate," Lorcen responded. They started talking about something and Dom came over to me, pulling me away from Al so that we could talk privately.


"Do you think they're getting along?" she whispered in my ear.


I nodded. "Yeah. You definitely did well."


"Good," Dom said, smiling.


"So why are you over here talking to me and not talking to Lysander?" I asked her, looking at the tall blonde who was now talking to the girl that kept flirting with Al. "You fancy the bloke, Dom. Talk to him. Use your usual Veela charm on him."


"I can't do that," she hissed and I gave her a confused look. "He's not some idiot boy from school, okay? He's known me my entire life, he knows when I'm trying to flirt with someone."


"And that's a bad thing that he knows that?"


"Yes!" she said, keeping her voice low. "Because then he'll know that I like him!"


"He probably likes you back!"


"No he doesn't!"


"He's a guy, isn't he?" I asked, smirking slightly. "Look, he's coming here now. Just flirt. Take a chance on him, okay?" Dom bit her lip. "Look, you're able to snog blokes you don't even like, so why not talk to the one you actually fancy?"


"I hate when you make a logical point," Dom muttered.


I smiled triumphantly.


"Hey Addie," Lysander said, smiling at me. "Glad to see you're giving Potter a chance."


I smiled and looked back at him talking with Fred. "Yeah, I figured I would put him out of his misery."


"Why do you call her by her first name, yet insist on calling everyone else by their last name?" Dom asked.


"Because I feel like it," Lysander said, a teasing smile on his face.


"It's weird," Dom said. "Especially since when you say Weasley, no one is really sure who you're talking to. Sometimes I think you're talking to me and it turns out that you're talking to Freddy."


"Yeah, that has happened a few times tonight," Lysander said. "Like Fred thought I was complementing him on how beautiful he looked tonight, when really I was talking to you."


Dom blushed a soft pink. "Fred must have been confused as to why you were coming onto him."


"Only a little," Lysander said, smiling. "But when I told him that I was actually trying to come onto you, he nearly killed me."


"Oh," Dom said, gasping. "Um, well, I'm glad he didn't kill you."


"Me too," Lysander said, smiling down at Dominique’s blushing face. "Dominique Weasley, would you like to dance?


She broke out in a huge, dazzling smile. "I'd love to."


Lysander put his hand out and Dom took it, smiling as he led her off to the dance floor.


I decided now might be a good time to stop creepily staring at them.


Dom has a history of randomly snogging boys, ya know. I'd rather not watch that.


I turned back toward the group and was about to return to my spot at Al's side when I stopped.


Because my spot was taken.


By the same whore who was flirting with Albus earlier.


And suddenly, all the calm emotions and happiness I had felt in the last ten minutes were gone. I was pissed off, because my night had started out shitty and then the only thing that had made it better was Al, once I let him. He saved me from myself, reminding me that no matter what I go through in my life, he's going to be there for me.


And just like when I first got to the party, I lost all control of what I was doing.


A waiter walked by with a glass of champagne and I grabbed one, chugged it, and then grabbed another before walking over to my boyfriend.


"Excuse me," I said, my voice faking kindness. Al and the girl turned toward me, Al smiling at first, but then his face dropped once he saw my expression and the glass in my hand. "But I do believe that you're standing in my spot."


"Oh," the girl said, moving. "Sorry. I was just catching up with Al."


"You've been catching up with him all night," I said, moving in my spot next to Albus. "Why would you need to talk with him anymore?"


"Addie, cool it," Al said quietly to me.


I frowned up at him. "I thought we established that I do what I want," I said, matching his quiet tone before taking a drink. I turned back toward the whore and looked her up and down, sizing up my competition.


She was prettier than me.


Dammit.


"So how do you know, Al?" I asked, my words slurring together. I hadn't even had that much to drink and my words were slurring.


This isn't fair. I don't want to be a lightweight.


"Oh, we're good family friends," she said, her brown eyes twinkling up at Albus. He smiled back and from their exchange it felt like they shared something, a secret or a joke, and I really didn't like it. I chugged the rest of my champagne and caught a waiter who was passing by, putting my glass on his tray before picking up what looked like another Firewhiskey.


Al noticed this and tried to pull it away from me. "I think you've had enough to drink."


I held the drink out of his reach. "Albus, I'm in the middle of a conversation with someone. And I'm perfectly fine."


"How exactly do you know Albus?" The whore asked, looking at me with curious eyes.


"I'm his girlfriend," I said, the words sharp on my tongue. I watched as that fact set in her and couldn't help but smirk when I saw the small dose of jealously in her eyes. That's right. He's my boyfriend. Mine, not yours. So you can run along and find someone else to flirt with. I stuck my hand out, feeling the need to rub my relationship in her face more. "Addie Malfoy. I don't think I caught your name."


"Oh, right, of course," she said, grabbing my hand and shaking it. "How terribly rude of me. I'm Veronica St. Clair."


I froze.


That name was a sobering name.


Out of all the girls at this fucking party, Al had to be talking to the girl he slept with?! Really?!


As if my night wasn't shitty enough.


"Um, are you okay?" Veronica asked, noticing my stillness. When I didn't say anything, she looked over at Al. "Maybe you should take her back home," she said, touching his arm. "She seems drunk and I would hate for her to-"


I saw her hand on his arm and the way she was looking at him and the way he was looking at her, like he actually thought that she was right, and I just lost it.


I pushed myself in between them, placing myself in front of Albus, facing Veronica.


"Listen, you whore," I said, and she looked back at me, her eyes wide. "You stay the fuck away from my boyfriend. I know what happened last time and I know that you and your slut sister stole Al and Scorp's V Cards but you can bet your ass that you are never going to ever get close to him again."


"I know that you've been drinking and you don't mean that-"


"Oh, shut the fuck up," I said. "Even if I didn't have any drinks tonight I would tell you that I think you're a fucking whore and that you should stay the fuck away from my boyfriend. I have seen you all night, flirting with him, touching his arm and flipping your hair, but I'm just going to tell you right now that it's not going to bloody happen. You're going to have to find some other guy to fuck tonight because my boyfriend is taken."


"Addie, stop," Albus said firmly, placing his hands on my elbows.


I turned, pulling myself out of his grip, and glared at him. "I'm dealing with you later," I said before turning back to Veronica, who was still looking at me like a deer in the headlights. "Don't look at me like you're innocent, you bloody whore. Now stay the hell away from my boyfriend."


Veronica's innocent look changed to a sneer quickly. "Well, I see that Albus downgraded from me to you. Merlin, you're drinking and you somehow think you're able to tell Al what he wants to do. I'll have you know that just because he's dating you, doesn't mean that he's all yours. He's free to do whatever he wants." She smirked slightly. "And my guess is that, after seeing you tonight, he's not going to want you anymore. He was such a willing part in our last get together, I'm sure he'd be just as willing this time. And who the hell are you to call me a whore? With your family history, I think we all know who the whore is."


I am really not proud of what I did next.


Really, really ashamed.


Yet also not ashamed at all because it was a totally badass thing to do.


I threw my drink in her face. All her make up started running down her face and her perfectly curled brown hair was starting to fall.


"You fucking bitch!" I said, dropping my glass on the ground. "You know, nothing- absolutely, bloody, nothing about my family!" I advanced on her. "Just stay the fuck away from my boyfriend!"


"Okay, that's it," Al said, before picking me up, bridal style.


"Oi! Put me down!" I said, hitting him as he carried me out of the ballroom.


"No," Al said, his jaw locked as he walked up the stairs.


I struggled, trying to get out of Al's arms the entire way to his room, where he put me down and slammed the door shut.


"What the fuck," Al said, his voice full of anger. "Was that?"


"Well, I'm sorry to ruin your chances of getting laid with Slut St. Clair!" I yelled, kicking off my heels onto his floor. "But she's a daft bint!"


"You bloody well attacked her!" Al yelled. "Out of nowhere, you started calling her a whore and accused her of trying to hook up with me!"


"Because she was!" I yelled, picking up the skirt of my dress and moving away from Albus. "And in case you forgot, we're in a relationship!"


"I don't think I'm the one forgetting that!" Albus yelled back at me. "I'm not the one who is being completely bipolar and drinking my life away without refusing to tell their boyfriend why!"


"Oh, don't act like you're a bloody saint," I sneered. "You were flirting with her, you were allowing her to flirt with you without doing anything about it!"


"No I wasn't!" Al yelled, running his hands through his hair. He took a deep breath, calming himself down a little before turning to look at me. His voice was firm and serious. "What the bloody fuck happened before you got here? And don't say nothing because I know that's a lie."


I didn't respond, instead just looking down at the ground, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to come out.


If I told him, then he'd know how screwed up I was. He'd know that I was a total emotional wreck and was probably never going to get better, depending on whether Matilda decided to keep this whole "get in touch" with me idea. I knew that if I let him in, all the way in, when he left me, it'd hurt even more than it would have before.


I heard him sigh and he walked over to me, cupping my face and tilting my face up to look at him.


"Tell me, Ads," he said softly. "No matter what you say, no matter what happened, I promise I'm not going to leave or run away. I want this- I want you." He rested his forehead against mine. "I'm in this for the long haul." He took a deep breath, taking his forehead off mine, his beautiful, emerald green eyes boring into mine. "Don't push me away, don't do that to me. I'm so happy with this and I'm not going to let it go, no matter what happened." He looked down at me and I could see that he looked very sad, like he thought that no matter how much he tried, I wouldn't tell him. "Just tell me what's wrong."


Something in the way he said it, his voice full of emotion and how he sounded like he cared about me more than any other person, pulled at my heart. His eyes were looking into mine and were so full of an emotion that I didn't want to name, not yet. But I knew that by the way my heart was pounding and how even though I was on the verge of a mental breakdown, just being with him brought a light to me that wasn't there before.


Ryan was right.


We were falling into something.


It was scary. It would take a great leap of faith and would require me to fully give myself to him; to let him see me for all that I am. And even though it sounded like he was asking me to just tell him what was wrong, what was bothering me, I knew that it was more.


He was asking me if I was ready to fall.


He told me he was. All he needed to know was if I was too.


And I realized that I didn't have a choice. It was too late.


I was already falling.


"My mother came back," I said in a small voice, biting back a sob. Al looked down at me, rubbing a thumb along my cheekbone. "When Scorp and I went downstairs to come here, we heard Astoria and Draco yelling at someone and it turns out...it was her." I felt a tear fall. "And that's why I've been totally weird tonight. When I first got here, I just felt numb and I wanted to drink it all away and forget everything and then when we got in our fight, that didn't help either. I just felt so numb and the only time I didn't was when I was with you. You made me feel like everything was going to be okay, like everything might work out. But then I saw you with Veronica and all of it- the anger and frustration with my mum came flooding back, on top of the jealousy." A sob escaped me. "I'm so sorry. I never expected to see her again and then I took all that I was feeling out on you and then..." I broke off in a sob before looking up at Al. "I'm kind of an emotional train wreck."


"It's going to be okay," Al said, pulling me in close to him. I breathed in his scent and let all my tears out onto his tux. I squeezed him tightly and screamed against his chest, knowing that I was completely safe. He wasn't going to leave. "It's going to be okay, Addie. It's all going to be okay."


I believed it too.


I don't know how long we stayed like that, me sobbing against his chest with him holding me, rubbing his hand up and down my back. I just purged myself of all my emotions, all my sadness, not wanting to feel like shit anymore.


When I finished crying, I didn't pull away from Al. I stayed in his arms, and he kept swaying me back and forth, soothing me, even though I was no longer sobbing.


"It's weird," I said quietly, resting my cheek against his chest and looking at his bed. "She's back. I saw her for the first time in eleven years, in the flesh. The entire thing...was weird."


"I would imagine so," Al said, swaying. "Did she say why she was back?"


"I didn't really give her the chance to," I said. "She told Draco that she missed me and wanted to be back in my life."


"Well maybe she means it," Albus said softly. "Are you going to let her back in your life?"


"I don't know," I said. "I told her I never wanted to see her again but...I don't know if I meant it."


Al pulled away from me slightly so that he could look down at me. "Maybe you should try to let her back in. I know she hurt you and I know that it's hard but she is your mother. You always said you wanted a family, so maybe you owe it to yourself to try to get to know the person who brought you into this world."


I looked up at him, smiling ever so slightly. "You're very wise, you know that, Albus Potter?"


"I know," Al said, smirking. One of his hands moved from my waist up to my face, cupping it. I leaned into his hand. "You're going to be okay?"


"I will now," I said, standing on my tiptoes in order to kiss him.


We kissed slowly and I felt his heart racing just as fast as mine was. I pulled him closer to me, not wanting to be anywhere but in this moment with him.


If someone told me last year that I would be falling into something with Albus Potter, I would probably insist that you were all idiots.


But now I see I was the idiot for thinking that Al was such a bad person in the first place.


We kissed for a little while longer, and I'm sure we never would have gone back down to the party, had Louis not walked in the door.


"Well, I'm sorry to interrupt," Louis said and Al and I broke apart. I felt a blush creep up my cheeks and I buried my face in Al's chest, hiding from Louis. "Al, do you have a shirt I could borrow?"


"Yeah," Al said, detaching himself from me. He went over to his dresser and pulled open a drawer throwing a shirt over to his cousin. "Here. What even happened to yours?"


"Oh, this?" Louis said, looking down at the stain on his shirt. "Mum got a little excited when meeting Alice and hit my drink out of my hand when she went to hug her."


"So I take it that Alice was accepted my your mum?" I said.


"They've been talking ever since," Louis said. "Oh and Al- your Mum wanted you back downstairs to explain why Veronica St. Clair was dripping Firewhiskey."


I sniggered and Al sighed before coming back over to me and kissing me on the forehead. "Looks like I get to go clean up your mess."


"I can go and explain," I said, looking up at him.


"No," Al said. "It's fine. I figure that it's better that my girlfriend doesn't explain to my mother that she poured alcohol on someone because they slept with me. I would like my mum to think I'm still innocent."


"Well, good luck with that," I said, kissing him quickly. "I'll meet you down there once I put my shoes on."


"Take your time," Al said, shutting the door behind him.


"So you're his girlfriend now?" Louis asked.


"Yeah," I said, sitting down on the bed. "Since Christmas."


"And you dumped your drink on Veronica St. Clair because she slept with him?"


"Yep."


"Malfoy's aren't smart when they get jealous are they?"


"Nope," I said. "So are you and Alice officially together?"


"Yeah, Alice finally gave in," Louis said, starting to undo his buttons on his shirt. "Thank Merlin. I thought that girl was going to make me relive my dumb mistake forever." He took his shirt off and threw at me, putting his arms in the shirt but leaving it unbuttoned as he sat down next to me. "I'm glad you finally are giving Al a chance."


"Yeah, well, I couldn't deny my feelings any longer," I said, shrugging slightly. "Even though I tried."


"And tried and tried," Louis teased, smirking at me. "You even got a boyfriend in that time just to deny it."


"Hey, I actually liked Caleb!" I said, hitting Louis. "I'm not that much of a bitch that I would use some guy just to deny my feelings for Albus."


"Not that much of a bitch, but still a bitch," Louis said, his smirk still on his face.


"You know what? I’m not speaking to you anymore," I said, crossing my arms and looking away, pretending that I was mad at him.


"Oh thank Merlin, I thought you would never shut up," Louis said. When I didn't respond he rested his head on my shoulder. "Come on, Ads, you can't be mad at me." I still didn't respond, keeping my gaze on Al's poster of the Canons. "Aaaaadddddddddddddiiiiieeeee."


I ignored his whining.


He didn't like that.


"Get of me!" I yelled as I was crushed under his weight as he laid on top of me on the bed.


"Ha!" Louis said, still laying on me. "I knew I could get you to talk to me!"


"Yes, that's great, now get the fuck off me!"


"Hmmm, such bad language," Louis said, his cheeky smirk reappearing on his face. "Does someone need to be punished?"


"That sounds so wrong, Lou," I said, squirming under him.


"Get your head out of the gutter," Louis said. "It's time...FOR THE TICKLE MONSTER."


Oh, bollocks.


Why must people tickle me?


"No!" I said, squirming around as Lou's fingers grazed my sides.


Louis didn't listen, that jerk.


I tried to push him off me, putting my hands against his bare chest (I don't care that I'm dating his cousin and he's dating my best friend, he is still hot and this is awesome) and pushing with all my might against him. He continued tickling me and, despite my efforts otherwise, I let out a giggle and continued trying to push him off me.


I probably would have succeeded too.


If Alice hadn't come walking in the door.


"Lou, are you done changing?" she asked, walking in. Louis and I froze, like we were caught doing something we weren't supposed to be doing. Her eyes went wide when she saw Louis lying on top of me.


On a bed.


Shit, this looks bad.


Correction: This is bad.


I pushed Louis off me and sat up on the bed, looking at Alice. "Alice, it's not what it looks like-"


"Are you serious?" she asked, quietly.


Louis went towards her, grabbing her waist, as if to comfort her. "Alice, I swear it's not what it looks like, nothing was happening-"


She slapped him across the face, hard. "You fucking arse! I can't believe that I actually trusted you!"


"Alice-"


"No!" Alice said, pushing Louis away from her. "No! I should have listened to what everyone was saying, I shouldn't have given you another chance! Once a cheater, always a cheater, that's what everyone says!"


"He wasn't cheating on you!" I said, figuring that maybe I could get through to Alice, since she wouldn't listen to Louis. "He was tickling me, I swear, nothing happened-"


"Shut up, Addie!" Alice turned on me, her eyes full of tears. "Just shut up! What do you think Al is going to do when he knows that you cheated on him?"


"I didn't cheat on Al-"


"Merlin you really are a whore, just like your mother!" Alice yelled.


I felt like I had been slapped. But I knew she didn't mean it, I knew that she was upset and that she was saying something to hurt me, just like I had hurt her. "You don't mean that, you're upset, you don't mean-"


"Yes I do!" Alice yelled. "You're a fucking whore and now you not only have your own boyfriend but mine too! I hate you, both of you!"


I felt my heart stop as she ran out the door, away from the cause of the pain.


Away from me.


"Alice, wait!" Louis said, walking after her as she left. He kept calling after her, trying to explain but she wouldn't hear it.


She was heading back down to the ballroom.


She was going to tell Albus. And Albus would believe her, he would believe that I would fuck up because I'm me. He would believe her over me, even though I told him that I was in this and ready to fall. But it wouldn't matter. Not if he thought I cheated on him.


And then he was going to leave, all because Alice thought something happened when it didn't.


I felt my eyes well up as I picked the skirt of my dress up and ran down the stairs, following Alice and Louis, hoping that I could somehow save this.


Once I reached the ballroom, I looked around, trying to find Alice and Louis. I walked blindly through the crowd of people, searching for them. I finally saw them, Louis trying desperately to hold her hand and explain but Alice would pull away and walking determinedly away from him, like she wasn't crying. I was going to continue after them, but I stopped when I saw something else that made my heart lurch.


Victoria St. Clair, looking exactly like her slut sister, was heading straight for Scorpius and Rose who were standing against a wall, holding hands and laughing about something, their heads close together.


And despite everything inside me telling me that I shouldn't abandon my current mission, that I had to find Alice and explain to her, I ran straight to Rose and Scorpius.


They saw me coming and looked at me, concern across their faces.


"Addie, are you okay?" Rose asked when I reached them.


"I'm fine," I said, grabbing their wrists and pulling them away from Victoria. She had stopped and frowned, watching me try to drag them away. "Let's go get some punch."


"We already got punch," Rose said, looking at me with a worried expression. She looked over her shoulder, wondering what I was looking at and frowned, clearly confused. "Are you sure you're okay?"


"I'm fine," I said, still tugging on them. I felt the tears threatening to fall but it didn't matter. It didn't matter that my relationship with Albus was probably over or that I had ruined my friendship with Alice. I had to save the two people I loved the most, the two people who meant the world to me, from the small detail that would ruin their relationship. "Just can we please move?"


"Why?"


"Because I'm thirsty and we need to go!"


"Addie," Scorpius said, his voice stern. He grabbed my arm, holding me in place telling me that we weren't moving. "What's going on?"


And suddenly, I just couldn't take it anymore.


I couldn't handle the secrets and I was trying to ignore the dull pain in my chest, knowing that I had ruined some of my closest relationships.


And like the fuck up I am, I ended up ruining all of my relationships.


"What's going on is that the girl who you lost your virginity to is coming over here!" I screamed, suddenly unable to control myself. "And I don't mean Rose! I mean Victoria St. Clair, sister to Veronica St. Clair, the girl who stole Al's virginity! Remember, Scorp? Remember last summer when you hooked up with that girl? Well she's coming over here right now and I want to make sure that she stays away from you!" Rose and Scorp both stared at me, their eyes wide, like they couldn't believe what I was saying. So of course, I ended up making things even worse. "Rose, you weren't his first time. Last summer he had sex with some random girl, so Christmas wasn't his first time."


Rose turned toward Scorpius. "You lied to me?"


He reached out and touched her arm. "It wasn't like that-"


"You still lied, didn't you?" Rose screeched and her eyes filled up with tears. She turned toward me. "And you knew! You were my best friend and lied to me! You should have told me!" She broke free of Scorp's grasp. "Stay away from me! You too, Addie!"


She ran off, leaving Scorp and I standing there.


"Scorp," I said softly, the effects of my outburst feeling heavy. "I didn't mean-"


"Save it, Addie," Scorpius said, shaking his head and looking totally betrayed. "Just leave me alone." He walked off in the direction that Rose went.


However, every time he got close to her, she ran away from him, not letting him explain. As I watched, I felt like my world was slowly falling down around me, one piece at a time.


"Now you not only have your own boyfriend but mine too!"


"You were my best friend and lied to me!"



"Save it, Addie."



I put my hands against my face, trying to stop the darkness from coming in.


I fucked up. I fucked up big time. My life was in complete shambles and I couldn’t do anything about it.


And as much as I tried not to, I heard the words that my boggart spoke at Halloween, echoing in my head.


"But you may think you have your friends right? But no, they too will realize what a pathetic human you are."


I had broke Alice and Louis up. I ruined Scorpius and Rose's relationship.


In a matter of two minutes I had broken any trust that those relationships had. I had ruined the happiness of my two best friends. Any doubt that they had in their relationships I had brought up and put right in front of them.


I fucked up so badly.


"Rose is far too smart to deal with you. It's a wonder she hasn't given up on you already. And Alice will get fed up of you holding her back."


I knew that they weren't going to forgive me. Even though nothing happened with Louis, Alice would still think that something did because of mine and Lou's history. Louis had cheated before and I had a whore as a mother.


Being a whore was in my blood.


Rose wouldn't forgive me for lying to her. If there was one thing Rose hated, it was liars. When I found out Scorpius had lied, I never thought it would come back and effect me, make me lose my best friend.


And Scorpius. He wouldn't understand why I lost it, why I told Rose about Victoria. It wasn't up for me to tell, it was up to him. I ruined everything for him, I made him not get the happy ending.


"They'll leave you, just as people always leave you."


I lost them. They were going to leave because I fucked up too much this time, I ruined too much for them.


I did everything a good friend wasn't supposed to do. I ruined everything. I lied to my best friend, I ruined my cousin's happiness and my other best friend thought that I was hooking up with her boyfriend.


It all hurt so badly.


I couldn't have lost them all. I...I couldn't have.


"I hate you, both of you!"


"Stay away from me! You too, Addie!"



"Just leave me alone."



A sob welled up inside me.


I lost them.


I lost my two best friends. I lost my brother.


And it hurt so fucking bad.


"But those won't even be the most painful losses."


I shook my head at those words, not wanting to know what it was telling me.


How could something be more painful than this?


"Addie," I heard a voice say. And just like on Halloween, Al's voice brought me back, brought me from the darkness within myself and back to the world.


I looked up at him and nearly cried when I saw him. His jaw was locked tightly, more tightly than it had ever been, and his lips were in a thin line. His eyes, normally full of joy or annoyance or amusement, were full of anger, total and pure anger.


I had never seen him that upset.


And that's when I knew exactly what the boggart meant by there being a more painful loss.


Because even standing here, looking at Albus was breaking me.


And I knew that I had lost him.


"You'll be devastated after he leaves."


"Is it true?" Al asked, his voice loud and firm.


I shook my head, trying to say something, anything that could possibly make this situation better.


But nothing came out.


"Merlin, are you looking for a reason for me to break up with you?" Albus asked. I had never heard him that angry. I couldn't respond, choosing to instead stand there, in the most beautiful dress I could have ever worn, tears falling down my face, gaping at him. "First you don't tell me what's wrong, then you nearly get pissed, you throw drinks in my friend's faces and yell at me like I'm the one who did something terrible, and now..." Al looked down at me, his eyes livid. "Now I'm hearing that you've hooked up with my cousin and instead of denying it, of trying to save this, you're just standing there."


I continued shaking my head and said, "No." I did that over and over again, trying to force myself to say more, to say anything that could actually help me save my relationship.


But I couldn't.


And that wasn't what Al wanted me to say.


"Fine, you know what? You get it," Al said, throwing his hands up in the air in defeat. "I'm done."


It was like a hundred people cast stunning spells at me at the same time. The dull pain that had been in my chest since Alice told me she hated me, escalated, and I felt everything inside me break, as if I was suddenly unable to hold onto myself anymore.


"Your heart will break in to a million pieces."


I stared at Albus, who was looking down at me with total disgust on his face, yet at the same time, I saw that he too was sad. He didn't want to break up with me but he thought that was what I wanted.


But I didn't want that. I wanted anything but that.


I was suddenly so very aware of everyone staring at me. Albus and I had a group around us, made up of teenagers. I saw the entire Wotter clan here, Dom and James looking murderous, like they couldn't believe that I had just broken Al's heart. Freddy also looked disappointed, though not as upset and Dom and James. Annalise looked as if she were trying to comfort James, like she was telling him that he should stay where he was and not get involved.


I didn't Rose, Scorpius, Alice, or Louis anywhere, which told me that either they had all left or were still fighting.


And I just felt like my world was suddenly too small.


I looked at Albus, one last time, before hearing the words I knew to be true, now more than ever.


"You can't have him. You aren't good enough for him."


I wasn't good enough for him. Everything that had happened in the past few hours proved that.


I ran. I ran away from the group, toward Harry's office, where I knew that there would be floo powder so that I could get home and get to my bed.


"Thirty seconds until midnight!" I heard an adult yell as I reached the large double doors.


I pulled one open, not even bothering to close it. I figured that if someone, though I didn't know who, wanted to find me, then they would spot the open door easily.


I grabbed some of the powder in my hand and stepped into the fireplace, wanting to be home so that I could forget that this night had ever happened.


"Twenty seconds!"


"Malfoy Manor," I said, thankful when the green flames enveloped me.


I fell out of the fireplace, coughing to see all our houselves with New Years hats on their heads. I ran past them, trying to ignore their countdown.


"Fifteen!"


I reached my door and pushed it open.


"Ten!"


I fell onto my bed, not even caring about my dress as I curled into a ball.


"Nine!"


I sobbed, hearing all that Alice, Rose, Scorp, Albus, and the boggart's voices all around me.


"Eight!"


"Nobody will ever love you, Addison."



"Seven!"


"I hate you, both of you!"



"Six!"


"Nobody will ever stay."


"Five!"


"Just leave me alone."



"Four!"


"Stay away from me! You too, Addie!"



"Three!"


"You aren't good enough and you never will be."


"Two!"


"I'm done."


"One!"


I couldn't feel anything more. I had nothing left inside me.


"Happy New Year!"


I was numb.

 





A/N: Er...hi. I bet a lot of you really hate me right now. I kinda hate me too, don't worry.


19 is my lucky number. It creepily turned out that this was the biggest and most dramatic chapter so far. Maybe 24 will work out for you guys.


So (I'm a little scared to ask this) what did you think? This was the longest chapter of the story, mainly because so much shit went down. I mean, you got her mom in there and then the whole thing with Albus and Veronica, and Scorpius and Rose, and Louis and Alice...yeah, shit went down.


I've been imagining writing this chapter, especially from Alice walking in on Louis and Addie on, probably since I started this story. In my opinion, I rather liked all of it. It makes me cry and hate myself for doing this to my characters, who I love dearly, but I do really like it.


I posted a lot about this chapter on my blog. If you follow me, then you had to know that something bad (and big) was going to happen. So honestly, if you're a fan of these stories or any of my other ones, follow my blog. I post updates of when the next chapter should be up as well as little sneak peeks at what is happening next. It will also allow us to get more in touch, because while I can respond to your reviews, it takes me a while because there are so many that I haven't answered yet. So if you are interested (and I hope you are...because I might even post stuff about when shit will get back together) then go to my author's page. I'm not able to post the link in my chapters, so if you are interested to see what I post, then go to my author's page and follow the link. I look forward to hearing from you! :D


Please review! Even though I know that you all probably want to swear at me I must remind you to keep it 12+! Tell me what you honestly thought, and if it involves swearing then please * it.
 


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by JilyLover...