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Undecided by logjess
Chapter 9 : Chapter 9
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 1

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Even though I felt unbelievably dirty and guilty because James knew Remus and I had, erm, done the deed, I still really wanted him. Stupid hormones.

Classes had ended for the day and I was lying on the couch in the common room, reading, and my head on Remus’ lap.

As he was playing with my hair, I looked up at him, still pleased with my choice. He looked so happy and content, like he could do it for hours and not complain. I guess that’s what love felt like. 

I smiled at him and he smiled back. My heart almost broke when I saw how happy he was.

“You’re so beautiful, Lily.” He whispered quietly, brushing the hair out of my face

I sat up and pressed my lips against his, smiling. I was surprised when he deepened the kiss, slowly trailing his hands down my back and pulling me closer. Of course, with my raging hormones at the moment, I really didn’t care that we were out in public and parted my lips, allowing his tongue to penetrate my mouth. I moaned slightly and he pulled back, breaking off the kiss.

His eyes were bright and filled with excitement.

“Want to get out of here?” I asked, winking at him.

Within seconds, he was on his feet and pulled me up with him. “I’ll go anywhere with you.” He vowed.


Suddenly, I stopped, starting to pout. “Something wrong, love?” Remus asked, concern apparent across his face.

“There’s nowhere we can go and be alone.” I said quietly, not wanting others to hear.

He caressed my cheek with his thumb and murmured, “We can go to my room.” as I blushed.

He grabbed my hand and led me to his room. I knew people were looking at us, but I didn’t know them and I didn’t care.

We were in the corridor that had all of the rooms attached to it, finally alone, when he stopped and pushed me gently against the wall, kissing against my lips, jaw, and neck, making me moan.

“Lily.” He whispered, almost too low for me to hear.

He kissed me very deeply then, his tongue in my mouth, his hands moving up my shirt as mine tangled in his hair.

“Mmm,” he hummed as he pushed me through the door, to his dormitory, and onto his bed.

We were both giddy and excited when we finally reached his bed. His hands were under my shirt, moving all over.

I started to unbutton his shirt and he gasped as my cool fingers started tracing over his chest, allowing my tongue access to his mouth.

I pulled off his shirt and threw it towards the ground as he removed mine with irresistible pressure.

His hands were behind my back and he unclasped my bra, slowly removing it, staring down at me with so much passion I could explode.

“Merlin, Lily.” He whispered, taking me all in. “You have no idea what you do to me.”

Without warning, I pulled his face back to mine as his fingers caressed my stomach, hips, waist, and chest, not being able to control myself.


“Where’s Lily?” I asked Alice, running my hand through my hair, nervous about her response.

“Erm, I’m not exactly sure.” She said, looking around the grand hall.

“Bloody hell, has Lily ever missed a meal in her life?” I asked rhetorically.

This is one of the reasons I loved her; she could eat just as much as a bloke without feeling self-conscious about it at all.

“Oh! There she is, James.” Alice said, pointing in her direction.

I turned and saw her, letting a grin spread across my face.

Damn, my future wife was hot. Look at her red hair, out and a mess, her green eyes burning with passion.

She sat across from me, beside Alice, allowing enough room for Remus to squeeze in.

Every time I saw them together, my heart just ripped open. Bloody Sirius set them up, hoping Lily would see how much she needed me, but it was failing miserably.

Remus’ hand slid down and I assumed it was probably on her inner thigh because of the way she was blushing and, well, that’s what I would do.

“Where were you, Lily?” Alice asked, giggling. “James and I actually thought you were going to miss a meal.”

Lily blushed a deeper red and I felt like throwing up; I knew she was with Remus.

“I was, uh, studying.” Lily answered, clearly lying.

“Where were you, Remus?” I asked acidly.

He looked at me, almost guilty. “I was studying with Lily.” He replied coolly.

“Right.” I mumbled as I left the table.


I couldn’t care enough to acknowledge James and his sour mood. I was literally in heaven.

Remus was running his fingertips on my thigh, under my waistband, under my shirt. I could have jumped on him right there, but felt that would be inappropriate. I looked over at him and his expression was so casual. How could he stand it?

Instead of focusing on what was occurring under the table, I tired to turn my attention towards dinner. I tried to coherently answer questions even though I was way too distracted by Remus. Merlin, he knew how to push my buttons.

“Well, I’m all finished.” I said abruptly, winking at Remus before I got up and walked out to the corridor.

Within seconds, I saw Remus walk out and grabbed him, forcefully pushing him into the wall, snogging him like a mad man.

“Mmm, Lily.” He began, “someone’s going to see us.”

Even though he said this, I felt his grip tighten. Slowly, he traced his hand down to my leg and hitched it against his hip. Quickly, he turned us around so I was against the wall and he was keeping me there.

I heard someone’s footsteps and pushed him away, straightening out my clothes out, blushing furiously as Professor McGonagall walked by.

“Nest time, perhaps you and Mr. Lupin could be a little more subtle.” She said dismissively.

Remus sighed and looked down at me. “I need to go to the library.”

“Want me to come with you?” I asked, hopeful.

He bent his head and quickly kissed me. “I think we both have to get our homework done. If you’re there with me, I don’t think I’ll be able to, love.”

I sighed, but agreed. “Can’t keep your hands off me?” I winked.

“Sadly, my self control is completely gone when I’m around you.”

“Right. Well, then maybe we should just give into it?” I suggested.

“Lily.” He said, shaking his head and smiling.

“Oh, Remus. I’ll just go to the common room and finish my homework, but you need to do the same because I will wait up for you.”

His breathing was ragged and he pressed his lips lightly and quickly to mine. “See you soon.” He whispered.

My head was in the clouds as I walked back to the common room. I was in love. I loved James. Wait, what? I loved Remus. Remus. I loved Remus.

I quickly shook my head, walked through the portrait hole, sitting down by the couch, starting on my homework.

By the time I was done, it was almost midnight and I was getting tired waiting for Remus.

“Evans!” Sirius shouted as he walked towards me, James trailing behind with an enormous amount of food. “You’re looking ravishing tonight.”

“As are you, Mr. Black.” I said as I winked.

“So, is it true?” He asked, smiling mischievously.

“Is what true?” I asked, not really wanting to hear what he has to ask.

“Did you and Moony do the nasty, Lily Pad?” He asked, grinning from ear to ear, while James stood in the background hesitantly.

I blushed and felt my whole body change colour. “That’s none of your concern.” I mumbled, turning a deeper shade of red.

“Look at her!” Sirius howled. “Congratulations, Evans! You’re no longer as innocent as I thought!”

I turned away from them, not wanting to meet James’ stare.

“And,” Sirius continued. “You’re even up past 12. How un-Lily like.”

“I had to finish this Charms essay!” I defended myself.

“Well, isn’t Evans a little pushy tonight?” He said, teasingly.

James still hadn’t said a word. He was just glaring at me, but I glared back.

“Right, well, I think we’ll call it a night.” Sirius said, shifting uncomfortably, looking between James and I.

They walked up the stairs to their dormitory and I waited for Remus to come back from the library.


I woke up and it was about two in the morning.

“Well,” I whispered. “I guess I’m done waiting.”

I stood up and began to walk towards my room when suddenly strong arms had pushed me into the wall. I looked up and saw James.

“Do you love him?” He asked quietly.

“Who?” I asked dumbly.

“Remus, of course.” He paused. “Are there others?”

“No!” I gasped, horrified that he thought this. “Remus is the only one.”

He grinned. “Relax, Lil. I didn’t think you were like that.”

Suddenly his face was inches away from mine and he whispered, “I know you love me, Lily. Aren’t I enough?”

He was kissing my ear, slowly moving his lips down my jaw. I gasped. “James, Remus is you best mate. You need to stop this.”

“I love you, though. You don’t understand.”

He pulled me closely and kissed me so hard, my knees became weak and I could barely move.

Quickly, he pulled away from me, staring at my eyes. “Doesn’t the fact that I love you and would do anything to have you make you love me? Just a little? It drives me bloody mental just to think about you, then I actually see you and want to grab you and never let you go. Don’t you want me?”

I stared up at him, unsure of what to say. I blushed and turned my face away from his intense stare.

He let go of me and walked up to his room once again. “G’night, Lily.”

“Night, James.” I said as I sunk to the floor.


Hey, guys!! I love hearing all of your thoughts so please review :) It really encourages me to write more 

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