Chapter 7 : Explanation
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I took Nik's outstretched hand and let him lead me to a bench. We sat down but said nothing for a few moments. Nik held my hand so tightly as though he were afraid if he let go I would get up and walk away forever.
It reminded me of when he put us on a break all those years ago. The way I gripped his hand tightly, not ever wanting to let go.
"I'm sorry, Spencer." He said suddenly. "I'm so sorry I lied to you. I just never wanted to lose you, and now you're halfway gone and I don't know what to do."
"Why did you sleep with her?" I asked.
"This is going to sound stupid, but I was drunk." He answered. That didn't sound stupid. In fact, it made me feel better because at least he wasn't in the best state of mind when it happened.
"I was really upset after you didn't say you loved me back. I was acting reckless. To make me feel better, Hermione got us some firewhiskey. She kept pouring more and I kept drinking it. After awhile I wasn't aware of what I was doing. It was all a blur. She started kissing me. I didn't realize I was kissing her back. Before I knew what was happening, we were having sex."
"Was it good?" I asked.
"What?" Nik asked.
"The sex, did you enjoy it?" I asked again.
"Yes, because in that drunken state I thought I was making love to you." He answered. Good answer, I thought.
"And when I woke up the next morning and realized what I'd done, I panicked, Spence. I-I thought of telling you, but then I realized how hurt you would be and I thought for sure you wouldn't love me after that." He continued.
"So, why did you break up with me?" I asked.
"I needed to figure things out. Whether I was going to tell you or not. I knew if I stayed with you, you'd figure out soon enough that I was hiding something, and I couldn't risk that." Nik said squeezing my hand.
"So, why did you start dating her?" I asked quietly.
"Because I had lost you." He said.
"No you hadn't. I was coming to tell you I wanted to get back together when I caught you kissing her." I said.
"We weren't dating when you caught us kissing. She had kissed me out of nowhere, and I was so lonely, I gave into her. When you caught us, I knew for sure you were done after that. I decided I'd rather be with her than be lonely."
"I would have rather been lonely than be with anyone else." I said.
"I know, Spencer, but I'm much weaker than you are. You know that." Nik said.
"I'm not as strong as I seem. Sometimes I just pretend that I am." I admitted.
"You're the strongest person I know." He whispered.
"That's because you've never seen how weak I am without you." I sniffed.
He brushed the hair out of my face with his free hand and then kissed me. I closed my eyes tightly and kissed him back. I loved him so much, I just couldn't let him go. Yes he cheated, yes he lied. But I still trusted him.
I felt like I could live the rest of my life with him without wondering if everything he says is true. Love sometimes has to both forgive and forget, and that's what I was going to do.
"Please forgive me Spencer, I love you more than life itself." He whispered desperately.
"I do, Nik, I do. I love you too. I just want to spend the rest of my life with you." I said. "Forget all that stuff, it's in the past."
"I will never lie to you again. I swear." Nik said looking into my eyes.
"I'll never wreck our living room again, I swear." I smiled slightly.
"You did make quite a mess, babe." He smiled.
"Well, I was a little bit upset." I said.
"So, the wedding, it's back on, right?" Niks asked.
"It was never really off to begin with." I admitted.
"So, still five more weeks than huh?" He said.
"Yep." I said.
"A lot of time for you to change your mind." He stated.
"True, but a lot of time for me to forgive you and move on before we officially start our lives together also." I smiled.
He smiled back and reached into his pocket. It was my engagement ring. Last night I had taken it off and threw it on the ground. Apparently Nik found it.
He got down on one knee. "Spencer, will be my fianceč again?" He asked.
"Yes!" I said as he slid the ring on my finger where it belonged.
I kissed him. "I love you, Nik." I whispered.
"I love you too." He whispered back.
"You've tried on like fifteen dresses!" Pansy exclaimed as I stood in front of the mirrors in the bridal shop.
"I have not." I said. "And besides, I have to find my dress today. That's a must."
"Well, it's not that one." Ana said.
"Obviously." I said. "I would never wear something like this."
"You don't like it?" The owner, a thirty something year old blonde woman, asked.
"Not really." I said truthfully. "It's not me, you know?"
"Yes, okay, then, next one." She ushered me back into the changing room. The next dress wasn't excatly "me" either. Nor was the next one, or the one after that, or the one after that.
"Spencer, come on, the boys will be wondering about us." Leanne called.
"Just one more." I called back. I sighed as I pulled the dress on. I don't know why it was so hard for me to find a dress. It's like it wasn't meant to be or something.
I stepped out of the changing room and everyone just stared at me. "What?" I asked as I turned around to look in the mirror. The dress was...perfect.
It fit perfectly, if felt perfect, it looked perfect. Everything about it was utterly perfect. I smiled happily.
"Spence, I think you found your perfect dress." Pansy whispered.
"I think I did too."
A/N: So the next chapter will be the last one. You'll see if all goes well at the wedding or if things start to fall apart. And the chapter image will be of Spencer's gorgeous dress! Tell me what you thought!
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