Being a poltergeist is not all it’s cracked up to be, sure tossing ink and random flobberworms at young students is hysterical, but sometimes it’s not enough.
Peeves was looking for something that would be meaningful in his life. So he decided that the best thing to do when bored was to get the male Prefects out of the special Prefects bathtub and chase them down the great hall.
It made for quite a bit of fun, and he always did laugh when McGonagall fainted.
But it also resulted with him being in hot water (pun intended) with the entire teaching staff, so now he was sitting by the astronomy tower.
Next time he should do it to the one of the Quidditch Captains.
But he was sent up here to think about his actions and realize that what he did was wrong, he knew it was wrong, sure. But he also knew how funny it was, the look on Weasley’s face when he bumped into the Ravenclaw girl was priceless.
But unfortunely someone kept interrupting his inner monologue by clanking their stupid chains, Peeves was about to tell them off and yell at them to let him sleep in private when he noticed that it was in fact the Bloody Baron.
So he decided to ask the question that no one ever dared to ask before.
“Why do you clank your chains all the time?”
“Because I have caused harm, thereby angering a fair maiden, so I wear this chains in remorse, to show her I am chained by my love for her and only she can free me,” said the Baron.
“I didn’t know—“
The words, ‘that you were such a lovesick wuss’ were on the tip of Peeves’s tongue, but for once he didn’t say anything like that. He was actually scared of the Baron, a little less so then before though.
“That you liked a girl so much, what’s her name?” he asked, trying to sound as though it mattered, even though he could honestly say that he really didn’t care.
“She is not a girl,” said the Bloody Baron, he then paused and looked off into the distance with a stupid look on his face. “She is a Lady.”
“Yes, righty-O, sorry about that,” said Peeves, but the Baron spoke again.
“And I shall not tell you her name,” said Baron, who continued to clank his chains.
“Alright, but can I offer you some advice Baron,” said Peeves. “Girls don’t like the whole chains, I’m captivated by your stunning whatever. Especially the girls of today, you’ve got to get with the program.”
“What do the fair ladies of today like?” Baron asked, finally stopping the chains.
Peeves thought back to what he had seen boys do to impress girls, what made them get their attention.
“Well, some of the boys can burp their girlfriend’s names,” said Peeves.
“It takes a skilled man to do such a thing,” the Baron admitted, sitting on the wall by Peeves, who was uneasy at how close they were.
“They do chase girls with various insects,” added Peeves hesitantly after pausing for minute.
“It shows great devotion that they take such time to catch such small and quick creatures,” said the Baron.
“They’ll throw things at the girl’s head, like quaffles and sometimes books, also they really do love to put things like tape and ink in the girl’s hair.”
“I don’t see the logic in those,” said Baron, Peeves didn’t see the logic in them either. But, the Baron continued. “The other ones were such flawless plans that this one must be the same!”
“Or they could just not be the bad ones,” Peeves thought but he didn’t say anything.
And the next day, when Peeves finally left the Astronomy tower and swore to Professor McGonagall that he had learned his lesson about naked prefects in the great hall chaos was already starting.
Chaos in the form of Bloody Baron pelting books at a rather furious Grey lady.