Chapter 32 : Trust and Promise
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His eyes caught mine and he sighed. He didn’t say anything, just merely threw himself to sit next to me on the couch. I didn’t know whether he realised it or not, but he sat nearly one meter from me. He avoided eye contact and didn’t say a word. I could see he was deep in thoughts, perhaps thinking about what he had to say.
“I don’t know where to begin with,” Sirius started to speak, his voice sounded like he hadn’t talked for years.
“You can start with where you went,” I answered.
“I went to a pub,” he said. I bit back the harsh comment I was about to say.
“That’s obvious,” I commented dryly. He looked at me for awhile before the words started to pour out of his mouth.
“My parents hate me. They always have. I never believe in that shit they tried to plant into my head. Ever since I hit the age of three, they never treated me as a son. They treated me as someone who happened to live with them. They never hesitant on hitting me. I had thought of killing myself since I was five. It was until I met James when I was eight that I finally felt save in this world. That I finally felt someone wanted me to live. My life changed a lot after I knew James. I didn’t...I don’t care that my parents love Regulus more than me. If I was gay, I might have asked James to marry me, because he was my light in the darkness,” he joked.
But, I wasn’t amused with his joke. I was still grasping the fact that my boyfriend had a really rough life. The boy that I was in love with, lived a horrible life before he met James Potter. If it wasn’t for that stubborn boy, I would never meet Sirius. It hurt me that Sirius didn’t trust me to tell me anything about his life. I thought we had passed that nonsense about trust. I thought, that we already confessed our love, he’d have no trouble to trust me.
I began to wonder, who was my boyfriend actually. Did I really know him? Did I trust him that much? The only thing I knew about him was only the basic stuffs. That wasn’t enough. Those thought I had weren’t exactly healthy for our relationship. I learned quite a lot that two people had to trust each other to make some kind of a relationship; a romantic kind of relationship or not. If Sirius kept on hiding everything from me, how did I suppose to trust him to be my husband – we were going to take that step. Then again, Sirius had planned on marrying me. Trust would be our biggest problem if we really got married. I knew I had to take an immediate action. Thus, I took a deep breath, braced myself, and talked about this with my boyfriend.
The boyfriend that I barely knew.
“You should have told me, you know,” I uttered, which finally brought Sirius to look at me in the eye. “You should have told me about you and your life.” Sirius swallowed heavily.
“I don’t want you to pi-“
“To pity you?” I said, finally enraged. “That’s why you opted to hide everything about yourself? That’s the best reason you could come up with? I’m so sorry, Sirius Black, but that is so lame. Is your ego too much to cloud your better judgement?”
“Lina, it’s not like that,” Sirius began. He sounded desperate.
“It’s not like what, Sirius?” I cornered him, my tone getting higher. “You keep telling me that things weren’t like you said, and I still can’t understand what you meant by that. I am not God, Sirius. I can’t understand the games you were playing!”
“Well, if you would just stop talking and LISTEN TO ME, I WOULD TELL YOU!” Sirius ended loudly. He let out a shaky breath and closed his eyes. “I have issues, okay? I have issues with trusting people. I trusted my parents and what did I get? They hateme. It was such a big blow to me. I wanted my parents to be like other parents. I wanted my parents to love me like every parent does. I still have problems with that. You can ask James about it.”
James. He trusted James, not me.
James again. Not Lina.
I looked at him sadly. “That’s the problem, Sirius. You trust James more than you trust me. I mean, I’m your girlfriend. Is it really that hard for you to be honest with me?”
“Lina...” Sirius began, pulling my hand, but I yanked my hand away from him.
“I want to be alone,” I whispered.
“Lina,” he tried again. I shook my head.
“No, I need to be alone, Sirius.”
“Please don’t leave me,” Sirius said, his voice sounded really pathetic. Begging apparently was never the right thing to do for him.
“I... I can’t. I have... I have to be alone.”
“Why?” He was already standing behind me. “Why should you be alone? Isn’t two is better than one? Stay with me.”
Just like a few days ago, I didn’t leave him. I felt his hand wrapped around my waist and he turned me around to face him. I looked anywhere but to his eyes. I wouldn’t have the heart to forgive him I was looking into his eyes. He took my chin with his fingers, forcing me to look only at him. I closed my eyes, still determined to avoid him. Without looking, I knew he was really close. I could feel his lips grazed mine, and I shivered at how inviting it felt.
“Look at me, Lina,” he whispered. “Please.”
I did. I looked into his eyes and instantly I regretted it. He caressed my cheek softly. “I’m sorry, Lina. I promise, I will never hide anything from you anymore. I trust you.”
“It doesn’t work,” I said, trying to sound daring. “Your charms won’t help you.”
“Really?” Sirius muttered, his hand cupping the back of my neck, bringing me closer to him – as if it was impossible at all.
“Really. It won’t work.”
“You sure?” He began to kiss my lips softly. Actually, you couldn’t even call that a kiss. But, it was enought to break the walls I put.
“Yes, I am... I’m more than sure. You’re not...” I sighed when I felt his lips sucked the sensitive spot behind my ear. “Damn you and all your charms, Black,” I cursed under my breath. I could feel him grinning against my skin.
“I’m sorry. I can’t help it.” He brought himself to face me.
“I hate you,” I said.
“I know,” he said, still grinning.
“I’m still mad at you.”
“Yes, I know that, too.”
“And I’m not in the mood to forgive you.”
“I’m fine with that.”
I opened and closed my mouth, trying to find my last defense. “You... You are so annoying! You're even annoying since you were eleven!”
His grin grew wider. “I’m quite aware of that, thank you very much.”
I rolled my eyes but decided to stop arguing him. I burried myself in his arms and let him to put his chin on the top of my head. “No more secrets, okay? Promise me that,” I said.
“I promise,” he said.
“You won’t break it?” I heard him barked a laugh.
“Love, once a Marauder promise something, they won’t break it.”
A/N: Well, sorry that it took about a week until I posted this chapter. If you aren't happy with that chapter, I'm sorry. I know I've been a lousy author. Please forgive me (pleading in a way Sirius always does to Lina)
Anyway, as most of you have known, I just wrote a one-shot of Sirius and Lily. I always wonder why the hottest dude of Hogwarts never got a girl in his life. So, the idea Sirius was actually in love with Lily stuck in my head for years (since I first read the 3rd book). The title is "Tale of A Dog and A Doe." Hope you like it.
Thanks for reading and please review!
Here's a sneak-peek of the next chapter:
"They should stop fighting," Sirius finally said. I clapped my hand together.
"Yes! FInally someone agrees with me," I exclaimed. Sirius and Remus threw me a look, and I could only grin meekly. The voices of James and Lily screaming were getting louder, and could probably be heard until Japan.
"I have plan," Remus said, grinning mischievously for the first time ever since I knew him.
Hope you like that little sneak-peek ;)
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