A/N: Okay wow i havent updated in forever! I promise i tried i really did try to get off my lazy butt and actually start working but...i'm REALLY lazy, and i've been traveling...so yes i do have another legitimate excuse. But i really am sorry, and I think I'll be writing another chapter on the plane back home.
"Rose...Rosie...Rosie Posie! Wakey-wakey eggs and bakey!", I heard a familiar voice at the back of my head.
"Oh give it up. She sleeps heavier than a grizzly bear in the winter.", another voice sounded, at an impressive decibel.
"I dont even think it can be classified as sleeping anymore.", the first voice came in again.
Now I started to feel my dream slowly fading away like whips in the air, it kept on slipping farther from me, out of my grasp.
Oh wait it's coming back.
Yes, it's back.
Oh yay! Now Jamie Lockhart is in it too. Yep, waaaay better. Incase you're wondering, he's the beautiful son of Gilderoy Lockhart, and some extra information for you, he's mine. Rawr.
Wait why am I rubbing cheese on his stomach?
Oh! I get it! You can grate cheese on his rippling abdominals.
Ah, that joke never get's old.
Oh Merlin even my dreams are corny.
"I'm going to go call Scorpius.", I heard the first voice again, a voice I know recognize as Al's voice.
Wait...call Scorpius? No. Oh Merlin no.
Get up, Rose! You lazy lump before Scorpius comes.
No! My body isn't responding.
What if Scorpius dumps ice on you like the last time?
I think my body is a masochist.
No it's not just my body.
My bed is plotting against me as well.
I think my mattress is in love with me. Why else would it be seducing me like this?
"Mmmmm...sexy bed...", I involuntarily mumbled.
"Well at least she's talking now." I heard a deep voice. Oh no. No, no, no, no. It's Scorpius. Get up you lazy bum!
But Sexy Bed was too damn sexy...wait is it possible that my bed is molesting me?
I leap out of bed.
In a flash I saw Al standing next to Madeline. Wait where's Scorpius? Oh there he is...right in front of me...while I'm flying through the air...oops.
Around 5 seconds later I had crawled off of Scorpius, covering my chest and turning back to my bed.
"Get away from me, you rapist! Get away from my breasts.", I screeched, emphasizing the word breasts with my special deep sexy voice.
"Woah, Rose. Chill your tits.", Madeline said, and once again I cannot emphasize how that voice is not meant for the mornings. Or glass.
I started giggling, and doing a silly dance.
"I geeett it. It's clever because you said tits and I just referred to my certain...erm...chest area, and that's why it's funny...Haha!", I said.
Then my laughter was cut short as, Maddie too started started laughing. Oh Merlin's boobs, my ears.
"Please don't do that.", I told Maddie.
She only rolled her eyes. Maddie claims that she figured out my aversion to her voice when she was presenting in class on our third week of Hogwarts and I had suddenly slapped my hands onto my ears and started screaming 'Oh, the pain!'.
I wonder how she figured it out though, because I'm a very subtle person you know.
"Um...Rose, would you like to explain your...erm...issue with your bed?", Scorpius mumbled right beside my ear, sending chills down my spine. Hmmm, that boy.
What? I don't deny sexy when it's right in front of me. Well technically it's behind me, but that's not the point.
My two boys are the sexiest boys in Sexytopia.
"Scorpius, remember it's the morning. Rose is insane enough when she's awake. In the mornings she should be wrapped in a straight jacket.", Al replied.
"Ahh! People! Humans contact, bleh! What are you doing in my bedroom? How'd you even know I was here?" I said, you see I don't usually sleep in our assigned dorms. I sleep wherever I feel like. Actually there was this really funny time when I woke up in Professor McGonagall's desk drawer (it's bigger than you think). I still don't remember how I got there, but I vaguely remember that April Fool's was on the day before, so I can only guess it was for one of my pranks.
"Well we found red crumbs leading up the stairs and through the door...", Al answered.
Oh yeah my red velvet cupcakes...which are all over my body.
What? Did I go to sleep covered in cupcake?
No wonder I had sweet dreams. Haha, get it? I made another joke...
"Yeah, and you were eating your weight in red velvets last night.", Scorpius continued. Well of course he remembers. I walked into his little snog fest after all.
"No shit, Sure Schmuck.", I snapped.
I honestly don't know why it's not catching on.
I find it quite hilarious.
I don't want party poopers in my dorm.
Well Maddie lives here too so I guess she has an excuse.
"What are you even doing here?", I exclaimed exasperatedly.
"We were just--", Maddie started but was cut off by me shoving, kicking, punching, and shrieking until everyone left the room.
"Sorry, but can I just attempt to look like some semblance of a human before other beings see me? Thanks.", I said as I closed the door on a lump of my groaning friends.
That's what they get for messing with all of this.
Please note I'm doing a really cool gangster kind of gesture to my self.
Yep, no one can handle my piles of awesome.
This is fact.
Now back to my morning rituals.
With a few flicks of my wand, a few evanesco's here and a few accio's there. I got the entire dorm tidy.
My roommates can thank me later.
Another few flicks and I already looked halfway decent.
What can I say, I'm a prodigy.
The Lord forbid that Hermione Weasley's daughter gets O's in class!
Hermione's daughter must strive to get scores that exceed the highest scores.
Seriously, though, this time I really am telling the truth. I'm the smarterest.
Since I felt pretty active today, I decided to actually put my clothes on myself instead of using an summoning spell, and manipulating charms.
Of course I had to fall and injure myself three times while slipping on one of my favorite cut off jeans and a simple black tank.
I remember when I used to actually wear the dress code.
What a foolish child I was.
It really doesn't matter what we wear, since we have to wear heavy, hot, and aggravating curtains for robes.
After finishing my preparations to look decent I finally leave the dorm to meet my pals outside.
"What's happenin', mi iguanas?", I say.
"Iguana is an english word.", Maddie said flatly.
"Really? It sounds latin to me." I answer.
"Rose. An iguana is a lizard." Maddie said slowly.
"Nevermind.", Maddie sighed.
Why does everyone sigh like that?
It sounds so tired, and exasperated. Like they've given up hope on me.
I guess it's a sigh-ne.
Damn I'm good.
I'm on a roll.
The biggest roll of all time.
I bet it's even better than a big roll.
It's a gigantic cinnamon roll.
My thoughts are genius! I must share it with the world!
"Everyone! Gather 'round! I shall tell a mind-blowing, winding tale, that begins with a cinnamon roll!", I announce to the entire common room.
"THANK YOU FOR ACKNOWLEDGING MY EXISTENCE!", I scream at the non-responsive dwellers of the Gryffindor house.
Pfft. Some people don't know talent when they see it.
At least I have my three best friends to--
Okay...make that two.
"Where's Al?", I asked.
"You know Al, he insists that you sprained his ankle or snapped his rib. He's down at the Hospital Wing.", Maddie sighed. Jeez, you'd think after five years, Albus's dramatic tendencies would fade. I mean, I'm not dramatic at all! I guess all just does it since the rest of our group lacks that sort of ridiculousness and idiocy.
"Kind lady, would thy like to accompany through the halls of Hogwarts to find our foolish friend?", Scorpius said suddenly entering our odd conversation and bowing all the way down to his knees.
"Why yes I would, fellow damsel.", I said smirking at him.
He rose from his bowing position and gave me a devious grin.
You know I wish I could make that fa--
"Unhand me, you unworthy scoundrel.", I screech dramatically, as Scorpius drapes me over his shoulder.
"I don't think so.", I could actually hear him smirking. Yes, it was that bad.
I reached for my pocket to take my wand out, but Scorpius had already swatted my hand away.
Fine, be that way.
Next time you go near me, I'll be swatting you.
In the face.
With a fly killer.
The electrical one.
With fly blood and wings all over it.
You'll be sorry.
But then suddenly Scorpius takes off into a sprint.
Oh great here come the red velvet cupcakes again.
At least I'll get it all over his back.
"Okay, guys, thanks for leaving me! I'll go sit in a corner and avoid all forms of life until you return!", she screamed after us.
Meanwhile all the dogs within a range from here until Uruguay winced in pain as their ears began to bleed.
"Scorpius, put me down or I'll shift into Filch, and scream to the halls about your recent rekindling of love with the school's janitor.", I said with my scary voice.
I swear I heard him shake in his robes.
"Rose you're really willy nilly with the shifting stuff. Don't you remember what mum told us in first year?", Scorpius sighed.
"Yeah, I know, but does it really make a difference if I don't get caught?", I answered back.
Suddenly he set me down on the floor.
"Fine. Are you up for some fun?", Scorpius said with a glint in his eyes.
"Then hop on, Posie we better get going.", Scorpius said ruffling my hair, before I jumped on his back and we took off through the hallways.
A/N: Oh no. I'm so sorry guys. I think you've mistaken me for someone who makes meaningful authorly decisions. Like for example not putting so many enters, or making the heroin sound like she's drunk, or at least having a chapter that makes sense...Oh well, I guess that went down the drain the same time Astoria stabbed Ron and Draco.But I do have a (hopefully) mind-blowing plot unfolding. I'm sorry! I promise the next chapter is going to be beast.