Chapter 8 : Fighting and Guilt
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Aaron, Jason and I looked up from our breakfast at the group of Ravenclaws walking in.
"Dude," Jason said, his mouth full of food. "There's like fifty girls over there. You need to be more specific."
"Well, he liked Tor, so I'm gonna guess she's blond," Aaron said.
"Aaron, we can't base his new crush off of me," I said, drizzling my pancakes in syrup. "I'm one of a kind. I'm going to guess which one it is."
I watched the group of girls head over to their table, trying to figure out which one Michael fancied. I immediately eliminated the girls at the front of the group, they were talking quickly and looked like they had stepped out of a magazine. I figured that girls with make up caked on their faces weren't Michael's type. I scanned the rest of the group and my eyes fell on one girl.
She was petite, with long dark hair and sun kissed skin. She had glasses on, that framed her face nicely. She was pretty, but not in the fake way that the girls in the front of the group were. She was pretty without wearing lots of make up. She appeared to be shy, since she wasn't talking to too many people outside of her group. As soon as she sat down, she pulled out a book and started reading, somehow managing to eat and read at the same time. The conversation went on around her, and she would look up when she was addressed, but for the most part, she sat there reading, eating whatever she could that didn't distract her from her book.
Jason and Aaron were arguing over which girl they thought it was and I looked at Michael next to me, who was looking down at his food, sneaking glances up at the Ravenclaw table, in the direction of the girl I was just studying.
"I know which one," I said and the three of them turned their attention to me. I stuck my hand out and pointed. "The one with dark hair, reading."
Aaron and Jason turned in their seats to look back at her.
"Don't stare!" Michael said. "And stop pointing!" He grabbed my hand and pulled it down. "Guys, stop staring you're going to creep her out."
"She's cute," Aaron said. "Don't tell Mads I said that, though. She's cute for you. But you do realize that Jason has hooked up with most of the Ravenclaw girls in our year, right?"
Michael looked over at Jason. "Please don't tell me you hooked up with her."
"What's her name?" Jason asked.
"Sophie," Michael said.
That's such a cute name.
Michael and Sophie.
That sounds adorable.
Jason thought for a moment. "I don't think so. Let me look." And then, in a way that wasn't sneaky at all, Jason threw a apple at Sophie's head.
"What the fuck are you doing?" Michael asked, as the apple flew though the air and landed in Sophie's lap.
"I'm getting her to come over here so that I can see if I've hooked up with her," Jason said. Sophie looked up, confused, and glanced around the Great Hall. Her eyes landed on Jason, who was making gestures of apology, like it was not intentional for the apple to fly out of his hands and across the hall.
"You can't tell just by her name and what she looks like?" I asked him. We all watched as Sophie closed her book and stood up, the apple in her hand.
"Tor, I've hooked up with many girls lately, their names and how they look all blur together," Jason said.
"Lecture now or later?" I asked.
"Later, she's almost over here," Jason said. I looked and saw that she was now at the Gryffindor table, walking down the aisle.
I looked at Michael who was glaring at Jason. "I hate you, Jas."
"That's not what you said last night," Jason said.
"If you weren't being such a man whore," Aaron said. "Then I'd think you were a poof Jason."
"Well, I'm not," Jason said. "I'm just very comfortable in my masculinity. There's a difference."
"Sure there is," I said.
Michael was staring at his food, almost determined not to look at Sophie as she got closer to us. Below the table, my hand found his and I squeezed it tightly, trying to give him a confidence boost. I let go when Sophie got to us, since I figured that might send the message that Michael and I are a thing.
Which we aren't, since he likes her and everything.
"Hi," Sophie said, and I detected an American accent. She held the apple up. "Um, I think this belongs here."
"Thanks," I said as Jason grabbed the apple. "Sorry about that, Jason was messing around."
"Yeah can never tell when these things will fly out of you're hand," Jason said. "one minute they're in your hand and the next they suddenly aren't."
"It's fine," she said and her eyes slid to Michael next to me. "Oh, hi, Michael."
"Hey," Michael said smoothly, as if he hadn't been totally terrified about having her come over here. "What book are you reading today?"
"Looking for Alaska," she said, handing the book to Michael. I saw that the cover was a girl, her eyes closed and blond hair in her face. "He's a famous American author. This is his first book, it came out a while ago."
"When did it come out?" Michael asked.
"2006," she said. "So only about nine years ago."
"Is it a muggle book?" I asked and Michael handed to book to me, guessing that I was interested.
Sophie eyed our exchange with a strange expression on her face. "Yeah. My mum is a Muggle and American."
"That's cool," I said, handing the book back to her. "I'm Victoire."
Sophie nodded and looked down at Jason, who was eating (never a pleasant sight). Aaron elbowed him, telling him to stop eating like a barbarian when there are people around. "Nice to meet you. You're, um, you're Michael's girlfriend aren't you?"
Michael, who was taking a drink at that time, ended up spitting it out onto Aaron.
"Thanks man," Aaron said, before getting up and walking out the Great Hall, most likely to find a bathroom.
Jason sat there, laughing away with his mouth full.
I hoped he choked.
"No," I said, since Michael didn't seem like he was going to be speaking anytime soon. "No. We're just friends."
"Oh," she said and she bit her lip. "I guess I heard wrong.
"Yeah, we're just friends," I said with a smile. "All we've ever been."
"It's only platonic between them," Jason said once he swallowed. "Though sometimes they make you think otherwise."
"Jason," I said, glaring at him. He was not helping Michael. "Shut. Up."
"Well, I should get back to my breakfast," Sophie said. "It was nice meeting you. See you in Muggle Studies, Michael."
"See ya," Michael said as she walked away.. He looked down at his food, a sad look on his face before he reached across the table and slapped Jason across the face.
"Ow!" Jason cried. "What the fuck, man?"
"You are such an idiot!" Michael said. "First you throw an apple at her and then you tell her that sometimes you think Tor and I are dating!"
Jason was about to fight back but then he though about what Michael had said. "Yeah I guess that was a little dumb."
"A little?" I asked.
"Just a bit," Jason said softly. He looked up at Michael. "On the bright side, she's one if the few Ravenclaws who didn't hook up with me."
"Well considering the fact that she spoke to you, we figured," I said. "Not many of the Claws like you anymore."
"They're all just jealous that I've hooked up with so many of them," he said, shrugging like he was innocent. "They all just want me to themselves."
He shoved more food in his mouth, causing it to fall down onto his lap.
"Can't imagine why," I said quietly and Michael smirked.
I turned and saw Madison walking down the aisle and she sat down in the seat that Aaron was previously occupying.
"Why did you get up so early?" She asked me.
I shrugged. "Couldn't sleep."
"I woke up to go to the bathroom at five thirty and you weren't in bed," Madison said. "Where did you go?"
"She was with me," Michael said. "She decided that I needed to be woken up since she couldn't sleep."
He was telling the truth, partially. I did go into his room, but not because I woke up early. I couldn't sleep and once I was sure that Madison and Gabrielle were asleep, I snuck over to his dorm. I woke him up and told him all that had happened that night and how I needed to end things with Teddy. He didn't try to talk me out of it, but I knew that he wanted to. Instead, he just held me to his chest while I cried and then I ended up falling asleep. We woke up before the bother boys, so Michael let me shower in his bathroom and then I accioed my clothes over. By the time I was out of the bathroom, the other boys were up and ready to go to breakfast.
Madison looked at both of us. "Are you sure you two aren't dating?"
"Yes," we both said.
"How was Gabrielle?" I asked, changing the topic.
Madison shrugged. "She woke me up at 6 to tell me she's going to Teddy's room. I'm assuming she's still with him."
"Oh, well, good," I said, hoping that I didn't sound upset.
I was dreading talking to Teddy. I still wanted to be with him, even though I knew I couldn't be. He needed to be with Gabrielle.
Michael, sensing this, found my hand under the table and squeezed it, just like I did earlier. I squeezed back, trying to squeeze all my frustration and anxiety out.
"Oh shit," Michael said, looking down at his bag. "I forgot my Charms book. I gotta run up to the Common Room."
I felt a tug at my hand before he let go and I understood that he wanted me to come.
"I'll go with you," I said, grabbing my bag and standing up.
We walked out of the Great Hall, not saying anything. But once we got out if the hall, I felt Michael's arm slip around my waist and pull my into a hug. My head rested against his chest and I breathed in his scent-the scent that only Michael had, a scent I couldn't even describe.
"It's gonna be okay," he said softly, rubbing my back. The way be said it, I almost believed him.
I sighed against his chest and looked up at him, our faces fairly close together in a way that wasn't awkward.
"It's moments like this," I said quietly, "that makes me wish I could fall for you instead of being stuck on the one guy I can't have."
"Two weeks ago, I would have wished the same thing," he said, pressing his forehead against mine. "But not so much anymore."
"Because you have Sophie," I said smiling. "Speaking of, we should probably stop giving fuel to those dating rumors so that you actually have a chance with her." I pulled away and turned toward the direction of the Common Room. "Let's go get your book."
"I don't actually need my book," Michael said. "I wanted to ged out of there and I figured that you wanted to as well. At least before the train wreck couple comes.
"I told you not to call them that," I said.
"If the shoe fits then i'll call them that," Michael said. "So what do you want to do before class starts?"
I shrugged. "There's only like a half hour left, so we could just head to class."
"That's so boring," Michael said.
"Well, what do you suggest?" I asked him.
"I don't know, we could go to the kitchens and just find something to eat," Michael suggested.
"We just ate breakfast."
"So?" Michael said. "I'm still hungry and I can bet that you are too, since you're always hungry."
I was about to object but Michael tempted me in the perfect way.
"Come on, I bet they still have some chocolate cake," Michael said.
"Let's go," I said, grabbing his wrist and dragging him down to the kitchens.
"Ugh," I said, sitting down in my seat for History of Magic. "I ate too much cake."
"Tell me about it," Michael said, collapsing next to me. He laid his cheek on the desk. "Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to have a cake eating contest before class."
"Probably not," I said, watching the students file in. Jason walked in the room with Aaron, who was now no longer covered in juice. They sat down in the desk next to us.
"Um, Tor?" Aaron asked. "You look like you're about to puke."
"I ate too much cake," I said.
Aaron smiled. "Never thought I'd hear that out of your mouth. Is that where the two of you went?"
I nodded and held my stomach. "Where's Mads?"
"She went to check on Gabrielle," Aaron said.
"Oh," I said, suddenly feeling guilty that I didn't do that. I looked back at the door right as Madison walked in. I frowned as she sat down at the desk behind me, without Gabrielle. I turned in my desk to face her. "Where's Gabby?"
"She wanted Teddy to walk her to class, so I'm assuming that's where she is," Madison said, her words sharp on her tongue. "Merlin, I'm glad that I'm not in charge of helping her through this but she could at least show a little bit of gratitude that I'm even checking in on her. But does she? No. All she wants is Teddy. You dodged a bullet, by not being there Tori. She'd probably just whine about how she needs Teddy and only Teddy because you can't do anything to help her." I saw angry tears in her eyes.
"Hey, Mads, it'll be okay," I said. "She's just going through a rough time-"
"So?" Madison said. "We're her friends. But she's tossing us aside, just like she did when she was with Scott. I know that you are close friends with Teddy, but honestly, I don't think the bloke is worth pushing away your friends for. Yeah he' a great guy, but there's something off about their relationship. It doesn't help that she thinks he's fooling around with other girls."
That got my attention, and apparently Michael's as well. His head snapped off the desk and he whipped around to face Madison.
"Why would she think that?" I asked, trying to keep my voice steady.
Shit, shit, shit.
"He's been acting strange lately," Madison said. "In her opinion, that is. I don't think he's acting all that differently than normal. But because he doesn't want to fool around with her constantly is making her believe that he's getting it somewhere else. I just think the bloke wants to breath every so often but Gabrielle thinks that because he won't snog her 24/7 means that he's cheating on her."
"That's-that's ridiculous," I said, pushing my panic down.
Gabrielle thought Teddy was cheating on her.
And she's right.
Oh fuck. My. Life.
"I don't think Teddy would do that," Michael said, calmly.
"Gabrielle is just being over dramatic, as always," Madison said. "But she also thinks that he fancies-"
"Excuse me, Ms. Smith," Professor Binns said. "I would like to start class now if that's alright with you."
If Professor Binns wasn't already dead, I'd kill him again for not letting Madison finish her sentence.
Who does Gabrielle think Teddy fancy?
Why does she thinks he fancies another girl?!
WHO IS IT?!
I love having mental freak outs because the boy my friend is dating is cheating on her with me but she thinks fancies some girl.
What if it's me? What if Gabrielle hates me right when I'm going to end things with him because of her? What if Gabrielle can tell what's going on with us?
Seriously. Fuck. My. Life.
"Sorry Professor," Madison said.
Michael and I turned forward and I slumped over in my seat.
"Tor, you're face is completely white," Michael whispered to me.
"Gabrielle knows," I whispered back. "She knows something is up with him."
"I know," Michael whispered. "Does this convince you to fight for him?"
"No," I whispered and my stomach churned as the door opened. "This convinces me that ending it is the only option I have."
"Ah, Mr. Lupin," Binns said, and I glanced up to see Teddy walking in with Gabrielle tucked under his arm. My stomach churned at the sight of them. "What are you doing here?"
"I needed to speak with you for a moment," he said, taking his arm off of Gabrielle.
I looked at Gabrielle and saw that she was in horrible shape. Her eyes had bags under them and her eyes were puffy and red. She wasn't wearing any make up and her hair was messily thrown up in a bun.
And I hadn't even offered my help because I've been so upset over having to end things with her boyfriend.
"Of course, come over here my boy," Binns said, floating over to the corner of the classroom. Teddy followed and Gabrielle watched as he walked farther away from her, her face blank. She kept her eyes on him through the whole exchange.
The class was quiet, unusually so. Everyone was either looking at Gabrielle or Teddy and Binns, but most people were wondering what was going on.
I was watching Gabrielle and feeling the guilt of being such a terrible friend kicking in.
What sort of person helps her best friend's boyfriend cheat and then not ask if said friend is okay when their mum is a complete loon?
A horrible person. The worst kind of person.
"Alright, thank you, Mr. Lupin," Binns said as he floated back to the front of the class. "You can take your seat now, Miss Lancaster."
Gabrielle nodded but didn't move.
"Come on, Gabs," I heard Teddy say quietly. I looked up and saw that he was now standing so close to her, that it made my stomach churn even more. I felt the jealousy building up inside me, along with the guilt that he stood that close to me, too. "You have to do this. You can't hide."
Instead of responding, Gabrielle kissed him, firmly on the lips. Teddy was clearly taken aback, since he stood there awkwardly, not responding.
But he didn't have to.
That was all I needed to see, apparently.
"Oh, Merlin can people not spit on me for once?" Aaron said as I puked right on his shoes.
"I'm sorry," I said, standing up, my legs wobbly. "I-I need to go."
I ran out of the classroom, trying not to puke and cry before I got to the bathroom.
I slammed into the door of the bathroom, ran into the nearest stall, and puked my guts out.
Not literally, that'd be gross.
Although it was still pretty gross anyway.
The tears came with the puking and I felt like I was purging everything out of my system, until I had nothing left.
The puking, I'm pretty sure, was because of the amount of cake I ate. I would like to say that the tears were a side effect of the puking, but, unfortunately, I didn't think that was what it was.
It was a lot of things. The guilt, the jealously but those weren't the biggest things. The biggest thing was probably the amount of dread that I had to stop things with Teddy and have to see him with her. Before, it was bearable, but just barely because I knew that there was a chance for me.
But now, I was ruining my own chances in order to save my best friend.
Have I mentioned that I hate my life?
Once I stopped puking (and crying), I exited my stall. There was no one in here, which was nice, since that meant that no one heard my puking and ugly crying.
Oh yes, I wasn't crying all quietly and everything. I was full on ugly crying. Snot and sobs and everything.
It was awesome.
Unfortunately, ugly crying also makes you look super ugly (or in my case uglier). My eyes were red and puffy, like Gabrielle's were, I had drool on my chin, and snot around my lip. Not only that, but I also had puke around my lips.
Man, I was looking hot.
I splashed water on my face, trying to make myself look as presentable as I could before heading back to class. I cleaned all the drool, snot, puke, and tears off of my face before adjusting my robes and checking to make sure that there was nothing stuck on them.
After seeing that there was nothing on my robes, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw that my eyes were still red and puffy, but all the disgusting stuff was off of my face.
"Well," I said to myself. "It's not like it's going to get any better than this."
Taking a deep breath, I walked over to the door and pulled it open, ready to go back to class, wait for it to be over and then have Michael hug me until I felt better.
But Merlin had other plans.
Because standing right outside of the door of the girls bathroom, so close that I nearly ran into him, was Teddy.
"Teddy," I said. The door slammed into my back, pushing me into his chest. I would've fallen, but I felt Teddy's arms wrap around my waist, holding me up.
"Hey," he said, looking concerned. "You okay?"
"I'm fine," I said and broke out of his grip and walked down the hall, hoping that maybe he would just let me walk away and I wouldn't have to end things now.
"You clearly aren't," Teddy said, grabbing my wrist and turning me towards him. He cupped my face and rubbed his thumb under my eyes, wiping away fresh tears. "What's wrong?"
Everything. I have to break this off with you. I have to stop enjoying this so much because my best friend needs you, you're the only thing keeping her from hurting herself. She's on a downhill spiral and you're the only thing that can save her, so even though i love this, even though I want to be with you, I can't.
That's what I should've said, but I couldn't. Nothing came out.
"Look, I'm sorry you had to see that PDA back there," Teddy said, as if that was what was bothering me. Which, yeah it was but that wasn't the main thing. "I didn't mean for that to happen, I was just making sure she got to class on time." I didn't respond, partly because I couldn't respond. I was still trying to figure out how to tell him that this was over. "Vic, I promise it meant nothing to me. I don't want her. I want you." He cupped my face, forcing me to stare up at him. He wiped my tears off my cheek. "No matter how many times she kisses me, I want you. I don't think I can break up with her today, or even tomorrow because she's really hurting with this thing about her mum. But I promise you, once she goes back to normal, I'm breaking up with her-"
"No," I said, pulling his wrists away from my face and taking a step back. "You can't."
Teddy gave me a confused look.
"You can't break up with her," I choked out. "She needs you, you're the only person shell talk to about this, you're the reason she...she hasn't done anything rash like before. She needs you and because of that you can't break up with her."
There was a silence as I watched Teddy, waiting for a response. He just glared at the ground.
"You can't break up with her for me," I said softly. "You can't. I can't do this to her. She's already had such a hard time in life and I can't...I can't make it worse for her." I felt tears threaten to brim over. "She deserves to be happy and she's happy with you-"
"But I'm happy with you," Teddy said, his brown eyes meeting mine. I had to look away because of the way he was looking at me. He was looking at me how I always wanted him too, like there really was no one else he wanted to be with. But he couldn't look at me that way and I couldn't want him too.
I swallowed and stopped myself from flinging myself into his arms. "You can't want me anymore. And I can't want you anymore. So this thing that's been going on needs to stop."
We were both quiet for a long time, neither one of us looking at each other. I was looking out the window at the snow on the grounds, trying to hold back my tears and trying to tell myself that I was doing the right thing, even though it suddenly felt like I had never been more wrong. Teddy was looking down at the ground, his eyebrows furrowed, like he was trying to think of a way to convince me not to do this.
Teddy broke the silence first.
"Is this really what you want?" Teddy asked quietly, and I didn't miss how he sounded like he was begging me to change my mind, to not do this.
I would be lying if I said a part of me didn't want to do this either.
However, I pushed that part down and remembered why i was doing this.
"Yes," I said, finally looking at him. His eyes bore into mine and I almost told him to forget everything I had sad. But I didn't. "She's a great girl, any guy would be lucky to have her."
"Well then they can have her," he muttered under his breath and he looked away from me. Without his intense gaze, it was easier for me to try to convince him that this was the right thing.
"She's a great friend and has everyone's best interest at heart, even if its hard to see sometimes," I said, hating the words coming out of my mouth. I was trying to convince him that she was worth being with. That she was better than me. "Shes...she's just a all around good person."
There was a moment of silence as I watched Teddy slowly look up at me.
"Maybe," he said, so quietly that I could barely hear him with five feet between us. "But she's not you."
And then, because I knew that I couldn't trust myself to be alone with him any longer, I turned and ran straight for my dorm, the complete opposite direction of where I wanted to go.
Because I wanted to run straight into Teddy's arms and never leave.
"What are you doing here?" Michael asked as he came into his dorm after classes ended. I skipped the rest of my classes, figuring I could just pretend that I got sick, when in actuality I just didn't know if I could go through the day. "You never came back to class, I've had to carry your bag around, waiting for you to show up." I moved under the covers of his bed so he was able to sit next to me. "What gives?"
"I ended things with Teddy," I said quietly. "He followed me to the bathroom when I puked. He told me he was sorry for the PDA and that he would have to hold off on breaking up with Gabrielle, and I just told him no. I told him that she's been through a lot and that I couldn't do that to her."
"How did he take that?" Michael asked.
"Surprisingly, he didn't yell or even seem angry," I said. "He fought me at first but then he just let it happen. He still said he wanted to be with me, but I think he understood that I wasn't changing my mind about this." A tear fell down my cheek. "And now I really just want to stay here and never leave. I don't want to have to see him or Gabrielle. I don't want to be reminded of what I almost had." I rolled over so that my head was in his lap and I was hugging him around his waist.
Michael pushed some hair out of my face and stroked my hair soothingly. "It'll be okay."
I just shook my head and squeezed him tighter. "I don't like feeling like this."
Michael grabbed me by the armpits, pulling me out from the covers so that I was now sitting on his lap. He wrapped his arms around me and I buried my head into his chest. I felt him kiss my head softly. "I don't like seeing you like this either."
"Did I do the right thing?" I said into his chest. "I kept thinking that I would feel better, knowing that nothing would ever happen with Teddy again but I don't. I don't feel like I did the right thing, there was no weight lifted off my shoulders. I just feel sad and like i made the biggest mistake ever."
Michael didn't say anything, so I pulled away from him and studied his face. His eyes were narrow and he had a frown on his face.
"You think I did make the biggest mistake ever," I said, getting off his lap. "You don't think I should have ended it with him."
"Honestly?" Michael asked. "Yeah, I do. i think you should have-"
"No," I said. "Don't you dare say that i should have fought for him. If you didn't tell me that in the first place then I wouldn't be in this mess in the first place!"
"Don't blame this on me!" Michael said, standing up. "Yes, I told you to fight for him. But did you need to take my advice? No! I told you that because that's what you do when you like someone! You fight for them, especially when you think you have a chance!"
"Oh, like how you fought for me?" I yelled. "I didn't think I had a chance with him. You shouldn't go around preaching that you need to fight for someone when you sure as hell didn't fight for me!"
"Yeah, well that's because you fucking friend zoned me!" Michael yelled back. "Yeah, I fancied you, but let's face it, there was never a chance for me in your mind. You've always only liked one guy and that guy wasn't me. Merlin, you wonder why guys never ask you out! It's because anyone with eyes can see that you're crazy for Lupin and people can tell that he feels something for you! So yeah, I figured it would be pointless to try and fight for you, because I knew that if we were together, you may be holding my hand but you were always going to want him and something like this would happen. And frankly, you weren't worth getting hurt by."
"Well that's a nice thing to say," I spat. "I know that you don't agree with my decision but you don't need to go and say that. But in the end, this was my decision." I walked over to the door. "And I was hoping that my best friend would support it, even if he didn't agree."
"Yeah, well I can't support you giving up and letting that bitch win," Michael said.
"It's not a game!" I cried. "He in't some prize to be won, this isn't a competition between Gabrielle and I."
"Well it's not now that you just let her have him," Michael said.
"Yeah, I already feel like shit about that, why don't you just keep making me feel worse?" I said and pulled the door open. "Some best friend you are."
"I'm not trying to make you feel like shit," he said. "i'm sorry I'm being a jerk, but I think that you need to see that you made a mistake."
"Yeah, that mistake was ever thinking that fighting for him while he was taken was a good idea," I said. "I'm not that sort of person. I'm not going to betray my friend for a guy-"
"Merlin, you are such a fucking doormat to her!" Michael yelled. "Let me know when the Victoire who fought for what she wanted and had a bad temper gets back because I miss having her around. I don't like the Victoire who gives into her manipulative friend who doesn't give a shit about her. And don't act all innocent like you're better than everyone else. Because let's face it, you snogged the bloke while he was dating her. You knew he was taken and you still snogged him, twice. Just because you've ended it doesn't make you better than any other person who has kissed someone while they were dating someone else. Don't you think that if Teddy wanted to be with you, he would be with you right now? You're just another home wrecker and you are no better than anyone else."
"Fuck you," I said and slammed the door shut behind me.
I wasn't crying. I was pissed, partly at Michael and partly at myself.
I was pissed at Michael because he said some hurtful things. But most of them were true.
I was pissed at myself for thinking that I wasn't a bad person for doing this, for wanting Teddy to break up with Gabrielle for me. For knowing that he was dating her when I kissed him.
I walked into the Common Room, still fuming and almost ran back up to Michael, telling him that I was sorry and that he was right, I should fight, when I saw the sight in front of me.
Gabrielle and Teddy were sitting on the couch, Gabrielle's face against Teddy's chest, kissing his neck and playing with the bottom of his shirt. She looked a lot better, happier, and she kept trying to get Teddy to fool around with her. But Teddy wouldn't. He pushed her hands away from his shirt and moved away from Gabrielle when she tried to kiss him.
"What's with you?" Gabrielle said. "You've been weird since you went to class this morning and you won't let me kiss you." She studied him. "I'm the emotional mess right now. I should be the one moody and you should be making me feel better." Teddy didn't say anything and Gabrielle sighed. "What is up with you?"
"You want to know the truth?" Teddy said, harshly. "The whole, fucking truth?"
"That'd be nice," Gabrielle said, matching his tone.
Teddy opened his mouth to say something but stopped when he saw me, standing in the doorway from the boy's dorms. We locked eyes and I begged him to not tell her, to not do something rash.
He held my gaze as he responded to Gabrielle. "I'm just pissed off because things didn't go my way today. I wanted something and I thought that I was going to get it but I didn't. I didn't even get the chance to try and fight for it. I want it more than anything else and would do anything for it, which is what is pissing me off. That I want it so badly and it doesn't seem fair to want something and to think you have a chance only to have it ripped out from you." He tore his gaze way from me and looked back at Gabrielle. "I'm sorry. I just would do anything for it, even if I didn't want to."
And then he leaned in and kissed her.
And I knew what he was doing.
He was trying to make me jealous. He was going to torture me because he thought that was what I wanted.
And when I thought about it, it did seem like that's what I told him I wanted.
A/N: I have mixed feelings about this chapter. I like some parts, yet I absolutely ABHOR others. So it's a mixed feelings chapter. All ownership of Looking For Alaska goes to John Green. AKA the king of AWESOME.
What do you guys think? What was your favorite part? It was a very sad chapter and Tor can't seem to catch a break.
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